Mine to Take

  Then she would have to make her true choice. For good or ill, Gian had run out of time.

  Despite his discomfort, he tangled himself around her, as was his feline way.

  The entire night he held her as the tremors continued to assail him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jenise sat by the edge of the lagoon.

  Hidden by fronds and dense foliage, the choice spot allowed her privacy while still affording her a perfect view of the aqua water as it gently lapped the shore. Off to her right, a waterfall cascaded into a large pool; its flowing sound was a soothing balm to any troubled spirit seeking peace.

  Idly, she tossed some pebbles into the water, watching concentric rings spread across the surface. The initial simple action of the stone hitting the water always caused more complex aftereffects. An analogy to my life, she thought.

  The stone hitting the water was much like her first encounter with Gian. Their coming together had been a quick, decisive action. The ripples of consequence were still reverberating through both their lifelines.

  She had never sought such complexity.

  Yet it had found her.

  In her quest for freedom and simplicity of spirit, somehow her life had become more layered. More entangled. More enriched…

  Gian.

  It always came back to Gian.

  He would not easily release her, that she knew. Despite what he had said to her, a man like Guardian of the Mist would not give up his battle for her; it would go against his very nature to do so.

  And what about her? Did she not want him herself? Want him. Crave him. Taste him. Even when he was apart from her she could still feel him inside her, part of her.

  He had grown within her like another seed of herself.

  Jenise had never been sure about destiny before; but now she wondered. Were they meant to be together? She could not deny the strange closeness between them; the way they came together like pieces of a puzzle made whole; the way they fit.

  But if she embraced this concept of destiny, where was her self-determination? Her freedom? What future could she make for herself? Thoughts in turmoil, she tossed another stone into the water.

  Hidden as she was, she was still not surprised to feel Gian’s presence behind her. There was no place that the Familiar could not find her if he so desired, of that she was certain. If she left him, it would have to be with his complete agreement.

  A condition that seemed highly unlikely.

  She felt him sit down behind her silently. Allowing her the privacy of thought if not space. So like a cat…

  Finally she spoke as she gazed out across the water. “I am a prisoner here.”

  “No,” he answered her softly. “You are not.”

  “But you will not let me leave!”

  “It is too dangerous.” It was not the answer she wanted; it was not even an answer to her accusation. But then, she was learning that the Familiars were masters of subtlety; their words were often chosen to produce the outcome they sought.

  She exhaled noisily, exasperated. In a strange sense, she was charmed as well. The dichotomous nature of the cat—ever alluring, ever frustrating.

  Gian was well aware of her mood. “I only want you to come to know this land, this people, as I do.” His voice dropped a register, becoming a soothing, coaxing purr. “Do you not think it a beautiful place?”

  “Yes, it is. Very beautiful. But it is not my place.”

  He leaned forward so she could feel his heat at her back while he smoothed a section of her long hair over her shoulder in a caring gesture. “Yes, taja, it is.”

  Her shoulders stiffened. “Do not call me that.”

  “I have taken a bond for you.” His breath feathered the curve of her throat. “For me there can be no other.”

  His lips pressed against her shoulder. “I want no other.”

  “Please do not, Gian!” She shrugged her shoulder away from his warm lips; his touch, as always, was confusing her.

  Gian stayed the course. His strong arm came around her waist, embracing her, pulling her back close against him. “Why not? We both want each other and the need gets stronger each day that passes. Surely you feel it. I love you, Creamcat.”

  Jenise closed her eyes at his admission. A tear tracked its way down her face.

  He nuzzled her neck. “Do you not love me, Jenise?” He purred against her delicate skin.

  “Yes,” she breathed, admitting the truth to herself as well. “I love you, Gian.”

  His lips latched onto her throat, drawing gently on her, lovingly on her. “When this business with Karpon is settled, I will take you everywhere you wish to go, Jenise. I will show you the Alliance, tempt you with new worlds, gift you with all that I have to share.”

  Jenise was overwhelmed at his offer. She hadn’t considered that he might be willing to go with her. “You would do this for me? Leave your people?”

  He smiled slightly against her skin. “I would never leave my people…it is not a question of that.”

  She turned in his arms, pulling slightly away to look up at him. “But you just said—”

  His beautiful green/gold eyes captured hers. “It is the way of the Familiars to explore. I can give you what you want, Jenise. In time. If you trust me.”

  Maybe he could. Already, he had surprised her on many counts. At times, he had bent for her, changed direction. And he had the courage to attempt new pathways—as he had proven to her countless times on their journey.

  She bit her lip.

  Perhaps she had not seen the situation clearly? Gian was not simply a man who exerted power; he was a Familiar who shaped power. Did he not metamorphose himself? Would not this ability touch other parts of his life as well?

  The revelation struck her.

  Long ago, when they had met, she remembered thinking that the Familiar would set her free. Perhaps it was not a mere thought but a prophecy…

  Could Gian be the key to her heart’s freedom?

  Was he right when he had said that such love could unbind the soul? Her aqua eyes filled with emotion as she watched him, revelation upon revelation hitting her at once.

  “I simply ask you to think on it.” His fingers brushed her lips. A strong tremor hit him. Beads of sweat dotted his brow. He pulled back from her, almost doubling over.

  Jenise put a hand on his arm, pulled from her thoughts by his ashen complexion. “What is it, Gian? Are you ill?”

  He sucked in a deep breath, regaining his composure. “No; I am not ill. I have asked you to think on these issues, and yet I am afraid that there is one decision you need to make now, taja. A very important decision.”

  She gave him a worried look. “Wh-what is it?”

  “There is something that Familiar men do not speak of to anyone outside the Mist. It has to do with our very natures. In the wrong hands such information could prove disastrous to my people. What I am about to tell you is one of the many reasons we keep to ourselves in matters of bonding; one of the reasons we cloak ourselves in secrecy.”

  Jenise was torn between his trust in her and wariness of a knowledge that perhaps she would be better off not knowing. Her courage as well as her concern for him won out. “Does it have to do with this trembling you are having?”

  His eyes gleamed in appreciation; she would hear him out. “Yes. It has to do with what we call the Incarnation.”

  “Incarnation? What is it?”

  Gian enfolded her in his arms, bringing her close against his chest despite the small tremors still racing through him. “Have you not noticed that most of the males here are of a certain age?”

  Jenise’s brow furrowed. She had noticed that the other night at the celebration. “Yes, but I thought…well, I am not sure what I thought. Everyone knows Familiars are so…so…” She faltered for words.

  He chuckled. “Mmmm. One of the reasons we are as we are is because of our Incarnation. When a Familiar man reaches his peak level somewhere between the age of thirty and forty standar
d years—and for each of us it is an individual timing—we incarnate.”

  “What do you mean by incarnate?”

  “There is a process we undergo that enables the male Familiar to maintain the height of his physical perfection throughout the majority of his lifetime.”

  “I do not understand; are you saying you do not age?”

  “No, we age, but only within a ten-year span after our first Incarnation is achieved. There are nine Incarnations in the male Familiar’s life, each spanning approximately a decade of time.”

  “So you maintain that optimum level as you call it”—her cheeks blushed—“for ninety standard years?”

  He nodded. “Our productive years, in which we indulge the physical part of our natures.”

  The concept was most alien to her. “What happens after you have completed these nine cycles?”

  “We begin to age naturally for the remainder of our life span. My utal, H’riar, has completed his Incarnations. It is just one reason he makes so worthy an advisor; he has experienced much in his days.”

  “Is it so vital then for you to remain perfect?”

  Gian grinned broadly. “Thank you, taja, but you misunderstand. Our physical appearance has naught to do with this. What is important is for us to maintain the peak of our physical stamina.”

  “Why?”

  “It is our greatest strength and our greatest gift to our mates.”

  Jenise gave him a wary look. “Just how is this Incarnation achieved?”

  Gian exhaled. “Well, you see, the man and the woman—”

  Jenise’s mouth dropped open. “Surely you jest?”

  Gian winced. “I am afraid not, Creamcat.”

  “But…how?”

  “I must explain to you how we Familiars view these things. We believe that within our sensuality lies a gate to true spirituality. When we are mated our sexual natures take on deeper levels. It is part of a lifelong exploration between the male and his mate. This process takes us higher within ourselves, both as individuals separately and as one together.”

  “It sounds beautiful…”

  “It is, Jenise, although I have yet to experience it with you.”

  “With me?”

  “Yes.”

  She swallowed. “What would it involve?”

  “For a male Familiar, release and completion are two separate things. We aspire to pleasure a woman by bringing her to numerous releases; sometimes making love for days at a time. Each time the female reaches her peak, her energy releases to the male—which in turn raises his energy level. Eventually, if they are in harmony, they enter into the tiers of the Incarnation ceremony; what we call the Nine Hundred Strokes to Love. The energy will flow back and forth between them, raising them to a higher state of being. You have seen me metamorphose into my cat self.”

  She nodded shakily, stunned by what she was hearing.

  “A similar event occurs, only the male will begin to take on an energy form, bringing his mate along with him until Incarnation is achieved. It is a rite of endurance, a trial and a passage and a blessing all at the same time, which brings about not only physical changes but spiritual fulfillment.”

  He watched her carefully. Jenise felt the weight of the stone in her hand. “Do both mates have to undergo this Incarnation?”

  “The male must; the female has the right to choose.”

  There it was at last. So he had been telling her the truth all along. It would ultimately be her choice. “There has never been a non-Familiar woman who has gone through this?”

  “No.”

  She sucked in her breath, “What if I cannot…I am not Familiar, Gian! I may not be able to…”

  His hand cupped her cheek. “If I see you are having difficulties, I will disengage.”

  “What happens if you do that?”

  He glanced away and would not speak.

  Jenise clutched his arm. “It is too risky, Gian! What do the men do who are not mated? Surely there must be some alternative.”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw. “There is. There are priestesses who guide unmated males through this. Such an option is not open to me, nor would I take it if it were. I have taken an oath for you; I cannot break it.”

  Nor would she want him to—but if his life were in danger…?

  “No. I cannot,” he said, seeming to read her thoughts.

  “Is there no other way?”

  “In certain unusual circumstances, a male can sometimes complete the Incarnation himself by entering a deep meditative trance. However, such a state is extremely difficult to achieve; it can be dangerous for him.”

  There did not seem to be much choice. Not if she cared for him.

  “Have you done this before, Gian?”

  “Just once. There is a small Incarnation line on my inner thigh that—”

  “I have seen it.” He cocked his brow at her.

  She blushed. “I wondered how you had gotten such a marking, especially there.”

  A dimple curved the side of his mouth.

  “You went to these priestesses the last time?” For some reason a wash of unreasonable jealousy gnawed at her insides.

  “Yes…as we all do when not mated.”

  A dismal thought occurred to her. “So you retain your vibrancy as your mates age?” Her nostrils flared as she realized what that meant. “That does not seem very fair or desirable to your females.”

  Gian chuckled. His arm snagged around her neck, tugging her forward. “Ah, but that is why we keep it such a secret.” His teeth grazed the side of her throat in a teasing manner.

  Jenise sulked. He could afford to smile about it. He was not the one who would—

  At her pitiful expression, Gian could not go on with the jest. “Age has its own beauty, taja. Even so, at the moment of Incarnation we can give life, Jenise.”

  She gasped. “You mean…?”

  “Yes. We can gift our mates with Incarnation as well.”

  Her mouth dropped open.

  He closed it with the edge of his finger. “I will not be gifting you with such a thing until the next Incarnation.”

  Her mouth dropped open again.

  He glanced down at her through his thick veil of black lashes. “You see now why this information must never get out.”

  “Yes,” she whispered, still stunned by what he had told her. If the Familiars had been hunted before, she could not even imagine to what lengths some would go if it were known they could bestow youth with their love.

  A tremor shook him anew. His dry lips pressed her forehead. “I will await you in our chamber. Make your choice.”

  With that he released her and left as silently as he had come.

  And while Jenise looked out across the water, trying to make the most important decision of her life, Gian Ren entered their chambers to decide whether or not he should wait to give her the most precious gift of all…

  A gift he could only attempt to bestow once every ten years.

  She weighed the pebble in her hand.

  No matter how careful she had been, no matter how she had tried to withhold herself from him, it did not matter in the end.

  He had captured her.

  Jenise knew Gian’s nature; he could do no less. He had been honest with her about that.

  She wanted back that part of herself that he had taken. She wanted him to have it forever. Gian Ren had seeped into her. He was in her heart, her mind, her soul.

  He was the tidal wave and the lapping ripple. He had hunted her bit by bit, zealously guarding what he had seized until she dwelled completely inside him. Taken.

  Then he simply offered her his heart.

  How dangerous these Familiars were!

  She squeezed her eyes shut even as she squeezed the stone in her palm. She wanted that noble heart. She wanted him. The significance of the Familiar exchange of breaths came home to her. To be whole together, to be alive in each other’s arms, to share the same breath…

  To find an exalted peace. br />
  She did not pretend to understand the mystical ways of the Familiars; or how they recognized their mates. But she had come to believe in their ability to do so…for he had shown her the meaning of this infinite love they shared, a love that was ever-changing and ever-growing.

  A love that was untamed. Unbound. Free.

  She opened her palm and released the security of the stone.

  She came to him as he knew she would.

  He had prepared the chamber for them himself. First, he lit hundreds of scented tapers; their glow was soft and ambient like love that endures.

  He removed all of his garments. Then he scattered tasmin blossoms in the pool along with fragrant oils, placing the aromatic vials next to the cushions and krilli cloths that spread across the floor and low bedding. The silken cloths were in colors of purple and red, arranged in mysterious patterns, patterns designed to evoke the senses. To evoke her “taste.”

  He scattered petals over the coverings, allowing their luscious scent to rise in the air, knowing the heat of their entwined bodies would soon release yet more of the fragrance.

  He opened the doors to the balcony, letting in the muted tropical breeze, closing his eyes briefly as he listened to the sensual music of lati filaments as they hummed in the night wind.

  His blood beat heavy in his veins, pulsing through him in an ancient, expectant rhythm.

  The Incarnation was a mystical transformation to the Familiars. Their sensuality became a true physical expression of love. It was a journey of discovery and renewal, for body, heart, mind, and spirit.

  The male gathered his Incarnations about him throughout his life, pivot points of remarkable change, growth, and if he was blessed, much more. His female would awaken him fully. She would become the catalyst for him to bring true power into passion.

  He would share this with his Jenise.

  He would give himself completely to her and, he hoped, she to him. He would surrender himself to her female energy. She would conquer him even as he took her. Her woman’s sensuality would release him and rebirth him.

  He would become older and newer in the embrace of her love.

  Gian placed a bowl of fruit on the woven rug, straightening to look at her as she entered the chamber. Their eyes met. Aqua to green/gold. Both knew what this meant.