Forsaken

  Chapter 10

  Over the next week, Elaine religiously did as Matthew asked and gazed at her reflection in the mirror, that is, after she had some euals replace it. She also stopped taking the stims altogether, flushing them down the toilet, filling her prescription with Elestor at the same intervals. There were days she couldn’t see past her reflection, then a few others where for minutes a different face hung in front of her. This face had the same eyes, the same features, but a different look. Her lips were drawn tight, her brow knotted, and Elaine swore that a sense of hopelessness and despair hung over that reflected face. She was obviously a strong woman though; one of command—of authority, and Elaine knew she would be a formidable foe.

  And on those days that she could see this other woman more clearly, she also saw more and more in the prisoners around her. During groups, she would reach down for a piece of paper or pencil, and when she looked up again, a man before her would appear different, with a new purpose on his face. She soon learned how to conceal her emotions, so jarring was it to constantly occur. She also spoke with Simon about switching some members of her group, with the ultimate goal of getting Matthew permanently included in hers.

  At the same time, her affair with Ronald was getting stronger. They had progressed to pleasing each other with their mouths and lying in bed, naked, kissing and laughing. She began to desperately want him inside her, but the next hurdle was for either of them to get condoms. For him to ask for them would imply he was having a relationship with another prisoner, and Elaine knew it would mean severe taunting. If she got them, it would imply she was sleeping with a doctor, or worse, a guard, and would invite additional scrutiny, as a certain few tried to figure out who was her lucky bedfellow.

  Then Tannis began formally inspecting each cell, and the problem was quickly solved. As Ronald was one of the first to be searched, those who came later bartered for Ronald to hold onto their contraband. Ronald waited until someone asked to hide something particularly sensitive, then bartered for some condoms in exchange. He arrived that same night, and after a few glasses of tea, let Elaine know.

  “What did he ask you to keep that was so sensitive?”

  “You don’t wanna know, Lainey. Suffice to say, some men need to keep trophies of the things they’ve done, like medals or an award.”

  “Even in here, they somehow get it?”

  “Yup. Sometimes it’s something as simple as a pair of panties, or socks. Other times, it’s something much more grizzly.”

  Elaine leaned back thinking. “Now that’s a mood-killer if ever there was one.”

  Ronald burst out laughing, and she with him. “So . . ,” he asked gently, “are we going to do this?”

  Elaine nervously fidgeted in her chair, as it was a question that had occupied her mind for several days.

  “Once we start, there’s no going back,” he said, kneeling before her. “I wouldn’t want you to regret something later.”

  She ran her hands through his short, brown hair, and he rest his head in her lap, rubbing his cheek softly against her inner thigh. A part of her wanted to take him, then and there, rip off his clothes and scream and sweat with him long into the night. But she was a mind divided, and the more rational side made its presence known.

  “What did you do?” she demanded, in an instant turning serious and focused. “I need to know—I need to believe.”

  Ronald nodded, sitting back on the floor, folding his hands into his lap. He had a way of being utterly subservient that was uniquely disarming. “I wouldn’t lie to you and say I was innocent—we’ve come too far. I did murder someone . . . several people, in fact.” He glanced at her for a split second, noticing in that instant her mouth, her nostrils, became wider, more open and receptive. He saw her breathing get deeper, her chest swell, and knew she was in his thrall. “I had lost my job. As you can tell, I am reasonably intelligent. I used to be a teacher in a university—one of the last ones that still stood while the civil war raged. But even we couldn’t go on, because of the draft. Enrollment dwindled to a fraction of what was and finally they laid-off almost eighty percent of the faculty.”

  “I was never one to be good with money,” he continued, “so when that hit, I was in serious trouble. It was just my luck—while many of the banks were destroyed, their computer systems wiped out, my bank still stood and showed no mercy to those who couldn’t pay. They arranged with the government that anyone who went in default would be immediately conscripted into the militia.”

  “I became desperate,” he continued, wringing his hands. “I tried everything—asking everyone I knew, going back to the university, begging for my job, begging for a loan! I even begged my old students for money, and a few gave me some scraps. But most of them were finally drafted, and thought of me as a coward. I tried to steal from the university—it had an immense jewelry collection. But my misfortune would be to attempt the theft on the one night that there were no attacks, no bombings, so when the alarm I forgot about went off, security was on me in a second.”

  “Thankfully I talked my way out of that one, but I was at the end. Then, one of my fellow teachers, a woman named Pellis, who knew of my plight, offered to pay my debts—for a price. She wanted a new start, and wanted me to kill her husband.”

  He paused for a moment, for dramatic effect.

  “Well, after much soul-searching, I did, I’m ashamed to say. Guns were so easy to come by, so I hid in the shadows, and as his car passed by, I shot him in the head. My aim was good, and he fell instantly. But unfortunately their three kids were in the car with him, and the car swerved into a small fuel truck, exploding on contact.”

  Elaine nodded. “How did they catch you?”

  “They didn’t. For a full month I walked the streets as a free man. Pellis couldn’t care less about her kids—when I went to her, expecting her to call the police, she was beaming! She explained she couldn’t have asked me to kill her kids—she thought I never would’ve gone for it. As for the police, they wrote it off as a stray bullet from some skirmish nearby. My debts were paid, no one could blame me for anything, and there was even word the university would hire a few people back.”

  “But I couldn’t live with myself. Each and every day was some new exercise in pain and guilt. It tore my heart – not only that they were dead, but that no one grieved for them, no one really cared how they died. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Finally, I turned myself in.”

  “You did?” she asked, amazed.

  “Yeah, and the day they finally put me in a cell, was the first time in a long while that I ate, that I slept. Some people say living here is no better than death. Well, for me, that was the choice. Either kill myself out there, or die slowly in here. I deserve to pay for my crime.”

  Elaine leaned forward in her chair, her lips almost meeting his. He could smell a faint whiff of desire, and she could smell the rank odor of desperation, but it suited her just fine.

  “So, you might say that you were a hired assassin?”

  “Yeah . . .” he replied haltingly, unsure of where it was heading.

  It was as if in Elaine’s mind one persona shifted, diminishing, while another rose to dominance. Her eyes narrowed, her lip drew into a thin sneer. “Good. I like the sound of that.”

  They lay with each other, and took advantage of Ronald’s opportune trading.

  In the middle of the night, an alarm sounded.

  It wasn’t one of the minor infraction alarms—they usually went off in one area of the prison, heralded by dim, orange flashing lights. This was a major breech alarm, signaling either an escape or the murder of a civilian or guard by a prisoner. The lights flashed yellow throughout the prison, with both internal and external klaxons blaring at full strength. Portions of the prison automatically sealed—the upper solitary area closed off from the main body of the prison, which was separated from the rest of the complex. Assault barriers slid down into place over connecting doors and windows, and euals could be
seen whirring briskly down the corridors, primed for attack, surveying the scene.

  Elaine bolted out of bed, as Ronald groggily sat up. She ran to the door and scanned outside. The halls were brightly lit, with not only daytime lighting but also security lighting ratcheted up to full force. There was scarce a shadow in the halls, and for a moment Elaine felt her stomach twist as if in a vise.

  “What is it?” fearfully asked Ronald, as he peered out. He stood in the nude beside her, and his body appeared flaccid and flabby to her in the harsh light. “Is this because of me?”

  “I don’t know.” She brusquely pulled him back in, as her mind raced in the darkness of her room.

  “What should I do? Should I try and make a run for it?” He paced back and forth, wringing his hands, before finally realizing he should put back on his clothes. He scampered back and forth, searching for his underwear. “What would happen if you got caught?”

  “Nothing good. We should assume it’s something else. I’ll go out and reconnoiter, and try to get some information from the guards. You—”

  “All cuntselors and doctors, please report to the Green Room,” blared a voice over the loudspeaker. Elaine scowled at the voice, whom she knew to be Isaac’s. “All counselors and doctors to the Green Room!”

  “What’m I gonna do?!” screamed Ronald, becoming frantic. “If they catch me outta my room, they’ll kill me!”

  She was taken aback by his seemingly different attitude. I thought he’d be better under stress, she thought to herself. “Be calm. Do you see that air vent?” she asked, pointing to a square vent above her sofa. “I need you to get into that. There are two intersections along the way, leading to the cells. You need to bear to the left in the first one, to the right in the second, and—”

  “You want me to crawl in that?!” he cried, in shock. “What if someone hears me? What if—”

  “No one’s going to hear you!” she shouted, trying to calm him down. She wanted to slap him, but didn’t need anything else complicating matters. “Trust me. Now, bear to the left, then the right, and that will take you to an opening just above the checkpoint leading to the cells. You’ll need to wait there—”

  “Wait?”

  “—yes wait there, until you think it’s right. When the door finally opens, and the guard is away, get in there.”

  “What if they catch me?!”

  “Then you’ll get a little slap on the wrist, but it’s better than being caught in the residences. “

  He nodded, seeing the truth in her words.

  “Now, get going! I need to leave now. Remember, wait until the door comes up, and a guard leaves his post. Hopefully they’ll just think you were out of your cell and wandering around the cell block.”

  He grasped her hand and kissed it. “Thank you, Lainey.”

  She dressed and ran as quick as she could to the Green Room, the one safe room for the counselors and wardens, with a thick metal door a week’s worth of provisions, and the only easily accessible communication device to the outside world. Todd, along with the other counselors, sat at a large table with the two medical doctors. Isaac paced back and forth around them.

  “Glad you could make it, Lainey,” said Todd, motioning her to a seat. “What took you so long?”

  “I wanted to look my best for all of you,” she answered flippantly, knowing it would deflect any suspicion. “What’s going on?”

  “Our young mister Colin was assaulted by a prisoner. It appears as though he was inside Luke’s cell when the attack happened.”

  A part of Elaine was relieved the alarm wasn’t about her or Ronald. “Is he alright?”

  “No. Luke is holding him hostage. He has a gun.”

  Dammit! she thought to herself.

  “What was Luke doing in there at 3am?” demanded Simon. The others around the table moaned.

  “Well, I guess there’s always one out of the loop,” groaned Isaac, to the laughter of the others. “Colin has a little thing for Luke—”

  “One that has gone on too long,” interrupted Todd, as he drummed his fingers on the desk.

  “—yeah, a little too long. Well, seems as though he must’ve gotten sloppy or somethin’, ‘cause word has it a prisoner was seen runnin’ from Luke’s cell, and it was then this all started.”

  “How did you find out so much?” asked Elaine.

  “I have my reliable sources.”

  “And I have my reliable surveillance,” said Todd. “I know which prisoner it was, and when the time is right, he will be dealt with. For now, we need to talk Luke down, and get Colin out of that cell. And we need it done as quickly as possible. Does he listen to any of you? Connect with any of you?”

  “I’ve been his counselor for the past few months,” said Elaine, “and all I’ve seen is this effeminate persona. Any attempts to connect with whatever lies beneath are always rebuffed by his advances or general evasiveness. He has a few admirers, men who’d like to get into his cell, and they usually rally to his defense.”

  “How many people has he fucked?” spat Isaac, leaning back. “What is he, the prison whore?”

  Elaine shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. Despite his seemingly promiscuous attitude, I believe he has very few partners, and they are only so he can get what he wants.”

  Todd nodded. “So he’s a smart one, eh? So more than likely there’s no one in the prison he really cares about – no one he will listen to.”

  Elaine took a deep breath, wary of revealing too much of what she knew. “I think we need to get Matthew in there.”

  “Why him?”

  “I’ve been noticing some curious interactions among the prisoners. For whatever reason, there is a hierarchy among some of them, and Matthew is the top.”

  Isaac guffawed. “That quiet sack of shit?! He never fights anyone. Anytime any of us push up on him, no one even looks twice at him. I’ve even seen him beaten up by a few of the prisoners, and no one came to his rescue.”

  “Everywhere but in the rec area. Isn’t that true?”

  Isaac shrugged. “I hadn’t noticed.”

  Tannis leaned forward. “It’s true – listen to Lainey.”

  “Well, well, look who has a voice all of a sudden,” sneered Isaac. “Sometimes I forget you even work here.”

  Tannis leaned back, and put a hand on his baton. “If you ever need a reminder, let me know.”

  “Now, now gentlemen, this isn’t a dick-measuring meeting, we’ve got things to do!” yelled Todd as he slammed his meaty fist on the table. “Now, Lainey, please continue.”

  Elaine pressed on. “In the rec area, everyone defers to Matthew. They keep their distance from him, and only ask him for advice. Luke is one of them in his inner circle, a circle of defenders in the rec area that never strays too far. Luke will listen to Matthew.”

  As Elaine spoke of the rec area, she noticed Todd’s expression changed, and knew there was something more he wasn’t sharing about the rec area. But he kept it to himself, obviously agreeing with the plan.

  “Well Isaac,” asked Todd, “how risky is it to go in the prison with the current situation?”

  “We have solitary and the upper levels sealed and locked down, with regular patrols by the euals. Only the lower level is unguarded, but by surveillance cameras, only four prisoners are not in their cells.”

  “Which ones?”

  “Darren, Steven, Ronald, and Ian.”

  Elaine groaned. Damned Ian!

  “How did they get out?”

  “Don’t know. Maybe Colin arranged their doors to be open, in payment to Luke.”

  Todd nodded. “Matthew’s on the second level, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  Todd swam forward in his chair, trying to look the most authoritative he could. “Lainey, I’m going to need you to go in there. Isaac will be with you. Get Matthew down to Luke’s cell, and supervise the negotiations. Isaac, I can’t allow you to take arms in there.”

  “What do I nee
d a gun for?” snickered Isaac, “I got Lainey; that’s more than enough.”

  “It’s amazing,” she quipped in response, “how much truth can come from the mouths of fools.”

  They made their way through the checkpoint, past Philip who could barely disguise his anxiety. He managed a worried glance at Elaine, who motioned him to be calm as they passed. She managed a quick look inside the nearby air vent, and swore she could see Ronald’s eyes glaring back at her. Isaac moved briskly through the corridors, barely glancing from side to side, his visage as hard and stony as he could make it.

  “Trying to be macho?”

  “I’m just as scared as you are,” snapped Isaac in response. “Difference is, I know how to contain it, to get my job done. The quicker we move, the quicker we’ll get there, the sooner I can get back to bed.”

  Elaine tried to act lost as they made their way through the corridors, shocked at this or that prisoner, though she had seen it all before. It took all her presence of mind to not only let Isaac lead, but to stumble at the right places, to pause before turning a corridor, supposedly unsure of where to go. She worried for a while that she was overacting, but Isaac's smug expression confirmed the strength of her performance.

  Finally, they arrived at Matthew’s cell. He was lying down, reading a book, and slowly got to his feet as he saw who it was. Isaac opened the door, and Elaine tentatively stepped in.

  “What brings you here, Elaine?”

  “Luke. He has a gun, and is holding a guard hostage.”

  “That damned Colin, I imagine?”

  “Yes,” she nodded. “Will you help us?”

  Matthew gestured to Isaac, who harrumphed, then moved further away from the cell. He came closer to Elaine, his kind eyes scrutinizing her face.

  “Are you still looking in the mirror?”

  “Yes,” she replied quickly, in a whisper. “There are times I see a woman who isn’t me, looking back. It takes great deal of effort, but she appears. And when she does appear, I also see different things in some of the prisoners.”

  Matthew nodded, visibly relieved. “Thank you for doing as I asked. As you are discovering who your true self is, so Luke is doing the same thing. And the face he sees is disgusted with what he has become. Do you remember words that John said to you – a phrase he couldn’t quite recall?”

  She was stunned, for a moment, recalling what he spoke of.

  “I . . . I can remember it clearly. He said: ‘we will summon the strength, and with valiant strides we shall crush them, and restore . . .’” She smiled to herself. “He couldn’t remember the rest.”

  “I’ll bet you can finish it, Elaine.”

  She took a step back, the fear welling in her mind. “We need to get—”

  “No, Elaine.” He stood tall before her, confident, with eyes of decision and command. “Stand still, and say it again. This time, focus on each and every word.”

  She hated being told what to do, in any circumstance, but knew he only meant well, was only trying to help her. So she made herself be still, and thought hard on the words as she spoke them. “We will summon the strength, and with valiant strides we shall crush them, and restore . . . restore . . . the order our people yearn for!” she beamed, feeling as though she had a catharsis of spirit.

  “There is more, and I think you know it.”

  She took another deep breath, composing herself even more. She checked to make sure Isaac was still out of earshot, and then thought back to when she hid against the wall, almost vanishing from sight, and she made herself return to that singleness of purpose. “We will summon the strength, and with valiant strides we shall crush them, and restore the order our people yearn for . . . We shall be as . . . as the avalanche, unstoppable, irresistible,” she could feel it now, knew where the words led, and said them with growing conviction, “and we shall wipe away all traces of the evil which has controlled our world for far too long!”

  Matthew grinned, and embraced her tightly, sobbing a few tears, which Elaine eagerly reciprocated.

  “For far too long, Elaine. For far too long indeed!” He pushed her away, grinning with pride. “Now we can go to Luke, and we need to help him. He won’t be able to discover anymore if we don’t resolve this situation. As it is, he will be severely punished. You and I both know that.”

  “Yes. Let’s go.”

  They walked slowly to Luke’s cell, moving through the first level. Isaac was more on the alert, as some of the lights had been sabotaged, with wiring pulled out from the walls. Elaine could sense danger all around, but none of it immediate.

  Then they came upon Luke’s cell. They saw Colin kneeling between Luke’s legs, as Luke sat on the bed. The gun was deep in Colin’s mouth, and Luke seemed to be warring with himself. Isaac let out a belly laugh and slapped his hand on his thigh.

  “Now that’s some hard-on he’s got in his mouth—sure would hate for it to go off! I guess you want me to hang back?”

  “Yes,” answered Matthew. “Elaine has nothing to fear from me.”

  Isaac spat in disgust. “Taking orders from a damned prisoner and a dumb-ass bitch. What has this world come to?”

  Isaac moved off, as Elaine and Matthew slowly entered the cell.

  “Luke?” asked Matthew. Luke kept on gritting his teeth, as Colin whimpered before him. “Luke!”

  His eyes opened, and he focused on Matthew.

  “You hear me, don’t you?”

  “Yes . . . I do. I hear you.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “This—this isn’t me!” shouted Luke, jamming the gun harder into Colin’s mouth, making him squeal in pain and fear. “When I look in the mirror, I see . . . someone else, someone stronger, someone with pride, and dignity! Where is he? Why does he hate me so?”

  Matthew held up his hand to quiet him, and then made a slicing motion at Colin. Luke nodded, and with one quick, silent blow, rendered Colin unconscious. “Now, we can talk, without him hearing us. The man you see hates you because this isn’t you. I’ve always known that this wasn’t you.”

  “If it wasn’t me, then what has this fuck,” he shouted, jamming the gun down onto Colin’s head, “been doing to me?!”

  “Only what they want him to. He doesn’t know—he’s just a pawn, like the rest of them.”

  “Who are you?” finally asked Luke, as he relaxed his hold on the gun. He rose and stood before Matthew with equal parts pride and respect in his aspect. “We have . . . this bond, but yet . . . I have no idea why.”

  Matthew shook his head in frustration. “I don’t know. There are some days I almost know, I can almost taste who I used to be. Then something distracts me, pulls me from the mirror, and I forget. But the fight goes on. You must keep fighting, keep trying. This will set you back, but you will recover, and we shall go forward.”

  “I . . . I don’t know.”

  Something snapped within Matthew.

  “I order you to put that weapon down!” he bellowed, instantly straightening, with the gaze of a commander. Luke snapped to attention, and placed the weapon at his side.

  “Yes sir!”

  Colin regained consciousness and staggered to his feet, scrambled frantically away from Luke.

  “You’re crazy! You’re all crazy!”

  Isaac bolted in, and grabbed the gun off the bed. He held it to Luke’s head.

  “I oughta kill you for this.”

  Luke gazed on him with unflinching, focused eyes. Isaac glanced back at Matthew and Elaine, who looked at him with the same expressions.

  Isaac pressed on; “he’s gonna be punished!”

  “Yes, punished,” said Elaine, “but not killed.”

  Suddenly, out of nowhere, two fists connected with Isaac’s head. He went down soundlessly, and though Colin scrambled for the gun, one of the hands picked it up first.

  “Now you just hold it there, lover man,” said a prisoner named Darren, as he leveled the gun at Colin, and crept into the cell
. One of the more violent prisoners, Darren had started fights with over a third of the prison population. He was the only prisoner to have escaped two attempts on his life, and who killed his attackers. Elaine was fortunate never to have dealt with him in her group, but always felt his eyes on her whenever she passed him. “Well, well, if it isn’t Matthew. And Lainey! Now what would possess a woman to come into the cells this late at night?”

  “I came to try to save Luke’s life.”

  “Is that what you were doing in here the other night?” asked a voice, outside the cell. Another prisoner came in, out of the shadows, and for a moment Elaine felt sick to the pit of her stomach.

  “Ian?” Damn!

  “Yes love, and I do miss the sweet touch of your hand.”

  “Who let you out?” demanded Colin, trying in vain to assert his authority. “I only released the door on Darren’s cell, not yours!”

  “It’s fate, simple fool, just fate. The door just swung wide open, not twenty minutes ago. And here I am!” He grabbed Elaine’s arm. “And I’m oh so ready.”

  Matthew tried to intervene. “You do that, and the guards’ll kill you for sure.”

  “So what? If only someone would kill me, and put me outta my misery. And you know what they say, about misery’s company.”

  “Last time, Ian, you had the advantage,” said Elaine.

  Ian guffawed, with a wide, leering smile. “I still do, little girl.”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  Elaine pivoted in his grasp, bringing the heel of her foot squarely on his. He groaned, stifling the pain, but then she slammed up with her knee into his groin. She moved quickly and surely, and though he tried to swat at her with one of his hands, she easily evaded him. She struck at him three more times; once in his chest, once on his temple, and a last time in the front of his neck. He fell to the ground, making gurgling sounds.

  “Damned bitch!” screamed Darren. He leveled the gun, but a fist in the darkness outside slammed on his head, and he fell beside Ian. Another figure came in.

  “Ronald?!” cried Elaine, with a wide smile. “How’d you get here?”

  “Phillip. But this cell is getting crowded.”

  “What have you been doing, Elaine?” demanded Colin, a scintilla of wisdom creeping into his skull. “When we get out of here, I’m gonna—”

  “Gonna what?” demanded Matthew. “You have enough explaining to do about letting Darren out. And Ian. And you were in here, assaulting a prisoner? Because he was assaulting you, wasn’t he Luke?”

  “Yeah. He surprised me, and threatened me.” He jammed a package into Colin’s pocket. “And he stole this from me.”

  “Fuck you,” shouted Colin bitterly, “fuck you all! Fine, you want it like this, you got it. You just watch yourself, Lainey, ‘cause you’re all alone from now on.”

  Luke stood beside her, and for a moment, Elaine saw someone else. He was a proud, commanding figure, dressed in some uniform, with a gaze that could silence the loudest man.

  “Elaine will never be alone,” he said.

  “Who are you?” she whispered, looking up into his eyes. The image faded, and only the prisoner was left.

  “I wish I knew.”

  Part III: Revelation