Oblivion Girl

  “Should we do something?” Kial asked Atticus while Alita and I went at it.

  “Sure. You go ahead and try to break that up.”

  Kial looked over at us as I got to put a few good punches into Alita’s face—- you know, to make her look pretty for a change. I received a swift rib jab back followed by some hair pulling.

  ***

  Half an hour rolled by with Alita and I on the ground out of breath. All we could muster were a few sporadic soft kicks or light hand slaps.

  “I’m gonna kill you.” I kept repeating.

  “I’ll take you on any day, fatty.” Alita replied back.

  “We’ll, now that I have everyone’s attention,” Kial said, “I’ve got a bit of an announcement.”

  “Please tell me she’s pregnant and that the father is some sort of blind deformed alien zombie from hell.” I said.

  Just an angry look back from Alita-- SCARY!

  “Actually, it does have to do with Alita. As of today, she’s the newest member of our team.”

  If I hadn’t been lying on the floor I would of fallen over.

  “You might want to reconsider-“ Atticus tried before I cut him off.

  “-Have you lost your MIND!?!”

  “Why, jealous someone pretty is finally part of the group?” Alita smirked.

  “I thought the word pretty implied you didn’t look like a boy.” I whipped back.

  “AND,” Kial went on, “because I know you two love each other so much, I’m having Alita train privately with Essa for the first week.

  “Well, I quit.” I said as I pulled myself up in the doorway.

  “Essa, come back!” Atticus called out.

  “NO!” I shouted. “I will not stand here and listen to how our prize money gets sworn in as a member to the honorary club of brain damaged boys. It’s either her or me!”

  ***

  “Just because I have to train you, doesn’t mean I’m going to have your back in battle.” I said to Alita as we walked to her first training mission.

  “Thanks for the wisdom, oh great teacher. I think I can handle my own.”

  “Good luck with all that ‘thinking’.”

  I didn’t really have a group of thugs to unleash on her so I assembled the next best thing-- the Oblivion Babes; not only were they fierce little girls, but they hated Alita for becoming my sidekick, a position they craved for years.

  I brought a couple of items along with us on the training mission. One being a bag of stuff and the other was a gallon jug of water-- I made Alita carry both. After all, she’ll need to bulk up.

  We walked down to the dock and jumped on a ship. Before they knew it, we were standing next to the S.S. Miss Misery. She looked as awful as the last time I saw her.

  “Cool!” Lillim said as the girls climbed up through the rusted ship.

  By the time we got to the deck the sun was setting but that was all in my master plan. I tossed the bag of stuff to Ezra.

  “Here, hand these out.” I said as I sat back against the ship. Ezra handed out water guns from the bag.

  “Water guns?” Alita asked. “What are we doing with water guns?”

  “Not ‘we’.” I told her. “Them.”

  I pointed at the Oblivion Babes. I could see the small wheels of thought turn inside each tiny head.

  “Why?” Alita asked.

  “It’s simple, my stupid-minded girl. THEY are going chase and shoot YOU and it is your objective to find and reach me before one drop of water gets on your dwarfish undeveloped body.”

  “But that’s impossible.”

  “THAT is what I have to do every day, but if you think you’re not up to it, we can just go home now and tell Kial I was right.”

  Three, two, one.

  “Let’s do it.” Alita muttered.

  “Good.” I replied. “Fill them up.”

  Once the guns were filled and the girls were hidden around the ship, I gave Alita a smoke grenade and a word of advice.

  “Count out loud to twenty and try not to make this boring.”

  “Yes, mommy.”

  I flipped her the bird and disappeared inside the ship. This was going to be good. I forgot to tell Alita that I’d also put vinegar in the water guns so on the off chance she’d get soaked, not only would she be wet but smell bad-- not like she needed help in that department. Oh well, sometimes you just have to kick them when they’re down, otherwise they’ll stand back up.

  “Twenty-nine, thirty.”

  Alita clenched the smoke canister so tight in her hand I saw the whites of her knuckles in the moonlight. I finished giving specific instructions to the Oblivion Babes and waited patiently in my hiding spot. Up to bat first was Ariel. While Alita tried to make up her mind where to start, afraid that one of the girls would be waiting around any corner she chose, Ariel slowly crept up behind her. She was doing great until that one creaky step on the ships deck gave her away. That didn’t stop Ariel from frantically pulling the trigger or Alita from jumping out of the way. By the time Ariel had her next dead shot no water came out. Alita pulled the pin on the canister and took the opportunity to run off the deck into the halls of the ship while Ariel tried her hardest to re-pump the water gun.

  In the dark hall Alita waited for her eyes to adjust under a doorframe. She didn’t know it but she was only a few feet away from Lillu who had tiptoed around the entrance somewhere. This was the first time Lillu felt like she was part of my team and couldn’t help but let out a sinister little giggle that echoed down the corridors of the decayed hall making Alita paranoid—- perfect! I decided to help lead the two closer together and took off behind Alita brushing past her.

  “Catch me if you can, cunt.”

  She took the bait. She was fast but I was faster. Even at my jogging pace the girl fell behind. Lillu got the hint and waited crouched down next to a room by some steps, the barrel of her water gun stuck out around corner. Alita ran past and didn’t see the steps. She tumbled and rolled as Lillu shot where Alita would have been if she didn’t trip. Alita felt the mist from the water spray off the wall and rolled back onto her feet. Lillu was shocked that within seconds Alita had twisted the water gun out of her hand and continued after me. Alita popped off the canister and held the container of water as she chased me down. She dropped the gun just about when Zophiel stepped out in front of her. Alita flung out the water at Zophiel, forcing Zophiel out of her way as Alita continued after me. When Zophiel looked back, Alita was gone.

  “I bet you’d run fast if I was Kial.” I yelled back to Alita.

  Her little legs pumped faster. I loved this because I had an advantage-- I knew the ship inside and out. As we both rounded the corner, to Alita’s surprise, I had disappeared.

  “You’re not exactly playing fair,” she said.

  “When is life ever fair?” I replied back, my voice sounded as though I it came from all around her.

  “Did you really have to put vinegar in the water?”

  “Why? Afraid of smelling good for a change?”

  All I had to do was stall long enough for Lilim, who was at the other end of the hall, to aim and take a shot. It would’ve been perfect if Ezra didn’t fire at Lilim thinking she was Alita. Pissed off, Lilim fired back at Ezra. Alita saw the two and ducked around the corner.

  “Looks like it’s just down to you and me, my ugly friend.” I said. “I’ll give you a hint which room I’m in. All you have to do is add thirty-four, twenty-three and eleven together.”

  Alita cautiously walked down the hall looking for room sixty-eight. When she reached the room, she crept by the door. I was across the hall in room sixty-seven-- math was never my strong suit. I held in my laughter as she kicked open the door and the jug of water drenched down on top her.

  “What the…”

  “Better watch out. Sometimes the enemies have booby-traps.”

  Alita picked up the jug, turned around and came at me. I did my best to hold
her back, but she still managed to splash me good. Drenched, we paused and looked at each other. Our eyes connected and for the first time, Alita and I laughed together. Later on, anyone within a ten-mile radius would’ve heard the screams of seven girls as the most epic water battle unleashed inside a beached warship.

  ***

  All of us soaked in the smelly vinegar water walked back to town that night. The Oblivion Babes were up front talking about the water battle while Alita and I followed in the rear.

  “Why hasn’t anyone ever asked about me and my family?” Alita asked.

  “That’s because we could care less. Sorry, just one of the rules our group abides by. We don’t ask and you don’t tell.”

  “Yeah, who wants a large reward anyways.s”

  “Wait… what?” I said as I stopped in my tracks.

  “It’s just some big stupid reward given to the person who returns me to my father. If you were nicer to me I would’ve split the profits with you. I guess I’ll just have to have Jophie help me.” Alita said as she continued walking.

  Three, two, one.

  “Tell me more.” I asked as I ran up to her.

  ***

  The next day Alita and I stood at the front door of her parent’s house. The place was a mansion covered in vines with a yard bigger than a football field. One thing was for sure; Alita’s parents weren’t eating top ramen for lunch.

  I knocked on the door and a maid answered. She was a bit surprised to see Alita handcuffed to me.

  “Delivery.” I said.

  “One moment.” the maid replied.

  She closed the door and a minute later Alita’s father, Kiro, opened it.

  “Alita!” he shouted.

  “Father!”

  Alita ran up to Kiro, but like a dog on a leash, I pulled her back.

  “Not so fast.”

  That got Kiro’s attention. He gave me an unwelcoming look—- the kind of look he probably gave his servants.

  “Please, come inside. Both of you.”

  “Don’t have to ask me twice, Pops.” I said.

  “Yes…” he mumbled.

  Inside was a real treat. Paintings older than your grandma, furniture older than your grandpa and so much money you could smell it through the walls.

  Kiro opened the door to the south study, which was bigger than Kial’s place. We sat down on chairs so old Adam and Eve probably whittled them themselves. I spotted an assortment of treats lying on the table and hadn’t eaten lunch so I decided this was a good alternative. Kiro went straight to business-- I liked his style.

  “30,000, not a penny more.”

  “First off,” I said with a mouth full of cookies, “there’s about five things wrong with that sentence.”

  I leaned forward letting the crumbs spill onto the imported Italian hardwood floor.

  “Ransom specifically said 100,000 and that’s not including money of my own I had to spend to recue this little girl.”

  “Money, what money?”

  “Bullets, guns, grenades, hotel rooms, food, travel expenses-- any of this ringing a bell? Not to mention my bonus for returning a living, breathing body.”

  “Which is…”

  “250,000. Non-refundable and non-negotiable.”

  “That’s outrageous!”

  “You’re right. See ya.”

  I stood up and dusted off my crumbs onto Alita.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I hate wasting time. I’m sure I can get about the same over at some brothel.”

  “Now just a minute!”

  “Times money Pops. If you want my minute you have to pay for it and the more you make me wait the more it costs. Price just went up to 300,000.”

  Rule number one, when dealing with people like me: Never let bounty hunters know how much cash you can afford. Otherwise you’ll end up paying every penny of it.

  “OK! FINE! Anything to get you to leave WITHOUT my daughter!” he said.

  I looked over at Alita who smiled back at me. I was stunned the slut was useful for a change. We exchanged the cash for the handcuffs and I was promptly escorted off the premises. That night, after saying goodnight to her father, Alita opened the window and snuck out of the house leaving a ransom note. That part of the plan I knew about, however, she’d signed it with my name and I got a rude awakening at seven in the morning when twenty big ugly bounty hunters stormed my room.

  I wiped the sleep from my eyes, my knife already out and ready to go.

  “Don’t you guys ever shower? I could smell you before I saw you.”

  I didn’t even have time to pee before I was back at the mansion and let’s just say there weren’t any cookies this time—- I’d already asked.

  When I tried to explain to Pop’s that his darling little girl not only ran away but also took my money with her, he became very interested in hiring my services. I think the part about me being the only one able to track her down in less than a week helped.

  That was until two weeks went by and still no Alita. I didn’t know where she ran off to but wherever it was, it wasn’t within arms length. Now Pop’s had withdrawn his offer after I came back to his palace for the tenth time empty handed and trying to extend my deadline. If I ever run into that little troll again, I think I’ll let my knife give her a nice hug.

  Chapter Eleven: I Think I Can

  Now that her father was off of her trail and Alita ran off with our loot, I had to actually try now to track her down. Rumor had it there was a young girl running a small con over in a city called Enyo so I bought me and Atticus a first class ticket on a train to go say hello. Thanks to Atticus, we arrived to the train station late only to overhear lowlife’s giving some guy a hard time. They were loud, yelling at him to take his wad of cash and go home before a bullet made friends with his brain. All I heard was blah, blah, blah, money and then I knew exactly who my new best friend would be on this trip. The thugs pushed him onto the train and watched as the train departed.

  That night I ‘accidently’ bumped into the guy’s room and told him I had mistaken it for mine. We introduced ourselves and I found out the guys name was Daevin. While I stalled with a little small talk, I gave the room a once over and eyed his safe—- his unlocked and open safe. This led to that and before I knew it I was in the bar all night dishing out a fake laugh for every bad joke that came out of his mouth. I gradually became touchy feely but what Genius didn’t know was I was frisking around for a key. When I made sure I’d searched his whole body and there was no sign of a key, I let out a yawn and asked if we could continue our riveting conversation another time, to which he naturally agreed.

  The next morning I’d fallen asleep at the breakfast table and when I awoke my frosted strawberry milkshake had already melted and was dripping down the side of the glass. I looked over at Atticus who stared out the window at the desert scenery as it scrolled by. He was lost in thought again-- his plate empty.

  “Thanks for waking me, dick.” I said as I stretched out.

  “You fell asleep in the middle of the meal. I figured you could probably use the extra rest.”

  “Who knew pretending to care what other people were saying could be so exhausting.”

  “A trait you’re not accustomed to obviously.”

  “Don’t worry slick, next time I’ll fix YOU up in the sexy dress and let you seduce the target.”

  “Ok, but just to let you know, reds not my color. Also, you should probably stop calling him ‘the target’. It’s a dead give away we’re aiming crosshairs.”

  “I don’t call him ‘the target’ when I’m with him, you dope. What kinda amateur are you mistaking me for? Alita?”

  And that’s when yours truly popped into the dining car. He didn’t look sleep deprived at all. In fact, the jerk had a bounce in his step and a smile on his face. I didn’t like where this was headed.

  “Hello again.” Daevin said as he sat down next to me. “You sleep well?
”

  “So much my eyes wish they were still closed.” I replied.

  Daevin laughed. It wasn’t his normal laugh-- more like a ‘whatever the hot girl says is funny’ type of laugh. The kind of laugh that if it were a actual person you’d wanna punch it in the face. My cheeks hurt from forcing a smile, something my face wasn’t use to doing but at least he paid for our meal.

  “So, are you going to introduce me to your friend?” Daevin asked after he ordered breakfast.

  “I’m her brother. Names Atticus.”

  They shook hands and smiled. Really? Brother was the best he could come up with.

  “My names Daevin, nice to meet you. What brings the two of you out to Enyo?” Daevin asked.

  Atticus looked over at me a bit panicked. We hadn’t thought that far ahead. Good thing I had the talent of hemorrhaging triumphant lies out from my cranium. I opened my mouth but Atticus beat me to it.

  “Business,” Atticus stuttered out. “You?”

  “Same. What do you do?”

  “My brother here sales guns.” I said over Atticus’ blathering’s.

  “Really? Like a door to door kinda thing?”

  “Yeah, kinda like that.” Atticus said.

  “Maybe if you’re lucky, he’ll cut you a deal.” I said.

  Daevin smiled and looked down.

  “No thanks.” he replied. “This one’s all I need.”

  I grinned at Atticus who looked like he was about to lose his meal. He hated lying.

  “See brother,” I said with a slight kick under the table, “I told you it’s a stupid job.”

  I leaned in close to Daevin.

  “He’s been at it a whole month and hasn’t sold a single gun.” I whispered.

  “Poor guy.” Daevin replied. “Don’t worry there, I’m sure business will pick up when you’re in town.”

  Atticus excused himself from the table and left me alone with yours truly again. The guy’s breath smelled like eggs as he sat and ate his breakfast-- glad he sat so close, NOT.

  After breakfast Daevin wouldn’t leave me the hell alone. I was lucky to use the bathroom in peace. The more I hung around him the more I hated him and the more he loved me. Every word out of his mouth became a slap to my face. To top it off, he was getting friendly—- too friendly. Every time I caught his hand on my leg, I’d catch my hand in a tight fist ready to find out how many punches it’d take to get his hand off-- my guess, one. The only thing stopping me from putting him in a coma was that big wad of cash he had locked away inside his pocket.