Options

CHAPTER twenty

  I hurried to the elevator to see if I could catch Jay. He wasn’t in the main lobby of the building and had already signed out at security. The man moves fast. In typical fashion my car choked and coughed a few times before starting and I gunned the engine impatiently when it finally caught.

  I could see Jay’s car going up the ramp out of the building as I waited behind two other cars at the exit. The idiot at the head of the line had to get out of his car to put his pass in the machine and he turned and grinned sheepishly at us. Moron. I wanted to lean on my horn but better judgment prevailed. I wasn’t sure what the statistics were on drive-by shootings in underground garages.

  When I finally cleared the garage and came up to the street the only car I could see was the one that had been in front of me in the garage. Traffic was light, and it was twenty minutes later when I pulled up in front of Jay’s place where he lived in a multi-storied apartment building. I rang his doorbell a few times and when I didn’t get any answer, I hurried back to my car and lit a cigarette. I left the car idling while I thought about what to do. I could go home. The thought of sinking into bed and feeling the duvet settle around me was definitely an option. I could leave a note for Jay letting him know I tried. But that was wimping out. I had to at least make an effort to find him so I put the car in gear and pulled back into the street. He said he was going to get drunk so I thought I’d try the bars in the neighbourhood.

  Luck was with me because I saw his car parked in the lot at Murphy’s.

  The sour smell of beer hit me as soon as I opened the door to the tavern. The cigarette smoke was thick and I felt right at home. It was relatively quiet for a Saturday night and there was a country song playing in the background. Most of the round tables were occupied with couples talking quietly and the dance floor was empty. All of the barstools were taken and I saw Jay sitting at the far end of the bar staring straight ahead. He was running his hand repeatedly through his hair.

  I walked down the length of the bar and came up behind him. "You’re brushing," I said into his back.

  He turned around with a sad grin on his face. "Let me be," he said. He got down off his barstool and took my elbow. "Let’s get a table." We found a small table near one of the front windows.

  "What do you want to drink?" Jay asked me.

  "Soda water with lime, please." Jay waved at the bartender who was leaning on the bar reading a newspaper. When the bartender didn’t respond Jay got up and went to the bar to get me a drink. I lit a cigarette and waited.

  When Jay returned and was settled in his chair I asked him, "So, why didn’t you wait for me?"

  He shrugged and took a deep drink of his beer, straight from the bottle. "My 30 minutes were up and I had to get out of the office," he said. "I thought you were too busy to join me." I listened for sarcasm in the remark but didn’t hear any.

  My turn to shrug. I picked up my drink and saw that it had a slice of lemon instead of lime. Not the time to get picky, I thought. I sipped my drink and smoked my cigarette and Jay stared out the window. Silence engulfed both of us. I didn’t want to patronize Jay and I didn’t want to mouth trite words. My hand reached for his across the table and his thumb lightly caressed the side of my hand.

  "You want another drink?" he asked abruptly.

  I shook my head. He came back from the bar with two bottles of beer and I wondered if he was serious about getting drunk because I certainly wasn’t looking forward to it. I have a low tolerance for people when they get drunk. Not that I have anything against people drinking, I just totally lose interest when they reach that ‘other’ place. Drunks speak another language and think like aliens as far as I’m concerned. I had never seen Jay drunk and wasn’t looking forward to it.

  "You planning on getting drunk?" I asked him.

  "Who’re you? My mother?" he snapped back.

  "Nope. Just asking. Just making conversation."

  "Well just mind your own business," he said.

  I gathered my cigarettes and lighter, and reached for my purse on the back of my chair. I stood up. I kept my expression neutral and refused to show him how hurt I was by that comment. I took a step around the table and leaned over and put my nose against his.

  "Call me if you need me," I whispered into his face. He stood up abruptly and took my purse off my shoulder

  "I do need you. Let’s dance." He steered me toward the empty dance floor.

  Oh yeah, this should be cute. I think the last time I danced was in the seventh grade when we learned folk dancing. The music from the jukebox was country and the singer was crooning softly. When we reached the middle of the dance floor Jay put his arms around me and started to sway to the music. I guessed we weren’t going to polka.

  When the song finally finished, Jay stopped moving but he didn’t take his arms away. We stood like that for a moment and I looked up at him. He was looking down at me and I felt my throat tighten. He lowered his head and put his lips on mine. I didn’t react to his kiss because I didn’t think I should. He was upset and vulnerable. Just like I had felt the night before.

  The music started up again and Jay put his hand on the side of my face. He shook his head and said, "I shouldn’t have done that. Sorry."

  I took his hand in mine and led him off the dance floor back to our table. I retrieved my cigarettes and lit one, dragging deeply. Jay was chugging his beer from the bottle. We were both uncomfortable with what had just happened.

  I looked at him sitting across from me. His eyes stared back at me and I tried to figure out why I felt so uncomfortable. The man was like a brother to me and that was why this felt wrong. There was six years difference in our ages and we had known each other forever. The last couple of days had definitely changed things. I was changing the way I felt about him.

  I tried to put the age issue aside. Six years. Big deal. He was 28 and I was 34. At least no one would say I was old enough to be his mother. I decided to take the bull by the horns.

  "What just happened out there?" I asked him softly.

  "I’m sorry," he said back. "I shouldn’t have done that. Look, can we just forget it?" Forget it? I could still feel his lips on mine.

  "You caught me off guard, Jay. I didn’t know how to react."

  He pulled his chair closer to the edge of the table and leaned forward.

  "Kate, I’m pissed off about being fired. I’m scared shitless. I don’t know if I can get another job in this city after being fired. I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I was way out of line. I apologize." He was rambling. "I’m sorry about this morning too. I don’t know what got into me."

  I took his hand. "Jay, you’ll get another job. TechniGroup isn’t such a great place. Besides, Rick Cox is getting fired. I think you should call Tom James and let him know what happened. If the board fires Cox for the stock option fiasco, then that’ll prove that you didn’t do it. Call James and explain what happened. Maybe he’ll let you resign if they don’t rescind the dismissal."

  Jay slumped back in his chair and sighed. "This is so bogus. I’ve been set up. What the fuck is going on at that place anyway? Why can’t everyone just get to work and forget about the shit that’s constantly flying around? Oakes and Cox are such assholes. In a forty hour week, I’m lucky if I spend four hours producing meaningful work. Maybe I’m better off."

  The fight was going out of him quickly. Probably the beers.

  "You hungry?" I asked. My stomach was protesting. I hadn’t eaten since lunch. Jay looked at his watch.

  "It’s one o’clock. Nothing’s open. Come on back to my place and I’ll cook you something," he invited.

  His place? Good girls don’t go to a man’s place at one in the morning to be cooked for. I saw my mother shaking her finger in my face. I threw caution to the wind.

  "Sure." It wasn’t like I hadn’t been there before. I’d spent ma
ny evenings at Jay’s place watching Monday Night Football or the Maple Leafs on TV. I doubted though that there was anything on TSN at this time of night except drag racing or bass fishing. I followed Jay to the parking lot.

  "I’ll drive. You’ve been drinking and you can walk over in the morning and get your car," I said.

  Jay looked fondly at his Saab. "I'm okay to drive and I don’t want to leave it in this parking lot overnight. I’ll be careful," he said. "You follow me."

  My car started on the first try and I followed Jay the couple of blocks to his place. I grabbed the first parking spot I saw close to his apartment and waited in the outside lobby of his building for him to come up from the underground parking garage. We didn’t speak in the elevator and I was starting to feel uncomfortable again. I stared at his back as he fit the key in the door to his apartment. My knees felt weak and there were butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I was sixteen again and about to receive my first kiss. Jay flicked on the light switch in the hall and reached over me to set the dead bolt lock on the apartment door.

  "How about eggs and toast?" he asked.

  "Sure. Sounds great." I took off my jacket and hung it in the closet. "Need any help?" I offered, but Jay knew better. I was just being polite. He didn’t let me in his kitchen when the stove was turned on.

  "No. Thanks. I can manage," he laughed and headed down the hall. The living room was at the end of the hall. The kitchen was on the left through the living room and his bedroom and bathroom were on the right of the living room. He left the living room in darkness and turned on a light in the kitchen.

  "Make yourself at home," he said over his shoulder. I dropped my purse on the coffee table and said, "I’m just going to use the little girl’s room."

  Like the rest of the apartment, the bathroom was neat as a pin. Jay had been taught well by his mother. She showed no favouritism when it came to household chores and Jay was familiar with all of them.

  I splashed cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. A very round, pixie-like face stared back. My hair looked like I had been standing in front of a fan and I tried to remember if I had brushed it that morning. Once a day was my rule. I was stalling in the bathroom and didn’t know why.

  Our relationship had taken a definite turn today. Jay had shown some unbrotherly-like interest in me and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I wasn’t a neophyte when it came to relationships but the river had run dry during the last year. I hadn’t been seeing anyone seriously in a long time. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a date.

  After my divorce from Tommy, it had taken me a long time to get back in the dating mode. At one time I’d been a real pro. At dating. I was quite the girl about town. When I worked at the law firm I met lots of interesting, fast men. Tommy was one of them. My autobiography will describe our courtship as whirlwind, our marriage as a disaster and our divorce as friendly.

  Tom Connaught was an Irish-American from Phoenix who I’d met when our law firm was acting for his company on their initial public offering. We’d married shortly after the deal closed and he went back to Phoenix to look after his business. I was going to follow as soon as I could close up my apartment. Weeks stretched into months. I was flying back and forth to Phoenix every second weekend and when business allowed, Tommy would come to Toronto. My excuse was work. I always had one more deal to close. Half packed boxes sat in my apartment and I just never got around to moving. We drifted apart as fast as we had come together. Tommy still called me whenever he was in Toronto and it was times like this that I missed him. I hadn’t been involved in a serious relationship since. It had been seven years since our divorce.

  I turned out the bathroom light and went back to the living room. Jay was standing there with two plates in his hand. The living room was dark and the light from the kitchen silhouetted Jay’s body.

  I turned on a lamp on the side table and pulled the coffee table closer to the sofa. Jay sat down beside me and placed the two plates on the table. He had prepared scrambled eggs and toast. He pulled two forks and two knives out of his shirt pocket and handed me one of each.

  "Eat," he ordered. I dug in. The food was good and hot. I sank back in the sofa when I was finished and tucked my legs up under me. I turned sideways and leaned against the back of the sofa and looked at Jay. He was sitting close to me and I could smell his aftershave.

  "Thanks for the eggs. You could always get a job as a short order cook," I joked. He smiled and gathered up the two plates and returned them to the kitchen. I heard him rinsing the plates and I thought about leaving. He sat down closer to me when he came back and I threw caution to the wind for the second time that night. This time I kissed him. And he wasn’t rude like I’d been. He responded. He tasted like beer.

  When we came up for air I asked him, "Should we be doing this?"

  He held me back at arm’s length and said, "Why not? This isn’t against the law Kate." I decided not to argue and my lips closed over his again. The man could cook and kiss. Definitely a keeper.