The Alien Manifesto
* * *
An hour earlier Jill and I had been briefed on the procedure and its possible results by an assistant secretary of state named, appropriately, John Danger. He was from New Orleans and spoke with a soft drawl. He had a sort of owlish look, with big horn-rimmed glasses and a military brush haircut. He explained that the procedure I was about to undergo had been done successfully, but never used “in the field.” Mr. Danger said the purpose of the nano-chip implant was to turn on, to activate, the pineal gland, which, he explained, was sometimes known as the Third Eye.
“Now, Mr. Powers, I am not some kind of giddy New Ager who believes all this superstitious stuff about the mystical powers of the pineal gland. I know that by activating it with the chip implant you will have psychic abilities for several hours. But I don’t want to bore you with—”
“Mr. Danger,” I broke in, “we are from Sedona. We eat and drink this mystical stuff. We live it every day. So please: don’t hold back. Tell us everything you have heard about the powers of the pineal. And call me Marty.”
“Got it. Marty. Okay, well, the pineal is a tiny little gland about the size of a pea, and it lives in a dark cave just behind and above the pituitary gland, with which it has a relationship. You know, a symbiotic relationship.” Mr. Danger seemed to blush for a moment.
I looked at Jill and thought, This is gonna be good. She grinned at me and touched a finger to her lips to shush my mind.
“It is located in the center of the brain directly behind the eyes. Some people say it is a dormant organ which can be awakened to enable telepathic communication. Many famous philosophers, including Descartes, who was also a scientist, have called the pineal the ‘Seat of the Soul’ and our source for inner vision. Should I go on, folks?”
“If you stop now, Mr. Danger, I will put a spell on you,” said Jill, grinning wickedly and rubbing her hands together.
“Okay, okay. You probably know that the pineal gland produces melatonin, a brain chemical which promotes peaceful sleep. We don’t care about that. This gland is activated by light. That is why the nano-chip that we will implant in your brain, just outside the cave where this little gland lives, is fitted with a kind of mini-floodlight.
“When this floodlight is activated by you, using pure thought, the gland becomes the so-called ‘light in your head,’ and your telepathic and psychic powers will be greatly enhanced. We don’t yet know how much power you will have. We hope you will give us a full report when your mission is completed.”
“Phew,” I exhaled, a long, low whistle. “And won’t I have psychic powers anyway without turning on the light? How do I activate my ‘normal’ telepathic abilities?”
“You won’t have to activate anything, Marty. You will be capable of telepathic communication immediately after the chip is implanted and you wake up from the anesthetic. The chip will send signals to the pineal gland to activate it. You can greatly enhance your psychic powers, when necessary, by simply focusing your mind on the chip. But I must warn you of something. There could be a serious side effect.”
“Oh?” I said, my breathing suddenly becoming erratic. Damn! This whole psychic adventure sounded so great. Now, a side effect? Jill nodded, reading my thoughts.
“You. Could. Go. Mad.” He said the words one at a time, with great drama.
“Oh? Oh? Please explain, Mr. Danger. Leave nothing out.”
John Danger cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Marty, the pineal gland secretes trace amounts of the drug Dimethyltryptamine, otherwise known as DMT. The substance was compounded in pill form and taken as a psychedelic drug starting in the late Sixties. Its effects were compared to those of LSD, but more intense.”
“DMT! The fifteen minute super-trip! I always wanted to try it, but it was never around. I know people who tripped on it. They said you had to be an advanced tripper or you might never come back.”
“Exactly. And we here at the embassy are concerned that you might accidentally trigger a sudden DMT experience while carrying out your dangerous mission. Let me quote from an American website: ‘DMT experiences can include profound time-dilation, time travel, journeys to paranormal realms, and encounters with spiritual beings or other mystical slash trans-dimensional modalities.’ If this should happen to you, Marty, well, you have been warned….”
“Are you kidding me? I would love to hang out with some spiritual beings from other dimensions! And by the way, what exactly are the details of our mission? Nobody has explained that yet. To me, anyway. And Jill…?” She shook her head, smiling.
“Basically, Marty, you and Ms. Appleton will be flown into Switzerland. You will use the on-board mini-chopper to exit the aircraft and land at a heliport, then make contact with our friends in Switzerland, keep your appointment at Black Swan Beta headquarters, sabotage their device that is being used to manipulate the Internet and other computer networks, rescue your wife, and escape.” Mr. Danger winked at Jill and smiled flirtatiously.
“Is that all?” I said, grinning. “And me half if not completely mad, stoned on a powerful psychedelic, hearing voices in my head, and reading Jill’s wicked thoughts. I thought this was going to be difficult. Do you have any more details?”
“Well, uh, yes, Marty. Actually, it’s all contained in the Top Secret folder that the Secretary handed to you. I suggest you and Jill read it carefully, memorize the contents, shred or burn everything in the folder, and report to the airport at eighteen hundred hours for your flight briefing. It’s only noon now. Plenty of time. Now I must lead you to the surgical suite for your chip implant.”
“One more question, Mr. Danger,” I said, suddenly growing more than a little paranoid. “How do I know the chip isn’t—”
Jill quickly cut in, having picked up my question from the quagmire of my nagging mind. “It’s definitely not a spy chip, Marty,” she said softly. “It’s not one of those radio frequency I.D. chips the government wanted to implant in everybody during the Bush years. Not to worry.”
John Danger looked startled. He didn’t know about Jill. “Ms. Appleton,” he said, with a quiver in his voice. “Are you a natural telepath? Or did you have a chip implant too?”
“As natural as they come, Mr. Danger,” she said cheerfully. “Well, actually I had a little help from a trans-dimensional portal back in Sedona, and some training from a friend of mine named Leela. You’ve heard of her, I’m sure.”
“You bet I have. Well, let’s get Marty over to the lab. The good doctor awaits.”