Paradise Lost

  I got up and walked over to the window, then felt a sudden chill and immediately took a step back. What if my stalker was out there right now?

  I stepped aside and stood against the wall, out of sight, trying to catch my breath. Was there really someone following me? Was it Poppy? Had she staged her own disappearance so she could watch my every move with no one suspecting? What if she was still on the island? What if she was the one who had messed with my Jet Ski? And Misty . . . was that whole thing just a coincidence, or had someone spooked her that day?

  Another chill raced down my spine, and I suddenly realized how supremely idiotic it had been of me to come back here by myself. Noelle's mom and dad were out with the other parents, and they'd given the staff the night off for the holiday. If someone were trying to kill me, this would be the perfect time to do it. What kind of moron was I? A suicidal one, apparently.

  I grabbed my cell phone and ran to the great room to turn on the lights, trying to make it look like I was not the only one home. Then I went into the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets until I found a wooden block full of nice, big knives. I took one out and laid it

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  on the counter, ready to be grabbed if I needed it. Then I sat down on one of the stools and held my phone in both hands, waiting.

  If someone broke in here, I would be ready. And if the Langes came back, I'd just pretend I was getting a midnight snack.

  Turning over my phone in my hands, I willed it to ring or beep or something. If Josh called me right now, I would forgive him. If Upton called me right now, I would listen to his explanation. I needed to talk to someone, to hear them tell me how silly I was being. I needed to feel safe. I closed my eyes and willed them to hear my psychic plea.

  But nothing happened.

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  CHAPTER 31 ONE LAST MEAL

  The next morning, I woke up and the light in my room was all wrong. It was too bright. Apparently, I had overslept, which made sense considering I'd sat in the kitchen until 2a.m. when the Langes finally had come home from their party. I couldn't believe that Upton hadn't called me. Had he even noticed I was gone? Or had he spent the rest of the night getting mauled by Sienna?

  My heart squeezed and I clenched my jaw, resolving not to think about it. I was done with Upton Giles. From now on, he could kiss whomever the hell he wanted to kiss. I was not going to care.

  I glanced over at the window, wondering if my bird had tried to wake me up earlier, and I sat up straight, a surprised shout escaping my throat.

  The little blue bird lay on the floor in front of the window, dead.

  "Reed? Are you okay?"

  Noelle burst into my room, dressed for the day in jeans and a green

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  jersey top. I looked at her, my mouth agape, clutching the sheets to my chest.

  "It's my bird," I said, pointing at the floor.

  She walked tentatively around the bed until she could see him. Her hand went to her chest.

  "God, Reed. You scared the crap out of me," she complained.

  "He's dead," I replied. "What happened to him?"

  Noelle threw her hands up and slapped them down at her sides. "What do I look like, a bird coroner? You didn't have to scream."

  "I didn't scream," I replied. "Besides, have you ever woken up with a dead animal in your room? " I shot back. She had no response to that one as she sat down on the edge of my bed. "This sucks," I said, tears filling my eyes. "Why did he have to die here? If he'd just never come back I would've figured he'd found someone else to sing to."

  A tear spilled down my cheek, and I knew it was possible I was being dramatic. But I'd had a rough night, and this was just the capper.

  Noelle looked at me and clucked her tongue. "Okay, Snow White. Do you want to take him outside and bury him?" she offered, putting her arm around my shoulders.

  I was surprised she'd come up with the idea, and I whipped aside my sheets before she could change her mind. "I'll get dressed."

  "This is unbelievable," Noelle said, shaking her head. "You're supposed to be catering to me, remember?"

  "How about a day off for bereavement? " I suggested.

  "Fine. Whatever. One day." She sighed and stood up as I rushed for

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  the bathroom. "Maritza! Can you come in here with the dustpan? " she shouted. "And some kind of small box?" I was just about to close the bathroom door when she added, "Oh! And that little vacuum thing? "

  "What do we need a vacuum for? " I asked, peaking out of the bathroom as I dried my eyes.

  Noelle was just standing up on the other side of the bed. She had my bag of birdseed in her hand. "He knocked this over. There's birdseed all over the floor behind the table."

  My chest constricted. The seed reminded me of what the bird had meant to me. How I had provided for him and had wanted to take care of him. Fab job I had done of that.

  "At least he got one last meal," Noelle told me brightly. "That's something."

  "Sure. That's something," I replied.

  I just wished that everyone around me would quit dying.

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  CHAPTER 32 PARANOID

  As always, when we arrived at Shutters, Noelle's parents split off to hang out with the other parents, while Noelle and I joined Kiran, Taylor, Tiffany, and Amberly, who already were seated at a table in the center of the patio, a few spots away from the Ryans & Friends table. I was starting to think that the reason most of these families came down here for the holidays was so that they wouldn't have to spend time with one another.

  As Marquis led us to our table, I noticed that all of my friends were in zipped hoodies and huge sunglasses. Kiran looked slightly more put-together than the rest--her hair was actually combed--but Tiff, Taylor, and Amberly looked as though they'd tumbled in a clothes dryer for half an hour before leaving their houses. Hangover, party of four?

  "Hi, everyone!" I said brightly, loudly scraping back my chair.

  They all groaned and shifted position. Taylor folded her arms on

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  the table and dropped down her head with a bang that caused all the silverware to clatter.

  "Hey, Reed." Tiffany attempted a smile. "I hate you."

  "Pardon my perkiness. It's totally fake," I replied, slouching down along with them. "I may not have been drunk, but I didn't have a good night either."

  "And her bird died this morning," Noelle said.

  "What? Oh, no!" Taylor said, lifting her head slightly.

  "Poor birdie!" Amberly added.

  "That sucks," Kiran put in. She lifted her juice glass. "To Reed's bird. We hardly knew you. Actually, we didn't know you at all. Rest in peace." She took a swig of her juice. Everyone else made sympathetic sounds. It was all they could muster.

  "You can all visit his ocean-side grave if you want," Noelle said, signaling for a waiter. "It's got quite an exquisite view, for a bird cemetery."

  "I'll get the waiter for you!" Amberly announced, recalling her duties as Noelle's slave. "What do you want? I'll order it."

  "Down, girl," Noelle said firmly. "I'm giving Reed the day off, so you may as well kickback, too. Have some coffee. You look like someone hit you in the face with a frying pan."

  Amberly dropped back into her seat, looking like a kicked puppy. But she reached for the coffee like a good lackey. I realized that, compared to everyone else at the table, Noelle was curiously hangover-free as well. I wondered if some of her drunkenness the night before had been an act. An excuse to get so flirty with Dash, perhaps? Maybe

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  when he'd driven her home they had finally sealed the deal. He had yet to arrive at Shutters that morning, and I made a mental note to watch him and Noelle when they first saw each other. The look exchanged between them would tell all.

  "Well, I don't know if this is good news or bad news, Reed, but my father wasn't able to sharpen up that image," Tiffany said, reaching for the silver coffee carafe at the center of the table. "All anyone can tel
l is that it's a person and that the person is blond."

  My heart squeezed. "So it could be Poppy."

  "Reed. We've been over this," Noelle said. She placed her order with the waiter and handed him her menu. He looked at me expectantly.

  "I'm not hungry, thanks," I told him. Noelle rolled her eyes and sighed.

  "What?" I asked, feeling hollow.

  Taylor glanced at Noelle, who shrugged.

  "You guys . .. what?" I said again.

  With a sigh, Taylor pushed up her sunglasses into her hair, and then blinked a few times against the onslaught of light. She sat up straight for the first time all morning and took a deep breath before speaking.

  "It's just . . . maybe you're being a tad paranoid, Reed," Taylor said.

  My face was scalded by embarrassment. "What are you, Paige?"

  "We're not saying she was right per se," Noelle put in delicately. "It's just... Ariana and Sabine really messed with your head. It's not

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  totally out of the realm of possibility. The psycho sisters basically tortured you, Reed. It would be perfectly natural for you to be a bit on the paranoid side right now."

  "You might want to think about therapy when you get home," Kiran added.

  "Therapy?" I blurted, earning irritated looks from the table of adults to my left. I lowered my voice. "You think I need therapy?'

  "Who wouldn't, after everything that's happened to you?" Amberly put in.

  Like I really relished her opinion.

  "Just try to relax," Tiffany said. "Don't assume that, just because you've encountered a couple of wolves in sheep's clothing, that everyone has some dark past to hide. Poppy is just wacky, not insane."

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. These girls had known Poppy a lot longer than I had. It would be stupid of me not to trust their judgment. I could do that. I could. At least, I could when I was around them.

  "You're right," I said, pushing myself up straight in my chair, but only half believing my words. "I should get over myself already."

  "Reed? Can I talk to you?"

  I practically jumped out of my skin. Upton somehow had snuck up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. Of course he looked utterly perfect. Not hungover in the slightest. He wore a light-yellow shirt, distressed jeans, and leather sandals. The word "delectable" came to mind.

  Then, I remembered I was pissed at him.

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  "Here?" I asked.

  "Perhaps we should go for a walk," he replied.

  As I got up, I looked at my friends. "Actually, I think I will eat. When the waiter comes back, will you guys order me a waffle and fruit?"

  "Amberly. Do that," Noelle ordered.

  Amberly's mouth fell open slightly. "But you said--"

  "Are you really going to argue with me right now?" Noelle asked.

  Amberly glared at me. "Fine."

  Score one for Reed.

  I followed Upton down the steps to the ocean. It was sunny and hot, with a balmy breeze coming in off the water. A perfect day for lazing around in the sand and swimming in the warm ocean. Too bad I was feeling so cloudy and gray about Upton.

  "What happened to you last night?" he said as we walked toward the water. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving? I would have come along."

  "Yeah, right," I scoffed, staring out at the ocean.

  "What does that mean?" he asked.

  "It means, yeah, right," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "You seemed pretty occupied when I left. Who did you go home with once you realized I was gone--Sienna or Paige? Oh wait. They live together now, don't they? So, both?"

  Upton stared at me, his expression almost horrified. I felt the lewdness of my accusation and wanted to take it back, but I didn't. He deserved to feel bad, didn't he? After the way he'd treated me last night?

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  "Reed, you can't really think that I--"

  "Well, what am I supposed to think?" I countered. "They were all over you! And you didn't exactly seem to be fighting them off."

  Upton tipped back his head and laughed, his palms to the sky. "But we didn't do anything! It was just a bit of flirting!"

  "Flirting? That's what you call flirting?" I replied. "When I left, Sienna had her tongue down your throat."

  Upton gazed out at the ocean, obviously snagged. "You saw that?"

  "Yes, I saw that. So you can drop the innocent act," I said. "You kissed her."

  "Yes. She kissed me. For a split second. That was all. I was drunk and I lost my head for a moment. Then I stopped the kiss, and I told Sienna she had to stay away from me for the rest of the trip," he said.

  "Oh, please," I said.

  "I'm sorry about the kiss," he said. "I swear to you, it will not happen again. And if you don't believe me, you can talk to Sienna. Or Noelle and Dash. They witnessed the whole sordid conversation."

  "Whatever." I stared out at the water. Part of me was starting to cave. Who was I to judge someone who had, in an inebriated state, made an unwise sexual decision?

  Upton crossed his arms over his chest and planted his feet in the sand, hip width apart, like he was getting ready to square off. "Reed, I've said I'm sorry and I'll say it once more. The kiss was a slipup and I know it was wrong. But I am not going to pretend I'm not a flirt. I am. It's my personality. I've known these girls for years and that's the type of relationship I have with them. You must stop with the jealousy."

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  "Oh, must I?" I said sarcastically.

  He gave me a look that made me feel like a child. I blushed and looked away. He took my hand and held it in both of his. "Yes, you must. Because, though I have been with a lot of women, I am with you now. Only you."

  I stared at the ocean, my eyes stinging with tears. I didn't know what to believe. I didn't know what to do. Follow my instincts, save my pride, and just walk away now? Or do what my heart wanted--open it up to him and potentially let him pummel it to death.

  "Reed, look at me. Please," he said seriously.

  I held my breath and did as he asked. He smiled briefly, looked at the ground, and took in a breath. He held my fingers so tightly it was like he was afraid the wind might blow me away.

  "I know this sounds insane, but"--he paused and looked into my eyes--"I think I'm falling in love with you."

  I completely froze. My heart expanded to fill my entire body, warming me from back to front and head to toe and everywhere.

  "And that is something I've never said to anyone," he added firmly.

  Just as quickly, my heart deflated. Because I had said it. To Josh. And I'd felt it for Thomas, though I'd never gotten the chance to tell him.

  And look at how those relationships had worked out.

  Suddenly, I was trembling. All I could see was Josh's face. Thomas's face. The hurt I had caused them both. The hurt they had caused me. I couldn't handle seeing Upton that way. Cheerful, devil-may-care

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  Upton, who had never felt deeply about anyone. I couldn't be his first. I didn't want to crush him on his virgin voyage into actual emotional territory.

  "I have to go," I said, tearing my hand away from his.

  "Wait. What?" he asked.

  I speed-walked away from him. "It's just . . . I'm starving," I improvised. "I haven't eaten anything all day. . . ."

  "Reed, I don't expect you to say it back, but you can't just run away," Upton said, jogging to reach me, kicking up sand behind him.

  "I know. I'm sorry." I stopped and told myself not to be the child I had felt like moments ago. Told myself to be brave and mature and not stupid. I looked up at him. "It's all just a little fast. A little . .. scary."

  Upton smiled and pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "Funny. I'm not scared at all."

  Maybe you should be.

  There was no way I could make him understand. He'd think I was being an overly dramatic, paranoid freak. Just like my friends. I mustered a smile from God knows where. "I just... I need to
think about it, if that's okay."

  Upton smiled, relieved. "That's fine. Of course."

  "Good," I said, breathing in for the first time in what felt like an hour.

  "Good."

  He leaned down and gave me a sweet, brief kiss on the lips.

  "Now let's go eat. That waffle sounded perfect," he said.

  We walked up the steps to the restaurant together, hand in hand.

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  As I made myself breathe in and out, I realized that I felt okay about this. For once, I'd done the smart thing. Not jumped in with both feet without looking. And Upton had understood.

  Maybe everything actually could just be okay. Maybe I had imagined the whole stalker thing. Maybe Upton and I could just be together without any drama. All I had to do was get over myself. Stop reading into every little thing. Stop taking it all so seriously.

  And I could do that. I could.

  As we reached the patio, the door on the opposite side of the restaurant swung open, and out stepped a tan, happy, gorgeous-looking girl in a red sundress and heels. The whole restaurant froze as she grinned and lifted her arms above her head in a double wave.

  "Hey, everyone! Miss me?"

  My breath caught in my throat. It was Poppy Simon.

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  CHAPTER 33 POPPY POWER

  Right, so ... a disappearance that didn't end in death.

  Is it wrong that I was so surprised?

  "Poppy!" Paige screeched, jumping up from her table. She raced across the room and practically tackled the girl into a hug. Soon Kiran, Taylor, Noelle, Tiffany, Daniel, Gage, West, Sienna, and Graham all followed, coming from every corner of the patio. Upton and I just stood there, hands clasped, unsure of what to do. Before I knew it, Kiran and Taylor were dragging Poppy back to the table. Upton and I glanced at each other, then walked over to the table and sat. Paige and her faction dragged up seats or stood around, crowding us in.