Oblivion Girl

  And wouldn’t you know that jerk started shooting at me! I ran out of the bar like it was about to blow up. Took me a bit but I managed to lose him in a sea of market people. After regaining my breath I realized that I didn’t even know where I was, let alone how to start to find my way back to Atticus.

  Confident that Atticus had it under control back on the tanker, I decided to treat this adventure as my own personal vacation. I explored around a little and learned the place we docked was called Astor Island. It was an in-between dock for tankers on long hauls. A place to stop, rest and refill before continuing along their journey. It was just a matter of time before Atticus’s ship docked here on its way back. The plus-side was I now got to skip out on two weeks worth of water watching. I chuckled to myself. Perfect.

  I turned around and bumped into a soft, almost lambskin covered coat.

  “Hey Buddy, watch it!”

  I paused, eyes locked onto the coat. I knew that coat. Then it hit me. I didn’t have to look up to know it was Atticus.

  “Nice to see you too.” Atticus replied. “Although I was expecting more of a warm welcome.”

  “And I would’ve enjoyed the break so much too.” I mumbled to myself.

  “What?” Atticus asked.

  “Thanks for rescuing me, JERK! Sooo happy to see you.”

  I pushed him away, hard on his chest.

  “Huh?”

  I could tell by the look on his face he hadn’t the slightest clue he was the one I blamed for prematurely aborting my vacation. Maybe I’d just jump overboard late at night and have a tea party with Davey Jones.

  “Come on Sherlock.” I said. “Onto the next case.”

  I led the way back to the dock.

  “Does that mean your Watson?” Atticus asked.

  “I’m sorry, did you just call me fat?”

  “You will be if you keep eating all that ice cream.”

  “I wouldn’t sleep tonight if I were you.”

  Chapter Seven: Miss Misery Part 2

  If I had to explain pirates to someone, I’d say that they most resemble the Mafia. If you messed with one, all came running to help. Lucky for our wallets we had successfully dropped off the shipment before our ship was filled with the stench of un-showered men holding cardboard swords.

  We were on our way back home and had just passed Astor Island a few days ago when, in broad daylight, we found our ship surrounded by a fleet of scalawags-- skull and crossbones to match. Thing about being on a tanker for a month was you get to know every nook and cranny. I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to make these raiders work for their food. I dragged Atticus with me while I explained my plan.

  Didn’t take long for the pirates to board onto the tanker. Within minutes the crew were tied and sitting on the deck. That’s when I got to see old one-eye himself-- Captain Osiris.

  Captain Osiris was a grim looking son of a bitch. His face looked like Davey Jones jumbled with Rob Zombie. His voice was deep and thrashed, skin baked and cracked-- a tan movie stars pay thousands for. This was the type of man who didn’t know the meaning of the word sun block. He’d been out to sea so much that his coat collected grains of salt from the sea wind and I’m sure if I looked hard enough, a few seagulls had used it as a toilet. My inner child was smiling.

  I watched perched up high on the radar antenna over the crowd of marauders. Atticus was tied off over the side of the ship in a way that kept his hands free to hold his sniper rifle. Since he’s afraid of the ocean, it took a bit of convincing but I was pretty sure that ships rope has barely ever broken. Atticus looked down at the ocean beneath him and took a long calm exhale—- most likely cursing my name.

  “Where’s the young girl?” Captain Osiris bellowed at our crew. I was a bit surprised that no one said a word. Probably because they had no idea. If they did, they’d point me out right away and be done with it. The Captain took out his pistol and raised it to a crews’ forehead. Now wasn’t the time to play games, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “I’ll ask again,” the Captain said.

  I’ll give it to him; man has his persuasions. I pulled a pin on a smoke canister and watched it swan dived down to the group. If I had one, I would’ve tossed a nuke down and ended it—- I’ll ask Kial for one for Christmas. The smoke began to fill up the deck and that’s when I did the most stupid and coolest thing in my life. Like a pelican I jumped off the radar antenna down towards my prey. At the time my body was pumping with enough adrenaline to give an elephant a heart attack. And to answer any preconceived notions, no I did not lose my mind—- yet.

  As I swiftly drifted down towards my unsuspecting prey I remembered my dream of falling off the side of the ship. I thought it was ironic that this time I would NOT be waking up before I hit the bottom. But like always I had an ace up my sleeve.

  I had tied a rope around my canister belts, which were connected to the radar antenna. About ten feet before hitting the bottom the rope tightened and like Peter Pan I swooshed across the deck a few feet above head height. With the smoke screen doing it’s thing, no one knew where the knife slicing pirates came from before it was too late.

  This was Atticus’s cue to open fire on anyone standing up since our crew were all sitting down. He was lucky to get off a good three shots before the pirates started shooting back. A few of their bullets grazed the ropes holding him over the water and the rope slowly started to unravel.

  Now I know for a fact that I’m not fat. I weigh less than an average child, however that didn’t stop the radar antenna from stressing under the pull of my weight and deciding that it was done carrying me. With a loud moan the antenna gave out and suicide jumped down towards the deck right towards me. I felt the rope give out and my body braced for impact. Again, hit the deck in the most ungraceful way you could think-- flat on my back. I looked up to see the antenna quickly approaching me. I rolled backwards just in time as everyone got out of the way and the antenna crashed down taking out one or two pirates. I cut my rope and jumped behind a lifeboat. The smoke cleared leaving only an angry captain and bloody pirates.

  Atticus’s rope couldn’t hold on any longer and gave way. He gripped the edge of the ship with both hands as the rope splashed into the water and disappeared.

  “Sweep the ship! FIND HER,” scolded Captain Osiris.

  The remaining pirates drew their weapons and began the WOMAN hunt. Most of the crew spread out into the ships cabins and control room leaving our Jack Sparrow wannabe with a few chosen guards.

  The guards were big men who looked like between them they’d taken enough steroids to fill a bus. Tattoo’s covered most of their exposed skin and their grins were so unnerving you’d think they stayed up late at night sharpening their teeth.

  The Captain’s group must have seen me somehow because they started to walk my way—- or maybe it was the fact that a giant piece of rope on the ground lead a trail straight to me. I had to think fast and this time the Second Sun canisters weren’t going to do much with the sun already out. Before I could react one of the guards was already looming over me.

  “Well, well, well. What do we have here?” he said.

  “Meow?” I replied.

  Captain Osiris looked down and smiled.

  “Looks to me like a catfish out of water.” Captain Osiris said. The group chuckled—- I guess THAT was a pirate’s version of funny joke-- I wasn’t amused.

  Before I knew it I was unarmed and tied-- I really needed to stop getting tied up by pirates. This time I got to see Captain Osiris up close. Without his beard he’d probably look like an average ugly middle-aged man.

  “Is this the wench that bested you?” Captain Osiris turned and asked to one of his mates. I recognized the guy he was speaking to. It was Mr. Morning Breath! His hand was bandaged up from holding the canister I stomped on and his face still a bit bruised. Morning Breath nodded to the Captain.

  “Long time no see, Morning Breath.” I sn
ickered. “I guess you wanted me to meet all your cool friends, huh? Don’t worry, once I’m done with them I’ll come back to finish you off.”

  People don’t usually get the chance to touch me very often and when a lucky person does they better make sure one hundred percent that it kills me, cause if not, I WILL come back ten fold. Captain Osiris made that mistake. Punch in the face and a kick in the ribs. The whole time I’m laughing like I escaped from some mental institution because all that’s going through my mind is the look on his face when I get mine. But Osiris kept them coming until I quieted down to a chuckle.

  “Welcome to hell!” I say to him as I spit blood onto his coat.

  If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my time it’s that you never mess with a crazy person. I don’t care if you’re the worst person on earth but if for some reason that child starts yelling at the voices in their head and craps themselves, best to get out of there before they unleash a living nightmare upon your ass-- and I’m twice as bad because on top of it I get PMS.

  By this time the crew came back from searching the ship, Atticus was still dangling over the edge debating whether to try to save me or take his chances in the ocean-- both were apparently on par.

  Before he made up his mind the pirates already started dragging me back to their ship like a bunch of cavemen. Atticus looked down at the cold watery grave, took a deep breath and let go. He couldn’t scream out loud like he wanted to because if he did the pirates would’ve heard him, so he impatiently waited until he was submerged under hundreds of gallons of icy water before he let out the most vicious roar from the depths of his soul. Before he knew it he was above water and quickly making his way over to the Captains ship. The last thing he wanted was to stay in the water and see what kind of friends he’d attract.

  The Captains ship was old enough to still be made out of wood-- except the sails of course. The two men dragging me didn’t even bother lifting me up over the ledge as they walked from the tanker to the pirate ship. They dangled me over the water as if to say, ‘Play nice or we will drop you.’ I shot them a look back that said, ‘Don’t threaten me with a good time.’ Anything would be better than being humiliated like this for another minute even if it was swimming with the sharks.

  Atticus made his squishy way onboard the ship and hid in Captain Osiris’s closet-- don’t ask, because in his brain, this was apparently all a good idea.

  Captain Osiris let the boys take me below deck to their homemade jail cell to keep a closer eye on me. Because of their unaware generosity, this did two things for me; buy me more time and untie my restraints. If I had a knife I would of whittled my way out. The wood in the cell was twice as thick as the rest of the boat so there was no way a human with their bare hands could break through. I’d just have to wait for Atticus who took his sweet ass time to come save the princess in distress.

  ***

  Nightfall came and I could feel my stomach start to growl. Atticus was still in the closet as alert and ready as when he first entered. He had waited for Captain Osiris who’d come in to take a nap before dinner. The only problem was that Captain Osiris was not an easy sleeper and it took three hours before Atticus could hear a snore out of his mouth. Atticus dressed himself in the Captain’s spare clothing and took out his pistol. He opened the closet and crept up to the side of the bed. Around him he heard the footsteps and chatter of the crew as they went about their business. Before Atticus could wake him up, a knock came from the Captain’s door. Captain Osiris opened his eyes to a surprised and uneasy Atticus.

  Quietly Atticus said, “Answer normally.”

  Captain Osiris looked Atticus up and down, nodded and walked to the door.

  “What is it?!” he shouted through the closed door.

  “Sorry to bother you Captain,” a muffled voice replied, “but Eligos said you both still had matters to attend and it’s now nightfall.”

  Captain Osiris looked back at Atticus.

  “Ah, yes. I’m a bit tied up right now. Let him know it will have to wait till tomorrow. Also, I’m skipping supper tonight.”

  “Aye, aye Captain.”

  Captain Osiris, who obviously liked his brains enough to keep them, waited till he was sure the man was gone before he spoke to Atticus.

  “And now what’s your plan?” Captain Osiris asked Atticus.

  “That’s simple.” Atticus replied. “You’re going to let me and the girl leave this boat alive.”

  “And why would I do that?”

  “Because you’re too smart to want to die.”

  Captain Osiris looked as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. He hated it when his enemies bested him.

  “And what’s to stop me from releasing my men on you once you leave my boat?”

  “Who said we were leaving?”

  The Captain smiled.

  “Then lead the way.”

  Atticus felt his heart wanting to jump out his throat as the Captain opened the door. The crew was too busy working to pay attention to a new face. With the gun under his coat, Atticus had Captain Osiris lead the way. When they approached my cell I was gambling and winning against one of the pirates for my dinner. The pirate was so obsessed with gambling that he’d sell his grandmother if he thought she was worth any monetary value. All it took was one glance at Captain Osiris to have the pirate jump up and salute. I didn’t even know it was Atticus with him until he decided to speak.

  “Open the cell.” Captain Osiris ordered.

  “Aye, Aye sir!”

  “About time, Jerk,” I said to Atticus.

  “Your welcome.” Atticus replied.

  “So what’s the plan now?”

  “I thought you’d have one.”

  “I’ve only been thinking about one thing all night.”

  I walked up to Captain Osiris, cracked my sweet smile and held both his coarse hands in mine. I then mustered up all my remaining strength and kicked him as hard as I could in the nuts. Because I was holding his hands, his only option was to cry out in pain and drop to the floor.

  “Consider this a mutiny.” I said.

  Like I stated before, never mess with a crazy person.

  Within minutes Captain Osiris was in my cell. We didn’t need Mr. Crotch Pain limping around his crew setting off a bunch of red flags.

  The pirate I was gambling against wasn’t let off the hook either. I made him strip down and give me his clothes before we tossed him in with the captain. Since he was a twig of a man they fit pretty good. I devoured my supper as I changed and within no time Atticus and I were up on the deck. We locked the cell doors-- two down, fifty to go.

  I wondered how convincing my disguise was as I looked around at all the men. I pulled my coat tighter around me and began to walk next to Atticus to the side of the boat. A hand gripped my shoulder from behind and I heard Atticus let out a faint scream.

  “YAR!” yelled a mate with brandy scenting his breath. “Tis a beautiful night! Drink up me hearty!”

  He handed Atticus a cup and made his way to the next group who let out a yell of cheer as he approached. Atticus dumped the drink over the side. In the distance I could see the faint lights from another ship as they streamed across the vast ocean. I wondered if any of them were the tanker we were captured from, but later found out from Kial that those COWARDS continued back home once the pirates left.

  I had a weird feeling; the kind you get when you know something bad is about to happen. A slight pain you couldn’t describe other than an uneasy feeling deep within the depths of your stomach, almost like you were hungry-- which reminded me I was still hungry.

  And that’s when I heard shouts from the crew on the port side of the pirate ship. Atticus and I turned to see a boat twice the size of the one we were on, a few feet away and coming straight at us. The crew rushed to their posts and braced for impact as our wood ship cracked in half like a twig. Atticus and I didn’t stick around for the event and jumped off the side of th
e boat back into the water-- this time, Atticus didn’t hold in his scream.

  The bottom of the attacking ship silently sliced by us under water then circled back around. The undertow of the water slammed my head against the wooden ship and I blacked out. On the surface it only took seconds for the wooden ship to submerge to its watery grave with a bunch of men splashing for their lives-- probably the first bath they’d had in years.

  ***

  I woke from the concussion to the most hideous thing possible—- Jophie’s face. He stood above me and I bet only minutes before he was touching me with his dirty Gypsy hands.

  “I think I’m going to throw up.” I said to him.

  “Well, you did get quite a hit on the head.”

  “No, it’s defiantly because of your ugly face.”

  Jophie turned to Atticus and said, “She seems fine.”

  Atticus helped me piece together the aftermath of what happened as I laid helpless in bed. Apparently the company who hired us felt the need for extra precaution and hired Jophie and his Gypsies to tail us. If we failed, Jophie would’ve had to pick up the slack. Also, if we didn’t return back, neither of us would have gotten paid.

  Upon hearing that I was captured and Atticus was missing, Jophie decided to hunt down the pirate ship and retrieve us so that he could collect, even though he made it very well known it was for the sake of a friend in need—- I still couldn’t figure out whom the friend was.

  “We had it under control before you came and gave me a concussion.” I said.

  “Necessary casualties.” Jophie replied.

  I showed him my teeth the way a wolf shows them to an easy prey. Creep didn’t let it faze him. I hated it when I can’t get under his skin. It just made me madder!

  We finished the trip back home on Jophie’s ship. Unlike Atticus, I didn’t leave my room. It was embarrassing, as if mom came and rescued her children and was now carrying their naked bodies back home down the street for everyone to see. I knew if this were to leak out I’d never live it down from anyone. I’d have to move to a new town but Jophie would probably just follow so what was the point? I was stuck with the douche bag.