Lost in Glory

  The goblin knew now was his chance. His opponent was stunned and vulnerable. This might not happen again. He gathered all his strength and struck from over his head.

  Arthaxiom had seen it coming, but he was in no position to block the strike or to move away. He only managed to quickly murmur a bit of a desperate prayer to the various entities he worshipped in the intention of keeping his helmet intact. If what happened next was their doing, they did a lot better than that.

  CRACK! Blahterk watched in horror as his pole broke harmlessly on the paladin's helmet. He had a brief thought that it shouldn't have done that, and that the poles they had used for the gate were just too tough to simply break like this. It was a very brief thought indeed, because a second later he had a sword through his stomach. "Unholy carp!" he swore and collapsed.

  A few moments later the village was ablaze.

  ***

  The chamber that General Eneumerius Roseduck had chosen for that particular occasion wasn't exquisite. In fact, it was the least luxurious chamber in the entire Commander's Tower. That was exactly why the General had picked it. Everything in there was disposable. Nobody would miss a cheap-looking wooden table, nor any of the three battered chairs, should any harm come to them.

  Inside it was dark. Only a bit of sunlight was coming through a very small window, illuminating the bare stone walls. Overall, the chamber was rather depressing. The General's guest didn't care. He rarely cared about anything.

  "A goblin village in the Northern Wastelands was burned down," General Roseduck announced, slowly walking across the chamber.

  "Oh dear. Shall we dispatch Smokey the Bear to educate the goblins about fire safety?" Vannard asked as he sat down. Then he drew his dagger with his right hand, put his left hand on the table with fingers apart, and proceeded to stab the table between his fingers. He did it with incredible speed. Only a blur of motion could be observed.

  The General sighed. It was very hard to make Vannard take things seriously. He was just sitting there, playing with his dagger and smiling. And blurting out some gibberish, but that was nothing new. Roseduck more often than not had no idea what Vannard was talking about. He decided not to inquire. Experience had taught him that it was better that way.

  Vannard was a difficult person to deal with. At first sight there was nothing unusual about him: a rather tall man with short dark hair and a perfectly ordinary face. He wouldn't stand out in a crowd. Nothing suggested that he was a very skilled assassin. It was sort of a prerequisite for being one. Someone looking like an assassin would have a lot of trouble in this line of work.

  Roseduck was well aware what Vannard was capable of. He didn't know all the details, but he knew enough. Enough to be painfully conscious of the fact that just about anyone in the assassin's close vicinity could die any second. The General himself included. It was bothering him quite a bit, but he did his best to hide it. He was a firm believer in not showing his fear.

  He faced the wall, turning his back to the assassin. Giving Vannard such an opportunity could be considered either brave or stupid, but actually it didn't really matter. Being in the same chamber with someone was a good opportunity for him. Which way the target was facing was mostly irrelevant.

  "No, we shall not dispatch your mythical bear to educate the goblins about fire safety. They didn't burn down their own village. Someone else did. After slaughtering the inhabitants."

  "AAAAAAARGH!" Vannard interrupted with a loud scream.

  "Stop that!" the General scolded him, without even looking. "I am very well aware that you are way too skilled with that thing to stab yourself."

  "Awww, you're not fun anymore."

  "Furthermore, I expected you would do that. You are getting predictable."

  "Ducky, now that was downright nasty!" Vannard said reproachfully. Roseduck cringed. He hated being called that.

  "Serves you well," a female voice replied. A woman clad in a long red dress entered the chamber. She was tall and slender, with long, red hair. Almost beautiful. Her facial expression, which promised a painful death to anyone and everyone, spoiled the effect somewhat.

  "Oooh, look who's here!" said Vannard, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Sally, the Mistress of Magic! You're probably expecting us to repeat everything to you?" Roseduck's sense of dread just quadrupled. Having these two in the same room was a bad idea. He knew that, but he made them meet anyway. Because they all were on the same team, so to speak. They were at least supposed to be on the same team. The team name would have to be Enraged Rabid Wolverines.

  "You know very well what my name is. Also, there is no need to repeat your fake scream of pain and anguish. I heard it all too well thanks to the Enchanted Ear spell I cast earlier," the sorceress Saalteinamariva replied, not even looking at the assassin.

  "You and your magic tricks again," Vannard said with distaste. He stood up and looked around. Indeed, there was an ear in the corner, barely visible, hovering just above the floor. He slowly walked there and stepped on it. Hard.

  "I'll let you know that, unlike you, I learn from my mistakes," the sorceress mocked him. "My Enchanted Ears don't relay pain anymore."

  "Don't relay pain, eh? How interesting. But what would happen if I..." Vannard didn't finish. Instead he spat right into the Ear. Saalteinamariva let out a scream of shock and disgust. It was quickly replaced by an angry shout as she hurled a fireball at Vannard. He wasn't surprised and swiftly moved out of harm's way. The fireball struck the stone wall, splitting into stray flames. One of them fell on an empty chair. It started burning.

  "Stop that!" the General shouted. "You behave like children!" He realised that he was berating two people vastly more powerful than he was. He might have been a commander of an army and all that, but in this room, between those two, he was helpless like a snail. An old, sick snail. On drugs. He was neither a match for Vannard at stabbing things, nor for Saalteinamariva at putting things on fire. To make it worse, he was quite a bit shorter than both of them, and his physique was not impressive to say the least. Fortunately for him, his guests didn't bother with feeling insulted.

  "Ducky, children don't play with fireballs, you know," Vannard said. The sorceress ignored the remark.

  "Put out this fire, will you?" The General didn't direct this request to anyone in particular. Also, he doubted that any of them would listen. He was just trying to maintain authority. Or a resemblance of it.

  "Do I look like a water mage to you?" the sorceress asked and stared at him nastily.

  Vannard said nothing. He just shrugged, grabbed the flaming chair and threw it against the wall. It broke into pieces. Then he calmly took another chair and whacked the burning remains with it until the fire was gone.

  "Is violence your solution to everything?" the General asked as he sat down on the only chair that was still intact. Vannard shrugged again. The question was too silly to deserve an answer. "Very well. I have something to tell you, and I believe it's rather important. Otherwise, I would not risk integrity of the castle by having you both in the same chamber. I'd ask you to sit down, but there don't seem to be any chairs around anymore. So just listen and try not to destroy anything else!"

  "Oh very well, I'll put him on fire later," the sorceress said.

  "Good luck with that," Vannard replied, smiling.

  "Shut up and listen. Our patrol found remains of a goblin village in the Desolated Wastelands. It was burned down and the inhabitants were slaughtered. That is not an uncommon occurrence, villages of primitive humanoids get destroyed all the time and new ones are erected. The interesting part is that it was reportedly done by a single person."

  "Reportedly? Who reported that?" the sorceress inquired.

  "There was a lone survivor. An intensely violet goblin managed to hide itself in a cluster of fuchsia flowers."

  "How convenient," Vannard remarked.

  "Convenient indeed," General Roseduck agreed. "Especially that these probably were the only fuchsia flowers in the entire region. Even too conve
nient, I'd say. The scouts decided to bring the goblin with them for further questioning. Unfortunately, on their way back they were attacked by a particularly large irate badger. It bit the goblin's head off and ran away."

  "How inconvenient," Vannard remarked again.

  "Very inconvenient. Especially that it was most likely the only irate badger of the size required to bite off a goblin's head in the region. Or in this part of the world, for that matter. All that is improbable enough to be suspicious. What are you so happy about, Vannard?"

  "Just imagining the scene, Ducky. A giant badger attacking a borderline patrol. That must have been awesome."

  "I don't find anything awesome about this."

  "Neither do I," the sorceress agreed.

  "You wouldn't find anything awesome unless it was on fire," Vannard accused her.

  "Not true. But I have to admit, a giant irate badger attacking a borderline patrol while being on fire would be pretty awesome."

  "You two never cease to horrify me."

  "My pleasure." Vannard smiled. Roseduck just sighed.

  "So we only know whatever the goblin had told our scouts before getting decapitated. It claimed that they were attacked by someone claiming to be some sort of paladin. Also, a servant of a beige dragon and a lover of a rainbow surgeon, or something like that. He said that the goblins were evil and attacked the village. They were unable to hurt him. He killed all the goblins, burned down the village, and walked away towards the Northern Wilderness. Our scouts say the tracks confirmed that. So, Vannard, you know what I want you to do, don't you?" Roseduck immediately realised he shouldn't have asked that. But it was too late.

  "Of course." The assassin seemed genuinely pleased. "You want me to find a bigger village, slaughter all inhabitants and burn it down afterwards. I shall enjoy that immensely."

  That was exactly the sort of response the General had been afraid of. He was going to explain why Vannard's idea was very, very stupid, but Saalteinamariva interjected. "You moron! Of course he doesn't want you to slaughter a village! If he wanted a village slaughtered, he would have asked me! Magic is a much more efficient way to do this."

  "It may be so, but it's nowhere as satisfying as the conventional method," Vannard replied calmly.

  "Vannard..." the General started, but the assassin held up his hand to interrupt him.

  "Yes, yes, it was a stupid idea. It's obvious you want me to track down and assassinate that paladin."

  This idea was marginally better than the previous one. Only marginally. "Vannard, do you really think I want you to try to find a paladin who was last seen walking towards the Northern Wilderness a few weeks ago and who could be just about anywhere by now? In order to avenge a goblin village?"

  "Well, when you put it like that... No, not really. So who do you want me to kill?"

  "No one. I want you to find out where did that paladin come from."

  "Come again?" Vannard seemed utterly confused.

  "I require information on that paladin's background. What is his name, where did he come from, what does he want, and so forth. This might be of utmost importance. I want you to gather this information."

  "But..."

  "But that does not involve killing people. Yes, I know. I am well aware that you are an assassin, not a scout. Unfortunately, I don't really have anyone else to send. You can do it."

  "But..."

  "But you do not know where to start. Don't worry, I do. If my theory is correct, he is most likely travelling in straight lines. I extrapolated the path he was travelling according to the vector of his approach to the goblin village and found possible starting points. You will receive a map containing these."

  "But..."

  "But you do not know how to gather information? It is simple. You go to a village, you ask around. Start with the mayor. I think that an encounter with that paladin might have been quite memorable. Also, remember that a nice silver coin often helps people with refreshing their memories. You will be provided with funds."

  The assassin smiled nastily. "Some say that a nice steel dagger also helps people with refreshing their memories, you know."

  "Does it really, in your experience?"

  He thought about this for a moment. "Well, in my experience, it usually helps people to become quite dead."

  "I thought so. Stick to silver."

  The sorceress sniggered.

  "Be quiet, hyena," Vannard said. "You would put people on fire before questioning them."

  "At least they'd be burning to share their knowledge," Saalteinamariva replied, ignoring being called a hyena. Roseduck groaned inwardly at the awful pun.

  "So, Vannard, will you do it?"

  "Very well. Since you refuted all my objections before I even came up with them, it appears I don't have any way to wiggle out of this assignment." Vannard paused. "Unless... I kill you." He paused again, but the General didn't even flinch. "Which I'm not going to do at the moment."

  "Very obliged," Roseduck said. "There is a horse prepared for you. Here is bag containing some funds and the map. Also, a few pointers on what to ask, so that you don't have to think too much. I know how you hate that. Find out as much as you can, but try to return as fast as possible. I might have some people for you to assassinate soon."

  "Will be looking forward to this," Vannard said, took the bag and left.

  "Break your neck!" the sorceress called after him.

  "Was that really necessary?" the General asked.

  "I guess not." She shrugged. "And, to tell you the truth, I'd be quite disappointed if my wish came true. I want to kill him myself one day."

  "Now that's... I don't even know how to respond to this."

  "So don't." With the lack of chairs still in effect, the sorceress sat on the table. "Instead you could tell me why did I have to witness you sending that moron somewhere far away for no apparent reason? Not that I disapprove."

  "Because we are on the same team and we need to work together." Roseduck realised how ridiculous and unconvincing that sounded. But it was all he had.

  "I'm on no team!" Saalteinamariva protested. "Especially not with that insane murderous cretin! And I am beginning to have my doubts about you."

  The General sighed again. "We went through this before. You know very well that no other lord will keep you around..."

  "Why not?!" the sorceress protested again. "A lot of them would be delighted to associate with someone of my power and..."

  "BECAUSE," he interrupted, "they don't appreciate insolence, bad temper and putting random people on fire."

  "Call me bad-tempered one more time..." she rose to face the General. She stopped herself just before threatening to put him on fire. Roseduck just smiled and nodded.

  "You see what I mean."

  She sat down again. "I can't help it. I'm a fire mage. Fire magic causes anger. And I wasn't a calm person to begin with."

  "You are what you are and many can have a problem with that," the General said. "I don't. As long as you don't put me on fire."

  "I'll try not to. But no promises."

  Roseduck sighed yet again. "Very well. Let's get to the matter at hand. The... accident."

  "Vannard did it," she said without hesitation.

  "I didn't even say what accident I'm talking about!"

  "True. But there's high chance it was him, whatever accident you have in mind."

  "I mean the Emperor's accident," the General explained.

  "I still say it was him."

  "Unlikely. Too elaborate. I do not wish to hypothesise on who, how and why at the moment. Instead, I'd like to ponder the consequences."

  "I never cared much about these things," Saalteinamariva admitted. "One Emperor dies, the next one gets enthroned, things stay as they were?"

  "There is no next one," the General said sadly.

  "What do you mean, no next one? He didn't have children, that much I know, but next of kin?"

  "According to the Codex, nobody alive is related closely enough.
"

  That surprised the sorceress. "So...?"

  "So for the first time in history we'll have an election!" Roseduck replied with an added display of false enthusiasm.

  "A... what?!" She never heard this word before. She heard a similar one once, though. The person she had heard it from ended up running around and screaming as a result of being put on fire. It would be better for Roseduck if that word wasn't related.

  "Election. The High Lords will vote to choose a new Emperor."

  "Ah. How... interesting." Voting on things. What a strange notion. The sorceress didn't care much.

  "That's not all. What happens next might interest you more."

  "Very well, what happens next?"

  "The new Emperor chooses a new High Lord Commander to replace me, and then I most likely get assassinated." Roseduck smiled brightly.

  "Oh. That's not too good, I guess."

  "I'm glad that we're on the same page here."

  "Do you think the next High Lord Commander will appreciate a bad tempered sorceress with a tendency to put people on fire?" Saalteinamariva asked, with a wide, false smile.

  "Unlikely," Roseduck replied, smiling back even more widely and falsely.

  "That's what I thought. I suppose it means I should help you stay alive?" She didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about this.

  "Correct, but that's a topic for some other time. There's no hurry. Right now what interests me that a first Hero for a really long time appears just as the Emperor dies."

  Saalteinamariva was sceptical. "You mean that guy you sent Vannard to find out about? Killing some goblins isn't all that heroic."

  "I mean a Hero. With capital H. Like these from stories of old. Attacking a superior force in a rather silly way and winning anyway, fighting whatever he sees as 'evil', adding stupid titles to his name..."

  "This all might be just a coincidence."

  "Yes, it is just a coincidence, and the Emperor's accident was just an accident. And the old stableman accidentally self-immolated last week too?" he asked, risking the sorceress' wrath, yet this time she controlled herself.

  "Accidents happen sometimes. Of course, it was a just a coincidence that he had been looking at my behind just before it happened," she replied, unabashed.