The Perdition Score

Shut up and keep turning right.

  Is my leg getting numb too?

  I get out the black blade and poke my calf a few times.

  Yep. Can’t feel a thing. And I think I’m bleeding.

  Is it hot in here? I’m really thirsty.

  I turn another corner and start up a steep hill.

  That doesn’t seem right. Still. Nowhere else to go but forward.

  It’s a long way up and the ground is slippery. I look down at my feet. The road is covered in those centipedes from the park. I crush them with every step. Pale green guts explode on the road and my boots. There’s nowhere to stop now and I can’t go back the way I came. Got to get out of Deadwood with my head in one piece. That’s the most important thing.

  How long have I been here? It’s really hot.

  At the top of the hill is the Wormwood mansion. Which is bullshit because I saw it burn. Great. I’m hallucinating. Or was the other time a hallucination? Wait. Was I really in Hell at all? Maybe I’ve been in the maze this whole time. I wasn’t bitten by a bug. I just feel lousy because I haven’t had any food or water for a while. That means I’m lost, right? Or maybe the maze is just longer than we thought.

  Wait. Where’s Candy? If we’re still going through the maze, she’d be with me. Unless we got separated back at the mansion. Was there a mansion? I remember one, but maybe it was just that place I broke into in Beverly Hills. Where was that? Beverly Hills. Right. I just said that. Concentrate.

  Stop falling. And stop going up the hill to the damned mansion. It wasn’t even real. You’re in the maze. Still. The mansion looks awfully real. As I go past, I look at the upstairs windows. See Nick’s face staring down at me. He waves. I wave back. Good news. Beverly Hills. I’m almost home.

  My leg really hurts. Maybe I poked it too hard with the knife. Maybe I ought to look. Can I do that without falling over?

  Nope. Ow. Fuck my head. I can’t see right.

  Along the cornstalks are playing cards. They’re all aces and eights. But there’s a fifth card ahead, skittering along the floor in a breeze. I get up and follow it.

  Funny. I think my leg is bleeding. Or is that another hallucination?

  That must be it. Anyway, I lost the card. Damn. I’d like to know what it is. It’s important, but I can’t remember why.

  Is it hot in here?

  I’m on the ground. That’s the first thing I’ve been certain of in a while. Face in the dirt. It doesn’t smell that bad. Like corn and earth.

  A centipede runs by.

  Time to move, only I can’t. My head is funny and my leg is numb.

  Someone reaches down and helps me up. I limp as I walk.

  “Why did you send her to us?” I ask Samael.

  “You needed help. I thought she’d be a good ally. Was she?”

  “The best. Did you know she was going to die?”

  “Of course not. I wouldn’t waste a good warrior like that.”

  “No kidding?”

  “No kidding.”

  We walk for a while.

  “You’re not here, are you? You’re a hallucination.”

  “Probably. But I’m not sure how to tell.”

  “Can you see all those bugs in the corn?”

  “No.”

  “Then you’re a hallucination.”

  “How do you know they’re not the hallucination?”

  “Don’t fuck with me.”

  “I’d never do that.”

  “I know. How’s the war in Heaven?”

  I look over and he’s gone. I turn.

  There’s my father with a hunting rifle.

  I duck.

  A shot goes over my head.

  Now I’m definitely hallucinating. Good for me. Confirmation. Wait. Hallucinating is bad.

  Goddammit. I fuck everything up.

  Turn right. Again. And again.

  I think maybe I should have been turning left. Is it too late to start over?

  Was Samael just here? He’s the angel of death these days. He can be a lot of places at once. Does that mean I’m dead? Maybe I should stick myself with the knife again to see if I feel it.

  I reach down for the knife. My leg is covered in blood.

  Let’s forget the knife and just assume I’m alive.

  There’s someone in the corn ahead of me. I think it’s Candy. She’s back to her old self. No Chihiro glamour. Leather jacket and Chuck Taylors over black jeans. It’s wonderful to see her again. I run to catch up, but my legs don’t want to cooperate.

  If I had the Room of Thirteen Doors back, I wouldn’t be lost in this Kansas weed patch. I’d be me again and everything would be all right. I’ve got to get it back. No matter what. All right. Start a list. First action item, get the Room back. What’s the second thing I need to do? Get home. Maybe that should be first? I don’t know. I just work here. You’ll have to ask the manager.

  I turn a corner and I’m home. There’s L.A. spread out before me. The Hollywood sign on the hills. Capitol Records building over there. The Chinese Theatre there. Musso’s in between. I should catch up with Candy. See if she wants to go for chicken and waffles.

  Thinking about food wasn’t smart.

  I fall on my knees and vomit. It’s full of thorns and bugs. I get back up and head for L.A.

  And bump into another goddamn row of corn.

  I’m starting to think I’m lost.

  I look up.

  Mr. Muninn’s floodlights are overhead. That means I’m back in the cavern. Have I been here the whole time? I don’t want to be in the cavern. I want to go home. The maze took me to Hell. Why won’t it take me back to Max Overdrive?

  Maybe I’m going in circles. Let’s stop and think.

  I’m in a maze. Candy and I walked through it in a few hours. The maze fits in Muninn’s cavern, so it can’t be that big. Of course, it’s magic, so maybe it’s bigger on the inside than the outside. Still. If I go in one direction long enough, I have to come out or to a wall or something. Right? There’s no such thing as an infinite maze, is there?

  Only one way to find out.

  I reach back for the na’at, but have to use my Kissi arm because my right isn’t working too well. Extend the na’at into a sword. Then hack at a row of corn.

  It comes down exactly like dead cornstalks should. I step through into the next row and hack again. And again. The dry corn falls in heaps before me. This is such a good idea. I’m really smart. I’ll be home in no time.

  The only downside is that each time I cut through a row, it sends dust and pieces of corn into the air. After a few rows, I’m in a corn snowstorm. And I’m pissing off all the bugs. Wait. Are the bugs even real? I can’t remember. A lot of this has been real and some hasn’t. Or the other way around. Fuck it. Keep cutting.

  I plow through row after row after row, looking back every now and then to see if I’m moving in a straight line. It gets harder as I go and the corn dust gets thicker. After a while I stop looking. There are too many insects and it’s starting to freak me out a little. Also, the corn is growing thorns. It cuts my hands and arms as I slice through the rows. The corn keeps changing and the light grows dim. I’m hacking through the woods leading up to the Wormwood mansion in Griffith Park. Only now I know it’s a hallucination. I’m in the corn maze. Just keep cutting. Just keep going.

  How long have I been in here? I take out my phone. It’s dead. No chargers in Hell.

  Man, I’m thirsty.

  I look back the way I’ve come.

  Centipedes. Spiders with Nick’s face. A tentacle thing sprouts heads as it moves. Burgess. Quay. Charlie Anpu. Their teeth are little hatpins that the insects cling to like the cornstalks.

  My legs get weak. I’m hot. Then cold. The insects mass around my feet.

  I smash headfirst through the next couple of corn rows. Get up the na’at and slice through the rest. But I’m not going fast enough.

  The insects are on my legs. I feel them crawl inside my leg where I cut myself. They’re moving thr
ough my veins and arteries.

  I run.

  Someone is up ahead.

  If it’s my father, I’m going to punch him in his fucking face.

  It isn’t my father.

  Hesediel slits her throat and falls into the tank.

  I jump for her.

  And land on concrete. I roll. Smash into the side of a parked car.

  I pull myself up on the bumper and look around.

  This feels real. I smell the exhaust fumes. Feel the too-hot sun on my back.

  I turn and look behind me. No bugs. No dead angels.

  Maximum Overdrive is just across the street.

  I want to run, but all I can do is limp.

  I stumble into the shop. It’s full of customers. They look at me. Is this real? It could be a movie. But which one?

  “Oh, my ears and whiskers,” I say. “How late it’s getting.”

  “Fuck me,” whispers Kasabian. Then he yells, “Candy!”

  It’s definitely too hot in here.

  I THINK I’M asleep for a long time.

  Allegra comes by a lot. Vidocq comes by too.

  “Hey old man.”

  “Hey yourself,” he says. “Look at you. Always getting in trouble. Always worrying people.”

  “A born drama queen,” says Allegra.

  “You have to admit, when you get sick it’s always something exotic,” says Candy.

  “Next time, you get bitten.”

  “I did.”

  She holds up her hand. It’s wrapped in gauze. I didn’t notice until now.

  “You all right?”

  “I’m fine. Just a little sore. I was counting on you being my houseboy for a while, but, well, that’s not going to happen is it, Camille?”

  I look at Allegra.

  “What did that bug get me with?”

  “Some kind of Hellion neurotoxin. Nasty stuff. Between that and the fever, we were amazed you made it home.”

  “Thanks for fixing me up.”

  “Thanks for getting medicine for Eugène. Candy told me about the angel.”

  I look at the blister on my wrist. It’s already gone, but there’s a new circular scar.

  Candy sits down next to me.

  “You need a shave,” she says.

  “How long was I gone?”

  “Six days.”

  “I left a day after you. I was in the corn for five days?”

  “You didn’t turn left, did you?”

  “I thought I had to turn right to get home.”

  “It doesn’t work that way.”

  “No shit.”

  I sleep some more. My arm and hand are bandaged. The leg hurts more. I must have dug in deep. Remind me not to do surgery when I’m high on neurotoxins.

  I can hear people in the store. Then it’s quiet. Later, I can hear people again. That’s how I count the days. People in. People out.

  Kasabian comes up one afternoon with a bag.

  “Apple fritters from Donut Universe.”

  I take one.

  “Thanks.”

  Take a bite and limp to the bathroom, where I throw it up again.

  Kasabian helps me back into bed.

  “Don’t tell Candy,” he says on the way out.

  Later, Candy and I are in bed.

  “I thought I’d lost you again,” she says.

  “I told you I’d come back.”

  “And you didn’t bring me a thing. Not a T-shirt. Not a bumper sticker.”

  “I gave the Colt to Bill. I hope that’s all right.”

  “It’s okay. We’ll find you something else. Maybe one of those pink Charter Arms revolvers.”

  I sit up and Candy puts another pillow behind my back.

  “Did I tell you what happened to Hesediel?”

  “Yeah. You seemed pretty broken up about it.”

  “I need to find Samael and have a word.”

  “When you’re better.”

  “If I died, the fucker would be here in a flash.”

  “Don’t even joke about that.”

  I put my arm around her. It feels good to have it sort of working again.

  “Sorry. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Good. You haven’t even heard the band yet.”

  “Have you been practicing?”

  “Not while you were gone, but we’re back at it.”

  “I want to hear.”

  “Soon.”

  A FEW DAYS later, I can actually walk out of Max Overdrive on my own. I get a new frock coat and new boots entirely free of bug juice. I know that the bugs were probably a hallucination, but I still can’t look at the coat or boots without seeing centipede guts.

  I’m still weak for a few more days. It’s pissing me off. I want to call Abbot, but I lost my phone.

  Some days, I help Kasabian in the store. Mostly I shelve returned discs. Nothing that requires a lot of brainwork. At night, the band practices in the storeroom. I know they’d rather be at Alessa’s rehearsal space, but Candy still doesn’t want to leave me alone for too long. They sound really good. One night, I manage to make it to Donut Universe and back on my own. The band devours the whole bag while they take a break.

  I think about Bill a lot. It’s been a few days. He’s probably headed south by now. I hope the train made it to Long Beach. It wasn’t fun seeing Mason. He’s good at mind games, but I know we’re not going to be meeting again. From now on, people only go into Tartarus. No one comes out. Ever, ever, cross my heart.

  Oh man. I killed Muninn’s maze. And I told a bunch of little guys to loot the cavern. I have a feeling that there are going to be consequences. But what’s he going to do? Send me to Hell?

  Wait. Maybe he will. He can always have some angels round up the wandering hellbeasts and put them back in the zoo. Then make me the zookeeper. I don’t want to shovel monster shit until the end of time. I’ve got to make it up to him. Maybe one of those fruit bouquets. It will probably cost extra for delivery because of the exotic address, but it will be worth it.

  How am I going to pay? Where’s my money? In my wallet? Do I even have a wallet? Maybe I’m not ready to see Abbot yet. Give it a couple of more days. Maybe sleep a little longer.

  CANDY CALLS ABBOT, and in a couple of days, he sends a limo for me.

  That bugbite must have been special high-octane stuff. I don’t get sick like this. Now I’m not sorry I burned Wormwood’s hill. Maybe clearing out the forest was a good thing. Nothing worse can take its place, I’m sure. I don’t want to think about it too hard.

  I have the knife and my na’at in my coat, not because I think I’ll need them, but because I feel naked without them. My back doesn’t feel right without the Colt pressed against my spine. I tried a SIG P220, but the smooth body felt funny after the roundness of the Colt. Guess I’ll have to get used to it. I’m not likely to find another revolver I like as much as that Peacemaker. In the end, I put an M&P Shield 9mm in my pocket. It’s a little walking-around gun, but the bullets punch regular-size holes in things. Armed up, I feel more like myself, but still not right. And it’s not the poison.

  It’s something else I can’t put my finger on.

  The afternoon ride to Marina del Rey doesn’t take long. The gate to Abbot’s boat is already open when I get there. A guard waves me through. Another guard motions on board the boat when I reach the gangway.

  Willem is on the deck looking as Eliot Ness as ever.

  “Hi, Willem. Is the boss home?”

  “He’ll be up in a minute.”

  “Thanks.”

  He gives me a look. I’m talking to him like a person and it makes him nervous.

  “I hear you’re back from a trip,” he says.

  “Been back a few days. But I picked up a little bug and didn’t want to spread it around. You know?”

  He nods.

  “People say that you went down to Hell.”

  “Is that what people say?”

  “You know what I say?”

  “Bullshit???
?

  “Exactly.”

  I look around the deck. It’s nice here by the water. Smells better than dead corn. I still dream about that crap.

  “That’s okay, Willem. I forgive you.”

  “Don’t talk to me like that. I don’t want anything from you.”

  “I know. But I’m tired and I don’t want to fight with you anymore, so I’m just going to stand here quietly and think deep thoughts.”

  He gives me a look and goes into the cabin.

  A minute later he and Abbot come out.

  Abbot gives me a big smile and shakes my hand with both of his. We go inside.

  “I thought for a while we’d lost you,” he says. “I’d already started the paperwork to transfer your stipend to Chihiro.”

  “I had a feeling I could trust you. It was unsettling.”

  “Don’t worry. I spent most of your time away eating babies and overthrowing third-world governments.”

  “So, you admit it.”

  “Guilty as charged.”

  He gets us drinks. I haven’t touched liquor since I got home. The whiskey tastes good.

  He crosses his legs. His pants have a crease you could cut diamonds on.

  “So, did you finish what you set out to do?”

  “Mostly. We rounded up all of Wormwood Downtown. More important, we destroyed their entire supply of black milk. I don’t know how much there is up here, but they won’t be getting any more of the raw product.”

  “That’s great news. How did you do it?”

  “Do you really want to know? I mean this is Wormwood we’re talking about and what they were up to in the toilet of the universe.”

  He sets down his drink.

  “We’re in this together. I want to know everything.”

  “Well, I didn’t use the word ‘toilet’ a minute ago just to be colorful. It pertains to what I found out.”

  I tell him everything. About finding Quay and Wormwood and Panzerschokolade. I tell him about how they use kids and about the souls sitting outside Heaven’s gates because of the war Wormwood prolonged. Abbot might be a blue blood, but he’s Sub Rosa and a scryer. He must have seen some strange things over the years. It takes him a couple of minutes to absorb it all, but he seems to take it pretty well.

  “You’ll be happy to know that we found Abigail.”

  “The other missing kid?”

  He picks up his drink.

  “Yes. She’s back at home with her family.”