Woodchuck Martinis

  Chapter 15

  Boys and Their Toys

  I was roller blading around town today; another beautiful day in paradise. I had stopped to take a breather by the river when I noticed a huge, yellow truck with giant tires. It was complete with the big pipes behind the driver’s side and black flames painted on each door. I swear I expected to see the words “Made by Mattel,” painted somewhere.

  More interesting than the truck, however, was the driver of this grown up’s Hot Wheels toy. The man was gorgeous. He had a strikingly large neck, a bit of a boxy head, and biceps the size of the giant muffler protruding from underneath his truck. Just think GI Joe, complete with a buzz cut and chiseled face.

  I realized the man was sizing me up and have to admit that I was doing the same to him. He was a fine specimen, indeed. What truly lovely muscle definition. What a manly man. I could just picture myself being picked up and carried from a burning building in this man’s arms as he effortlessly swept me off of my feet to safety.

  The daydream was shattered, however, as he opened the truck door and literally jumped to the ground because he was all of maybe 5 feet, 3 inches tall.

  And in a perfect Mickey Mouse voice, he said, “Hey, baby, what’s up?”

  “Oh, the humanity,” sighed Shallow Lucy.

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