Vulnerable

  He realized Eva wore a necklace of dried macaroni elbows strung on blue yarn. He smiled. “Nice fashion statement.”

  Finally, the ghost of a smile. “Don’t laugh. All three of us match.”

  Laurel ran back to them and, sure enough, she had another necklace in her hands and had put one on. He bent down so she could drape it around his neck.

  “See, Daddy? We all match.”

  “Thank you, sweetheart. I love it.”

  “I know you can’t wear it to work because it would get messed up.”

  “I certainly don’t want to mess it up.”

  “Can we go have sushi tonight, Daddy?”

  “Sure. I was hoping you’d say that. I’ve been in a mood for sushi all day.”

  Eva wrinkled her nose. “Enjoy.”

  Eva had always hated sushi. Leo suspected that was another source of resentment, that he had something special to do with their daughter that she couldn’t take part in.

  The first time he’d taken Eva out for sushi when they were dating, she’d nearly puked on the table. But one night when Laurel was only three, she’d snarfed one of his rainbow roll pieces from a package of them he’d bought at Publix and brought home, and she’d been hooked ever since.

  Five minutes later, Leo had her stuff loaded and Laurel was safely belted into her booster seat in the backseat and chattering away about everything she’d done that day, catching him up since their phone call the evening before just ahead of her bedtime.

  No, life hadn’t turned out the way he’d thought it would, and yes, he would take full responsibility for his role in their divorce. He should have admitted to himself years earlier what was blatantly clear to him from a very young age.

  He was gay, and he hadn’t done Eva any favors by trying to suppress that side of himself.

  All it’d done was break Eva’s heart and destroy his family.

  Once they were seated in a booth at their favorite sushi restaurant, Laurel grabbed her pencil and order pad and started checking things off. He watched, amused. She had her favorites, and she always ordered way too much. Which was okay, because he had some of hers, and the leftovers made good breakfast for Saturday morning when they sat on the couch and watched her favorite shows before starting their day together.

  Tomorrow, after breakfast, he would take her to Mote Marine, one of her favorite places. So much so that he’d bit the bullet and purchased the annual family membership, which hit his budget, but saved him a lot of money in the long run. Laurel could spend hours looking at the exhibits and knew most of the sea turtles and other specimens by name. She was obsessed with the place.

  To the point that Laurel had actually started researching stuff on the iPad he’d given her, looking up the things she saw, and facts about Mote Marine. And they’d gone there so often they even knew some of the regular staff and volunteers by name.

  Even cooler, the staff and volunteers were remembering Laurel’s name, answering her questions, and sparking a fire for knowledge in his daughter that he hoped would never go out.

  Laurel finally handed the order pad to him. “There you go, Daddy.”

  He smiled. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  “I really like it when we get sushi.”

  “I do, too.”

  “Mommy’s new boyfriend likes sushi, too.”

  He froze, his hand hovering over the order pad. Yes, he was gay.

  But he was a father. And Eva hadn’t mentioned anything lately about her dating someone. The last guy Eva had dated, Leo hated the asshole on sight but kept his mouth shut. Fortunately, that relationship had only lasted a few weeks before she broke up with the guy.

  Any guy Eva dated, who’d be hanging around Laurel, he wanted to know about.

  The converse wasn’t an issue because Leo hadn’t dated. There’d been two one-time encounters he regretted up at a resort in St. Pete—regretted because there was no emotional connection whatsoever—but dating hadn’t happened yet.

  The point being, if he was dating, he would make Eva aware of that fact. It was something they’d unofficially agreed to during their sessions with the counselor, not part of their actual divorce settlement.

  “He does, does he?” Leo commented.

  “He brought it with him once. Mommy won’t go out for it. She won’t buy it for me, either.”

  “Okay.” He tried to keep his tone noncommittal and forced himself not to quiz Laurel about the guy.

  Fortunately for Leo, six-year-olds could rarely keep things close to the vest. “She met him at work. He’s okay. He’s come over for dinner a couple of times. And one time he took us out to eat at a fish place.” Her nose wrinkled. “But they didn’t have sushi.”

  He fought the urge to laugh out loud. He could imagine how that conversation went. Laurel wasn’t a spoiled brat, but she was opinionated and didn’t hesitate to express those opinions.

  Something she inherited from him, he was glad to see.

  “His name’s Mark,” she added. “He’s divorced. He’s got a daughter older than me but she lives with her mom in New York.” She cocked her head at him. “You won’t move, will you, Daddy?”

  “Not that far away, no, sweetheart. Never.”

  Laurel, so far, had handled the divorce well. Maybe because she’d sensed the growing tension between him and her mom that led up to the actual final fight where’d he’d admitted to Eva he was gay. They’d never fought in front of her, and for the most part had kept any animosity away from her, putting on a good front for her benefit.

  The counselor assured them Laurel’s reaction was one of many “normal” and healthy possibilities. That at some future point she might rebel or act out, but she was likely enjoying the new peace between the two adults.

  And it wasn’t like he didn’t talk to Laurel every day, and see her several times a week, nearly daily.

  He even still had a key for the house, so that when Eva had to work night shifts, he could stay there with Laurel, rather than moving her to his apartment and then messing up her morning schedule.

  Yes, Eva had a key to his apartment, in case of emergencies.

  Laurel stared at the order pad. “Are you going to order some sushi, Daddy?”

  He realized that, for all this time, he’d been sitting there frozen in thought. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m going to order some.”

  * * * *

  Once Laurel was tucked in for the night, Leo went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He wasn’t a heavy drinker but tonight he needed one. He didn’t want to approach Eva out of the blue and ask about the new man in her life, but he also didn’t want her to start engaging in a pattern of dating without adhering to their agreement.

  Something else had started to seep in. What if Eva wanted to move one day? In their divorce agreement, he’d had it added that if one parent moved more than twenty miles away, the other parent would become the primary custodial parent, to prevent Laurel from being upended from her school and friends.

  Eva had readily agreed to it, even though Ed Payne, Leo’s attorney, had privately warned him that she could always challenge that stipulation later if she wanted to.

  I’ll have to deal with that if or when it ever becomes an issue.

  For now, he had plenty of legitimate issues to worry about without inventing any out of thin air.

  Like why had Eva been dating this guy for several weeks, including spending time with him with Laurel around, and not bothered to mention anything about him?

  Chapter Two

  Friday night, Jesse Morrow sat at a table in the middle of the social area at Venture and observed the ongoing rope scene with great interest. He enjoyed watching Kel suspend people. The guy was highly skilled. He could do artistic ties, as well as functional and fast ones, meaning someone just looking to fly could get up in the air in a few minutes, or if someone wanted an artistic tie for photo purposes, he could take far longer.

  Tilly slid into the chair next to him. “How you doing, kiddo?”

  H
e shrugged. “I’m okay.”

  She reached out and squeezed his hand. “You sure you don’t want me to go pay him a visit? I’d be more than happy to.”

  He finally smiled at her. “No, that’s okay. Besides, who would I get my masochistic fix from if you went to jail?”

  Tilly had sort of adopted Jesse after the very public and ugly dumping by his ex-boyfriend and Master nearly six months earlier.

  A public drama right in the middle of Venture’s dungeon, and a tantrum that got Jesse’s ex, Mario, permanently banned from Venture because Mario had tried to force Jesse to play with someone Jesse didn’t want to play with.

  When Jesse called red, Mario tried to overrule him. He told Jesse that since Jesse was a slave, he didn’t get safeword privileges.

  Cris, Ross, and Landry had their hands full trying to hold Tilly back to keep her from murdering the guy, while Tony and Derrick promptly escorted Mario out of the club and revoked his membership, earning him a lifetime ban.

  Mario had ordered Jesse to leave with him, or that it was the permanent end of their relationship.

  Jesse had told Mario to go fuck himself.

  And then all hell broke loose. At least, that was what it had felt like at the time. When Tilly learned that Jesse had just moved in with Mario the weekend before, and that it was Mario’s place, she’d led a cavalry of their friends, including the Collins brothers, to get Jesse moved that very night over to Kel’s apartment on the backside of Venture.

  Which was where he now lived.

  Probably a good thing they got his stuff out. If they hadn’t, Mario likely would have trashed it all, or kept it and not let Jesse have it. As it was, they’d somehow beaten Mario back there and the group effort had saved all of Jesse’s belongings.

  At the time, Jesse had been in too much shock to process everything. Now, with his emotional feet once again securely under him, he felt more sad than anything. The signs of emotional and mental abuse had been there throughout the six months they’d dated and he’d been collared to the guy, but as a gay man, he honestly had blown a lot of stuff off, attributing it to him being too sensitive. Mario was fifteen years older than his own twenty-eight. Surely he knew better than Jesse did.

  Wrong.

  So now Tilly played with Jesse, topping him just as a friend, nothing more. Landry and Cris had offered to top him, too, if he wanted. But Jesse knew it wouldn’t get weird with Tilly, and he didn’t want to risk falling for a guy he could never have as anything more than just a friend.

  On some nights Jesse played service sub to Tilly, getting her food or coffee or stuff like that if he or she wasn’t in the mood for impact play. He trusted her to never violate his limits or try to harm him.

  He’d be happy with all of that for now, until if—or when—he ever met someone else he wanted to play with. He would have no trouble getting laid if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to just fall into bed with anyone. That wasn’t his style. Not to mention the inherent risks there.

  “Did you…” Tilly let the question fall off and become absorbed by the ambient dungeon noises around them.

  “Yesterday. Neg.”

  “That’s good. Then I don’t have to kill the sonofabitch for that, either.”

  Another reason he’d held off getting sexually involved with anyone.

  He’d wanted to wait a full six months to make sure Mario hadn’t given him anything he could pass along. His doctor told him that with the three tests he’d had coming back negative, and the time frame involved, that it was likely he had no worries.

  At least, no worries that Mario might have given him HIV or something.

  With my luck, it’d more likely be Ebola.

  “Please don’t go to jail on my account,” he said. “We all know prison orange isn’t your color.”

  “True.” She sat back in her chair. “Besides, Landry and Cris say I’m too pretty for prison.” She grinned.

  That finally coaxed a laugh out of him. “Hey, if I wasn’t gay, and you were single, I’d do you.”

  “Aww, thank you. Although doing you would make me a cougar, and I don’t think I’m ready to acquiesce my age yet.”

  “I don’t think you can claim cougar status until at least after fifty. And I’m twenty-eight, so it’s not that big of an age gap between us.”

  “I like your logic.”

  Keith Knepp and one of his partners, Scott Gilroy, entered the dungeon through the office door. After glancing around, they spotted Jesse and Tilly and headed toward their table.

  “Mind if we join you?”

  “Not at all,” Tilly said. “How’s Noel feeling?”

  “Tired,” Scott said. “And sick of morning sickness.”

  “But everything’s okay?” Tilly asked.

  Keith smiled. “So far, the doc says the baby looks healthy.”

  “Good. When do we get to throw her a baby shower?”

  “Once she can sit through one without worrying about puking her guts up,” Keith said.

  Tilly’s nose wrinkled. “Ew. Yeah. Good call.”

  Jesse had been to a couple of the private Suncoast Society parties, one at Gilo and Abbey’s house, and one at Seth and Leah’s.

  But he’d heard stories about Tilly and Loren’s prowess in coming up with kinky party games. More like legends, if the people were to be believed.

  And he had no reason to doubt them.

  Keith suddenly focused on him. “Hey. Okay, dumb question, but would you mind if I invited you and another friend of mine over to our house for dinner one night next week?”

  Jesse shrugged. “Sure.” It wouldn’t be the first time some of his friends tried to play matchmaker. He definitely didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but none of the potentials people had tried fixing him up with had taken yet.

  Although one of the guys, he could now call a friend. They sometimes went out to dinner or to see a movie, but nothing romantic.

  He’d never say no to making new friends.

  “Awesome,” Keith said. “I’ll find out what his schedule is and let you know. Any night in particular better than another for you?”

  “Not really. I get off work every day at three, and work Monday through Friday.” Jesse was the assistant head groundskeeper at a local golf course. It wasn’t the richest-paying job in the world, but he had insurance, he got to work outside every day, and he was next in line when the head groundskeeper planned to retire in a couple of years after being there over thirty years.

  He’d take it.

  He didn’t have a college degree, so it wasn’t like he could afford to be choosy. At least in Sarasota, golf was a year-round pastime, meaning job security as long as he didn’t screw up.

  And he didn’t screw up. He’d even taken a master gardener course through the county’s extension office several years earlier, something his boss had taken into consideration when promoting him into the position. Jesse had been working there since high school, when he was sixteen and had started out part-time on weekends doing whatever was needed for the maintenance and grounds crew. After graduation, they’d given him a full-time job with a bump in pay. A couple of years later, he had benefits.

  There wasn’t anyone else working there, besides his boss, who knew more about that particular golf course—and golf course maintenance in general—than he did.

  He kept it to himself that he wasn’t fond of the sport of golf. Too boring for his tastes. He didn’t need to enjoy the sport to be good at his job, though.

  After chatting for a few more minutes, Keith and Scott got up to go play.

  Tilly turned to Jesse and arched an eyebrow at him. “Glad to see I’m not the only one trying to fix my friends up with people.”

  “It’s okay,” Jesse said. “I don’t mind if you guys do that. Just don’t get your feelings hurt if I don’t click with someone.”

  “No, we won’t.” She frowned.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I just wish I knew more single gay guys t
o try to fix you up with. There’s a noticeable lack in that department, now that I honestly look at it. FYI, make sure you keep that dinner date with Keith and the gang. Don’t let me hear you cancelled on them. You need to get out and meet more people.”

  “You realize you’re not responsible for my dating life, right?”

  She gently poked him in the arm. “I like seeing my friends get their happy-ever-afters. I don’t like it when things happen that I can’t fix for them.”

  “You’re a Taurus, aren’t you?”

  “How’d you guess?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Seriously?”

  “What, because I’m bossy?”

  “No. Well, yes, but not just because of that.”

  “Good thing I like you.”

  “I know. You have no idea how glad I am that you like me.”

  Her other eyebrow joined the first, arching skyward. “I’m not a dictator or a serial killer. Well, okay, maybe I’ll cop to the dictator label.”

  “No. I don’t mean that because of your tough-Domme rep. I appreciate having a friend like you in my life who gives a shit about others.”

  Her expression gentled. “That’s what true friends do. They give a shit about each other. They have each other’s backs. You’re practically family.”

  “I’d rather have you guys than my ‘real’ family,” he muttered.

  She slung an arm around his shoulders. “See? Another reason I couldn’t date you, even if I was single and you weren’t gay. You’re too much like the little brother I never had. That would just make things eww creepy.”

  “You’re married to a gay man. Why couldn’t you date me?”

  “Okay. I’ll concede that point.”

  “Wow. I know you really like me. You admitted you were wrong.”

  She held a finger up. “No, technically, I didn’t. Conceding a point isn’t an admission of wrongness.”

  “Where are your guys anyway?”

  “Home. They flew back from LA today and Landry didn’t feel like coming out. But I’m flying out to LA on Monday with Nick and Lucas and won’t be back for a couple of weeks, so I didn’t want to miss tonight.”