Letters From the Grave
days. It also explained why he’d gained the excess weight.
He stopped at the market on the way home and bought a frozen pizza, bourbon and cigarettes. His evening ended like all the others when he went to bed with dishes unwashed, smelling of ash and booze. Mercifully, Bobby’s ghost stayed away, and he slept through the night undisturbed. In the morning, his head ached and mouth felt dirty, but it was no different than most mornings since leaving the army.
By ten o’clock, he was sitting on the driveway behind the house under the carport, trying to remove the blade from his mower. It had been sharpened dozens of times and worn down to be almost ineffective, and it was time to replace it. He didn’t want to spend any money on a new mower as long as the motor continued to run. With everything on the underside of the cutting deck covered with dried grass and worn stone-smooth, it was hard to get a wrench to engage the blade retaining bolt. Each time the wrench slipped, his fingers grazed the inside metal wall of the mower base. He cursed through pain-clenched teeth.
He didn’t see her approaching from behind when he yelped, “Shit, fuck, son of bitch,” while shaking his knuckles.
She cleared her throat, “Ahem, excuse me. Are you Jake Ramsey?”
He looked up in amazement, just staring at her trim form and beautiful young face. He said nothing before she spoke again, “I, I knocked on your door for several minutes, then thought I’d see if you was back here, which, obviously, you are.” Her speech and mannerisms were timid. He just stared at her. He hadn’t had anyone young and pretty in his presence for decades.
After several awkward seconds, he spoke, “Yeah. I’m Jake Ramsey.”
“Oh. Well, I guess you’re the man I was tryin’ to find.”
Jake stood up, but his hands were filthy, so he didn’t offer to shake. She didn’t appear to be selling anything and carried a small sports bag and back pack. “Ah, what can I do for you, miss?”
“I’m not sure. You see, my name is Callie Lowe and I was tryin’ to find the man who knew my daddy in the Army. He was a pilot and wrote my momma about his best friend, Jake Ramsey. All I know is his name an’ he flew helicopters.”
Jake found himself appraising her without saying anything, “I, ah, I knew a Bobby Lowe, but he wasn’t married.”
She stood erect without making eye contact, saying, “I think you knew my dad, who I never knew. He was killed in South America by drug smugglers before I was born.”
“What was your mother’s name?”
“It was Julie, Julie Morgan back then, but it woulda been Julie Lowe if my daddy had married her. They planned to get married when he returned. She was pregnant. She wasn’t sure before he left, and I guess she didn’t tell him for sure before he died.”
Jake stared at her in amazement, trying to see any trace of Bobby’s features in the girl. She was about thirty, so probably didn’t qualify as a girl any longer, but was this really Bobby’s baby? His memory had faded over the years, and he couldn’t remember Bobby’s face details anymore. It seemed odd, since they were such close friends, that the imprint was gone. Or maybe the girl looked like her mother and wouldn’t rekindle the phantom image.
“Ah, miss. I was Bobby Lowe’s friend when he died. If he’s the same man, we were close friends.”
“That’s what my mother said. She gave me his letters before she died a few months ago, and you’re all he talked about. Jake did this. Jake did that. Jake and I did so-and-so. It was real eerie readin’ personal messages from someone I could only imagine, but she talked about you like you was a close frien’ of hers. She had the letter you sent when he died and read it to me so many times it fell apart. I think she was disappointed that you didn’t come to see her but said maybe it woulda upset both’a you too much.”
Jake felt stricken by the thought that he could never meet Julie now. He could not have looked into her eyes without boiling over with guilt for Bobby’s death, but he let his friend down doubly by not caring enough about the person he had loved most. He couldn’t admit to Callie the real reason for avoiding her.
He looked past her saying, “I always meant to go see her, but wasn’t able to face anyone right after that. The years went by, and I guess I just never realized how long it’s been. Some of the memories are still fresh in my mind.”
Callie looked at him with a degree of sorrow for opening old memories. She could see the pain in his face. “I’m sorry to bring all this back, I just thought -- just needed to find you. I had some help at the library with a computer and they was able to track you down by the Internet. At least I hoped it was you. I came from Abilene hoping you would be the same ‘Jake’ he wrote about.”
“Yeah, I’m Jake,” was his reply.
Reconciliation
Jake stared at her for several moments without speaking. “Young lady, I don’t know what to say.”
She glanced at the ground first, then at him. “Sir, I don’t know either. It’s just ... well, I didn’t know where else to go.” Moisture was forming around her eyes then she stepped up to him and put her arms around his shoulders and pressed her face against his chest.
He was overwhelmed. He’d never had a girl hug him before, and he stood immobile without saying anything. She released him and stood back saying, “Momma told me that you’re the closest person to family that I got.”
He didn’t understand. “Don’t you have any relatives or a step-father?”
“Momma died, and I ain’t got nobody.”
He felt an enormous loss for a woman he’d never met and for the betrayal of his best friend. She went on, “My daddy’s folks never knew me. Momma and them was not friends. She came from the ‘wrong side of the tracks,’ if you know what I mean. I don’t know any of the Lowes, or where they even live.”
He was bewildered. “Callie. Are you saying you’re alone now?”
She sniffled, “Yes, sir. Momma and me lived in a old trailer an’ she was kinda sickly for as long as I can remember. We lived on welfare, and I had to take care of her.”
“So, you don’t have a job?”
“No, sir, I did some work at restaurants and such, but I didn’t finish school, so folks think I’m dumb. I ain’t dumb. We just never had no money, and I had to take care o’ momma.”
“So, how did you get here? How did you know to look for me?”
She wiped tears from her eyes with her dress sleeve, obviously embarrassed. “Well, like I said. Momma still had all o’ Bobby’s letters and read ‘em to me over and over growin’ up. So, you was kinda a God figure to Bobby and us. He talked about all the brave things you did. I know she didn’t know you, but she kinda felt like you was kin. So, when she passed, the social workers stopped her pay, and the bank people come to take the trailer back. That’s three weeks ago.
“They put me in this public shelter and helped find next a kin, and, o’course, there wasn’t no one. So, I told ‘em about you. I showed some o’ Bobby’s letters, which is about all of her stuff I kept. All I got is my clothes and the letters.
“Anyway, they did some inquirin’ and gave me your address and printed a local map. After that, they gave me a bus ticket to Lafayette and I walked here from downtown after that.”
He stood mesmerized, unsure what to do or say. She added, “I ain’t got nowhere else to go.” Her eyes began to water again.
Jake shook his head to clear his mind. “Forgive me, it’s hot out here. Let’s go inside. I want to warn you, I’ve lived alone all my adult life and don’t get many guests, so the house is messy, and I only have water to drink unless you want some booze this time of the day.” He put his hand loosely on her back, beckoning her to walk with him.
“Oh, no, sir, water’s fine. I don’t like to drink. An’ don’t worry about the house. You shoulda seen the mess I grew up in. Momma was no housekeeper, and I had to do ever’thing anyway. I never learned what proper housekeepin’ was.”
The air conditioning was like
an arctic blast when they entered the kitchen from the back stoop, even with the thermostat set at seventy-five. Callie shivered momentarily.
He offered her a seat at the dinette and ran tap water into two glasses. “Here, after your long trip, this will help. Have you eaten anything?”
“Not today, sir, but I used the travel money they give me for food whenever we stopped along the way. That ran out last night.”
“Do you have some place to stay?”
She looked down, “No sir.”
He listened but didn’t speak for several seconds. Then he said, “Look, Callie. I could probably put you up in a hotel near here for a few days or if you want to stay here for a while, I got a spare bedroom that’s kind of an office. It has a couch that folds out into a bed, but it’s never been used.”
She stood and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Oh, thank you, sir. I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I don’t wanna be a special burden an’ cost you no extra money. I would like to stay with you here for jus’ a little while to get back on my feet, so to speak.”
He was perplexed by her affection. “Okay, so here’s the deal. You and me are going grocery shopping after you’ve had a chance to clean up. Do you need to rest?”
“Oh no, sir. All I done is sleep on the bus.”
“Great, now listen. First rule, you call me Jake.”
“Okay, sir ... Jake. What’s the rest o’ the