Woodchuck Martinis
Chapter 12
Really, That Perfect?
I finally met David after e-mailing for several weeks, and we certainly do seem to be compatible. I also find him incredibly attractive with his gleaming, bald head and Hershey’s chocolate brown eyes.
After we met for coffee he suggested a kayaking trip down the river the next day, and I jumped at the chance.
On the way to the river this morning I stopped to fill up my gas tank and he pulled up right behind me. He absolutely insisted on filling the tank AND paying for the gas. The perfect gentleman, I thought. So far, so good.
“You’re so much more beautiful than the picture on your profile,” he said while he filled my gas tank.
Well, I thought, he really is perfect.
We hit the river and as we talked we found dozens of interests we shared. We’re both word nerds and adore the game of Scrabble. We both roller blade and bike. We enjoy traveling and have seen much of the world. We’re both Aries and hit as many yard sales in a summer as we can. It’s almost like...I’m dating myself.
He did mention a couple of hobbies I had never experienced. He talked about making homemade wine with a specific purpose in mind. He would take his home-brewed wines with him to Renaissance type gatherings. He said he belonged to a local group which met periodically, and he asked if I would be interested in attending an event some time. I told him that I rarely turn down a new experience and he looked very pleased that I would consider participating in this hobby of his.
About halfway through the river trip, we pulled over to eat the lunch he had prepared. He opened a bag that contained an amazing array of food and drink.
“You have a great memory,” I said as he filled a plastic wine cup with a fine Riesling. “I can’t believe you remembered my favorite wine.”
“Cheers,” he said, as our plastic wine glasses clicked together. “To many more happy moments just like this one.”
I think I fell in love right then and there, and then sank deeper in as we finished off the plate of fruits, cheeses, deli meats, and even a favorite dessert I had mentioned in passing when we met for coffee, homemade turtle brownies.
After lunch we did a little old-fashioned necking on the blanket he had brought, and I have to say that his kisses were amazing. He definitely left me wanting more of that.
At the end of the most amazing trip down the river I had ever had, actually feeling light headed at times from the attention with which he had showered me, he suggested we go to the mall the following day. A man...actually suggesting that he accompany me to the mall. In my entire lifetime this had never happened, and I was completely taken aback by the gesture.
“Seriously?” I said. “The mall?”
“Oh, I love to shop,” David said. “It will help me learn so much more about you.”
I have to say that by the end of the day I was feeling deliriously happy that I had at last quite possibly met the man of my dreams.
The trip to the mall was amazing at first, but I may have seen the teensiest hint of a red flag or two as the day progressed.
David looked incredibly handsome in a baby blue tee shirt that accentuated his strapping muscles beneath it. He looked so good I even felt like he was a bit out of my league. But when he put his arm around my shoulders and held me close while we walked, I felt like I was right where I was meant to be.
He was by far the most attentive man I have ever met, and I enjoyed the closeness...at first.
The first inkling I had that perhaps he was not quite as perfect as I had thought initially came early in the shopping trip.
“Let’s go into the shoe store,” David said, as we walked by.
“Really?” I said, honestly thinking he was joking. I mean, men don’t really go into shoe stores with women, do they?
“Of course,” he said, “I want to know literally everything about you. I want to know what size shoes you wear. Do you prefer heels or flats or pumps or wedges?”
It took everything I had not to ask him if he was gender confused. What man knows the names of that many types of women’s shoes? Even I would have been hard pressed to come up with that many. I thought I heard a door open and wondered if Shallow Lucy would be joining us.
“Just point out the shoes you like,” he said. “It will help me get to know you better.”
“Well, those pink heels are pretty cute,” I said, pointing to a pair that would look right at home in a Sex in the City movie.
“Great,” he said, “why don’t you try them on?”
“I’m really not shopping for shoes today,” I said. “And besides I don’t want to torture you by making you wait around while I try on shoes that I’m not going to buy.”
“It’s certainly not torture,” he said. “I’m just doing my homework. I was serious when I said I want to know EVERYTHING about you.”
“All right,” I agreed, “it’s your trip to the mall.”
“What size do you wear?” David asked.
“Size 5 or 6.” I replied.
“That’s the perfect size,” he said. “A tiny foot just like Cinderella.” And then he whipped out a small pad from his shirt pocket and quickly made some notes.
He scooped a box with pink heels in my size off the shelf and led me to a chair. I slipped off my shoes and turned to take the heels from David, but he would not hear of letting me try these fabulous shoes on without his help.
I felt a tap, tap, tap on my shoulder, and Shallow Lucy cleared her throat.
David took a seat in the chair directly across from me and patted his leg indicating he wanted my foot right there. I obliged and he promptly started giving me a foot massage…right there in the middle of the Discount Shoe Warehouse! I’d been wearing sneakers and had to take my slightly sweaty socks off to try on this shoe. EWWWWW! I became even more uncomfortable when an older woman walked by, rolled her eyes, and suggested we get a room. And judging by the look on David’s face I wondered if that’s what he has in mind.
“Well,” David said in a huff. “That was rude.”
“You know, David,” I say, “I don’t think the shoes will fit anyway. Why don’t we just get going?”
“Oh, come on,” he says, “you already have your shoes off, just try them on so you can show me how sexy you look in them.”
He slipped the shoes on my feet and insisted that I do the “model on the runway walk” for him.
I have to say that I did rather enjoy making fun of the skinny models as I sucked in my cheeks and stomach trying to look like a skeletal super model. I threw back my shoulders, put one hand on a hip, made a sour face, and tromped down the shoe store aisle, turning en point to wave at the imaginary crowd. The pink heels did look incredibly hot.
Maybe he’s not so bad, I thought, and Shallow Lucy won’t stick around. I should just relax and enjoy this trip to the mall.
I finished putting my sneakers back on and looked up to see David standing there with the shoe box containing the pink heels in a bag, receipt in hand. He was like a child giving his mom a bunch of flowers, he was so proud of himself.
“David,” I said, “this makes me really uncomfortable. I did not want you to buy those shoes for me. I just tried them on to make you happy.”
“Well it did make me happy, and it will make me even happier when you wear them the next time we go out on a date.”
“David,” I insisted. “You really shouldn’t have bought them.”
I could tell I had hurt his feelings as he had the most amazingly pitiful look on his face.
“Just wear them once,” he practically pleaded, “and you will make me the happiest man in the world.”
“All right, then,” I agreed. “Thank you for this lovely gift.”
I just couldn’t figure out why his generosity made me so uncomfortable. Why must I always second guess these things? Why could I not just appreciate the gesture and leave it at that? I then vowed to do just tha
t. Appreciate the gift and enjoy the company of this lovely, generous man.
As we continued our journey through the mall, he held my hand and put his arm around my shoulders and I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of being close.
As we walked by a jewelry store he suggested we pop in and take a look...just for fun.
“What size ring do you wear?” he asked casually while he looked through the jewelry.
“I don’t really know,” I said, “I haven’t bought a ring in a very long time.”
A sales woman approached wearing a name tag that said, “Hello, my name is Penny.”
“Good afternoon,” said chipper Penny. “Please let me know how I can make your day more special.”
David turned to the salesperson and said, “Hello, Penny, would you mind measuring my girlfriend’s finger to see what size ring she wears, please?”
“Girlfriend?” Shallow Lucy asked. “On your third date he’s claimed you as his girlfriend?”
“Go home,” I said. “I’m ignoring you. You’re input was not requested and is not welcome here.”
“This concerns me deeply,” Shallow Lucy continued. “It’s too much too soon. It’s a sign of deep-rooted abandonment issues.”
“Who died and made you my therapist?” I sniped.
“You quit seeing Dr. Dayton and I kindly stepped in to save you from yourself.”
“I quit seeing Dr. Dayton because I don’t need a therapist anymore.”
“You quit seeing Dr. Dayton because you found out you were both dating Dirty David; not because you were done with therapy.”
“Certainly,” the pleasant sales woman said.
“David,” I said cautiously, “why do you want to know my ring size?”
“You never know when that kind of information will come in handy,” he said. “Before we know it Christmas will be here, and I won’t have to ask the size of anything you wear because I’m keeping all of your personal information right here in this little log.”
“David,” I pointed out, “Christmas is several months away.”
“Like a Boy Scout,” he said, “I will be prepared when it gets here.”
Penny approached with the ring sizer.
“So, how long have you been together?” she asks, just making small talk.
“Just a couple of d...” I started to say.
“Only a short time,” interrupted David, “but long enough to know we’re made for each other.”
“That’s so sweet,” said Penny.
“Sweet?” Shallow Lucy piped in. “Honey’s sweet, too, but do you really want to eat a gallon of it on your third date? I’m not so sure I agree with her. Don’t you think David is putting the proverbial cart before the horse? How can you not be unnerved by the whole scenario playing out before you?”
“Why must you label everything, Shallow Lucy?” I asked. “This is not a ‘scenario,’ it’s a date.”
“Which finger did you want me to measure?” asked Penny.
I held my right hand up and said, “The ring finger will be fine.”
David casually put my right hand down and guided my left hand in Penny’s direction.
“The left ring finger is what I had in mind,” he said.
“Holy crap! What is this man thinking?” gasped Shallow Lucy. “Are you ready to admit I’m right?”
“OK, perhaps it’s a bit disconcerting,” I admitted. “But it’s far too early to panic.”
“Disconcerting?” Shallow Lucy asked. “Must I remind you that this is only your THIRD date with this man? And already he’s throwing your left ring finger around like it’s a Hacky sack.”
I had to admit that this did seem a bit unsettling. Perhaps Shallow Lucy was right and this would be a good time to start planning my exit strategy before he started picking out the stone and the setting. As we left the jewelry store I started looking for the mall exit signs. Thank God I had met him there so I had my car in which to make my getaway.
“Well, David,” I said. “I hate to cut the shopping trip short, but I really have to be getting home. Jessie and I have plans this afternoon and I promised her I’d be home fairly early.”
“But we haven’t had lunch yet,” he said with a pouty face that could rival a toddler’s pitiful look, complete with his lower lip protruding.
“We’ll save lunch for our next date, OK?” I said. “I really do need to get going now.”
“Oh no,” he said as he hung his head down. “I’ve scared you off. I’m moving too fast for you, aren’t I?”
“David, you’re moving too fast for anyone!”
“You’re right,” he said. “It’s just that I’ve fallen completely for you. You are everything I’m looking for in a woman, and I’ve been looking for SO LONG! I just can’t bear the thought of letting you go.”
And then a deep depression settled over his face and for a terrifying moment I thought he was going to cry right here in the middle of the mall. Of course I felt horrible. He looked utterly crushed under the weight of my rejection and I could not stand to be the cause of his unhappiness.
Like the well-mannered person I was taught to be by my mother’s generation who believed that women should put their feelings aside and make other people more comfortable, I took his hand.
“David, I know you have the best of intentions and you’re a wonderful, kind, caring man,” I said. “But you need to give me time. This is a brand new relationship, and I’m not a person who rushes into anything.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Would you consider giving me one more chance? I promise I’ll back off and take the relationship at a pace that makes you more comfortable.”
“Run, Lucy, run!” Shallow Lucy screamed at me. “Don’t fall for it! Escape now while you can!”
But my mother’s voice was ringing in my head even louder than Shallow Lucy. “Don’t hurt this lovely young man’s feelings,” mom said. “That would just be rude, and you should never be rude. Besides, this may just be as good as it gets for you.”
“All right,” I acquiesced. “But a turtle’s pace, and I mean it.”
“Absolutely,” David said with a huge smile. “Whatever makes you happy.”
We got a bite to eat then and I had a couple of martinis, and I began to feel much more relaxed. By the time we parted ways and he kissed me goodbye I felt much more confident about the possibilities this relationship could bring. If he keeps to his word and backs off I really think he’ll be a great boyfriend. I just need to keep an open mind.
****