Loving

  A sad sigh drifted from her heart. She missed him more than she ever imagined. And with every day of missing came a realization she hadn’t quite acknowledged fully: She hadn’t rushed things. What she and Brandon shared wasn’t too magical or too fast or too anything. Their love was amazing. Which was why Bailey kept getting on Skype every night, allowing the hour of virtual together time to get her through another day. Because she believed, like Brandon, that there had to be a way.

  Even if nothing seemed possible just yet.

  She turned the corner into her room and came to a sudden stop. Throughout her room were bouquets of the most beautiful red roses she’d ever seen. Two on either end of her built-in bookcase, one on her desk, and another on the table by her bed. Bailey gasped softly and put her hand to her mouth. He’d been here. He had to have been.

  She moved slowly to the first bouquet, the one on the table not far from her pillow. Only then did she notice something else, something that made her suck in another quick breath.

  Around her room, taped to the walls and windowsill and door frames were a dozen index cards, each of which held a handwritten note. Bailey looked closely at the one that lay on her pillow. This time she didn’t gasp. As she reached for the card and realized what he’d done, her eyes welled up even as her heart rejoiced.

  On the card was a prayer. Brandon’s prayer to God on her behalf.

  Her movements came slowly, like she’d slipped into a trance. She sat on the edge of her bed and read the card that had been on her pillow.

  Dear God, please be with Bailey as she sleeps. Help her to trust You and not worry about the days ahead. Help her believe that You are working even while we sleep, and that You have a plan. Let her nighttime thoughts be filled with beautiful, wonderful possibilities, and let me be the guy she dreams about. In Jesus’ name, amen.

  Bailey felt her mouth open and she shook her head, unable to believe the gift he’d given her. She read the prayer one more time and then she walked around the room to read each of them. On the card near the bookcase Brandon wrote a prayer asking God to help Bailey always learn, always grow, and to fill her mind with truth. The card near her closet held Brandon’s prayer that Bailey would never find her identity in her wardrobe, but rather that she would always stay as she was today — clothed in kindness and humility. The most beautiful clothes of all.

  In all, there were twelve prayers posted around her room, all of them Brandon’s way of holding her up to the Lord, and asking for His divine intervention regarding the impossible aspects of their relationship. Tears slipped down Bailey’s cheeks, and her smile grew until she wasn’t sure she could feel any stronger mix of pure joy and aching loss. Because Brandon had obviously been here, but he hadn’t stayed. He could never stay.

  The whole room smelled like the freshest roses, and Bailey tried to picture Brandon flying in, buying the flowers, and setting them up in her room. Sitting here — probably at her desk — writing out the prayer cards and carefully posting them around her room. Could anyone ever love her that much?

  Another text buzzed through her phone and she read it quickly.

  I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, baby. I have meetings in the morning. Just wanted to stop in and tell you I’m praying for you.

  Bailey was still reading the words when a third text flashed on the screen.

  If you’re in your room … then you see that now, right?

  “Brandon … I can’t believe you,” she whispered as if somehow he could hear her. Then she set her purse down on the bed and took the bank folder from inside. What was she doing buying CKT here in Bloomington? Thinking she could be happy running the children’s theater when Brandon was across the country in Los Angeles? She could always run a theater company, right? If he loved her this much, if he was willing to come here just to let her know he was praying for her, then she needed to do whatever it took to be with him. Which meant maybe when God led her back to Bloomington for the CKT position, He wasn’t asking her to buy the organization. Maybe God only wanted her to take a few months to reflect and pray and truly appreciate what she had in Brandon Paul. If that was the case, then she needed to pray now more than ever.

  In case God might be leading her back to Los Angeles.

  Twenty

  JENNY SAW THE ANNOUNCEMENT ON FOXNEWS.COM WHERE SHE was checking for stories on her husband’s Indianapolis Colts. She didn’t find anything on the football team but at the top of the website a different story caught her attention. The headline read, “Brandon Paul Cancels Huge Celebration; Will Announce Contract to Fans Live Online.”

  The house was quiet that Friday morning, the last day of July. Bailey was doing her online studies in the other room and the boys were at school. Jim had summer workouts at the facility in Indianapolis. So Jenny had no trouble hearing the way her heart beat harder in her chest at the sight of the headline. Why would Brandon cancel the party? From what Bailey had said the studio had spent a fortune putting it together. Red carpet, live television feeds, and performances by some of the top acts in music. He was even getting his own Hollywood star.

  She found the first line in the story and flew through the article. Apparently there was some air of mystery surrounding Brandon’s announcement and no one interviewed could understand why he wouldn’t want the party. One studio executive suggested maybe Brandon wanted to save the money that would otherwise be wasted on the party. “Brandon’s a very conscientious young man,” the West Mark Studio representative was quoted saying in the article. “In the last year or so he’s been much less into the flashy Hollywood lifestyle.”

  Brandon’s manager Stephen Chase had another take. “The focus here is on Brandon’s fans,” he was quoted saying. “He wants to celebrate with the people who put him in this position. Believe me, the news will be very dramatic.”

  The article went on to say that some experts believed the contract might be worth a hefty eight-figures. Speculation also ran high that the deal involved a lengthy period of time, possibly locking Brandon with West Mark Studios for many years. An uncommon move for big actors in today’s world. At the end of the story, readers were given a link to Brandon’s website where the announcement would be seen live at five o’clock Pacific Time on the first of August.

  Jenny wanted to call Bailey into the room, but she could show her later. Her Historic Literature essay was due in a few hours. Still, as Jenny stared at the screen she could barely keep from running and finding her daughter. Because whatever deal Brandon planned to announce to his fans tomorrow, his future would hinge on it. And not only his.

  But quite possibly Bailey’s future too.

  AN HOUR BEFORE HER ESSAY WAS DUE, Bailey filed the document online and signed out of the virtual classroom. Only then did she find her mom and learn about the change in Brandon’s plans. She’d texted him twice since then but he hadn’t responded. They hadn’t talked on Skype as often over the last week because his meetings at West Mark had been so demanding. And though they didn’t talk about the gala the studio was throwing to celebrate the contract, Bailey was well aware of it.

  It was the one subject she and Brandon had struggled with lately. When he’d asked her to be his date at the party, she couldn’t bring herself to say yes, and Brandon didn’t ask again. He understood. The paparazzi would have a field day if she returned for the announcement. The tabloids would splash her return across the headlines and there would be three times as many photographers chasing her as before.

  Not only that, but the contract didn’t make her feel like celebrating. It was more of a prison term for the two of them. Five years where Brandon wouldn’t be able to spend more than a few days at a time with her in Bloomington. Or five years where she’d have to find a way to be with him in California. Either way it wasn’t the life she wanted, the normalcy she dreamed of sharing with him. No, Bailey couldn’t stand beside him and smile as everyone in Hollywood took their picture and cheered for Brandon’s new contract.

  But now, as her mom pointed out
the story on the Internet, Bailey was shocked. Other than the fact that she didn’t want to attend, the two of them hadn’t talked much about the party. She’d seen rumors online or on the cover of tabloids that the celebration would be the event of the year. And now it was canceled?

  “He didn’t tell me,” she looked at her mom, her mind racing. “I can’t believe the studio decided it was overkill. Something weird must’ve happened behind the scenes.”

  “You’re right.” Her mom lowered her brow, as confused as Bailey. “They’ve been working on this deal for almost a year.”

  Bailey felt a strange buzz work its way through her. “I wish he would text me.”

  “He probably has a dozen people around him, coaching him what to say tomorrow when he goes live on the Internet, or walking him through the signing process.”

  That hadn’t occurred to Bailey, that maybe he was signing the contract today. The idea made sense. Tomorrow was the announcement, so by then both Brandon and the studio would probably need a completed deal.

  They both stood there, lost in the implications of the news when the house phone rang. Jenny grabbed it while Bailey stared at the computer. “Hello?”

  “Really? Okay, for sure.” She paused. “That’s so exciting, Ashley. I’ll tell everyone.” Her mom hung up the phone and her eyes lit up. “Katy’s in labor!” She grinned. “Everything’s great, but Ashley wants us to pray.” She checked the time on the computer and grabbed her car keys from the desktop. “I have to get the boys. Football practice lets out early this week.”

  “Okay,” Bailey kissed her cheek and bid her goodbye. But she remained distracted. By the fact that her friend was in labor and needed prayer, and by the story. What was Brandon going through right now and how was he feeling? She reached for her phone to text him again when her ringtone went off. The Caller ID told her it was Andi, and Bailey smiled. She no longer felt the sad sinking in her heart when she saw her friend’s number, the way she’d felt it the first few times they’d talked after that one painful day.

  Now it was more of a knowing, the sort that came from growing up and realizing life would never again be what it once was. “Hello?”

  “Hi.” Andi’s tone was warm. Proof of the strong friendship that remained between them. “Did you see the news about Brandon?”

  “No party? Yeah, I saw it. Crazy.” Bailey sat in the chair in front of the computer and absently typed Brandon’s name into the search line. Then she hit the enter key and watched a list of recent news stories about Brandon fill the screen.

  “Why’d he do it? I mean, like, is he coming to see you this weekend?”

  “I don’t think so. He has lots of studio people to meet. If he doesn’t have the big party, he’ll have a smaller one at West Mark, for sure.”

  Andi thought about that for a moment. “Hmmm.” Her tone sounded disappointed. “I thought for sure it meant he was coming to Indiana.”

  “Maybe next week.” Bailey felt more discouraged than she’d felt since the Fourth of July. “I don’t know, actually. We haven’t talked about it.” Bailey turned her chair so her back was to the computer. “How are things with Cody?”

  “Good.” There was a depth in Andi’s voice, something softer and dreamy. “Really good, actually.” They chatted for a few minutes about Cody, how the two of them had been taking bike rides on the beach and spending more time together.

  Bailey checked her heart as she and Andi spoke, and she found herself truly happy for her friend. No question Andi was in love with Cody. She hadn’t said so, and Bailey hadn’t talked to Cody, but Bailey absolutely knew. Never mind that they’d only been dating a short while. The strength of Andi’s feelings for Cody was obvious and further proof that the two of them were meant for each other. Even if picturing Cody still took Bailey back in time.

  Toward the end of the conversation Andi paused for a long beat. “Bailey … you haven’t talked to Cody.”

  The comment puzzled her, and she leaned forward, pressing her forearms onto her knees. “Was I supposed to?”

  “Well,” Andi sounded conflicted. “I mean, the two of you need to be friends. It’s weird not to have you talking to each other.”

  “Not really.” Maybe her friend didn’t understand the way things had been. “Cody and I haven’t talked much in more than a year. Almost two years.”

  “Hmm.” Andi hesitated. “Through the whole Cheyenne thing, you mean?”

  “Yes. That and just, well … he moved on a long time ago.”

  “I guess.” Andi seemed to search her heart for a way to make herself clear. “I think it’d be better if you talked once in a while. Sort of practiced being friends again.”

  Practicing being friends. Bailey let the thought play in her mind and after a few seconds she stood and walked to the kitchen window. A thunderstorm was passing overhead, and rain poured down on the pool out back. “Maybe.” She didn’t want to commit to the idea, but it was growing on her. “We said we’d be friends. We just never really do anything about it.”

  “I just want us all to get along. You know … when you’re out here next time.” Andi couldn’t have sounded kinder, but at the same time a peaceful confidence rang in her tone. As if she had no doubts that by talking, Bailey and Cody would rekindle what they once had.

  “We’ll see.”

  Before they hung up, Andi talked about making a visit to Bloomington. “I want to see you. It’s been too long.”

  “It has.” Bailey thought of another reason Andi might want to take a trip to Indiana. “Maybe you could meet up with Luke and Reagan.”

  Andi didn’t hesitate. “That’s what I was thinking. Reagan said I could visit Johnny whenever.” She paused. “He’d be two now.”

  Bailey felt the sadness of her friend’s loss as strongly as she felt the joy of her decision. Johnny Baxter was thriving from everything Bailey had seen and heard. She had shared with her friend the details after the picnic on the Fourth, how Johnny’s hair was pale blond like Andi’s and how happy he looked. But it would be good for Andi to see that for herself.

  When they hung up, Bailey wandered to the sink and did the dishes. Her mom had a lasagna casserole in the oven and the whole house smelled wonderful. The perfect dinner. Especially on a day with thunderstorms and driving rain.

  A restlessness filled Bailey’s soul and she walked out back. There, on the covered patio, she leaned against the outdoor wall of their house and stared at the stormy sky. The idea of contacting Cody every now and then sounded a little crazy, but maybe Andi was right. They wouldn’t talk often and even if Bailey spent time in Los Angeles, they would rarely have a reason to see each other. But when they did? Cody had been a part of Bailey’s life, a part of her childhood and teenage years when no other guy ever could’ve made the impact he did. So Andi had a point, allowing time to turn them into strangers seemed wrong.

  Lightning pierced the sky in the distance and after a few seconds thunder rumbled across the sky over Bloomington. Bailey pulled her phone from her pocket and called up the most recent text conversation with Cody. The last time they’d texted was when he had wanted to walk with her around Lake Monroe. When he needed to tell her about his feelings for Andi. She read over the last part of the conversation and then lowered her phone. She drew a slow breath and steadied herself. If she texted him now it would be the beginning of a new season for them. One that was bound to be spotty and infrequent. But at least it would do what they still hadn’t done yet.

  Bring them into a period of friendship. Real friendship. The kind they had started out with. She lifted her phone again and with another shaky breath she began to tap.

  Andi said the two of you are …

  She paused. No, that wasn’t how she wanted to start. If they were going to be friends, they needed to make a start without pressure from Andi or anyone else, but with only the memories of where they’d come from. Where they began. She started again.

  Hi there. It’s been a few months since our talk that day, a
nd from what I hear life is going amazingly well. I’m so glad, Cody. Really. The idea of you being truly happy for maybe the first time in your life makes me smile. Just wanted to say hey.

  Bailey reread the text and sent it. Then, as another flash of lightning sliced the sky, she thought about what she’d said. A strange truth began to warm her and work its way from her mind to her heart: Everything she’d texted was true. A smile tugged at her lips and she stared at the sky, convinced. She really was happy for Cody. And in this moment she felt more ready than she had in years to find her way back to friendship.

  His response flashed on the window of her phone.

  Hey there, Bailey. It’s good to hear your voice. Andi tells me you and Brandon are talking. I’m proud of you. I knew you wouldn’t run forever. That never was your style. Anyway, yes, I’m doing well. Spending a lot of time with Andi. God is good. Have a good night, friend.

  Bailey’s eyes fell on the last word and she thought long about how it felt to have Cody Coleman call her friend. Again a warmth came over her and she realized for the first time in years that it felt great. Being called a friend by Cody was exactly where she wanted to be. Far better than being strangers or having some awkward broken relationship as the only recent memory between them.

  She slipped her phone back in her pocket and watched another couple rounds of lightning. The storm was moving closer and in a few minutes Bailey would have to go inside. But for now standing out here made her feel closer to God, closer to Brandon. Whatever Brandon was doing, she wished more than anything she could be with him. She should’ve told him she’d go to the party. He deserved her support, and maybe then he wouldn’t have canceled it. A couple days under scrutiny wouldn’t hurt. They could’ve hired a driver and stayed in at Katy and Dayne’s house, right?

  Bailey jumped a little when the clap of thunder followed right on the heels of a lightning bolt. Both their dogs came jogging from the other side of the house and lay on their mats close to the patio door, under the covered porch. Bailey took a few steps back. This was how she felt about Brandon. Like the storm was raging right in front of her, all around her. The more time she spent with him, the more she loved him. There was no denying the fact. Which meant that the impossibility of their situation was only getting worse.