Love and Brimstone

  Rafe looked peaceful, at rest. And she felt empty, like a piece of her was now dead, too. Despite the reasons behind what she’d done, she hoped she’d given him some pleasure before he died.

  Taz didn’t know how they killed him. She didn’t want to know. Whatever they’d done, it was soon after she’d left him. She knew that from what she saw in the daemon pulverem’s mind. She remembered giving Rafe release and withdrawing, wondering now if she left some vital defense unguarded by handling him so roughly.

  And she wondered if the bad dreams she had later foretold his death.

  Taz closed her eyes and silently wept, apologizing though she knew he was beyond the realm of even her considerable reach.

  I’m so sorry, Rafe. I didn’t know this would happen. I’m so, so sorry.

  Matthias’ words in the cafe in Gardiner haunted her.

  “What you and I can do can literally kill people or get people killed.”

  Even though she knew she didn’t kill Rafe, she still felt responsible. He was here to help her and Matthias. He’d been distracted, his guard down, because of games she played because she was pissed at Matthias.

  Because she’d been an immature brat. And it hurt. She’d never hurt so bad. The guilt, the pain—this was her fault.

  “It’s okay, Taz…”

  Now if she could just get that phantom voice out of her head.

  She found Rafael’s right hand. He still wore his ring. The daemon pulverem wasn’t able to reproduce it exactly when he imitated Rafe. And the creature didn’t know about Rafe’s nervous tic.

  It slid off without resistance.

  She slipped it on her right hand, and it fit, cool, but soon warming to her flesh. He had a thinner build than Matthias, his fingers about the same size as her own. The yellow stone winked at her in the moonlight, and she looked at Rafe.

  I love you, Rafe. I don’t know why, but I do. I’ll never forget you. I wish I could have given you that chance. I’ll look for you first in our next life. I promise you have dibs. I don’t know how, but I will.

  Anastazia touched his hand, his flesh cold, and tucked it under the blanket. She kissed her fingers and touched them to his lips, remembering their kiss on the boardwalk, their dinner, and how much they shared in such a short amount of time.

  Taz felt Matthias’ hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault.” His voice sounded hoarse, full of barely restrained grief. Matthias put an arm around her, and with his free hand replaced the blanket over Rafe’s face. “You didn’t kill him.”

  “I feel like I did,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

  “No, you didn’t. The daemon pulverem killed him, and whoever is responsible for sending them. Not you. He was much, much older than you and very powerful. He knew the risks, knew how to protect himself.”

  She tried to protest then sent him her thoughts. Showed him what she did to Rafe the night before, too ashamed to speak it out loud.

  His voice interrupted her. “Anastazia. Listen to me. You are my love, my one and only love, and you are not responsible for this.”

  How could Matthias not hate her? Not only that, still love her? It amazed her, and again Taz wondered if he loved her because he wanted her or because she wanted him to.

  Then he kissed her, and she felt Matthias inside her mind, gently seeking, probing. She let him, opening to him in her grief, baring herself. She might be more powerful, but he was more experienced. She wanted him in there now, wanted him to have his way.

  “My love…”

  She realized there was a way. Rafael had told her.

  “Please do it, Matthias. Make it stop hurting. Mark me.”

  She felt his mind caressing hers and wanted him to be the only one able to touch her thoughts like this. She never wanted to be the cause of another innocent’s death. She wanted the pain to go away, even at the risk of her own life.

  She would rather die than hurt like this. Now she understood what Rafe meant about pain. She wasn’t responsible for her parents’ death. That had hurt, but that was a dull ache compared to this agony.

  This felt like her heart would implode. She hadn’t taken Rafe’s breath from his body, but she left him open and defenseless. In her heart, she knew he’d died because of her.

  Died loving her.

  “Take me, Matthias. Mark me. Please, do it.”

  He shook his head. “Please don’t ask this of me.”

  “You have to. You can do this for me. I’m giving myself to you.”

  Taz stopped short of forcing him. Matthias closed his eyes, touched his forehead to hers, and she felt him search through her mind.

  “Are you sure? I cannot undo this once it’s done.”

  “Please! I can’t stand this,” she sobbed. “Please do it. Rafe is dead because of me.”

  He took her pain away. There was a blinding light in her mind and his voice—

  “Sleep, my love.”

  Her body went limp in his arms. He picked her up and carried her back to their cabin.

  * * * *

  Matthias closed the door. She was asleep on their bed, would hopefully sleep until morning.

  “I cannot believe you did that!” Robertson protested in low tones outside the cabin when Matthias returned. “I don’t care that she begged. You had no right! She didn’t understand the full ramifications of what it means.”

  “You didn’t feel how desperate she was, how close to breaking. She holds herself personally responsible for his death. What was I to do, let her suffer? Let her blame herself?”

  “Bloody hell, it was just a kiss, Matthias! Jesus Christ, Rafael was a flirt. He did stuff like that all the time, you know that.”

  Matthias fixed Tim with his gaze. “Matthias, what happened?”

  Matthias shook his head. “She wouldn’t want me to tell anyone. Not even you. Let’s just say she got a taste of how powerful she is, and it got away from her. She thinks what she did caused a breach in Rafael’s defenses and allowed the demons access, and she feels very guilty and ashamed.”

  Looking stunned, Albert asked, “Did she?”

  “There is a chance she’s right.”

  Tim fought to keep his voice low. “You took her free will, Matthias. There is no excusing that.” For the first time in the centuries he’d known him, Tim hated Matthias, regretted letting him meet Anastazia. “For all the promises you gave me of letting her get to know you and make her own decisions, then you go and mark her? How could you do that?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “What?”

  Matthias studied the ground. “I didn’t mark her.”

  He grabbed Matthias by the arm and pulled him farther from the cabin. “She begged you. We all heard it. We were standing right there.”

  Albert followed the conversation, obviously listening, but staying out of it.

  Matthias looked at them. “I didn’t do what she asked.”

  “Then what did you do?”

  He looked down. “She was upset and didn’t realize what I was doing. Wasn’t doing. She’s so strong, she thought I would have to do what she wanted, but she was not forcing me. I never could have done it otherwise. I simply made her to go to sleep.”

  Matthias fought his own tears. He’d glimpsed something in her mind, a suspicion, a fleeting idea that if true, made Rafael’s death all the more poignant. But now, in this life, Anastazia loved him—Matthias saw the depths of it in her thoughts, despite her feelings for Rafe. He saw how remorseful she was and how she’d come to him in the night after leaving Rafe.

  She hurt so much, was in so much pain. And now he bore his own guilt for bringing her into a life she wasn’t yet ready for. If anyone was to blame, it was him.

  Albert found his voice first. “She can still—”

  Matthias looked at them, anger painted on his face. “I don’t want her if she doesn’t choose me willingly. What’s the point of having someone who can’t choose freedom? I want to be her husband, not her jailer. I had to do somethin
g, but I refuse to mark her.”

  Tim clasped Matthias’ arm, and shook his head in amazement. “You’re bloody brilliant, you know that? I was sure you’d marked her. She practically ordered you to do it.”

  Albert reached out to his friend, touched his arm. “Matthias, are you okay?”

  “Rafe knew the risks. I understand her pain. I’m responsible for his death because he was here at my request.” His face darkened, and his voice dropped. “I will avenge him.”

  “How will you keep this from her?” Tim gently asked. “You’ve given her full access. You will have to block her from your mind, at least from that part of it. What is she going to think when she finds out that you didn’t mark her? You know she’s stronger than you. It’s only a matter of time.”

  Matthias shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m hoping she doesn’t notice until later, when she has learned enough and can accept she’s not to blame. If she does, I won’t lie to her.” He looked at them both. “But she’s not ready. You’re right that she didn’t understand what she asked. She thought she did, but she was only thinking of her pain. Her grief is so strong. She was near breaking. And I need her focused on her survival. Rafe would want that.”

  The other two nodded in agreement.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Matthias didn’t sleep. He sat next to Taz in their bed, propped up with several pillows, watching her. Her pain was now his. He couldn’t blame her for what she did any more than he could blame a two-year-old for coloring on the walls. And that guilt was his. Alone.

  Before dawn she rolled over in bed, and her hand touched his leg. She stirred, looked up at him, smiled.

  He smiled back. “Did you sleep well?”

  Taz nodded, stretched, started to speak, and then saw Rafael’s ring on her hand. She looked Matthias in the eye. Her face froze, and then a look of horror washed over her.

  “What? Anastazia, what’s wrong?”

  She sat up. “You didn’t—you didn’t mark me.”

  He didn’t know what to say. He honestly hadn’t expected her to figure it out that soon. He shook his head.

  She turned away from him. “Rafe—”

  Matthias grabbed her, turned her to face him. “Listen to me. You did not kill Rafael.”

  “How can you say that?”

  He gently shook her. “You did not kill him. Those creatures killed him.”

  “Matthias, he couldn’t keep me out if he tried. He died because of me, what I did.” He felt the curtain of despair settle around her, black and suffocating.

  Matthias roughly pulled her to him. He kissed her hard, and she eventually responded. Once he knew he had her attention, he released her. “You did not kill Rafael.”

  She started to shake her head. He placed his hands on her cheeks, forcing her to look at him. “I didn’t understand, at first. When you held the demon’s mind for me, I saw what happened to Rafael. He thought it was you coming back, and he welcomed you in. It was someone working with them, I’m still not sure who, and then they took him over. He was in control of his mind when it happened, not you. I didn’t understand everything until you showed me the rest.”

  Tears rolled down her face. He felt her mind reaching for his. He opened himself to her, letting her explore, and she saw for herself. And understood.

  He put his arms around her, and she collapsed against him. “I’m so sorry, Matthias. I’m so, so sorry. I understand now. I know what you meant.”

  “I know you do. I’m sorry you had to learn like this. I tried to make it stop hurting.” He rocked her, stroking her hair, caressing her mind. “Rafe was here, willingly, helping us. He knew the risks.”

  “It hurts so bad. I just want it to stop hurting.”

  “I know,” he soothed. He had his own grief to deal with, but for the moment her safety and comfort were his priority. “But I won’t force you to love me,” he whispered. “We can get through this together. Our grief will ease, in time. Just let me help you through it. That’s all I ask.”

  “How did you stand it when your wife died?”

  “I put one foot in front of the other.” He kissed her. “I knew, eventually, would come a day when the hurt would subside enough I would not think about it all the time. And now I have you.”

  “You don’t hate me?”

  He shook his head. “Over this? Over anything? I could never hate you. This is my fault. I asked you to trust me. Instead of trying to push you, I should have locked you in here with me and spent the days letting you go through my mind so you would understand. You are starting a new life, and it’s my responsibility to teach you everything you need to survive. I have failed you.”

  “How did you get past…the power? I—” She felt awkward talking to him, but she felt his mental nudge to go on. “I felt like I didn’t want to stop because of what I could do. The control I had over him.”

  “Some don’t. It depends on what is in their heart.”

  “What happens to them?”

  “The answer is here.” He welcomed her to look in his mind. She did, saw why he didn’t want to talk about it. Even though it was centuries in the past, it was still fresh and horrible in his mind. After just a glance she pulled away, unable to deal with it.

  “Do you think you can eventually trust me enough to let me all the way in, Taz?” he asked.

  He knew she still held back out of fear. But not out of fear of him.

  She trembled. Then he felt her truly open her mental barriers for the first time since she erected them, pulling him in. He didn’t fight her and understood why she felt so frightened.

  Taz had only explored part of her mind, her powers. She was terrified of what lay outside the image of the mental room she created in her thoughts, beyond the comfortable boundaries she’d set for herself over the years. Because of that, he’d only accessed a very small part of abilities. Even now, freely open to him, there were still sections walled up and inaccessible. He wondered if she could even reach them. And her grief and pain were much, much deeper, nearly untouchable, because of her guilt and anguish over her actions.

  And possibly because of untapped memories she had no idea existed within her soul.

  She wasn’t just powerful—she was a force of nature.

  Tim had taught her well.

  They talked, touched minds, until Tim knocked on their door.

  “You understand what you have to do today?” Matthias whispered.

  She nodded.

  “Can you do it?”

  “I have to.”

  “I know you don’t want to. I don’t like making you do this.”

  She twisted the ring on her finger. He noticed but said nothing. If it comforted her, she should have it. “I have to do it. For him. For Rafe.”

  He nodded. “For Rafe.”

  “Matthias, I’m sorry.” She knew he’d seen her dinner conversation with Rafe in her memories.

  He nodded. “The heart knows what it knows, and the soul always comes home. There are many kinds of love, many reasons for love. I know you love me. And I love you. I don’t begrudge what you felt for him. When we get home we can talk about this. Okay?”

  Taz nodded and let him lead her from the cabin.

  She noticed the guards were back, and she didn’t ask what they did with Rafe’s body. They ate breakfast in silence. Robertson and Albert rode with them in the Land Rover to Canyon Village. Apparently Matthias had communicated the plan to them already. Before he shut off the engine, he looked at her. “Can you do this?”

  She nodded, her mouth set in a grim line. “I want whoever did this to pay.”

  Robertson reached over the backseat and touched her shoulder. “We’ll be right there.”

  She nodded.

  The guards were in the other Land Rover, and they all moved toward the building. She realized she didn’t have her water and asked Matthias for the keys to the Rover. Fortunately, he couldn’t read her mind past the thick barrier she’d already placed. She retrieved a bott
le of water and hurried to catch up, pocketing the keys.

  The rest of the attendees soon arrived. Matthias somberly greeted them, had them sit at the table. He stood at the far end of the room, with all eyes on him. Taz waited in the private room with Albert and Robertson. When she felt Matthias tap at her conscious, they moved into the conference room.

  They didn’t have a chance. Taz closed her eyes, gripped the back of the chair in front of her, and felt the power surge through her. The image she used was a tidal wave, of anger, of anguish, and it was so strong and unexpected the meeting attendees couldn’t react in time. There were no demons in here today, she knew, but she could smell fear.

  As she held them, Matthias’ gaze grew cold and hard.

  “I apologize for this. There was an attempt on Anastazia’s life yesterday, and my cousin Rafe was killed. This is more than personal, as you can imagine. I know not all of you are involved, and perhaps none of you are. But we have to be sure. If any of you are angry, I can’t blame you, and I will gladly stand and allow you to give me a piece of your mind after. But for now…” He turned to Anastazia.

  She felt it, felt the shift as a mind tried to fight her. There was something, someone. Only one. She couldn’t isolate them because she was too busy holding all their barriers down. It took a toll. She felt Robertson’s arm slip around her waist, supporting her.

  “It’s okay, Taz,” he whispered in her ear. “That’s my girl. You’re brilliant, sweetheart.”

  Albert also hooked his arm through hers. “We’ve got you, dear.”

  Matthias walked down the room and started with the man closest to her left, standing over him, looking through his mind. Matthias looked at Taz, shook his head, and she released the man. He leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, shaking. This was repeated several more times, with each release freeing more power, steadying her, calming her. Matthias got to a woman on Taz’s right, three chairs away. Taz watched Matthias frown then move to the next without giving the signal to release her. He finished with the rest and went back to the woman.