Shattering Zoella's Demons

  “You’re high,” Robbie said in disgust. Ryan smiled at him blankly. “Shit, Ryan. Why can’t you stop that crap?”

  “You should try it,” Ryan said. “Have some fun, McClaire. Relax, take a few shots. Being that stressed out is not healthy.”

  “Someone has to be level headed.” Robbie sighed placing his beer on the ground. He reached for Ryan’s arm and pulled back the sleeves of the shirt he wore. Robbie remembered cursing at the sight of the needle marks. “This shit will kill you.”

  “Get off my case.” Ryan pulled his arm back. Moving away from Robbie, he stumbled to lean on the wall of the next building in the alley. “This is all I have Robbie. You’ve got your music, and the band—

  “Of which you’re a part of,” Robbie pointed out in desperation.

  “Not like you,” Ryan said. “Kenny…well…he’s in the States doing whatever. What am I left with?”

  “Me,” Robbie said forcefully. “There is a lot you have, Ryan.”

  “Really,” Ryan said, head bent. “This band was supposed to be a flitting thing. Now, it’s a serious thing. We’ve now become the guys. I miss us, and the good old days of fun.”

  “Life changes,” Robbie tried to explain. “The rest of the band, they are friends Ryan. Tevin, Mick and Ron are good friends.”

  “They can’t stand me.”

  “You’re being ridiculous,” Robbie said, hating to see Ryan this way.

  At that moment he’d hated how easy it was to get the drugs, how available the money was. The drugs had been an experiment in school, taken to discover what drugs were about.

  Then, Ryan would take the drugs when his parents stressed him about school. Now, he took them to solve any problem that arose, however small it was.

  “Ryan, listen to me. Everyone loves you. I don’t understand why you don’t see that. Maybe you should lay off the highs for a while. Just try to be Ryan.”

  “I’ll try for you, Robbie.”

  “I need you, Ryan,” Robbie said. Flicking brown hair that fell over Ryan’s face, he continued, “Kenny’s not here for me either. You’re the one I’ve got.”

  “I know.” Ryan sighed. “I know.”

  The door opened behind them and Tevin popped his head out, “It’s time.”

  “Right,” Robbie said in acknowledgement his green eyes holding Ryan’s blue gaze. “Is it a deal, Ryan?”

  “Of course,” Ryan agreed quietly. “Let’s go rock the house. Right, Tev?”

  Tevin had smiled and said, “Right.”

  Their luck had turned that night.

  Christine Pendleton, then a talent scout for Red Records had discovered them and pitched her idea to Robbie. The year after, Miranda McClaire died of lung cancer after giving him her blessing to do as he pleased.

  Haden had taken the industry by storm, driven there by the band’s sizzling lyrics and drive. Fans were drawn in by the lead singer’s husky electric voice and the accompanying lead guitar from Tevin. The pressures mounted with success and two years after Haden launched its career, Ryan Jacques overdosed at a party in Amsterdam.

  His death while tragic and devastating to Robbie who loved him like a brother had been met with guilty degrees of relief from the band members.

  Mainly because it had been a constant battle to stay ahead of scandals and the drugs, Ryan had been the band’s weak spot and they had all known it.

  Singing the final song of the set, Robbie understood that he’d probably never have been able to save Ryan.

  Lord knew he’d done everything to help, including sending Ryan to rehabilitation. Eight years later, he knew that the ache in his heart had to do with losing a friend instead of guilt like before. Loving Zoe had made him realize that.

  He’d met Zoe three years ago; he’d loved her for most of those three years. He’d never belonged anywhere, but thanks to Zoe, he now did. She was his home, and he liked to think the same applied to him for her. He couldn’t wait for this tour to end. He missed being with her.

  The final note was played and he grinned at the audience as their screams filled the large stadium.

  “We’re going to take a short break and we’ll be back for another great session. You’re an amazing audience, Chicago!” he said amid roars of applause.

  As he walked off the stage with his band mates for a few minutes of cool water and wardrobe change, he couldn’t help thinking that life was perfect.

  It was finally just right he thought as Ron placed an arm on his shoulder.

  “I just spotted the cutest redhead…” Ron said.

  *****

  “Mmm, that was good lasagna, Maria.” Zoe praised as she sipped her wine. “I must tell Alain in Athens about you. He’ll be extremely jealous.”

  “This chef Alain, he must have a huge ego, cara mia,” Maria teased. “I’ll come to square him when I get there for your wedding.”

  “I’m sure you will, Maria.” Zoe laughed watching as Maria cleaned up the plates and put them on a rack.

  The woman was in her early forties and had been working for them for the past two years. She was a generous lady and very caring. Her work was meticulous and efficient. She made sure everything in the extravagant penthouse was kept neat and clean. An extremely impressive task considering Zoe’s bad habits of messy bedrooms and cluttered music rooms.

  “Maria, you should have a day off. Take your grand kids out for a night,” Zoe suggested.

  “Ah, no signorina, you have just returned home after many days away,” Maria said with a gentle smile as she took off her apron. “I’m sure those people didn’t take care of you like Master Robbie likes. I can only try to rectify the situation. Besides, too many days off make me lazy.”

  Zoe smiled at the response. “You’re just worried you’ll find the house a disaster when you return.”

  “You know me so well.” Maria laughed hanging the apron and grabbing her sweater from a closet in the corner. “But, I’m serious. I want to be here with you until you leave for Athens. It will be good for you.”

  Zoe sighed and slid off the high stool at the island table. Moving around, she gave Maria a hug. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re a special woman Maria. God bless you.”

  “He has. Now get some rest. You’re tired; I see your eyes drooping. Master Robbie would be very cross if he saw how tired you look.”

  “Master Robbie is not here.” Zoe grumbled as she pulled away and picked up her wine glass again. “Although you’re right, I need some sleep. Say hello to your daughter for me, and the kids. You must sleep in tomorrow, Maria. I worry too about you.”

  Maria chuckled as they walked out of the kitchen through a hallway to the lobby area where a staircase led up to the second floor. Zoe picked her handbag and keys from the table she’d dumped them on.

  Maria grabbed a neat stack of mail and gave it to her.

  “Some is yours, others for Master Robbie. I gave the bills to the accountant.”

  “Grazie, Maria,” Zoe said. “Good night, drive safely.”

  “Yes, piccola, sleep well too,” Maria said leaving then.

  Zoe locked the door and headed up the staircase. She was in a strange cloud of contentment, now that she was home, this place that she and Robbie had created together. It was strange how it always seemed so comforting regardless of wherever she’d come from.

  It was safe and secure, she thought.

  Walking by a room filled with guitars made in different styles and forms, she smiled. That was Robbie’s room. The open area to her left as she headed for the master bedroom at the end was a cozy sitting area they preferred. It was more intimate unlike the perfection of the living area downstairs where they entertained.

  Walking by another open door, she noted that Maria had indeed cleaned up the music room. No scattered music sheets all over. It would last until she got some sleep.

  The master bedroom was a suite with a comfy living
area that led into a sumptuous bedroom fitted with a king sized bed. The room was furnished and decorated with oriental hues of red that gave it elegance.

  Floor length windows opened to a balcony with a spectacular view. Tonight they were covered with sheer curtains. Beside them, a black gleaming baby grand stood proudly. The plasma television mounted on the wall directly across the bed was off; underneath it was an impressive stereo system. Zoe padded to it and turned on soft music as she prepared for bed.

  Placing her handbag on the vanity table at the corner, she reached for the mail. She was sipping her wine as she went through it.

  Robbie’s were three that looked like letters from friends, hers were two. One from a girl she kept in touch with in Rome, the other seemed unfamiliar.

  Reaching for an envelope opener, she slipped it open and retrieved the folded paper inside. Opening it, she picked up her wine, sipping it as she read the typed letter.

  She wasn’t aware she’d dropped the glass of wine. The deep burgundy of the carpet absorbed the red liquid of the wine. The glass didn’t shatter, but rolled away quietly. All this unnoticed.

  Shock paralyzed Zoe making her unable to move or act. Her eyes stared at the letter, her expression one of disbelief. The cold shiver that passed through her found its way to her blood and solidly settled in her heart. Fear grew and clutched at all her strength, dragging her down…

  She could only gasp as it took over her life again.

  ‘It’s your fault! You’ve caused this. You’ve destroyed my family!’

  The accusation was bitter and full of hate. It made her feel so terrible she wished she’d died. Shaking her head, she stared at the woman who was her aunt and tried to talk, but no words could come out. What could she say?

  “You should have died!” Julia Harden spat out in anger while her sister held on to her to stop her from going after the scared girl who stood a few feet away.

  ‘Stop it!’ Kenny ordered, leaning down to pick Zoe up. ‘Stop this accusations can’t you see what it’s doing to her?’

  ‘I don’t give a damn. She’s a home wrecker. She deserves it.’ Julia said icily. ‘You’ll never forget this.’

  God! Just remembering it made her feel sick. Those days should be behind her. Locked away in a tough steel box she kept specifically for her nightmares. Why were the memories returning? Staring at the letter in her hand, she clutched her chest trying to ease the knot of panic there.

  It couldn’t be!

  It just couldn’t.

  It didn’t make sense.

  The letter fell to the ground as she dug her fingers into her hair trying to steady her stumbling thoughts.

  Oh God!

  Why would anyone let that monster out? Who was that crazy?

  She needed to think.

  Pacing the room, she shook her head.

  Why wasn’t she thinking? She needed to make sense of this.

  What to do?

  Ordering herself to stop, she looked around the master bedroom, her gaze falling on a picture at her vanity table. She was laughing into Robbie’s eyes, their happiness so apparent.

  Slapping a hand to her mouth, she took off for the bathroom. Nausea had always been the end result of her anxiety. She’d learned to control it but right now, she couldn’t. It just came tumbling out, leaving the hole inside her that a single letter had dug in to her defenses. She found herself kneeling over the toilet seat letting out whatever she’d eaten for dinner.

  When the nausea subsided, she closed the seat and flushed the toilet, then sat weakly on the floor. What was she going to do? Why was this happening now, just when she was learning to live life and love again?

  Chapter Four

  “Have you heard anything yet?” Julia Girgorio asked Sandra Carpenter.

  She strolled from shelf to shelf at her book store in downtown Cleveland. She pushed in books and arranged discount vouchers in their holders. She really didn’t need to do this, but her restlessness had driven her to it. She needed to know.

  “I’m sorry Julia,” Sandra said with a sigh. “We’re just going to have to wait a few more weeks.”

  “You sent it express, Sandra. They should have gotten it by now,” Julia worried. “It could be too late.”

  “Don’t fret. Let’s just wait a while.” Sandra urged. “She is a busy girl and maybe she hasn’t been home. I’m sure they’ll contact me once they know.”

  “Alright, I’m just nervous. Sandra, I couldn’t stand it if Steve got out. Promise me you’ll call me as soon as you hear from them.”

  “I will,” Sandra said, “now stop worrying alright.”

  A few minutes later, Julia hung up the phone and wondered how she was supposed not to worry. Her children were an important part of this. She didn’t relish the thought of sitting down to explain the reasons why their father wasn’t around.

  Maybe in a couple of years, but not now, they were too young. At fourteen, Terence and Sarah Girgorio were twins that kept her on the constant move. Between soccer practice for Terence and science club for Sarah, she had her hands full. Not to mention the Oasis Library which was a business that now boasted two branches in the surrounding cities of Willoughby and Mayfield.

  Sometimes she wished the day had more hours when things got hectic. But she was happy with the life she’d built. After the fiasco her marriage had left her in, she was quite glad with what she’d built out of the ashes. That part of her life was closed as far as she was concerned, she did not need to reopen it again.

  Replacing the phone on its cradle at the main counter, she smiled at the client who was being served by a cashier. Making her way to the manager’s office, she glanced at her watch casually.

  She’d spend an hour going through the accounts before heading out. Sarah would be waiting for a ride from school at six o’clock. The girl was the chairlady of the school science club. Julia figured her daughter would end up discovering a cure for a deadly disease in the future. Sarah was that smart. Terence on the other hand was the athletic type. He was good in sports and won many trophies in tournaments, but he was terrible when it came to studying. She was forced to chase after him for any reports or homework he had.

  They were good kids and she wanted only the best for them, which was why she worked this hard. Harvard didn’t come cheap and wherever Terence ended up, she wanted to be able to help. Now, all she needed was a certain dark haired musician to call and accept to testify. This would allow for their lives to continue the right course.

  ****

  Zoe hadn’t called Robbie.

  How could she when she felt so miserable.

  He didn’t know about her past and she couldn’t tell him. God help her, but she couldn’t. She’d thought about calling Kenny. That idea had disappeared the moment she remembered that he was having problems with his own life. She wouldn’t want to add on to his troubles.

  Now it was morning and her options were down to one. Her cell phone rang and she stared at it, the blue light mocking her from the night stand. Closing her eyes, she reached for it.

  “Babe, are you alright? I was worried when you didn’t call,” Robbie said.

  He sounded so cheerful and energetic.

  “I’m alright.” Zoe forced life into her voice. She was breaking just listening to him. “I fell asleep.”

  She lied.

  “Oh that’s good. It means you got some rest. We’re on the way to New York. The tour is almost over. Will you be in London?”

  “No, my love, I’ll be in Athens.”

  “I’ll see about flying out there as soon as this is over. I can’t stand the separation. I won’t let it be this long next time.”

  “I’d love that.” Zoe refused to examine the words next time. Would he still want her if and when he discovered the truth about her? Nausea reared its ugly head. “I have to go.”

  Robbie sighed, “I love you, pixie. Sleep some more, alright?
You sound really tired.”

  Tears welled in Zoe’s eyes at his words.

  “I love you,” she said.

  Her voice broke a bit so she hung up and threw the phone on the bed next to the overnight bag she’d packed at four o’clock in the morning.

  ********

  “You already have the two months, Zoe, why do you want to add more?” Chris asked. “Is everything alright? Did something happen I should know about?”

  “No, no,” Zoe said into the phone. “I’m fine. I just need the time. It’s not too much.”

  “Well, okay. Kelly will be working on the November gala in London anyway. As long as you promise to work on that too, take the time.”

  “You’re the best,” Zoe told him, and said a mental thank you to the universe. She rang off and shut her cell phone off.

  Not daring to think about everyone else who’d want to know where she was, she stuck the phone into her bag. Staring at the ticket booths ahead of her, she took in a deep breath and walked up to them.

  “One way ticket to Athens please,” she said, her cap pulled over her head to hide her face.

  ****

  Maria Delgado let herself into the penthouse and took in the pristine state of the living area and the foyer with a clinical eye. There was dusting to be done and arranging if she knew her mistress well. Miss Zoe was the type of souls that lived life so passionately and messily that she didn’t realize she was doing it.

  In the years that she’d worked for both Master Robbie and Miss Zoe, she hadn’t felt them treat her like an employee. In fact, Zoe relied on her like she would a mother while Robbie conspired with Maria to take care of Zoe. It was a household full of love and understanding.

  It was the best job she could have landed, Maria thought going into the kitchen. Removing her coat, she put on her apron and set about making coffee.

  It was eight o’clock. She’d do some cleaning before going to check on the little miss.

  At about eight forty-five, Kelly Jones came in her usual cloud of busy. It gave Maria a headache just watching the tall slender woman. Kelly didn’t seem like she’d ever relaxed in her entire life.

  “Maria, good morning, I hope the lazy bone has woken up. She’s very busy today.”