Kyland

  I moved closer to her, right into her space, just as I had done the very first time I'd kissed her, the very first time I'd tasted that lush mouth of hers. "Because I wanted more for you," I said, hoping she wouldn't ask me any more. I wouldn't give her more than that. The rest was mine. And it only ever would be. Her shoulders drooped, but she didn't look away.

  For several beats, there was only silence between us.

  I glanced up at the shelf that used to house all the books we'd read together, leaving small love notes in them for each other. That's what they'd been, in my mind at least. "Right here is where I fell in love with you." I paused and her eyes widened. "I tried to figure it out, after you left. Where was it that I lost my heart? As if the moment . . . the place would matter somehow, would make it easier for me to get hold of, to understand. And I did figure it out—it was here. Right here." Love mixed with pain rose in my throat and my voice lowered to a raspy whisper. "I fell so damn hard, Tenleigh. Standing right at this bookshelf. I gave you my heart and you weren't even in the room." I threaded my fingers into the hair at the base of her skull. She closed her eyes for a second, letting out a breathy sigh. "I've messed up so badly, hurt you so much, but—I never did take my heart back. And, God." I shook my head slowly, moving even closer, pressing my body to hers. She blinked up at me, her lips parting. "Someday I hope you might want it again."

  Her eyes moved over my face, large and full of some emotion I couldn't name. "Tell me what you're thinking, please," I begged her.

  Her lips parted, but no words came out. She cleared her throat, but when she spoke, her voice still came out in a whisper. "I was thinking the same thing as the first time we stood here just like this. I was thinking, 'God, I hope this boy kisses me right now.'"

  My heart skipped a beat and my stomach tightened, my body blazing to life with the immeasurable heat and passion I felt for her. I leaned in and took her mouth, parting her lips with my tongue. When I slid inside the warm wetness of her mouth, a primal groan came up my throat and I pressed her back harder into the bookshelf. She tasted like coffee and chocolate and Tenleigh. A small breathy moan came up her throat and it enflamed me, my erection throbbing against her stomach.

  I took my mouth from hers and trailed my lips down her throat as she leaned her head back. I licked the fluttering pulse at the base of her neck and then just rested my lips there.

  "You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever . . . I have loved none but you," I whispered against her skin, quoting the words I knew she'd remember.

  Her body stilled, but her pulse quickened. I breathed in her scent.

  Christ.

  I took a second to try to reel myself in. Except for the kiss the night before, it'd been almost four years since I'd touched a woman, since I'd touched Tenleigh. My body was bound to react this way each time I was near her.

  "Tenleigh," I murmured against her neck.

  She threaded her fingers through my hair and pulled my head back until she was looking into my eyes again. "What are we doing, Ky? What am I doing?" she asked almost as if to herself.

  "I don't know. I hope . . . I hope we're working toward something? There's so much . . . . I'll take whatever you have to give me, Tenleigh. Anything."

  Her eyes moved over my face, an expression of sadness on hers. "I . . . I just, I don't know. I don't know if I can."

  I rested my forehead against hers and we just breathed for a minute. "Is it because of Jamie?" I had to know. I had to know if he was even part of the reason she was unsure about giving us another shot.

  "What about Jamie?"

  I blew out a breath and stood straight up. "Isn't he your boyfriend? Aren't you seeing him?"

  Her brow furrowed for a second and then she laughed. "No. Jamie's gay, Ky."

  I frowned. "He is? Oh."

  "Yeah. He is."

  Well, okay then. This was promising news.

  "So I guess you're not seeing him."

  "Um, no. Last time I checked, I was a woman."

  I chuckled softly. "Yes, you're definitely a woman."

  Her smile was filled with genuine amusement. My heart flipped over in my chest. I loved that smile. I'd missed that smile. I'd yearned for that smile.

  "And you're so beautiful," I whispered.

  The look on my face must have been filled with the longing I felt because her eyes widened and the smile slipped from her face. She leaned forward and I met her halfway. This time, our kisses went wild, and the noise in my head became static.

  Tenleigh leaned back against the shelf behind her and brought one leg up and around my hip, fitting my erection between her legs. I let out a deep groan, pressing myself into her softness. God, she felt so good. My heart was pounding in my chest.

  Suddenly, we were all hands and gasping breaths and grinding bodies, frenzied, needy, out of control.

  I palmed her breast over her shirt and used my thumb to circle her nipple and she cried out, reaching down and unzipping my jeans. When she wrapped her hand around my bare shaft, I sucked in a breath and pressed into her hand. "Tenleigh, fuck, oh God," I groaned out.

  Her eyes were wide, filled with lust, her lips parted. I paused to suck in a quick breath at the beauty of her face in that moment.

  She kicked off her shoes and unzipped her jeans, urgently pushing them and her underwear down her hips so she could step out of them quickly. She wrapped her arms around me, bringing her leg up again. We kissed deeply, desperately. My mouth moved up her neck, her jaw, sucking and nipping at her lips right before I lined myself up and surged inside her. Our mouths broke apart, our eyes meeting as she gasped loudly. I clenched mine closed at the tight, blissful grip of her surrounding me. I was inside Tenleigh. Joy expanded in my chest as I started moving. She moaned again and leaned her head back against the shelves behind her and panted out, "Yes, yes, yes." I tried to go slow. It'd been so long. I reached between her legs and stroked her, my mouth against her throat as she moaned.

  "Jesus, Ten, you feel so good." I couldn't help the ragged groan that followed my words as I felt the orgasm swirling in my abdomen. I moved my fingers on her faster. She was so wet. I lifted my head and gazed into her eyes as her moans became louder. "Kyland, I . . . I . . ." she choked out.

  "I know, Ten, I know." And then she was clenching all around me as her head fell back again and she cried out.

  "I'm coming, Tenleigh," I gasped as I jerked into her one final time. My orgasm hit me with so much force, I fell forward on her, unintelligible words flowing out of my mouth as the pleasure moved in waves to my stomach, my legs, all the way down to my toes.

  We both stayed like that for several minutes, our breaths raspy as reality flowed back in. I felt like I was home—complete. I stepped back and Tenleigh pulled her jeans up and slipped her shoes on while I tucked myself back inside my zipper. Her cheeks were flushed and when she brought her head up, she looked slightly shell shocked. I smiled softly at her and leaned in and kissed her, smoothing the pieces of hair away from her face that had fallen out of her ponytail.

  "I guess . . . I guess we both needed that release," she said quietly, glancing to the side.

  I shook my head. "That's not what that was for me, Tenleigh. It was more than that. Tell me that was more for you, too."

  Her eyes met mine again and she let out a breath. She nodded. "It was more than that for me," she said quietly. Hope surged in my chest even though she looked conflicted by her own statement.

  We both startled slightly when we heard a car pull up outside. "That's probably Jamie," she said. "He was going to stop by before work."

  I nodded, feeling relief in the fact that I knew Jamie was only a friend.

  Tenleigh stepped away from me.

  "I better go anyway. I have to be at work. But maybe I can stop by tomorrow?" I asked hopefully. "You tell me, Tenleigh. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

  She nodded, biting her lip. "Why are you wo
rking at the mine?" she blurted out.

  I paused. "Why? Because I need a job and those are the only ones available." Liar.

  She pursed her lips and shook her head. "I don't understand. You were going to leave. You were never going to look back. If Joey really isn't yours, if you lied about that to make me leave, then why stay?"

  My heartbeat sped up. I could barely remember my name right then and I needed to form cognitive answers? "It was just for the best. I realized Dennville is my home. I decided to stay. That's all." She looked unconvinced, but remained quiet. "I better go. I'll be late," I said.

  She nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later then."

  "Yeah," I said, feeling hopeful for the first time in nearly four years.

  "Have a good day."

  I smiled. "You, too, Tenleigh." I didn't kiss her again. She looked so conflicted. But I wasn't quite ready to take my eyes off her either. I didn't want to leave. Like before, I never wanted to leave. I started backing out. When I got to the door, I pushed it open with my back and smiled bigger. She smiled back at me, but she still looked wary. The door shut between us. Outside, Jamie was sitting in his car talking on his cell phone. I gave him a brief wave as I got in my truck and pulled away.

  As I drove, I felt the euphoria expand in my chest of having just touched Tenleigh, of having been inside her. God, I could still smell her sweet, musky scent on my fingers. I hoped I'd said enough to convince her that I still loved her—that I'd never stopped. Things were still up in the air, but I finally had hope—something I hadn't had an ounce of for four years.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Tenleigh

  I stood there unmoving after Kyland walked out the library door. I wasn't sure what to think . . . what to feel. What was I doing? What were we doing? Was I really even entertaining the possibility of starting something with Kyland again? Was I really willing to put myself in a position to start loving him again? Had I ever really stopped? Had I really just stripped my pants off and had intense sex with him up against the library wall? I groaned and brought one hand to my forehead. I didn't know what to do.

  The door to the library opened and Jamie walked in. "Hey, you okay? You look sick."

  I groaned softly. "I think I am. Unfortunately, there's no medication for my ailment."

  "I hear heroin shuts out the pain."

  "Simmer down, pillbilly. I'm not on the road to illegal self-medicating just yet. However, the operative word is yet."

  "Well, you let me know. I hang on the corner of Gutter and Skinsores."

  I laughed softly.

  He came over to where I was standing and leaned against the shelf. "Kyland? I saw him leaving."

  "Yeah," I breathed, staring straight ahead. After a minute I turned to him. "I just can't go through what I went through after he broke my heart," I said. "And I don't know if I trust him not to pull away from me again. Things are," I frowned and bit my lip, "I don't even know exactly. I feel like he's not telling me something." There had been a shadow over his expression, a shortness to his answers when I'd questioned him about the mine . . . I snapped back to the present, to what I'd been saying. "And if that's the case, how can I start anything with him again?"

  "Yeah, but if you don't try, you'll never know."

  "Maybe that's for the best."

  "Maybe." He shrugged. "You're the only one who can make that call."

  "I was kinda hoping you'd just tell me what to do."

  Jamie chuckled. "I'm the last one you should ask for advice. Unless it involves how to cope with parents who believe you were born with an embarrassing, inoperable 'condition.' Then I'm a font of wisdom."

  My heart hurt for him. I put my hand on his shoulder. "Is your mama still giving you the silent treatment?"

  "Yeah." He looked crushed. "I expected it from my dad. We never saw eye to eye on anything—never had much of a relationship. It's not like I ever had his approval. I certainly didn't expect him to embrace this. But my mama, we always stuck together. I just thought maybe . . . I hoped . . ." His words died.

  "I know, Jamie. I'm sorry."

  "My dad is such a fucking asshole, in so many ways, you only have some idea." He looked over at me quickly and then away, his lips becoming a thin line. "The way he treated your mama, that's how he treats his workers, his family, everyone—a means to an end."

  "I never thought about that before I knew you," I said. "I guess I kind of always thought he treated us like trash because that's what he thought of us—that we were in some separate category for him."

  He shook his head. "No. I was worried about how he acted when he came to give you that scholarship. I was worried about how you must have felt to have him in your home . . . again." His eyes darted to me and away, finally resting on the wall in front of him. He felt the shame his father never had. Jamie.

  "It's okay. He didn't come to me personally. The whole school was there."

  He looked confused for a second. "Oh. He usually went in person to the recipient’s home and gave it to him or her before making the announcement in school." He looked thoughtful for a second. "Maybe he actually does have a tiny smidge of decorum, deciding not to come to your trailer in person."

  "Huh. Maybe. Anyway, that's all ancient history." I tilted my head. "Can I ask you a question?"

  "Yeah, of course."

  I chewed on my bottom lip for a second. "Have you seen Kyland at the mine? I mean, does he seem okay, like he's okay going below ground? He was so evasive about it."

  "I don't spend too much time with the underground miners to be honest. But I've heard word around the company that he's pretty impressive. Apparently, he's been successful in putting some new safety measures in place, not that he'd ever get the credit. But the guys talk. He's well liked among the other miners."

  "Have you been down there before?"

  "God, no." He shivered. "I couldn't do it."

  I nodded, still frowning. How do you do it, Kyland? How do you go down there into your own personal hell, day after day after day?

  I do, every day. For you.

  For me . . .

  My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of trucks arriving outside.

  "Well," Jamie said, standing up. "I'm off. Give me a call later, or come by and see me."

  "Corner of Gutter and Skinsores?"

  "Right." He winked.

  I laughed. "Thanks for stopping by."

  After Jamie left, I took another minute to look around the small space, closing my eyes and breathing in the dusty smell for the final time. When I was ready, I walked outside, closing that door behind me.

  **********

  I sat down at the bar next to Marlo and she looked forlornly over at me. "Whoa. What's up with you?"

  "Sam, that's what's up with me."

  "What'd he do?"

  "Asked me to marry him—again."

  "Wow, what a bastard."

  "What'll it be, girlie?" Al asked, shouting over to me from the end of the mostly empty bar.

  "Diet Coke with lime," I said loudly. Marlo had called me an hour before and asked me to meet her at Al's to "drown her sorrows" after her day shift. I hadn't known exactly what that meant at the time, but now I did.

  "So, Sam, the evil bastard, has asked you to commit to letting him shower you with love for a lifetime. How quickly do you think we can gather a posse with pitchforks to hunt him down?"

  She heaved out a breath and sat down next to me. "Har har. Make fun. But I told him I was never going to marry him. I told him, and he won't give it up. He's making my life a living hell."

  Go to hell. I do. Every day. For you.

  I turned toward her on the stool. "You're not in love with him, Mar?"

  She sat there just looking straight ahead. "I mean, I guess I love him. A little."

  "Wow. The romance is overwhelming." I rolled my eyes. "Don't bowl me over with too much of that love-talk, Shakespeare."

  Marlo laughed softly. "Seriously, Tenleigh, listen. I just don't want to get let
down. I finally feel comfortable, safe, and marriage changes things. I'm just not sure I can trust him. I don't want to love him and then have him walk away," she said, looking at me sadly. "And once they know you love them, that's when they all walk away. You know I'm right," she finished quietly.

  I took a sip of the Coke Al put in front of me, nodding thanks to him. "Marlo, I think . . ." I bit my lip picturing Sam's face, the way he gazed at Marlo as if she hung the moon. "What more does Sam have to do? I mean, he's been trying for more than four years, and he's never given up. Frankly, you're lucky he hasn't. You must be a real pain in the ass to be in a relationship with."

  She furrowed her brows, but then let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, you're right. It's just . . . you don't remember because you were just a baby, but I remember when Dad left. I loved him, Tenleigh. He was the first man I ever loved, and he just walked out of here and never even said goodbye to me. All these years, he never checked on us once. Not once. That's what I know of love." She shook her head sadly. "And even after that, I still held out hope there would be someone who would love me the right way. And well, we all know how that worked out."

  "Yeah! You ended up with a good, decent guy who begs you to marry him." I sighed. "I don't think you can judge every man by one or two who let you down. And Dad, well, that wasn't your fault. But that Donald, maybe there were a few clues there that he was mostly untrustworthy or maybe you just didn't take long enough to find out. And listen, you're right. I get it. You know I do. Kyland . . . for so long I just couldn't understand what he'd done. Even now, the lying part still hurts. Everything I knew of him told me he spent his life doing things for other people in this selfless way. And then . . ." I shook my head. "But Sam, Sam who moved to Appalachia to fix people's teeth out of the goodness of his heart. What has Sam ever done except treat you like gold and pay for our mama's hospital care? Good grief, what more can the guy do to prove to you that you can trust him, that he's a good guy, that he loves you?"

  She studied her fingernails. "Well, actually, that's another thing we were fighting about." She looked up at me. "Apparently, he isn't paying for mama's care. The truth is, he doesn't have that kind of money. He used all his savings to move here and open his practice and well, you know what he gets paid. He gets paid in cornbread and trapped muskrat half the time." She shook her head.