Once Pregnant, Twice Shy

  “I love how they love each other.”

  Suddenly feeling drained, she shook her head when Garrett offered more soup. She slid down the bed a little so that the back of her head could rest on her pillow. The thought of Julian and Molly made the ache in her chest multiply tenfold.

  “They’re not afraid to,” she added.

  Garrett didn’t respond. He merely set the tray aside and turned thoughtfully back to her. “I wouldn’t let fear keep me from someone,” he said then, his voice a low murmur.

  “No? Then what would?”

  His powerful shoulders lifted in a noncommittal shrug, and then he said, “If you love someone, you want what’s best for them. Even if it means it’s not you.”

  Something in his words caused a little ribbon of pain to unravel within her. Had he ever felt anything for her, and thought that he wasn’t good enough for her?

  No. How could he not be good enough for anyone? He was honorable and dedicated, fiercely passionate about those he loved, as protective as an angry panther.

  “Garrett, you don’t have to stay. I know you told Molly you would but I’d rather you go,” she said, getting sleepier by the second. “The antibiotics and steroids make me dizzy anyway, so I’ll probably sleep all afternoon. And if you stay here I’m going to give you strep.”

  The tenderness that liquefied his gaze suddenly made her feel even more soft and languid. “You’re not giving me anything. Relax and I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  His voice was so soothing and gentle she couldn’t help but nod and close her eyes. As she heard him take the tray to the kitchen, she snuggled into her pillow, her stomach warmed with Molly’s sucky soup, which, even if tasteless, had served its purpose well. Ever since Molly had moved in with Julian, the house had seemed so quiet. Just knowing Garrett was around right now made her feel safe and protected.

  The steroids were kicking in as well as the antibiotics, and her fever seemed to be breaking.

  New beads of perspiration popped onto her brow, and a new, unexpected heaviness settled in her chest as she thought of her move to Florida and how she wouldn’t see Garrett and Molly and all her loved ones as frequently as she did now.

  She sighed when she felt something cool and damp slide along her forehead. Her pulse skittered when she realized Garrett was stroking her face with a cool towel, and she felt out of breath as she murmured, “That feels good.”

  He dragged the damp cloth along her cheek, and the cool mist on her skin made her nipples bead under her T-shirt. His voice was low and sensually hypnotic. “So of all the states, why Florida?” He ran the towel along the length of her bare arms, and her nipples turned hard as stones.

  With a delicious shiver, she sighed and leaned her cheek to her right, into his chest. “Some of my college friends live in Miami Beach. And I’m a sun person.”

  She hadn’t realized she was grabbing onto his arm, but she knew that she didn’t want to let go. He smelled so good and felt warm and substantial, so she kept her arms curled around his elbow. God, she’d done the impossible to get this man to notice her. The impossible. She’d dated men she hadn’t even liked. She’d said she’d marry other men. Ignored Garrett and paid attention to everyone else. It had made him scowl, but that had been the whole extent of his reactions to her efforts.

  It had been infuriating and disheartening.

  He really did see her as some sort of friendly sister, while Kate had fantasized about him for decades. She hated that she never could really enjoy sex with her partners because a part of her heart had always belonged to this man.

  This man who now caressed her neck with that cloth, and made her new purple panties damp with wanting. Even if she’d convinced herself she didn’t love him anymore, her body was still hazardously attracted to his. Hell, if she weren’t sick, she would open her eyes and kiss him even if he didn’t want her to. She’d just go crazy and kiss him, because that was the only thing she’d never tried, of all the crazy stunts she’d pulled to get him to notice her. She had his attention with Florida. But this was no longer a stunt.

  She had to leave. And she had to leave now.

  So that when she came for a visit, she would have a new life, a steady boyfriend and an equally great catering business in Miami, and when she saw Garrett, she would see what she had been meant to see all along. A friend and a brother figure.

  “Do you want me to bring my laptop here?” he whispered in her ear, his voice strangely husky. “Kate?”

  She nodded, not opening her eyes as she released him and waited, with a new kind of fever, for him to come back.

  * * *

  Garrett was hard as granite and hated that he was, but he was trying his damnedest to ignore it as he set his laptop on the nightstand. He kept the computer shut, and instead kicked off his shoes and plopped down on the bed next to Kate, stretching his legs out as he put his arm around her shoulders, sensing her need for comfort.

  She’d been holding his arm so hard, he hadn’t wanted to move.

  Hell, his back had gone stiff as a board as soon as her fingers had curled around him. He’d desperately wanted her touch and at the same time, he’d been distressed over the way his body responded to it. In the end, he’d wanted it more than he’d disliked it, and he’d come back. For more. Like a needy dog wanting a bone.

  When she’d been getting dressed, he had thought he’d have a heart attack at the sight of that beautiful bare bottom. Kate was willowy and slim, and her wet hair had so temptingly caressed her shoulders. In a fraction of a second, he’d visualized about a dozen things he wanted to do to her, a dozen ways he wanted to kiss and feel her.

  Now she was cuddling against his side, with that cute little T-shirt, and that soft, almost dreamlike smile on her lips.

  He put his arm around her shoulders, and she sighed in contentment and snuggled into his chest, clutching a piece of his collar. The gesture was so possessive and sweet his chest knotted with emotion as he set his head back on the headboard and held her to him.

  What would it be like to marry someone like Kate? Someone he cared for. He wanted. Not for any other purpose but because he needed her by his side.

  Flooded with tenderness, he felt her squirm to get closer, and her T-shirt rode up to reveal...those purple panties that made his mouth water.

  Just give me something to think about other than those long legs. Those sweet purple panties...

  Her hair was still wrapped in a white towel, and Garrett gently unwound it and ran it slowly over her scalp, seeing her lashes resting on her cheekbones as she let him dry her hair, her skin pale in the sunlight.

  He wanted to kiss those soft lips, which were natural and bare today, peachy in color. He wanted to slide his hands up her arms, touch her bare skin and memorize its texture, its color, its temperature. He wanted her eyelashes to flutter apart, so he could stare into her eyes and say something about the things roiling inside of him.

  Instead, he finished drying her hair and tossed the towel onto the chair by the window. He shifted back to her side, noticing how she stiffened and tightened her hold on his collar until he wrapped his arm tightly around her again, and she relaxed.

  He yanked off his tie and set it on the nightstand, and then wrapped his other arm around her waist and set his jaw on the top of her head. Her hair smelled of raspberries. He’d wanted to know? Yeah. He had his answer. And now his blood heated with one whiff. He grabbed the bed sheet and pulled it up over them both, not wanting her to notice his painfully pulsing erection if she opened her eyes.

  She sighed and turned to him, snuggling closer. Her breasts brushed his ribs, and his body went crazy. He dragged his fingers down her shoulder and to her waist and stroked the little bit of skin exposed from her raised T-shirt.

  He kissed her forehead. She didn’t stir. Sweet baby, she looked so vulnerable to
day. He knew she was strong, but he still wanted to coddle her. He looked at her lips and ran a hand down her damp hair. He’d never wanted anything more than to make this woman happy. And right now, he wanted to kiss her.

  “You awake, Kate?” he asked, his voice barely recognizable, it was so gruff.

  She was breathing evenly, which confirmed she’d fallen asleep. Garrett slid his hand up and down her arm, his heart pounding. He bent his head and kissed her freckles, a light, dry kiss, and then he stole a kiss from her soft, marshmallow mouth.

  Intoxicating. Soft. Female. Perfect.

  Coming undone, he drank in her expression. Her eyes remained shut, her lashes forming titian-colored half-moons against her cheekbones.

  He stroked the back of one finger down her jaw. She was everything he’d wanted and never allowed himself to have, and she was breathing like a baby, sleeping like one. He heard his own haggard exhale as he tried to draw back. He bent down again, softly brushing his lips over her forehead, then her nose, her cheekbones, her jaw...until he fitted his mouth back over her lips and whispered, “Kate.”

  She remained asleep, but sighed at her name and opened her mouth under his, her breath blending with his. Desire exploded in the pit of his stomach. The urge to splay his body over hers, open her lips wider, search her tongue with his, bury himself inside her, was so acute, he had to drag his jaw up her temple as he fought for control, completely infuriated with himself.

  What was he doing?

  Since when had he become a masochist?

  He’d always known he couldn’t have Kate. He’d done everything in his power to stay away from her. He’d hurt her enough, and he didn’t truly feel he could ever make a woman happy when he had so many regrets on his shoulders.

  It was hard to believe you were ever worthy when someone had died to give you your life.

  But the thought of Kate leaving had set a beast loose inside him. He wanted to protect her and look after her, and just imagining that she could meet a man in Florida, a man she could have powerful feelings for, made him feel rabid to stake a claim.

  Even now, when there were no states separating them and he was holding her snug in his arms, it just didn’t seem like he could get close enough to her. He’d spent years pushing her away, and now it felt like she wouldn’t ever let him back in.

  And if she did, he didn’t even know what he’d do with himself or this wanting.

  Four

  More than a week later, Kate’s wood-paneled kitchen was a mess of cooking utensils as she, Beth and Molly fiddled around on the kitchen island. Kate and Beth had a looming deadline to cater a baby shower this afternoon. Worse, now only Beth would be going to set up, since Kate had had a last-minute change of plans.

  Molly had been the one to deliver the plan-altering news less than an hour ago, when she’d casually mentioned that Julian had been asked to fill in for Garrett at the San Antonio Daily this morning. Garrett had come down with strep.

  Kate had been floored. How could she not go and take care of him?

  “You love that man like crazy, Kay. Just look at how you’re running to his side at the first sign of trouble! I just can’t see why you’re so determined to leave Texas,” Molly complained as she licked the remaining vanilla topping off a discarded spatula. Her cheek was smeared with a streak of red.

  Since she was an artist, Kate’s little sister always had smudges on her clothes, hair or face, but it only enhanced her bohemian style and made her look even cuter—especially to Julian, who would always tickle and poke her whenever she was “messy.”

  “You know, I thought you guys would bond over your strep throat,” Molly continued with a frown. “You still could now that you gave it to him. Did he kiss you?”

  Kate clicked the oven light on and peered through the window to check on Garrett’s muffins. “Molly, please start supporting me a little more in my decision. I’ve told you I’ll fly over here to see you as much as I can. We can talk on Skype all the time, too. And of course we didn’t kiss. I’m not stupid! Who kisses a sick person?” Kate said in disgust.

  “Someone who loves them.”

  She snorted. “We’re not you and Julian.”

  “Kate, the day Julian and I got back together, he and Garrett had a talk. Julian tells me that the man is severely and painfully in love with you and doesn’t even know it.”

  Kate’s heart stuttered, and at that moment, her chest felt as spongy as the muffins she was watching through the oven window. She remembered the way Garrett had taken care of her the day she’d come home with strep.

  He’d checked in on her every afternoon afterward, but that first day, he’d spent the night with her. A quiver raced down her skin when she remembered how they’d cuddled all night. He’d stayed dressed, like he had when he’d been drunk and crashed in her bedroom the night of his birthday, but he’d held her as if she was precious.

  When she’d woken up in the middle of the night to realize he was holding her, she had been engulfed with such a feeling of happiness beyond what she’d ever felt before. On impulse, she’d stroked her fingers along his stubbled jaw, and he’d made a strange, groaning noise as he’d turned his face into her touch, his voice deliciously groggy. “You feel all right? Do you need anything?”

  “Sorry. I’m perfect. Go to sleep.”

  She’d cuddled back down to hear his heart beat under her ear, and she’d wanted to stay awake just to memorize its rhythm. She’d never, ever, felt so whole. Which only made her feel sorry for herself now. Because they hadn’t even kissed. Had he made her melt over some snuggles?

  It wasn’t just the snuggling. It was also that they’d known each other for so long they didn’t even need to talk. When she’d woken up, he’d been awake and watching her with a smile on his handsome face, and his eyes had seemed to turn liquid as he’d run a finger down her cheek. “Fever’s gone,” he’d whispered.

  And she’d almost swallowed her tongue and nodded. Because she’d known there was nothing she could do for the other kind of fever inside her. She’d had to remind herself that this was Garrett, a very stubborn, hardheaded Gage man, and that he wasn’t her lover or a Prince Charming. Garrett had some serious baggage to deal with, and Kate had once loved him—too hard, and for too long, and too painfully—to allow so much as a little flicker of hope to linger.

  Julian might think that Garrett had feelings for Kate, but all he surely felt was the same thing he’d always felt. Guilt and responsibility.

  Beth spoke up from her corner of the island, where she busily worked her artistic skills on a tray of cookies for the shower. “You’re shaking your head at me now, Kate, but now that I think about it, I also suspect Garrett has always had a thing for you.”

  “No, he doesn’t. And I’m sick and tired of chasing after him like some tramp,” Kate countered as she dumped the egg shells in the trash and wiped the granite counter clean.

  Molly laughed. “Kate, you’ve never chased after Garrett, at least not blatantly. Men are sometimes stupid about those things—you need to be frank with them.”

  Frank?

  All right, so let’s be frank.

  Kate had stripped in front of him. She had almost kissed him in her bed when he’d dragged that cool cloth around her body. Hell, she was pretty sure if she hadn’t been sick, she would have thrown herself at him. And she’d done this with her plane ticket to Florida already sitting in her night drawer. That just couldn’t be good. Could it?

  She’d lain there with her eyes closed as he ran that cloth over her, and she’d been shaking in her bones as she’d imagined what it would feel like to be kissed by him. She’d even had dreams about it all during the week. Heat had spread through her at one particularly erotic one, when she’d felt him touch her aching nipples, then kiss them....

  That night in her bed, she’d wanted to
dissolve into his strong arms when he’d held her, and when he’d dried her hair, she’d been so affected and felt such desire pool between her thighs, she’d almost released an embarrassing sound that only her raw throat—abused by the strep—had been able to stop.

  No. If she stayed here, she wouldn’t be able to stay away from Garrett, and seeing him while not having him would be torment. It had always been so, but after the night of his birthday, when he’d cradled her face and tried to tell her he’d do anything to fix her “dilemma,” and after he’d nursed her when she was sick, it felt doubly so.

  It.

  Hurt.

  The man might not love her as his mate, but he cared about her, and Kate knew this was exactly why she’d never be able to ever come clean with her feelings. He’d either feel awful about not responding, or feel pity for her and do something gallant like keep on sacrificing himself for her to make up for what he “took.”

  She. Had. To. Leave!

  And start fresh, without Garrett’s shadow tormenting and taunting her.

  She knew it would be difficult. But she still had to leave. She had to give herself the chance, and Garrett his freedom.

  Thinking about him, sick and bedridden today, made her stomach knot as she put on a floral-print oven mitt and bent over to pull the tray of muffins out of the oven. She’d made this particular recipe because it had lately become her favorite. The muffins were healthy and yummy, made of almond flour, with orange zest and black currants and walnuts. She set them on the cooling grill and prepared a small basket while the chicken soup finished.

  “Food. That’s how you guys make love, I swear. Those sounds he makes when he eats your cookies.”

  “Whoa!” Beth said from the corner, where she was now adding the decorations to the pacifier-shaped chocolate lollipops. “You’re getting wicked, Molls!”

  Molly laughed, fairly radiating mischief.

  Beth laughed and shook her head, but then turned sober as she watched Kate stir the chicken soup. “Kate, it’s not a bad idea. If you’re taking that over to his apartment, you could totally seduce him. I mean, clearly the man wants you. Every time you’re not looking, he’s staring in your direction. Maybe if you guys work it out, you wouldn’t be so determined to leave?”