Backlash

put it down, I stood up andhefted one edge myself. By throwing my back into it, I could just budgeone side of the clumsy thing--four hundred pounds if it was an ounce!

  * * * * *

  Ollie Johnson modestly refrained from comment. He said, "The Departmentof Commerce has been helpful. They have explained your medium ofexchange, and have helped us with the prices of raw materials. It wasthey who recommended your firm as a likely distributor."

  "Have you figured how much one of these Soths should sell for?"

  "We think we can show a modest profit if we sell them to you for $1200,"he said. "Perhaps we can bring down our costs, if you find a wide enoughdemand for them."

  I had expected ten or twenty times that figure. I'm afraid I got alittle eager. "I--uh--shall we see if we can't just work out a littlecontract right now? Save you another trip back this afternoon."

  "If you will forgive our boorish presumption," Ollie said, fumblingself-consciously in his baggy clothing, "I have already prepared such adocument with the help of the Attorney General. A very kindlygentleman."

  It was simple and concise. It allowed us to resell the Soths at a priceof $2000, Fair Traded, giving us a gross margin of $800 to work with. Heassured me that upkeep and repairs on the robot units were negligible,and we could extend a very generous warranty which the Ollies would makegood in the event of failure. He gave me a quick rundown on the care andfeeding of a Sirian Soth, and then jolted me with:

  "There is just a single other favor I beg of you. Would you do my littlecolony the exquisite honor of accepting this Soth as your personalservant, Mr. Collins?"

  "Servant?"

  * * * * *

  He bobbed his head. "Yes, sir. We have trained him in the rudiments ofthe household duties and conventions of your culture. He learns rapidlyand never forgets an instruction. Your wife would find Soth most useful,I am quite certain."

  "A magnificent specimen like this doing _housework_?" I marveled at thelittle creature's empty-headedness.

  "Again I must beg your pardon, sir. I overlooked mentioning a suggestionby the Secretary of Labor that the Soths be sold only for use indomestic service. It was also the consensus of the President's wholecabinet that the economy of any nation could not cope with the problemof unemployment were our Soths to be made available for all the types ofwork for which they are fitted."

  My dream of empire collapsed. The little green fellow was undoubtedlytelling the truth. The unions would strike any plant or facility in theworld where a Soth put foot on the job. It would ruin our retailconsumer business, too--Soths wouldn't consume automobiles, copters,theater tickets and filets mignon.

  "Yes, Mr. Johnson," I sighed. "I'll be happy to try out your Soth. Wehave a place out in the country where he'll come in handy."

  The Ollie duly expressed his ecstasy at my decision, and backed out ofmy office waving his copy of the contract. I had assured him that ourboard of directors would meet within a week and confirm my signature.

  I looked up at the hairless giant. As general director of the HomeAppliance Division of Worldwide Machines, Incorporated, I had made adeal, all right. The first interplanetary business deal in history.

  But for some reason, I couldn't escape the feeling that I'd been had.

  * * * * *

  On the limoucopter, they charged me double fare for Soth'stransportation to the private field where I kept my boat. As we leftDetroit, I watched him stare down at the flattened skyline, but he didit with the unseeing expression of an old commuter.

  Jack, my personal pilot, had eyed my passenger at the airport with someconcern and sullen muttering. Now he made much of trimming ship aftertakeoff. The boat did seem logy with the unaccustomed ballast--it was afour-passenger Arrow, built for speed, and Soth had to crouch and spreadall over the two rear seats. But he did so without complaint or commentfor the half-hour hop up to our estate on my favorite Canadian lake.

  As the four hundred miles unreeled below us, I wondered how Vicki wouldreact to Soth. I should have phoned her, but how do you describe a Sothto a semi-invalid whose principal excitement is restricted tobird-watching and repotting puny geraniums, and a rare sunfishingexpedition to the end of our floating pier?

  Well, it was Friday, and I would have the whole weekend to work therobot into our routine. I had called my friend, Dr. Frederick Hilliard,a retired industrial psychologist, and invited him to drop over tonightif he wanted an interesting surprise. He was our nearest neighbor and mymost frequent chess partner, who lived a secluded bachelor's life in acomfortable cabin on the far shore of our lake.

  As we came in for a water landing, I saw Fred's boat at our pier. Then Icould make out Fred, Vicki and Clumsy, our Irish setter, all waiting forme. I hoped Fred's presence would help simmer Vicki down a little.

  We drifted in to the dock, and I turned to Soth and told him to help mypilot unload the supplies. This pleased Jack, whose Pilot andChauffeur's Local frequently reminded me in polite little bulletins thatits members were not obligated to perform other than technical servicesfor their employers.

  Then I got out and said hello to Vicki and Fred as casually as possible.Vicki kissed me warmly on the mouth, which she does when she's excited,and then clung to me and let the day's tension soak out of her.

  How you get tense in a Twenty-first Century home in the midst of theCanadian wilderness is something I've never been able to figure out, butVicki's super-imagination managed daily to defeat her doctor's ordersfor peace and quiet.

  "I'm glad you're home, dear," she said. "When Fred came over ahead oftime I knew something was up, and I'm all unraveled with curiosity."

  Just then Soth emerged from the boat with our whole week's supply offoodstuffs and assorted necessities bundled under his long arms.

  "Oh, dear God, a dinner guest!" Vicki exclaimed. Tears started into herreproachful eyes and her slender little figure stiffened in my arms.

  * * * * *

  I swung her around, hooked arms with her and Fred, and started up thepath.

  "Not a guest," I told her. "He's a servant who will make the beds, cleanup and all sorts of things, and if you don't like him we'll turn him inon a new model laundry unit, and don't start worrying about being alonewith him--he's a robot."

  "A robot!" Fred said, and both their heads swiveled to stare back.

  "Yes," I said. "That's why I wanted you here tonight, Fred. I'd like tohave you sort of go over him and--well, you know--"

  I didn't want to say, _make sure he's safe_. Not in Vicki's presence.But Fred caught my eye and nodded.

  I started to tell them of my visitor, and the contract with thecastaways from space. Halfway through, Clumsy interrupted me with hisexcited barking. I looked back. Clumsy was galloping a frantic circlearound Soth, cutting in and out, threatening to make an early dinner ofthe intruder's leg.

  Before I could speak, Soth opened his lips and let out a soft hissthrough his white teeth. Clumsy flattened to the ground and froze, andSoth continued after us without a further glance at the dog.

  Fred looked at Vicki's tense face and laughed. "I'll have to learn thattrick ... Clumsy's chewed the cuffs off three pairs of my best slacks."

  Vicki smiled uncertainly, and went into the house. I showed Soth whereto stow the supplies, and told him to remain in the kitchen. He justfroze where he stood.

  Fred was making drinks when I returned to the living room.

  "Looks docile enough, Cliff," he told me.

  "Strong as a horse and gentle as a lamb," I said. "I want you two tohelp me find out what his talents are. I'll have to prepare a paper onhim for the board of directors Monday."

  There were nervous whitecaps on Vicki's drink.

  I patted her shoulder. "I'll break him into the housekeeping routine,honey. You won't have him staring over your shoulder."

  She tried to relax. "But he's so quiet--and big!"

  "Who wants a noisy littl
e servant around?" Fred said helpfully. "And howabout that rock retaining-wall Cliff is always about to build for yourgarden? And you really don't love housework, do you, Vicki?"

  "I don't mind the chores," she said. "But it might be fun to have a bigfellow like that to shove around." She was trying valiantly to hold upher end, but the vein in her temple was throbbing.

  * * * * *

  Well, the next forty-eight hours were more than interesting. Soth turnedout to be what the doctor ordered, literally and figuratively. After I'dtaken him on a tour of the place, I showed him how to work the automaticdevices--food preparation, laundry and cleaning. And after one