Lindsey's Choice

  Derek thinks he’s the coolest thing since his three gallon, galactic water gun that shoots water balloons clear across the backyard. Joey actually bought it for him for his birthday. They’d play outside for hours if it wasn’t for me wanting some “Joey and Lindsey alone time.”

  CHAPTER 14A

  What Happened?

  As I opened the main doors of the school that morning I heard Principal Ramsey announcing for all t he teachers to meet in his office. I wonder what this is about. Morning announcements aren’t for another 10 minutes.

  I gathered my morning period books from my locker and hustled to my first class. It was already 15 minutes into class time and Mrs. Brooks, my first period English teacher still hadn’t come to class.

  “Do you guys know what’s going on?” asked Eddie joining our small group at my desk.

  “All the teachers looked pretty freaked out for some reason,” said Scott.

  “Here she comes.”

  Everyone scurried back to their desks. The room quickly grew silent in anticipation of hearing some news. Mrs. Brooks looked as though her dog had just died. She didn’t greet us in her normal chipper style. She always had a big happy smile on her face, but not this morning. She put her books down slowly on her desk. We watched her every move as we waited for an explanation. She slowly looked up to address the class.

  “Students, Mr. Ramsey has called for an assembly in the gym this morning.”

  “What’s going on?” Kelly asked.

  “Please leave all your belongings at your desk and we’ll walk quietly down the hall.”

  All the students were leaving the classrooms lead by their teachers. There were quiet discussions amongst students questioning what this was all about. We entered the gymnasium and found a seat on the floor. Principal Ramsey stood at a podium in front of the large gathering. There were two other people beside him whom I had never seen before. I don’t think they were teachers.

  “Students of Creston High, I regret to inform you that we have lost one of our own.” I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  “Deirdre Duncan, a freshman from Huntington Middle School, took her own life early this morning.”

  There were some gasps, there were some “Who? Who’s Deirdre Duncan?”

  I felt sick to my stomach. I could not escape the cold chill I felt go up my spine. I looked over at Chloe and Brittany; they both seemed to be looking down at their feet. I noticed Miss Van Weldan in the front of gym dabbing at her eyes with tissue. There were a few teachers with arms around each other trying to console one another.

  “A tragedy of this sort is always difficult to understand. How could this have been prevented? How do you feel about this, about Deirdre? I’d like to introduce Wendy Jamison and Trevor Kane from the Suicide Crisis Center.”

  They went on to discuss suicide, why it happens, some of the warning signs that we should be aware of. All I could think about was how mean people were to Deirdre. It made me sad for her, but did I ever do anything to stop it? No. This could be my fault, I could have prevented this!

  “…maybe even some of you feel blame…”

  Were they looking at me? I guess I’m not the only one who feels this way.

  “…we need to all think about this unforeseen misfortune and be kind to each other, learn to appreciate the uniqueness of one another…”

  They talked for a while. We were finally dismissed and told to go directly to our first period classroom where we were going to have small group discussions.

  The lunch bell finally rang, instantly giving me a sense of relief. Finally back to our normal routine. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. I wonder how Miss V is feeling? I wonder if she feels responsible for cutting Deirdre from the volleyball team? There is no blame. I guess the suicide crisis team was right, we all feel a little responsible, and we should.

  Students had many more questions. The biggest one would have to be how she did it. People had their speculations based on other stories they had heard. Kaitlyn said she heard Deirdre took a handful of pills. Jake said his cousin’s step-mom’s niece was their neighbor and that she was found in a pool of blood in her bathtub, she had slit her wrists. Who knows and who cares, does it really matter how she did it. All the drama people get so stuck into drives me nuts. My breaking point was finally when I met up with Chloe and Brittany.

  “I think she just probably looked in the mirror too long,” stated Brittany.

  The girls giggled, included Chloe. That was enough for me.

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “Oh Lindsey, it is totally tragic, I’m just getting tired of all the gloom.”

  “Well POOR YOU Brittany, I guess there is no reason to be sad anymore, wouldn’t want to keep you in a GLOOMY mood!” People were starting to stop in the hall turning their heads toward us.

  “Will you shut the hell up, people are starting to stare,” Brittany snarled through clenched teeth.

  “Did you ever stop and think that maybe you killed her! you were always such a bitch to her! What did she EVER do to YOU Brittany?” I could feel Chloe glaring at me.

  “It wasn’t just me! You can’t blame me!” I could tell by the quiver in her voice that she was about to break down in tears. She turned and ran down the hall. I guess I did push it too far.

  “The poor girl is dead and she is still making fun of her,” I turned to look at Chloe.

  “Maybe she does feel like she should be blamed but she just doesn’t know how to deal with the situation,” Miss V said, who had obviously been listening.

  “It isn’t right Miss V,” I said.

  “No it isn’t Lindsey, what I heard her say was pretty mean. But blaming Brittany for Deirdre’s suicide is a little harsh. We are all very upset about this. We all need to come together and work through our feelings. We all have a different way of doing this, including Brittany.”

  We all stood around our lockers listening to Miss Van Weldan. I think her support and encouraging us to talk about our feelings helped us feel better. I’m sure it helped Miss V feel better as well.

  For the next few weeks at school, Deirdre’s death was the topic of most conversations. We had more suicide prevention speakers come into the classrooms. We even had speakers discuss bullying. We’ve all been given assignments to complete about suicide and bullying. I ended up calling Brittany and apologizing. She easily accepted my apology and went on to discuss an upcoming party that she was pretty excited about. I guess we really do have our own way of dealing with things…

  CHAPTER 15A

  Here Comes Trouble…

  “I guess Jake’s brother is having a big party this weekend. Jake wants the guys to go.” Joey said as we passed through the school doors after practice.

  “I heard, Chloe and Brittany are pretty excited,” I said.

  “Don’t you want to go?” Joey asked.

  I hesitated. All the feelings following the last party rushed through me.

  “Ya I guess I’d like to go; sounds like it’ll be a good time. I just don’t think my parents will be as excited.”

  “I guess they were pretty disappointed about Brittany’s party.”

  “To say the least.”

  “Well maybe you and I could go do something else,” Joey offered.

  “…unless that’s what I tell my parents, and we go to the party!” I exclaimed.

  “It’s not like you to lie to them Lindsey… I really don’t think you should.”

  “You’re probably right, I’d hate the guilt. We could go to a show first, and then stop in later to say hi quickly. I mean, we did go to the show… there’s no lying in that, we just met up with friends after for a quick bite.” I bargained.

  “Whatever you think is right Lindsey,” said Joey.

  “You sound just like my mom.”

  “Bye mom!” I shouted towards the kitchen as Scott, Kelly and Joey arrived at the door.

  “What’s your plan?” she asked as she walked to the fron
t door, wiping her hands on a tea towel.

  “Hi guys,” she greeted the group with a warm smile.

  “Hi Mrs. Connors,” they said practically in unison.

  Aimee came barreling down the stairs never wanting to miss a glimpse of my friends and especially Joey.

  “Hi Princess Aimee,” Joey teased while bowing down to her as she stood on the last step.

  “Ah! Hee hee!” Not a second later she was back up the stairs, everyone laughed.

  “Our plan is an early show and then down to the pier for a bite.”

  “No later then 11 o’clock Lindsey,” Mom gave me the all knowing; remember what happened last time look.

  “Okay mom, see you later,” I said as I grabbed my hoodie.

  “See you Mrs. Connors,” called out the group as we headed to the sidewalk.

  We walked by Ryan’s on the way to the theatre. The music was so loud; you could feel the pounding of the base in your chest.

  “Sounds like the party is off to a good start,” commented Scott.

  “We should just go now, what’s the difference? I’ll still be home at 11 o’clock.”

  “I thought we were going to a movie?” Kelly asked.

  “She just told her mom that…hello? Anybody home? Scott jokingly started knocking on the side of Kelly’s head. She brushed him away a little annoyed.

  “We’re going to the movie. They’ll be plenty of time afterwards to make a brief appearance,” Joey stated.

  “Everyone will be too drunk by then to even know we were there, besides I promised Brittany and Chloe we’d party together.”

  “You promised your mom we were going to a movie,” Joey was starting to raise his voice. “When did Chloe and Brittany become the center of your universe?!” Joey was mad. Scott and Kelly started slowing down the pace so to not interfere with our first argument.

  “Geez Joey, relax, I thought we could all party together and have a good time.” I was a little nervous about his sudden outburst.

  “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to get upset. I honestly don’t care for those two girls. you are so much better than them. I hate to see you following along with what they’re doing all the time. Look how much trouble you got in last time this happened. you promised you wouldn’t drink like that again.”

  “Don’t worry about it sweetie, you will always be the center of my universe.” I hoped he didn’t notice how I ignored his last statement. I might drink at this party; I had a blast last time, from what I can remember. I just won’t drink as much. Being drunk seemed to make me feel more confident and strong about who I am. I mean, all the popular girls were laughing and telling me how fun I was. I’m not hurting anyone…

  Chloe and Brittany were starting to look like twin sisters. They were both wearing very low-waist skirts, their matching belly button rings were clearly revealed as were their hot pink thong panties. From the backside you could completely see where that thong started and that it was, no doubt, a thong! The long black boots seemed to start where the skirt ended, just above the knee. Studded black belts hung loosely around their waists. They both had these fancy looking bras with some form of beadwork on the front. The loosely fitted blouses that hung over these “bras” were tied at the waist.

  I swear, my mom would lose it if I wore something like that out.

  They must have done each other’s hair as they both wore the same look with thick strands of long loose curls covering half their faces. I haven’t seen Chloe in that much make-up since we dressed up as rock stars for Halloween five years ago. I think they were trying to look older than usual.

  Chloe was mixing drinks like a bartender. She was stirring them with her finger, slowing licking off the excess beverage as she continued her flirting. She and Brittany had a gallery of college guys circling them. I recognized some of them from Brittany’s party.

  “If it isn’t the dancing diva!” shouted some guy I didn’t recognize. Chloe and Brittany rushed our way when they saw us come in the room.

  “I was worried you weren’t coming, here try this,” Chloe practically lunged her drink at me.

  “I’m going to go find Jake,” Joey said, obviously needing to remove himself from the scene. He grabbed my hand, leaned towards my ear and whispered, “Please, control yourself, just be you.” He headed for the patio door, turned to look my way, tapped his chest and mouthed I love you as he pointed in my direction.

  The party was getting pretty fun. Drink after drink, I was feeling more sociable and comfortable. I was meeting so many new people. Jake’s brother ryan was so nice. He kept bringing me more of these fancy drinks he was making Chloe and I.

  We were playing drinking games and I was laughing so hard my stomach was aching. I could see Joey watching me from his group. I didn’t care; I was having so much fun. I don’t ever remember getting this much attention before. Some of the older girls looked like they were packing up and going somewhere. I noticed Chloe and Brittany were doing the same.

  “Where ya going?” I giggled. It was getting hard to speak clearly!

  “To the clubs, Jen and Samantha think we could get in! Come on, get your coat!” Brittany insisted.

  “The clubs? We’re totally underage.”

  “Don’t worry; I’ve got tons of fake ID, if you need it.” One of the college girls said, I assume it was Samantha or Jennifer.

  “You ready baby?” Ryan Stein came from behind Chloe. She turned around and threw her arms around his neck and started kissing pretty heavy! I threw her a look of confusion. Maybe I’m just really drunk. Chloe just giggled as she looked my way. Obviously loving every minute.

  “Where’s Jake?” I had to ask.

  “Jake, Joey, Scott and the rest of the little boys are still out back throwing a Frisbee around in the dark!”

  “Come on Lindsey, this is going to be so cool! We’re going with Justin and ryan in the jeep!”

  “I should probably tell Joey…” I started to say but Brittany grabbed my arm and we started heading out the front door. Brittany and Chloe hopped in the back, stood up grabbing hold of the roll bar and starting cheering at the top of their lungs. All of a sudden, I noticed Joey running down the front pathway towards the jeep.

  “Where are you going?!” Joey yelled, trying to be heard over the loud stereo and laughter.

  “To the clubs!” Brittany and Chloe said in harmony.

  “The clubs? you won’t be able to get in,” Joey was getting annoyed.

  “Yeah we will! Come on Joey, live a little!” I said. I couldn’t let him stop all this fun.

  “I think we should get going Lindsey, it’s almost 11 o’clock.” Joey stated in a firm voice. I just had to laugh.

  “11 o’clock! You’d think I was 12-years-old… I’m not going anywhere!” I yelled, looking up toward the sky.

  “If I could fly, I could go anywhere and no one would have to know or tell me when to be home! Yahoo!!”

  Everyone laughed. I grabbed Justin’s beer out of his hand and took a long hard drink.

  “Lindsey, you’ve had enough to drink, it’s time to go home.”

  “Look buddy, Lindsey is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. She is deciding to keep partying with us, so if you wouldn’t mind getting your hands off my jeep, more beer is waiting for me.” Justin sounded so much older and tougher.

  “Just cool it okay Joey, this is getting out of hand!” Brittany piped in as she started rubbing Justin’s shoulders from the back seat.

  “Lindsey, I’ll help you down,” Joey took hold of my arm. I grabbed it back.

  “Leave me alone! Go play with your friends!” I yelled.

  “Look Lindsey, I care…”

  Look JOHANN, I told you to LEAVE ME ALONE! Get off my back and quit sounding like my mom. you were such a geek when I met you. you’d be a nobody if it wasn’t for me! you think you’re so cool, if the guys would have met you three years ago, they would have laughed in your face! Pizza face that is! Ha ha! No girls could even stand to look at you
let alone date you! Ha ha!”

  “Johann? Nice name buddy.” Everyone snickered.

  “Lindsey, you’re being mean.” Chloe leaned over to speak directly in my face.

  “Whatever! Nobody tells me when to go ANYWHERE! Let’s go Justin, what are you waiting for!” He stepped on the gas and we blasted forward. I felt instantly sick to my stomach with the sudden motion. I stood up holding on to the roll bar and screamed at the top of my voice.

  CHAPTER 16A

  Is This Elevator

  Going Down?

  My head is pounding hard. If I moved, I’d vomit all over this bed. Where am I? I slowly rolled to one side. There are sleeping bodies but I can’t make out any faces. I’m still wearing my clothes from the night before. Where am I? Who are they? I’m going to puke…

  I threw up all over the side of the bed. I need water… OH MY GOD, WHAT TIME IS IT?!

  “WHAT TIME IS IT?!” I shouted for anyone to hear. I heard groans from the bed I was sleeping in. It was Chloe.

  “Chloe! Wake up! I’ve got to get home! I’m in so much trouble, so much trouble, and hurry up! Let’s go!” I started to panic because that is exactly what I know my parents are doing. I recognized my surroundings; I was back at ryan’s house. I headed for the bathroom.

  There were people passed out everywhere I could see. It smelled disgusting, spilled alcohol and food all over the floor and counter tops.

  Where’s Joey? Did he leave early? I remember being in the Jeep with everyone and Joey too but he didn’t come with us when we drove away. I wonder where he is.

  I don’t remember a lot of things.

  There was a knock at the bathroom door.

  “Lindsey, are you in there? Chloe asked. “Will you please hurry; I’m going to throw-up.” Without hesitation I opened the door just in time. She headed straight for the toilet and let out a few strong heaves.

  “Chloe, I’ve got to get home. Aren’t you going to be in trouble?”

  “I told my mom I was staying at your house.” She grunted between heaves.

  “Well I told my mom I was going to a show with Joey and promised to be home at 11 o’clock.” Suddenly the phone rang.

  “Do we get that?”

  “I guess, no one else is moving.” I walked to the kitchen to find the receiver.