Is It Ever Easy?

  “What the fuck!” my reflexes swing toward the object that brought the pain. Thankfully my swing is well above the head that crippled me.

  “I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me.” She sobs.” “I didn’t mean it. Don’t send me away. I’m a good girl, really.” Ms. Maggie grabs her around the shoulders and Jasmine crumbles in her arms. “I didn’t mean it Mr. EZ. Please don’t send me away.” Her eyes rip my heart out.

  “It’s okay baby girl.” I try to smile as I roll on the ground to get back on my feet. “I’ve had worse.” But not by much. Either I was getting soft or she’s tough. My ego chose the latter.

  “Please ma’am, don’t call them on me I have to wait for my mama. If you take me away, I’ll lose her forever.” Her chest is heaving now. Tears create a waterfall down her cheeks’ soaking the collar of her shirt. I want to hold her and realize I don’t know how. But Maggie did. They sat on the floor rocking slowly as Maggie rubbed her back. She quieted quickly. The sight creates a warm aching in my chest. I forget about the pain in my leg. It was weird I feel lighter somehow. Like a dream that didn’t seem scary anymore.

  “It’s okay Miss Jasmine. You can spend the night with me. We’ll make it all better.” Miss MAGGIE coos. I want to join in. Part of me wants to stay. The other wants to run before the picture fades and lets the coldness back into my bones. I try to shake myself out of this trance. Rolling to my knees, I struggle to get up when those little eyes freeze me in my tracks. I kneel there like the biggest idiot in the world. But, I can’t move or look away. My mind can’t make my body obey.

  “Can Mr. EZ come too?” her eyes leave mine and drift up to Miss MAGGIE. The spell was broken. My body begins to respond again. I’m on my feet faster than when I did up/downs in practice.

  “Oh, no, no, no. I couldn’t. I have too much to do.” I shake my head and look everywhere but at those little brown eyes. “You’ll be okay now. I gotta be going.”

  “Well I’m going with you.”

  “You can’t baby girl. Ms. Maggie gonna take good care of you now. She knows what’s best.” I look at Ms. Maggie, but not in the eyes. I wasn’t risking that either.

  “Yes I can. Who’s gonna stop me?” the words sting and reflexes kick in. I look her in the face with the glare I gave to anyone who dared to defy me in my youth. Usually, people backed down or at least looked away. She didn’t. Although, I think I detected a little shake in her knees. She was one tough cookie and that made me smile inside and a little on the out. It makes her giggle.

  “Mind your manners Ms. Jasmine. I know you have them. You don’t talk to adults that way.” This makes us both giggle. “What’s so funny?” there was a lilt in Ms. Maggie voice.

  “Nothing ma’am, I’m sorry Mr. EZ.” She tried a serious frown and failed.

  “It’s okay I’m fine.” She put her hand out to help me up. I took it, careful not to put much of my weight on her tiny arm and send both of us to the ground. “If it’s o.k. with Ms. Maggie, maybe I’ll come see how you’re doing a little later.” We both look at Ms. Maggie then. Jasmine using her puppy dog eyes.

  “Sure you can. I tell you what, why don’t you come for dinner?”

  “Oh, I didn’t mean at your house. I was talking about here, before you leave.” I had to say it loud over Jasmine’s cheering.

  “That’s ok Mr. Jones. You are welcome for dinner. I don’t live far. How about 6:30?”

  “Yes” Jasmine said as she pushes me toward the door.

  “Hold on little lady. I need to know where I’m going.” Maggie scribbles on a piece of paper and hands it to me.

  “If you lake the number 17 about three stops to Oak. I’m four blocks up on the right.”

  I take the paper and smile at both of them. “I’ll be there.”

  And I was, at 6:20, for the next three days. My disability check isn’t much but I always arrive with candy for Jasmine and a tulip for Ms. Maggie. I read somewhere that tulips meant friendship or maybe I heard it. Whatever it was, I made sure to say thank you to Ms. Maggie for letting me keep in touch with Jasmine. Not to mention the great meals that weren’t out of a can. The fourth day was Saturday, June 2nd. I cashed my check and even though it would put me back for the next month. I buy steaks. It became our first of the month routine.

  ****

  Chapter 6

  Ms. Maggie wasn’t having any luck finding Jasmine’s parents. But Jasmine didn’t mind. She knew her mother would find her. Ms. Maggie took Jasmine’s picture with her phone that first day and sent it to her friend in missing children. Her friend persuaded Social Services to let Maggie keep the girl for fear Jasmine would run away.

  The police found Jasmine’s mother’s body behind a dumpster seven days ago. She was Jane Doe until they matched the picture in the locket shoved in her throat to Jasmine.

  “Thank you” crowed Jasmine while rubbing her swollen belly.

  “For what baby girl?”

  “That was the best fillet ever!” Jasmine beams. “But,” she pauses with a serious look on her face. “It didn’t taste like fish.”

  Maggie looks puzzled for a second and then smiles. "That’s because it isn’t a fish fillet. It’s filet mignon. That’s beef.”

  Jasmine repeated Maggie’s’ puzzled look as Maggie chuckles under her breath. “Well whatever,” Jasmine says, “It was great! I could eat it everyday.”

  “And you will baby girl… one day.” Jasmine’s smile widens as I struggle to keep mine.

  “Hey” Jasmine nearly shouts with excitement. “Can I go watch TV?”

  “For a little while.” Ms Maggie says looking at her watch. “But, brush your teeth first.”

  Jasmine places a big kiss on both our cheeks. “I can’t wait till mama comes back. She’s not gonna believe this.” Thankfully Jasmine doesn’t see my face as she runs through the screen door.

  “You haven’t told her yet?” I put my gaze on Maggie as she shot from her chair.

  “No” she quietly shouts and begins collecting the dishes. I grab her hand as she reaches for my plate.

  “Well it’s been a week. She needs to know.”

  “She’s just a baby.” Maggie pleads. “Besides I’m waiting to hear from her grandparents. I learned from Jasmine that she use to live in Florida. We ran Jasmine’s mother’s prints thru their system. She had a petty theft record at seventeen. Her address was listed as her grandparents. Her mother died of AIDS. Apparently she’d been running away from her grandparents since she was ten. My guess when she got pregnant with Jasmine she was put out for good. I have already called. Their recording says they are ministers or maybe missionaries. So, I’m hopeful.

  “Good” is what I said, but as the soundtrack of my life played in my head, I was already envisioning Jasmine’s adult life on a pole. I didn’t like it and my muscles tighten wanting someone to hit.

  I didn’t dare look at Ms. Maggie. I didn’t want her to see the monster inside. I didn’t have to. We both turn toward the sliding glass door with concern as the high-pitched scream bellows from inside. Ms. Maggie got to the door first and we both scramble inside.

  “We won! We won! Mama’s coming to get me now!” Jasmine dances around the floor squealing with delight.

  “What’s going on Jasmine?”

  “The ticket. The ticket. It’s right here. Our numbers came on TV. Mama can come get me now. We’re rich! We’re rich!” Jasmine waives the paper at us still unable to stand still.

  “What are you talking about? That’s a commercial. What numbers?”

  Jasmine rolls on the ground toward Ms. Maggie’s feet and holds out the paper. “This is my lottery ticket”

  Maggie holds it out for me to see. “Where did you get this?”

  “At the store the other day. When we went for supplies. My mama gave me twenty-seven dollars. She told me to hold it for the ticket and hide in our secret place while she got our stuff from the hotel. But she never came. I started to get hungry. So, I came out. She told me not
to. I was bad. That’s why she couldn’t come back.” The look on her face nearly killed me. But, I knew g-ma would protect me. She sent me Mr. EZ.

  Both of us were dumbstruck “What does that have to do with the ticket, Jasmine?” Ms. Maggie lowers herself to the floor and motions for Jasmine to sit on her lap. I lean against the couch’s arm. We both realize the time had come to tell Jasmine the truth.

  “Well, mama and me had to leave because daddy was doing bad things and she said we deserved better. So one day she picked me up from school and we just drove and drove.” She sounded as if she were telling a fairytale. For her, I guess, it was. “Mama said that we were on a special trip and we’d be happy forever.” Jasmine’s face grew long.

  “What happened” Ms. Maggie asked gently “ Weren’t you happy?”

  “Oh, yes, when we drove we sang old songs my mommy loved like conjunction junction what’s your function. They were funny. At night we would get out my flashlight and she would read to me. It was great, until we got to the house.” She paused but this time Ms. Maggie didn’t speak. “Mama combed my hair and I got to wear my favorite dress. We stopped in front of a big house. It was beautiful. Like a gingerbread house with a red door made out of candy.

  Mama said to stay in the car. Mama walked to the pretty door really slow, like I do when I’m in trouble. A tall lady came to the door, but she didn’t smile. She yelled at mama. I wanted to hit her. But, I didn’t get out of the car. Mama turned and sat on the step. I could tell she was mad. I reached to get out of the car but mama pointed her finger at me. Since she was already mad, I stayed put. When my mama points her finger, you’d better mind. The lady came back to the door and gave mama something. Mama just stared at the lady for a long time. Then she came back to the car. I stayed quiet as I could. We didn’t sing any songs that day.”

  “I’m sorry baby.” Ms. Maggie said fighting back tears. “When did this happen?”

  “A long time ago. After that mama got happy again. I had a bed and we got a cat. I wanted a dog. But mama said not yet. We had to wait for our numbers. Then we’d be rich forever. And I could have whatever I want. But back then we moved a lot. That’s why mama said I couldn’t have a dog.”

  “Why did you have to move so much?”

  “Don’t know, but I think it was my daddy. ‘Cause he’d come by sometimes. One time he brought me a doll but mama wouldn’t let me keep it. After he’d come; we would move.”

  “Do you miss your dad?”

  “Nah, didn’t see him much. When I did he always had these men with him. They weren’t nice. They would be everywhere. In the kitchen, watching TV, eating all our food, saying bad words. They use to leave before mama came home from work in the morning. Dad made me promise not to tell her. After a while the men wouldn’t leave. My mama would yell. But daddy didn’t care. One night when I was trying to sleep, I felt a hand on my back. I thought mama was home. But then I smelled somethin’ like garbage and I jumped up and ran. I got to the closet but he wouldn’t let me open it. He called me all kind of bad words.” Anger rose in Jasmine’s eyes. “He grabbed my shorts. Then he fell to the floor. He was screaming and this big arm pulled him out of the room. I heard yelling and stuff being banged around then. I crawled to the door and lay on the floor. I heard my daddy say, “Since you give a damn, you watch the little bitch. I’m fucking busy.”

  Jasmine had been using a deeper voice to imitate her father. She looked up in shock at Ms. Maggie as she realized she said a bad word. But Ms. Maggie just smiled and nodded for her to continue. “I ran back to my bed and prayed mama would be home soon. The big man that pulled the bad man away came to the door. He said ‘don’t worry little girl. No one’s gonna mess witchu.’ He gave me some soda and chips then took a chair and sat in the door. He was big. I couldn’t see past him. I heard my daddy making fun of him for sitting there. But he didn’t say nothing back to my daddy.”

  “Mama says you should always have good manners. So, I walked up to say thank you. He turned and smiled. Said ‘you’re welcome miss Jasmine.’ His voice sounded crunchy like when you walk on rocks. But he was nice. He showed me how to punch and kick. But, only when I need to. I was asleep when mama came home. I saw him whispering to mama in the door. She patted him like she does me sometimes. So, I know he did good. After that, whenever mama had to go, he would sit at my door. Sometimes we played games or watched TV. But mainly he just sat in the door. He would look mean. But, he was nice to me. His name was Lump. I miss him. “ She sighs. “After that’s when we left. But not anymore.” Jasmine brightened. “Mama will come back and we can go see Lump. And live in a nice house, like this with my dog forever.” She began to sing and dance again.

  We both stare and marvel at her resilience. Ms. Maggie gets up with the ticket; pulls out her laptop and searches for the numbers. Sure enough, they were all there.

  “How much did she win?” I ask over Ms. Maggie shoulder.

  “If there’s no other winners, sixty million dollars.” She whispers. “Oh my God.” We say in unison.

  “What do we do now?”

  “I don’t know it’s not like this happens everyday.” Ms. Maggie snaps. “Let me think. How’d she get the ticket? She’s to young to buy one.” Ms. Maggie looked at me like I had something to do with it.

  “Hey Jasmine,” I say to take the focus off me. “How’d you get the ticket?”

  She lets out a big sigh and speaks to us like we are the children “When we went for supplies. Like I said.” She might as well have added stupid to the end of her sentence. I let it slide.

  “But who bought it for you?”

  “Your friend, Mr. Redd. I told him I’d share with him when I won. He laughed and said I don’t have to. Your other friend told him not to do it. I think that’s why he took my money and we went inside. I’m gonna share anyway, that’s the good thing to do.” Her eyes light up. “Hey, let’s go tell him.”

  “NO” we both shout. It startled Jasmine.

  “Not just yet.” Maggie coos. “Let’s keep it our little secret for right now. Why don’t you go get your bath? I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “OK” She starts happily skipping down the hall then turns back “Bubbles?”

  “Yes Jasmine, lots of bubbles tonight.”

  Jasmine skips away singing her little ‘we’re rich’ song.

  “Well I’m gonna see what else I can find out about her grandparents. Will you help Jasmine with her bath?”

  “Huh” I swallow hard. “I think…”

  “Just fix the water than knock on her door. She can take care of the rest.”

  “I can do that.” I walk away before Maggie sees my embarrassment.

  At the closed bedroom I give a little knock. “Jasmine your bath is ready Madame.”

  “Thank you Mr. Easy.” Jasmine giggles and runs past me in her bathrobe quickly shutting the bathroom door.

  Maggie has a picture on her screen of a smiling man and woman in front of a church. It said Mt. Zion Tabernacle across the top. “Who’s that?” I ask over her shoulder.

  “That may be Jasmine’s great grand parents.”

  “Hmmm, they look kind of familiar. But I don’t know why.”

  “You may have seen them on TV. I found a clip on you tube about how they helped this community in Texas after that big storm a couple of weeks ago. I think it was on the ‘today show’ or something.

  “Well, now what?” I wait hoping she has a good answer.

  She’s quiet for a long minute. “Why don’t you go talk to Redd. See if he’s figured out he bought the winning ticket. If so, convince him to stay quiet about it. I’m gonna due more research on Jasmine’s family tree. See what shakes out before anyone finds out about the money. I think I know someone who can verify the info. For me.”

  “You seem to know a lot of people,” I tease.

  “You best remember that.” She smiles.

  Jasmine comes bounding out of the bathroom “All done!”

  “Goo
d Jasmine come say goodnight to Mr. EZ.”

  “Already.” She whines. “I’m not even sleepy. Can’t we play a game first?”

  “I got to go Jazz. But next time; okay?”

  “All right” she shrugs.

  “Goodnight, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite.” She giggles as I swing her around in the air.

  ****

  Chapter 7

  Maggie calls the front desk and asks me to come to the center right away. Worried that something happened to Jasmine I throw on some clothes and race up the street. The kids in the center freeze as I barrel in the door. “Is Jasmine okay?”

  “Yeah, silly.” Her head pops up from a group of girls playing with dolls. “These are my friends.” She waives her hand above the group. They all barely smile then go back to playing. Jasmine waives me down and cups my ear. “They don’t know I’m rich yet. Ms. Maggie said not to tell anyone. Did you tell?” I shake my head no. “Good then it’s just our little secret.” She blinks at me and goes back to her dolls. She hasn’t mastered the one eye blink yet. But, I got the message anyway.

  “Where’s Ms. Maggie?” I ask Jasmine.

  “Outside, I think.” Jasmine says without looking up.

  I walk toward the back and nod at the teachers as I pass. Maggie is sitting at the table where she lets the older boys play dominoes. “Maggie, what’s up? You scared the shi…” thankfully I catch myself.

  “Sit down Emmanuel, I have something to tell you.” She is the only one that I allow to use my real name. But only in private. She likes it better than Mr. E. “I have something to tell you that you’re not going to believe. I still can’t believe it. But, my friend double checked.”

  She’s rambling and I need to slow her down. “What is it Maggie?”

  “You’re Jasmine’s grandfather.” There it was like a boulder sitting between us.

  “Get out of here.” I start to laugh. “What are you punking me?” Maggie didn’t laugh.