Sweet Soul

  Lexi, stood from the bed. “I’m going to get you some food, Elsie. You need to eat to build your strength. You got too thin out on the streets.”

  Something worrying seemed to cross Lexi’s face. She moved closer to me, and this time she sat right by my side. Lexi took a deep breath, and said, “Elsie, because you’re eighteen, it’s up to you whether you choose to stay here and get better, or leave.” My chest tightened as she spoke, then she added, “I want you to stay. I can’t bear the thought of you returning to the streets.” Her hand then landed on my arm and traveled down to my wrist that was covered by my bracelet, one of the two bracelets I never took off. Her thumb delicately ran over the metal, directly over the scar that was hidden below.

  Dumbfuck, no one wants you. No one can stand that voice. No one can stand your stupid written notes.

  I met Lexi’s eyes, Annabelle’s denigrating voice once again pushing through as Lexi shined a light on my biggest shame. But Lexi’s obvious sympathy and understanding only shone back at me, the haunting cruel voice of Annabelle floating to the farthest reaches of my mind.

  “I don’t know anything about your life, and I would never presume to understand what you have been through, but you’re safe now. And if you let us, we would all like to help you in any way we can.”

  This time, the tears brimming in my eyes fell onto my cheeks. No one had ever shown me such unconditional kindness before. In the past, these offers always came with terms that I would never agree to.

  I was overcome.

  Lexi didn’t say anything else on the matter. Instead she got to her feet and walked to the door. Just before leaving, she said, “Levi has been real worried about you, Elsie. He’s been coming up here every day after his classes to make sure y’all are well. He keeps you company. He sits by your bed and keeps you safe.” What she said caused the pulse in my neck to increase in speed and all I could think of was the boy from the alley, the one who brought me coffee and let me rest on his shoulder, cared for me. I didn’t understand the how or the why, but it filled me with happiness all the same.

  Lexi left the room, and after a while, returned with food. As soon as I had eaten, Lexi showed me the bathroom attached to the room, and clothes that she had bought me. It all felt like a dream. She kept me company for a while, but it wasn’t long before my body felt drained.

  Lexi stood. “You need to sleep, honey. It’s gonna take you a while to fight the pneumonia. Sleep as much as you can.”

  My eyes were shut before I’d even had a chance to say thank you. I didn’t know how long I slept, but the night had drawn in when I heard the sound of a deep voice coming from beyond the bedroom door. The room was dark, and when it became clear who that voice belonged to, I closed my eyes again. My heart pounded as I heard the door open and he stepped through.

  “She’s exhausted, Lev,” a female voice said. I recognized it as Lexi’s.

  The silence stretched for a few seconds, before the deep voice asked, “But she was awake today? She spoke to you?” I fought for breath as I listened to the boy’s deep graveled voice. And his accent, it was southern and strong, causing my cheeks to glow. The sound of his soft sweet drawl suited the shy boy who had cared for me. And his beautiful voice, if I remembered correctly, suited his beautiful face.

  “She didn’t speak,” Lexi whispered. “She told me she couldn’t. But she wrote on a pad of paper. Her name is Elsie, Lev. She’s eighteen, nearly nineteen.”

  “Elsie,” Levi repeated, then cleared his throat. The way his voice wrapped around my name sent butterflies straight to my stomach.

  “She’s a sweet girl, Lev. I can see why you wanted to help her. Beautiful too,” Lexi added. “But then I’m sure you already saw that for yourself.”

  I heard the floorboards creak as if someone was rocking back and forth on their feet. “Yeah,” Levi suddenly whispered, and I felt like I had melted into the soft mattress.

  Levi thought me beautiful?

  “I’m just gonna sit with her a while, Lex.”

  “Okay, honey,” Lexi replied. I heard the door close. Levi and I were alone, together, in the room.

  I wanted to lift my head. I wanted to see what Levi Carillo looked like, without me being sick and confused. And I really wanted to thank him. I wanted to thank him for saving me—for caring enough to want to.

  No one had ever cared before.

  But I couldn’t. I was too terrified. With this boy, fear held my body and mind captive, leaving me frozen on the bed, eyes closed, faking sleep.

  The chair’s legs beside me scraped on the floor, then I felt Levi’s presence as he faced me and sat down. I was sure he’d see through the fact that I was awake; that or the loud beating of my heart would be picked up by his perfect hearing and reveal how unnerved I felt in his presence. But nothing of the like happened. Levi sat in silence. I breathed steadily through my panic.

  I listened, thankful my right ear was not laying on the pillow so I could hear him. His scent drifted into my nose, bringing in tow a feeling of peace. His scent was spiced and warm. It was strange, but it reminded me of the feeling of holding cold hands to an open fire, of drinking a hot drink on a winter’s night—welcomed, and calming… needed.

  Levi didn’t move the entire time he sat there, but it was long enough for my pretend sleep to change into true sleep. As my breathing evened out, and my mind drifted away, I felt rough fingers land ever so gently on mine, and a voice at my ear whisper, “Goodnight, Elsie. Sleep tight.”

  At the sound of the bedroom door closing, I mentally touched my face; for the briefest of moments I thought there was a whisper of a smile on my lips. No, I corrected, I was sure it was there, because it had to match the ghost of a smile that had taken root in my heart.

  * * * * *

  I woke during the night and a deep unease immediately crept over me. The room was pitch black. I didn’t like the darkness. I felt the stirrings of anxiety thread across my chest, and I reached out to search for the bedside light. My hand hopped over the wooden side table, until I found a wire and, at the end, a switch. I clicked it on and a dull glowing light filled the room. I breathed deep, holding my chest.

  I hated the dark.

  The voices came in the dark. Annabelle’s cruel words attacked me at night, when I was most vulnerable, when the memories hurt the worst.

  I sat up. The clock on the nightstand told me it was past midnight. I touched my head, it was damp and sticky. My eyes drifted across to the bathroom and, before I knew it, my legs were carrying me through to the huge shower. I didn’t want to wake anybody, but Lexi had assured me that no one would be disturbed by me from this room in the house.

  As the bathroom filled with hot steam, I stripped off my pajamas and my skin goose-bumped at the thought of having a shower. A shower. I hadn’t had a shower in… I didn’t know how long. Long enough that I’d completely forgotten what it even felt like. On the streets I sneaked into public restrooms and washed myself down before they closed, before the nighttime’s unsavory characters began walking the streets.

  I stepped into the shower and I closed my eyes, just standing under the hot stream of clean water. Lexi had left all kinds of shampoos, conditioners, body washes and razors for me to use. It was the longest shower of my life. When I stepped out and wrapped myself in the soft towel hanging on a hook, I felt human again. It was funny how being a nothing person on the street, someone people ignored like you were not even there, takes away your conviction that you really are someone. That you matter too.

  That you’re human.

  I was in the bathroom for an hour or more, indulging in the use of a blow dryer and tubs of moisturizer. As I was about to leave, dressed in a fresh pair of pajamas Lexi had put in a closet, I caught my reflection in the floor length bathroom mirror. I stopped dead in my tracks. I stared at the girl looking back.

  I didn’t recognize her. Her blond hair seemed three shades lighter than I had remembered it being—the result of it being clean. Her skin was
clear, not dull or pale. Yes, I could see that she was still sick, but her skin was smooth and there was some color in her cheeks.

  Even when my mom and I had lived in one of our many temporary apartments, we rarely had hot water. If we did, we couldn't afford shampoo, conditioner or body wash to clean ourselves properly. A momentary flash of pain sliced through me when I thought of my mom, but I chased it away, and entered the huge bedroom.

  And I stood there. I was no longer tired, but I had no idea what to do. Lexi had shown me how to use the television, but I had no interest in watching it.

  Wrapping my arms around my chest, I found myself gravitating to the large window that overlooked the river. I pulled back the heavy curtains. My jaw hit the floor as I was presented with a perfectly clear night. It had rained almost every day for as long as I could remember, but now that I had a roof over my head, the weather was clear and dry. I laughed a humorless laugh to myself.

  Typical.

  I sat on the wide ledge and stared at the reflection of the bright silver moon glistening on the still river. I sighed, thinking that it looked like an oil painting, before my eyes next drifted to the pool house across the huge yard. As I gazed upon the building my stomach flipped, imagining who was inside.

  As if I could still feel his touch, I lifted my hand and bought it to my chest. I thought of his face and his voice. That voice. I always listened to voices. Most people I had ever known would look at eyes, lips or other facial features. But being deaf as a child prompted a fascination with voices. I believed I could tell a lot about a person just by listening to their tone and inflection. Or maybe I was just fascinated because I chose not to speak. Maybe I was fascinated with voices because I hated mine so much. Because I’d been picked apart and cruelly ridiculed for my voice, so much so that it almost broke me. Broken over something I couldn’t control.

  I dropped my hand from my chest before more bad memories surfaced, before her voice struck my heart. I itched to write, to express my thoughts and feelings in words, on paper.

  I looked around the room and remembered that Lexi said she had washed my clothes, and put my things in the closet. I walked to the closet, and there on a shelf, were my worn and worthless clothes. My pen and pad of paper were lying beside them. I reached forward to pull out my leather jacket and found the back zipped pocket I was looking for. I exhaled in relief when my hand felt the string of old wooden beads and the old picture. When I dropped my leather jacket I stared down at the rosary I’d kept from the wallet I had stolen.

  Levi Carillo’s wallet.

  Shame swept through me. I had stolen his wallet, a fact I was sure he knew. Yet he had still helped me. He hadn’t held it against me, quite the opposite.

  I followed my feet to the large window, clutching the rosary and picture in my hand. I wondered what it meant to him.

  He deserved it to be returned.

  I stood, eyes fixed on the pool house, until I decided to hand them back now. I grabbed the new Ugg boots Lexi had bought me, and slipped them onto my feet. Making sure my hearing aid was firmly fixed in place, I snuck out of my room, down the stairs, and out into the yard from the kitchen doors. As the night wind wrapped around me I immediately felt a chill ripple down my spine. Wrapping my arms around my waist, I ran across the yard to the pool house. Though the lights were off, I silently tried the doorknob and, to my relief, it opened.

  I was used to sneaking around; years of practice stealing food and money served me well. I slipped in and quickly closed the door. A pool house, I thought, taken aback by its sheer size. This pool house was a typical family’s house in its own right.

  As my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, they landed on a huge bed in the center. My heart fired in my chest. Levi. Levi, asleep in the middle of the bed, a sheet covering his lower half. His broad muscled back was bare.

  I remained transfixed on his naked top half, and nerves began to accost my body. I could hear my own breathing. It sounded like thunder in my ear. And seeing Levi’s solid back, triggered an instant replay of his deep southern drawl whispering my name.

  I wasn’t exactly sure how long I stayed at the door trying to gather my wits. But when the rosary’s chain began to slip from my grasp, I pushed myself forward. I walked as quietly as possible to the edge of the bed. I tried to keep my focus straight ahead, but my curiosity about this boy forced my eyes to dip and study him up close.

  My hands squeezed together as I watched him sleep. His face was pointing in my direction and his muscled arms were snuggled under his pillow. Even in this dim light, even with his adorably messy fair hair in a state of disarray through sleep, I could see just how perfect this boy really was. Beautiful and kind—my mom had always told me there was no such thing. After my life on the streets, after being in that home, I was inclined to agree… until I met this boy. Levi Carillo—the boy with a pure heart.

  Inhaling deep, my cheeks blushed as I drank in his spiced warm scent. As I did, the butterflies swooped in force into my stomach, and I knew I needed to leave.

  Unraveling the Rosary from my hand, I reached out to place it on his bedside table. As quietly as possible, I laid the wooden beads and the picture on the wooden table. But as I was pulling my hand away, gentle fingers wrapped round my wrist. When I looked down, a pair of sleepy stormy-gray eyes collided with mine.

  He was awake.

  I froze. I could do nothing but stand here, locked in his stare. Levi’s face was searching mine, until his gaze drifted to the side table, and the rosary beads and picture that were now on the tabletop. This time, as he saw those beads, that picture, his expression told me everything he was feelingthe dip of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, and the fluttering of his impossibly long black lashes as he blinked back water from his eyes.

  The moment was fractured and suspended. As I watched this beautiful boy, all the breath left my body when he peered up at me through shy eyes. His tongue peeked out, he wet his dry lips and whispered, “Thank you.”

  I thought he would let go of my wrist so I could run back to my room, but his fingers kept hold. Instead, his thumb timidly moved and ran over the back of my hand. I waited, anxious and nervous, then he murmured, “Elsie.”

  I was sure my heart shattered apart into a million tiny pieces. I was sure, as the sensation in my chest was almost too much to bear.

  Chapter Six

  Levi

  I couldn’t believe she was in my room.

  I couldn’t believe that she was here before me, looking like she did. I thought I was dreaming when I saw a flash of blond hair against the darkness of the night. Until I watched her small hand place something on the bedside counter. My heart had doubled in time when I saw the familiar brown beads, when I saw that tarnished silver cross—my mamma’s rosary, which meant everything to me. And the picture. The small copied picture I kept with me always.

  And she had given them back. Like an honest thief in the night, she was bringing back the one precious thing I truly treasured.

  Acting on impulse, I refused to let her drop off the beads and leave. I reached forward and took hold of her wrist. I couldn’t not when she was here, in the night, looking like this.

  Automatically my hand held her wrist; nerves quickly followed, my stomach flipping upside down. I had no idea where to go from here. Then her eyes darted to mine and all bets were off.

  Every part of me stilled, then like it was its own force, like I had no choice but to speak her name, I rasped, “Elsie.”

  Elsie’s wrist jerked in my hand as I uttered her name, and I sighed. She’d heard me. This pretty lost girl had heard me. Her head tipped to the right, the side on which she could hear, as if to hear more.

  Like the spreading of wildfire, I felt the blush building within me, coating every inch of my skin. Elsie’s arm trembled in mine. As it did, my eyes drank in her pale skin and I couldn’t help but stroke my thumb over the back of her hand. It was so soft.

  Hearing Elsie’s breathing hitch, I quickly relea
sed her arm. She didn’t move. She didn’t run out the door like I expected. Instead, she stayed at the side of my bed, with her head downcast.

  She was as shy as me.

  Taking in a deep breath, I reached to the side lamp and turned on the light. Shuffling to sit up in bed, I noticed Elsie’s attention drift to my bare torso, only to immediately dip her head again to focus on the floor. A twinge of satisfaction sparked inside me, seeing that she was affected by me.

  I thanked God I had my sweatpants on the bottom. The silence thickened. We both felt awkward and uncomfortable, but even this strained silence didn’t prevent me from looking again at Elsie. Her head was still dipped, and she played with her hands, showing how nervous she really was.

  Sighing, I reached for the rosary beads on my side table, immediately feeling relief at having them back. It was stupid how lost I’d felt without them. It was irrational, even Axel had said so, but having them back… I felt like I had a lost piece of my heart back with me again.

  I ran the wooden beads through my hand and said, “Thank you for bringing these back. And the picture. You have no idea how much they mean to me.”

  Elsie didn’t speak, I never expected her to. When I looked up, she was watching me. Elsie nodded her head, then lifted her hand to lay it on the thin gold locket around her neck. She held the locket in her fingers and laid her hand over her heart.

  I watched her in fascination, when I realized she was trying to tell me something. I sat further forward, studying her every move, until I guessed, “You know how it feels.” Elsie inhaled deeply through her nose, then nodded. I could tell by the sad expression on her face that whatever sentiment the locket held was as important to Elsie as the beads were to me.

  “The locket,” I said, as Elsie released the locket to lay back on her lower neck, “it means a lot to you.”

  Elsie nodded and, using her hands, she drew a circle in the air. “Everything,” I said, understanding its silent meaning. Elsie glanced up at me through her lashes and a small smile pulled on her lips.