Loving

  “Still …” He couldn’t stop smiling around her. “The surprise is waiting.” He lifted his shoulders and let them fall again. “Whether you want it or not.”

  “Then let’s hurry.” She buckled her seat belt.

  He played the list of songs he’d put together for their engagement. The one with “Angel” by Casting Crowns, and several other songs they’d come to love. Songs like “I Will Be Here” by Steven Curtis Chapman, and Newsong’s “When God Made You.” As that song came on Brandon thought how true the words were. When God made Bailey Flanigan, He must’ve been thinking about him — Brandon Paul.

  Another song came on — Lady Antebellum’s “Just a Kiss.” A song that spoke of purity and passion and the importance of waiting for more of a physical relationship until marriage.

  They sang along and Brandon caught glimpses of Bailey, the way she moved with the music, and her eyes when she looked at him. “We sound good together,” he smiled. “Singing this song.”

  Bailey laughed, but he had a point. Their voices sounded beautiful together — Bailey singing along with the lead female singer and Brandon singing the guy’s part. “Maybe you should quit acting and we’ll hit the road. Brandon and Bailey.”

  “People would line up.” Brandon was laughing, too, but more because it felt so wonderful to be together than because there was a thread of anything serious in the discussion.

  He watched her again, drawn to her. Yes, the songs and scriptures were right. If they could survive from here to the wedding, sharing this beautiful passion without the physical love that would come after they were married, then they would be blessed for waiting. If they could hold to just a kiss goodnight, like the lyrics said, then God would bless them. With everything inside them they believed that and were determined to keep their commitment to stay pure with each other. Brandon talked to Dayne about it often, asking his older friend to pray for them and to hold him accountable. Bailey talked to her mom about ways they could avoid falling in any way, and Brandon was grateful. Because the chemistry between them was so intense Brandon knew they could only wait until the wedding with the help of God and the people who loved them.

  “I get it. We’re going to the lake.” Bailey smiled and settled back in her seat. “That’s a great surprise. Let’s go back to where we got engaged. I love that place.”

  He smiled and let her talk. She had absolutely no idea. When they drove past the entrance to Lake Monroe, Bailey turned to him, clearly puzzled. “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.” He could hardly wait to watch her reaction. The sun was setting quickly, so he kept his eyes on the road, his speed a few miles over the limit. “Any guesses?”

  Bailey peered at the winding road ahead. “A hike?” She twisted her face, confused. “No. That wouldn’t make sense. It’s getting too dark.”

  “And it’s cold.” He shivered. “This LA boy has a long way to go to get used to Indiana falls. Hopefully the winter won’t kill me.” He grinned. “I picture wearing four or five layers at least.”

  They both laughed at the picture, and then almost without warning the house was upon them. Brandon slowed down and pulled into a long driveway. At the end of it was a beautiful lakefront house, one with a wraparound porch and more windows than Brandon had counted yet — even though he had lived here with Katy and Dayne during the shooting of Unlocked.

  “Brandon.” She looked at him, unsure, like maybe he’d taken a wrong turn. “This is Katy and Dayne’s house.” Leaning over her knees she peered out the window at it, staring at the pretty roof as they pulled up near the porch and parked. “I love this place. I always see you when I drive by it. How long did you live here?”

  “Most of the shoot. A couple months.”

  Bailey smiled at the house. “And I helped build it. It’s the perfect place to talk.”

  He smiled. She had no idea. “Definitely perfect.”

  “So they’re home? That’s the surprise?” The idea clearly warmed her heart. “I haven’t seen them since before we got engaged. I’d love to see their baby!” She started to step out, but before she could he put his hand on her knee.

  “Hey.” His tone was soft, and it was one more moment he knew he’d remember. “Katy and Dayne aren’t here. That’s not the surprise.”

  She sat back in the seat and studied him. “What do you mean? Like, we’re walking down to the lake?”

  “Well, yes. We’ll definitely do that.”

  “Tonight?” She glanced at the sky.

  “Maybe not tonight.” He chuckled. “That’s what I meant when I said it would go away. Because if we got here much later you wouldn’t have been able to see it.”

  She looked dizzy, like he was talking in circles for all the sense she could make of the conversation. “See what?”

  He couldn’t string her along another second. “Reach in there.” He pointed to the console between their seats. “See what you find.”

  “Brandon,” she laughed, but it sounded more nervous than funny. “What are you doing?”

  “You’ll see.” He watched her, realizing that this was the first of countless times they would park in this spot and hold a conversation. “Look.”

  Tentatively, like something living might jump out at her, she opened the console and looked inside. Again a puzzled look filled her face as she pulled out a set of keys. “We’re going inside?” A light dawned on her face. “Oh … you made me dinner? Here at Katy and Dayne’s house? Where you used to live? I love that!” She started to come to him, as if she might hug him and thank him, but he tenderly caught the side of her face. As their eyes met he shook his head. “No.”

  “No?”

  “Not Katy and Dayne’s house.” He hesitated. “It’s ours, baby. Our house.” He looked from her to the house and back to her again. “This is where we’ll begin our life together.”

  “What?” She blinked a few times, the reality not even close to sinking in. “How … how is that possible?”

  “They wanted to sell it. People do that.” He chuckled, and quickly climbed out and went around to her door. “Come on. Come see your new house.”

  “Brandon …” She started laughing, but it was more the sound of disbelief. Slowly she stepped out of the Acura and for a long time she stared at the house and then back at him. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.” He allowed a slightly nervous laugh. “You like it … I like it.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “I figured it was an easy yes, right?”

  “You’re really serious?”

  “Yes.”

  Suddenly she flung her arms around his neck and held on so tight he had to lightly take hold of her hands to see her. She caught her breath, her mouth still open from the shock of it. “Baby, thank you. I love it.” She took hold of his face with both hands and he couldn’t tell what was more beautiful: the gratitude shining in her eyes or the look of forever in her expression.

  “I’m glad you’re happy.” He led the way up the porch steps and after a few seconds she put her hand on one of the sections of porch rail. “I painted this. All of us … we worked together to make this house ready for Katy and Dayne, after his car accident.”

  “I remember you saying that during the movie.” He stopped, pensive. “Wish I could’ve seen it. Sounds like a home makeover episode.”

  “It was!” She blinked away the tears that were gathering in her eyes. “And now it’s ours?”

  “Yes.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck again. After a long time she kissed him, searching his heart, seeing straight through him. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe any of it’s real.”

  “Well …” He rocked her in his arms, his tone leading her back to laughter. “The dirt inside’s bound to make it feel real. Dreams don’t usually come with dirty sinks.”

  “Oooh.” Bailey winced, her eyes sparkling. “They haven’t lived here for a year.”

  “A lot longer than that.”

  “Yikes.”

 
“Yep.” Brandon walked her up the porch steps. “We better get a broom and some bleach.”

  Laughter rang through the air as they walked into the house and he flipped on the lights. Brandon could see by Bailey’s expression that she didn’t mind the dirt. He had already hired a cleaning crew, but getting the garden out back planted come spring, or painting a couple walls, might be more fun to do on their own, together.

  They walked through the house, and Bailey grew more excited with each room. Especially when they stopped in the master bedroom.

  Katy and Dayne still had furniture in the house, things they planned to donate to an auction to raise money for World Vision. Dayne and Katy had become spokespersons for the group, and Brandon hoped he and Bailey could join them after the wedding. But for now, the bed was still here.

  They sat together on the edge, and looked at each other. Without warning the air around them seemed to change. The windows had been closed, but other than a stale smell, the room was pretty clean. Brandon put his arm around her and kissed her, more slowly than before. “Baby … I wish it were March sixteenth.”

  “Mmm.” She returned his kiss. “Me too.”

  He wanted to stay here, wanted to lay her gently down on the bed and kiss her. Just that. Because they’d never been in a bed together and right now the idea felt irresistible. Laying there on top of the covers, just being together. Nothing that would cross any lines, right? He closed his eyes briefly, struggling with the feelings warring within him. When he opened them he knew the answer. “We have to go.” The words weren’t his own, neither was the strength to say them. He stood and helped her to her feet. Her eyes told him she wanted to stay as badly as he did. But no matter what lie they told themselves about not letting things get crazy or out of hand, it was just that.

  A lie.

  Flee this, My son … seek My best.

  “Brandon …” She put her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” They were so alone, together here in the room where one day soon they would share the very great depths of their love. He drew her close and once more he felt the pull, felt it stronger than he had since he’d known her. He wanted her so badly. Laying down wouldn’t hurt anything, would it? The temptation was persistent. But it was nothing next to the voice of God resonating in his soul. This was new for him, hearing God’s voice or remembering a Bible verse in key moments like this. Right when he needed it. Scripture was right about this too. The only way to keep their promise to God and each other was to leave. Take the escape route God always provided for those who faced sin struggles.

  I get it, Lord … I do. Thank You for Your truth. Help me find the way out.

  From where they stood Brandon could see out the patio door onto the deck overlooking the lake. That’s where they needed to be. Now, before he gave himself permission to compromise even a little. He kissed her again, their bodies close. The temptation had a way of gaining ground in seconds. He inched back, shaking a little, and he set his hands on her shoulders. “I have an idea.” His desire was so great he almost didn’t recognize his own voice. “Let’s check out the view.”

  “I know the view.” She didn’t flinch, didn’t even look toward the window. “I worked on the deck. Remember.”

  He was losing ground. “Bailey …” He felt himself breathing just a little harder. He could fight this, but he’d need a miracle without her help.

  Then almost as quickly as desire had seized the moment, Brandon watched Bailey’s intentions shift, watched the rock-solid faith inside her rise to the surface. “Sorry.” Her voice was barely audible, her smile more empathetic. She stood and stepped back, drawing a deep breath. “The important thing is, we haven’t seen the view. Together.” Her switch to innocent was beyond adorable. On her way out she looked back at him. “It’s amazing out here. Come watch the sunset on the water.”

  Brandon exhaled and took hold of the bedpost as his resolve returned in full. Moments like this had to be avoided. He hadn’t seen how quickly temptation could hit, but he would be smarter next time. No more bedrooms for them until after the wedding.

  Bailey had left the door open, and once he was out on the deck he shut it behind them. Out back the view was familiar for both of them, but even fifty years from now he knew it wouldn’t get old. They stood side by side, facing the water through the trees and staring at the setting sunlight against the lake. “So pretty.” Bailey turned to him and smiled. “This is really ours?”

  He only watched her, grateful again to be outside, to have avoided a scene they both would have regretted. “You’re beautiful. Do I tell you enough?”

  “You do.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and looked at the view again. “It’s so easy to think out here. Like I could sit on this deck and write a novel if I wanted to.”

  “Which you might want to someday.” He nudged her, playing with her the way he loved to do. “I’ve probably given you enough material for a series.”

  Her laughter sounded wonderful. “Definitely.”

  For a while he didn’t say anything, but then something hit him. He still hadn’t finished telling her his own story, the one he’d started that day at the airport when she left for Indiana. The part of his story he’d remembered in detail on his Malibu back deck before turning down the contract. “Remember at the airport, how I told you God brought you into my life at the right time. How I’d been through a dark period four years ago?”

  “Yes.” She turned and leaned her hip against the railing so she could see him. “You said God used me to help you believe you’d done the right thing.” She angled her head, studying him. “You didn’t give me details.” She touched her hand to his cheek lightly. “Tell me.”

  “It won’t be easy.” He hadn’t told anyone this. “But I want you to know. I planned on telling you sometime.”

  He took hold of her hands as he drew a full breath. “You know the beginning, how I felt about my parents before I moved to LA.”

  “Yes.” Her eyes were kind, compassionate. The way they’d been that first day at Lake Monroe Beach. “You must’ve felt very alone.”

  “I did. I mean, the success happened so quickly and I was pulled toward things I never would’ve dreamed of doing.”

  Slowly, with a sort of relaxed inevitability, he told her about the one particular party. “I did things I wasn’t proud of. It was a low moment in my life.” He smiled, but he felt the sadness in his face. “I knew right from wrong. And after that night, I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel good about myself again.”

  He told her how he’d come home and stared at the sleeping pills, and how he’d poured half the bottle into the open palm of his hand, and how the doorbell had stopped him. “That delivery from my uncle … it was the only reason I stopped long enough to think about what I was doing.” He stared out at the water, letting the reality settle. When he looked back at her, she had tears in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. That’s terrible.”

  Brandon nodded. “I figured someone must’ve been praying for me. Not my uncle, because he wasn’t a Christian back then. But someone, somewhere. Because without the miracle of that doorbell, I wouldn’t be here.”

  “Baby, that scares me.” She hugged him for a long time and when she slipped back to her spot against the railing, she shivered a little. “How long ago was it? Four years?”

  “Longer now.” He didn’t hesitate. “I know the date. I’ll never forget it. February sixth of 2007. The day God saved my life.”

  Her reaction started in her eyes. They grew wide, almost fearful, and her expression became a picture of disbelief. “When?”

  “Bailey, what’s wrong?” He took a step closer and put his arms around her waist, steadying her. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

  “Did you say … February sixth … 2007?” She searched his face, her shock getting even stronger.

  “Yeah. Bailey … what?” He hadn’t expected the date to stop her cold like this. T
he rest of the story was more compelling than the actual date. “Is that someone’s birthday or something?”

  “I can’t tell you.” She shook her head and moved toward the other sliding door, the one that led into the kitchen. “I have to show you. It’s at my house.”

  Brandon had no idea what was going on. She’d never acted like this, but whatever she had to show him, it seemed vitally important.

  She found her purse on the table and they returned to his Acura. On the drive home they listened to his playlist again, but Bailey didn’t sing or say anything. But every few seconds she dabbed at a tear sliding down her cheek. Whatever it was, why that date held significance for her, the reasons were deeply emotional. Clearly.

  At her house she told him she’d be right back, then she ran upstairs and returned a minute later. In her hand she held something that looked like a journal. “Come out back. I have to show you.” Her face still looked serious, the moment obviously profound.

  Brandon followed her out back to a glider swing where they sat together. “I’ve never seen you so serious. This is about the date, right?”

  She was flipping through pages almost frantically and then she stopped and held her spot. “Yes. It’s about the date.” She looked deep into his soul. “That same year, one particular night, I was feeling lonely and confused, not sure about the plans God had for me. I knew they were good plans.” She smiled, the first time since he’d brought up the date of his near suicide attempt. “But I couldn’t see proof in front of me. My dreams of dancing were up in the air, things weren’t working out with Tim Reed, and Cody was away at war.” She kept her pace even, her tone still more intense than usual. “My mom told me if I was doubting the plans God had for me in any way, and if I was feeling lonely, I should write a letter to my future husband.” She smiled. “Which I did many times back then.”

  “Thank you.” He kept his grin on the light side, allowing a little laughter into the moment.

  But Bailey grew serious again right away. “But there was this one time when I felt compelled — absolutely driven — to pray for him. He was out there somewhere, and I felt God pressing it on my heart to pray as strongly as possible for him, because wherever he was, at that moment he was in grave danger. That’s how I felt, and that’s how I prayed.”