Izzy & Eliza...an alien tale

  *AN ACCIDENTAL ENCOUNTER*

  As was expected, Izzian was having some difficulty adjusting to human form and life on earth. The especially hot summer, blazing through the little town of Sudden Bluff didn't help matters one bit. Izzian often believed his skin was melting right off his body.

  He wasn't used to having skin pores that started watering every few minutes in the Oklahoma heat. Even when he had first transformed to human, Thilillian Yangsley never made him sweat as much as the earth's merciless sun.

  At first, Izzian was sure his human casing was leaking and that he was probably dying, until Gala set him straight. She had convinced Izzian that he hadn't accidentally poked holes under his arms; it was perfectly natural for a human to have wet armpits. He didn't have to enjoy it though.

  Although Sudden Bluff seemed unhealthily hot to Izzian, he did like the feel of the place. The town was full of cute shops, roundabout sidewalks and historical buildings, surrounded by a deep forest.

  While he meandered through the quaint streets towards the forest, Izzian rehearsed his cover story one more time: He had recently moved with his two young parents, Enot and Gala Klowosky. They sought a more peaceful way of life, and the little town of Sudden Bluff, snuggled in the northeast corner of Oklahoma, seemed like the perfect place to live. The Klowosky family packed their belongings, saying farewell to the hectic bustle of life in Las Vegas, a city in the colony of Nevada.

  His plascreen butted in, rudely reminding him that Nevada was not a colony. It had become frighteningly intuitive, reading his thoughts more than ever.

  Perhaps the contraption had kicked into overdrive, sensing that the boy was navigating an unfamiliar habitat. Maybe he had received a newer version of software that caused the plascreen to develop an actual personality. Whatever the case, Izzian did not appreciate the intrusive interruptions or the selective observations.

  Why hadn't the plascreen explained the way humans sweat, or that the cow on the hillside did not have fangs? It seemed to enjoy watching the boy make silly mistakes.

  Never mind the mischievous plascreen. He decided to stick to the cover story, but reminded himself not to call Nevada a colony, they were called states. The story was vague, but Klesian scientists lectured that details could be researched and could eventually lead to discovery. Anyone looking in from the outside saw the perfect little family, albeit a slightly quirky one.

  Besides the icky leaking, Izzian noticed that his skin color might just give him away. When he got upset, nervous or angry, his skin could change from the glow of a healthy human to a deathly shade of green. Of course, the green skin was a normal thing on Klesia, but Izzian feared an earthling might take it for some contagious disease and have him reported.

  He was also having difficulty speaking human. Every now and again, thoughts would slip from his mind to his mouth and he'd blurt out any old thing he happened to be thinking of at the moment. Hopefully he'd get that problem under control before meeting Eliza or at least before school started. From his experience, speaking one's private opinions was not the best way to fit into the world of students and teachers.

  His pretend mother was having the same problem. Gala noticed her thoughts slipping from her mouth during a visit from the plumber. She'd called Portly's Plumbers after Izzian had attacked the garbage disposal with a baseball bat, claiming the disposal had tried to attack him first.

  When Mr. Portly, the plumber, had bent over to inspect the pipes under the sink, Gala had made a comment about crack and whack before she could stop herself.

  Mr. Portly said he'd never been so insulted in his life and that he, being a very gentlemanly person, would forget she'd commented on his very personal crack habit.

  Enot said the problem of unintentionally vocalizing one's thoughts was a very common glitch when anyone shape shifted. He assured both Izzian and Gala that the unbidden comments would eventually settle down as they got more used to their human form. Enot suggested that in the meantime, Gala and Izzian should stop talking so much.

  Regardless of his rogue plascreen, misbehaving voice and leaking greenish skin, Izzian had a homework assignment on which to embark. He had no choice but to start the quest to become friends with Eliza Allready. It was time to become a spy.

  With stealth and ninja-like grace, Izzian climbed the tree house he had discovered on a reconnaissance mission earlier in the week. His tree house, which lined up perfectly with Eliza's, was now called base camp. Izzian had stolen Enot's night vision binoculars to spy on Eliza through a few gaps and holes in the wooden planks of the tree houses.

  "Hmm," he said aloud, scanning the familiar structure of Eliza's rickety tree house.

  It occurred to Izzian that not too long ago, he had watched the exact same tree house whilst peering through the Al203 Telescope from so far away. The range and capabilities of those dangerous telescopes impressed and amazed him, and made him feel a little home sick.

  Even though his last experience in the Al203 lab evoked cringe worthy memories, being chased by Dr. Yangsley and Mr. Seebot, he still missed Klesia.

  Clearing reminiscent thoughts of home from his mind, Izzian zoomed in with the goggles. He peeked through a tiny slit between pieces of badly hammered wood and could clearly see that Eliza's tree house was empty.

  "Uninhabited tree house. Subject not present," he said in a robotic voice, even though no one was around to hear.

  He settled into a more comfortable spying position, imagining how the second part of his plan would transpire. Once he had learned all he could from spying on the earth girl with binoculars, he'd casually put himself in a situation that would introduce him to Eliza Allready.

  Izzian had planned his first meeting with Eliza perfectly. He would accidentally bump into the girl whilst bird watching in the woods. He would look…well, sexy and sophisticated. Izzian imagined no earth girl could resist a bird watching dude in the woods.

  From there, they'd easily become great pals; Izzian with his expertise in avian culture, and Eliza, captivated by the new bird watching boy from Las Vegas.

  There was only one foreseeable problem with his plan. He knew very little about the birds of earth. He'd have to make stuff up and use his rogue plascreen as a last resort.

  "I will charm that girl senseless," Izzian told a squirrel making its way up the roof.

  His plascreen plastered the word moron across his eyes and mentioned that squirrels were not worth speaking to. His plascreen also mentioned that his bird watching disguise was awe-inspiring. Izzian wasn't sure if the plascreen was being sarcastic or not, but he'd take his chances with the plan anyway.

  "Stupid squirrel," he said, even though the animal had moved onto bigger, better things.

  "I will approach the girl and melt her with charm. She'll never know what hit her…but I won't actually hit her," he added. Izzian rationalized that hitting Eliza outside of detention might be considered cruel on earth as well as it was on Klesia.

  He sat in his base camp for what felt like hours, but was really more like minutes before boredom seeped in. After about ten minutes, he grew frustrated that Eliza hadn't shown up. Izzian had lost concentration and his real mission was forgotten, in favor of finding more interesting affairs to occupy his time.

  For some reason, Izzian imagined the spy game would be more action-packed than it had been so far. The boy realized he may not be cut out to become a professional spy after all.

  He began finding ways to entertain his bored mind like singing and wriggling his butt to alleviate the boredom of spying on an empty tree house.

  "Where is she?" he said aloud.

  Izzian slowly scanned around the inside perimeter of his own tree house. He investigated a trail of ants stoically making their way up the wall. He zoomed in on a single ant. The insect appeared huge and Izzian pretended he was fighting a colony of giant ants that had overtaken earth. Only he could save the world.

  Izzian made his own sound effects while he pretended to shoot laser
s from the binocular lenses. He lasered his way through the entire troop of giant ants until he noticed a large blurry mass huddled in the shadows of a dark corner. Wondering what the shape was, he adjusted the lenses again and zoomed in on what appeared to be a giant nose.

  He knew enough about earth to know that there were no large nosed insects on the planet. Izzian continued scanning until he also noticed a mouth. The unsuspecting boy then saw two eyes glaring into his own.

  Soon, but not soon enough, since most people would have already realized what they were looking at, Izzian discovered the form was an actual person. That person did not look terribly happy by the look on her face.

  Izzian threw the binoculars aside in fear and shock. He stared openmouthed at the girl. There, sitting in the shadows, like a creepy hunched over monster, sat Eliza Allready. Her arms were crossed and her eyes were squinted in anger and suspicion.

  At that point, Izzian assumed the second half of his plan was no longer relevant since he'd already blown the first part. Silence was his best option for the moment, and he couldn't think of a thing to say anyway. He'd allow Eliza to speak first. He desperately hoped he hadn't given himself away by mentioning Eliza's name, Klesia or any other taboo subject.

  Izzian figured he may be able to wriggle his way out of the situation and still maintain some dignity. Eliza, however, was not about the let that happen. There would be no dignity for Izzian Klowosky that evening.

  "Who are you and why are you spying on me?" Eliza commanded an answer.

  Izzian jumped at the sound of her voice. Perhaps if I pretend I cannot see her, she'll go away, he thought.

  His plascreen flashed the words; earth girls do not normally have cloaking devices. Eliza knows you can see her.

  "Who are you and why are you spying on me?" She re-asked her question, leaving no room for nonsense. He remained silent, trying to think of an escape plan.

  "If you don't answer me, I have a phone and I will call the cops. Are you a pervert or something?" she asked.

  Izzian didn't want Eliza to call the cops and he wasn't sure what a "pervert" was. He wondered if a pervert was anything like a Plevert. On Klesia, a Plevert was actually a type of hairless flying rodent with glowing orange skin and Izzian knew he was not one of those.

  "No, I'm not anything like that," he finally answered. "I'm new to town. I'm Izzian Klowosky and I moved here from Las Vegas, that’s a town in the state of Nevada. My parents are Enot and Gala Klowosky," Izzian rattled off his entire cover story in less than three seconds, sounding like an idiot.

  "That's part of an answer," she said and gave him the evil eye.

  "And no," Izzian finished, "I am not spying on you. I'm…I'm bird watching," he said with a feigned confidence.

  "At night?" she asked. "Nice sound effects by the way. You've waged a war against the insects and the world is safe once again, from the intimidating ant colony. Thank you, sir, for all you have done for your country."

  Izzian's skin began leaking again. He'd made a complete fool of himself, and the girl's sarcasm was not helping.

  "Well, I'm watching bats. There are quite a lot of them out here and well, do you like bats?" Izzian asked, trying to change the subject, especially the part about him battling the ant colony with pretend lasers.

  "Okay. If you are not spying on me, then why do you have night vision binoculars pointed at my tree house? Oh pardon me, I meant base camp," she said.

  Eliza ignored his excuse of bat watching at night. She would not be won over by a debonair bird watcher, it seemed.

  "I'll rephrase my question. Why are you here trying to spy on my tree house and who the heck is Izzian Klowskowoskyklo?" Eliza moved toward Izzian looking rather threatening.

  He backed away but the old familiar Izzian was beginning to surface. True to his character, when someone questioned his motives, he got angry. The situation was not going as planned and he felt he had lost control, if he'd ever had it to begin with.

  "My name is Izzian, pronounced IZZ-EE-AN KLO-WOW-SKEE, not what you said. And I have every right to be here in my base ca-, I mean tree house. I can watch bats all night long if I want," he was gaining strength and couldn’t stop, as was his nature when he felt cornered.

  "So Eliza, try to pronounce my name right and apologize to me for skulking in the shadows of my tree house and I just might be your friend! If not, then you and I have nothing to say to each other!" he screeched like a toddler.

  Izzian immediately regretted his loud words. He had to get close to Eliza in order to finish his Goodwill assignment. He also realized he may or may not have called the girl by her real name before she had actually introduced herself.

  Izzian was nervously awaiting Eliza's enraged response after his ostentatious outburst, but the girl remained curiously silent. Eliza leaned back casually against the wall, chewing on something that smelled like apriguavo fruit.

  The girl reached out her hand, holding a plastic bag and asked, "Want one?"

  He took the bag, selecting three, not one, of the Sour-Yet-Sweet-Gummy-Worm-Treats. Izzian noticed the candy pieces were not real worms, but a sugary, chewy substance.

  "Apriguavo flavored?" Izzian asked.

  Eliza got a weird look on her face, and shook her head, "Apri-what-o? No, I think you ate a strawberry one."

  Eliza remained seated but scooted closer to Izzian and offered a hand, "I'm Eliza. Eliza Allready. Maybe you already know my name, though? Anyway, nice to meet you Izzian Colonoscopy," she said.

  Izzian took her hand and shook. As he pulled his hand away, he realized the girl's hand had been covered in sticky goo from the Sour-Yet-Sweet-Gummy-Worm-Treats. Nice one, he thought, as he tried to ignore the nasty stickiness that was practically gluing his fingers together.

  "Look, I'm sorry about the whole binocular thing and all. I guess I would be mad too if I thought someone was spying on me. I'm really not spying on you and I don't even know you. I'm new here. Maybe you could show me around the place?"

  Eliza considered Izzian's words and nodded her head, but her eyes still betrayed suspicion.

  "Yea, it's been a long night, Izzian Clown-oscopy. I wondered how long you were gonna sit there and talk to squirrels before you noticed me in the corner," Eliza said, getting ready to descend the tree house slash base camp.

  Izzian blushed red. At least he hoped he was red, but since the tree house was dark, it probably wouldn't matter if he had turned bright green.

  "Meet me here tomorrow morning nine o'clock on the dot. If you're late, I'm gone. Otherwise, I'll show you around town," Eliza said as she reached the bottom of the ladder.

  Izzian followed, hastily gathering his belongings and stuffing them in his ratty old backpack.

  "Later Klowosky," Eliza said his last name without a moment's hesitation, showing Izzian she had been messing with him all along.

  Before they were too far apart, Eliza yelled, "One more thing! How did you know my name before I told it to you? I'm gonna find out who you're working for, Klowosky!" Eliza turned around and jogged away from Izzian. He remained standing in the middle of the forest with his mouth hanging open like a Glotfish.

  With a headache and shoulders slumped in defeat, Izzian dragged his backpack the whole way home, the same way Eliza had dragged all his plans- through the mud. How could things have gone so horribly wrong?

  Even so, phases one and two of his mission were complete, even if events hadn't transpired the way Izzian imagined they would. He'd spied on his subject and he'd met his subject and tomorrow, he'd hang out with his subject. In a way, he had been successful.

  Too bad he hadn't come across as a sophisticated bird watching kind of guy, like he'd planned, but Izzian had a feeling that if Eliza Allready was involved, things rarely happened as planned.

  ***