Daughter of Light

  He came around the desk. I stood up. He smiled at me and then hugged me. “Whatever you decide, I know it’ll be right,” he added, and started out.

  I watched him leave the office and then sat hard on the chair again, stunned.

  If anything, I felt trapped. It was worse than confronting Ava on some dark street and hearing her berate and threaten me. It wasn’t Daddy’s style to come at me violently. He would glide into Quincy, surfing on his wonderful, attractive smile, and charm everyone around him. I could just imagine him talking to Mrs. Winston. He would discuss her beloved Colonial history as if he had been there, because it was very likely he had.

  “Oh, forgive him,” they would all tell me. “He’s a man. He has weaknesses, but it’s wonderful that his love for you is too strong for him to ignore forever.”

  What would he do then? What did he want? Was this really his way of stopping my marriage and getting me back?

  I felt drained of energy. Just the walk back to my desk exhausted me. I sat there staring at the computer and at the work I was doing. What was once so easy looked formidable. A strong part of me wanted me to get up and, as quickly and as quietly as I could, slip out of the building and do what I had done when I had left Buddy, hitch a ride out of there and continue my flight. It didn’t matter where. Just keep going.

  After an hour of moving through the paces without getting all that much done, I was actually on the verge of running off when Liam came into the office, practically bouncing with excitement.

  “We got them!” he cried.

  “Who?”

  “Remember that band I wanted for the wedding? We played their CDs for you and you loved the way they mixed the old with the new. Remember?”

  “Yes, Johnny and the Classics, but you found out they were previously booked.”

  “They were, sorta. Well, Dad made them an offer they couldn’t refuse, and I don’t mean like the God-father. He’s acting like money’s no object when it comes to what we want. He just did it, and they accepted. They would have been crazy not to. He practically doubled their fee.”

  Maybe that was because he was expecting that I would agree to permitting my father to pay for the wedding. He had so much of it covered that he could afford to offer more for the band, I thought.

  “Well? Aren’t you pleased? I think he was doing it more for you than for me.”

  “Yes, of course. You just surprised me, that’s all. And I was in the middle of something.”

  “Sure.” He started to turn around and then stopped. “Oh, I decided to ask Clifford to be my best man. He agreed. Julia is very happy about it.”

  “That’s nice, Liam.”

  “We’ve got to do what we can to help that romance along,” he said, lowering his voice as if we were planning something secret.

  “Okay,” I said.

  He looked at me for a long moment.

  “What?”

  “I just can’t believe that in a matter of weeks now, you’ll be mine. And I’ll be yours, of course,” he quickly added.

  “I have trouble believing it, too,” I said, maybe a little too seriously. His smile didn’t fade, but it looked like something frozen on a computer monitor.

  “Not too much trouble, I hope.”

  I shook my head.

  He drew closer. “You look a little shaken up, Lorelei. Is something wrong?”

  It was only a matter of time, maybe only a matter of hours, before he would find out anyway, I thought.

  “A while ago, I learned that my father called your father to offer to pay for the wedding.”

  “What?”

  “He wants to attend, too.”

  “You mean give away the bride?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh. And you’re upset about it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, whatever you want to do is all right with me, but—”

  “But I’d look too unreasonable to everyone if I said no, right?”

  “Most people don’t know about your problems with him, and—”

  “But they will, eventually.”

  He stood there quietly. I knew he was afraid to offer advice either way and was ruminating on what words to choose. “What did you tell my dad?”

  “I said I would think about it.”

  “So, do that,” he said. “I repeat. Whatever you decide is all right with me.”

  I wanted to tell him that he didn’t know my father. Whatever I decided wouldn’t matter. He was coming here one way or another. There was, of course, the ever so slight chance that he was accepting my decision and wanted to pretend to be a normal father. Was it better to declare war and tell Mr. Dolan to say no, that I didn’t want him, or was it better to take the chance? The third choice always remained: to run off again.

  Liam came around the desk and knelt beside me. “I don’t like to see you upset, even for a little while, Lorelei. What can I do?”

  “Nothing. This is all on me, Liam.”

  “I don’t understand how he could have been so indifferent to your feelings and now suddenly care so much.”

  What was my clever answer to this?

  “As your father says, the reality of my being out of his life has finally sunken in, and then he found out about our wedding,” I told him, practically parroting Mr. Dolan.

  “Well, it’s not a bad idea to start anew and give the wedding another layer of goodwill and happiness,” he offered timidly.

  I smiled and ran my hand softly through his hair. “I don’t know what your mother was like, but I think you have more of your father in you than you can imagine.”

  “Maybe you do, too,” he said.

  That soft, intending-to-be-warm reply felt like a clap of thunder in my ears. I nodded.

  “Maybe I do. Okay. I’ll say yes,” I said.

  He smiled and rose slightly to kiss me. “We’ll celebrate your father’s resurrection Saturday night. See you later,” he said and hurried off.

  He was so full of energy and hope, while I sat there like someone on death row.

  Somehow I managed to get through the remainder of the day. I told Mr. Dolan my decision, but I asked that he be the intermediary. I told him I wasn’t ready to talk to my father. He said he understood and would handle it all. I shouldn’t worry. Liam came by at the end of the day to take me home. He had made reservations at what was now our favorite little Italian restaurant. I really didn’t feel like going out, but I knew he would be very upset and worried about me. More than ever, he wanted to do what he could to distract me and talk about happier things.

  Before we left, Mr. Dolan came out to tell me that he had spoken to my father.

  “He’s pretty pleased with your reaction,” he said. “I warned him that this was no five-and-dime wedding, but he didn’t seem at all concerned about the expense. What does he really do?”

  “That’s not it, Mr. Dolan.”

  “Ken,” he said. “It’s after hours.”

  “That’s not it, Ken. My father’s inherited a great deal of money.”

  “And you always suspected that his new wife was after that, I bet.”

  I closed my eyes. It was getting too hard; the fiction was making me sick inside. Every time I told another lie, it was like swallowing a little more poison.

  No, I imagined myself finally saying, that’s not it. You see, my father’s been alive for centuries. I don’t even know how long he’s been alive. My sisters, who are also the mothers of his children, keep him alive by bringing him young, virile men, men whose lust for them has raised their blood and made it nourishing for him. I was destined to do the same before I ran away.

  Do you think I could still marry Liam?

  My imaginary response nearly made me laugh insanely. There was a danger that I realized for the first time. I could go raving mad. Maybe that was what would happen in the end. I wouldn’t escape even though I was physically away from him. I would go crazy and end up babbling things that no one would believe, until they put me in some cli
nic. That way, Daddy would be protected after all. They would all be protected. They would be so confident about it that they might even come visit me, which would set me screaming and get me into a restraining jacket and keep me on suicide watch in solitary.

  “Yes,” I finally said. “But my father is not some rich old man who’s found an attractive new wife obviously after his money. He’s a very handsome, charming man. In short, he’s the whole package.”

  Ken Dolan nodded thoughtfully. “Well, I do look forward to meeting him. I hope I can help mend the rift between the two of you.”

  There was so much more I could say about that, but I turned to Liam instead.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  “Yes. Good night, Ken,” I said.

  He smiled, but he looked very thoughtful, too. I had planted some seeds.

  Liam took my hand on the way out. I saw that he was very sensitive to my feelings and very concerned. He was so sweet and loving that I felt guilty about causing him any anxiety. Would this be the way it would be forever between us? Could I have this, something I had come to believe was impossible? Was it worth fighting hard for?

  “I’m okay,” I said. “Stop looking like someone who lost his pinkie finger.”

  “What?” he said, smiling.

  It was something my father would tell me when I was much younger and something had bothered me. I would imagine my hand without a pinkie finger, and he would laugh and then lift me into his arms.

  “That will never happen to you,” he would say. “I will always protect you.”

  He always drove away any fears I might have.

  Could I remember only the good things? Was that a surgery I could manage?

  We drove off, talking now about things to do before the wedding and work that was already being started on the grounds of the Dolan estate. We didn’t slow down until we made the turn and saw the police car in front of the Winston House.

  19

  We got out of Liam’s car slowly.

  “What’s going on here?” Liam asked. “The last man wearing a uniform in this house was a member of the Continental Army.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t even want to venture a guess.

  When we entered, we heard voices in the living room and went directly there to find two police officers, one with a notepad open and the other apparently asking Mrs. Winston, Jim Lamb, Mr. Brady, and Mrs. McGruder questions. Mrs. Winston was in her colonial Windsor chair, and the others were seated on the settee. Everyone turned to us.

  “What’s happening?” Liam asked first.

  “It’s Collin Nickels,” Mrs. Winston said. “This is the third day he’s been missing. We thought it was time to inform the police. All of his things are still here, and he hadn’t told us that he would be gone. He hasn’t called. He paid for six weeks. Mrs. McGruder and I thought it was enough to be concerned.”

  She turned to the policemen.

  “This is my great-nephew, Liam Dolan, and another of our guests, Lorelei Patio. Miss Patio is on the same wing of the house as Mr. Nickels and works for my nephew, Kenneth Dolan.”

  “Oh, Dolan Plumbing Supply,” the policeman with the notepad said. From the look on his face, it was clear how impressive the Dolans were in Quincy.

  The other patrolman turned to me.

  “Have you had any conversations with him that would help us out?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “I haven’t seen him this past week at all.”

  “Collin is usually up for breakfast before anyone else stirs,” Mrs. McGruder said. “And then quickly off to do his research, as if he’s on some time clock.”

  “But you said he had taken your dinner plan,” the policeman reminded her, and then looked at me. “What about the days before he was gone?”

  “Lorelei has not been attending dinner here lately. She and Liam are planning their wedding with other members of the family,” Mrs. Winston explained.

  I looked at Jim Lamb, because he lowered his eyes quickly. Did he know something more, or was he just reacting to the mention of my upcoming marriage?

  “I don’t know why we are rushing to the conclusion that something terrible has happened to him,” Martin Brady said. “He’s old enough to go off on his own. Maybe he met some girl who’s as crazy about his research as he is and they’re going over parchment documents with a magnifying glass or something every night.”

  “I don’t think this is something about which we can joke,” Mrs. Winston said.

  Mr. Brady withered in his chair but managed a weak “It’s possible, isn’t it?”

  “Well, he’s right about that,” Jim said. “It is possible.”

  I turned to him. Yes, it was possible, I thought, but it was more than possible for a young man in this house to go missing, and not for any reason he could fathom.

  “Don’t you know anything that could help?” I asked him. Liam looked at me, obviously wondering why I was taking such an active interest.

  “I knew most of the places he was going to visit in order to do his research, the library, the museums, some of the people he was speaking to,” Jim said. “At Mrs. Winston’s behest, I checked with every one of them. I even called the college and spoke with the professor who was overseeing his research. He hasn’t heard from him during these past days. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t heard from him for more than a week, and he usually checks in with some progress report weekly.”

  “When you spoke to Nickels, did he mention meeting a girl or someone who was interested in what he was doing?” the policeman with the notepad asked, glancing at Mr. Brady, who risked a smile.

  “No, but he wasn’t all that forthcoming with his personal life, so I can’t tell you if he’s met someone here or not. We haven’t really developed any sort of friendship.”

  Everyone was quiet for a moment.

  “We hesitate to contact his family, but in this situation . . .” the other police officer said.

  “Of course you should contact his family,” Mrs. Winston insisted. “Everyone who takes a room at my house knows they should have the decency to tell me when they are not going to be here for breakfast and dinner, if they’ve bought the meal plan. He has, and Mrs. McGruder prepares for the number of people we’re having. We don’t waste food, even if someone’s paid for it,” she told the policemen. They both nodded quickly like young grade-school boys in front of their stern teacher.

  “Nothing like this has ever happened,” Mrs. McGruder added. “We had that man, what was his name, Horner, who was drinking too much and passed out before dinner one night, remember? That’s how we found out about him.”

  “And got rid of him the next day,” Mrs. Winston added, pressing her lips into her mouth for stern emphasis.

  “We’ll start checking it out. If you should hear from him, any of you, or he returns . . .”

  “Of course. We’ll call you immediately,” Mrs. Winston said. “I wouldn’t want you to waste any more of your time on some philanderer.”

  The patrolman closed his notepad, and they both started out.

  “Well, this is a bag of worms I don’t need,” Mrs. Winston muttered.

  Liam looked at me and jerked his head toward the door. “I’ll be by in an hour or so,” he said.

  “Okay.”

  He kissed me.

  “Don’t worry yourself so, Great-auntie Amelia,” he told her. “It’s nothing you can blame on yourself.”

  “People who board in my home are like my family,” she replied sharply. “Of course I’d be concerned about their welfare.”

  He nodded, glanced at me, and hurried out, pausing in the doorway to put his hands over his ears. As she herself would say, Mrs. Winston would cotton to no indifference about the matter. I didn’t laugh at Liam’s antics. As soon as he left, I started for the stairway. I knew every moment I took to walk away that this was definitely no laughing matter.

  This is Ava’s doing, was the first thing I thought. I hadn’t imagined her after all. She was there, and
I wouldn’t put it past her to have plucked poor Collin Nickels out of the herd, as she liked to refer to young men, just to show me that she was close and could do it. Maybe to show me that she could pluck Liam just as easily. I shuddered. Of course, this also confirmed for me that Daddy was probably nearby. This was her way of giving me a warning.

  For a long while—too long—I just sat on my bed thinking and worrying. At times, when memories of threatening words, distorted raging faces, and my sisters’ deliveries to my father returned, I trembled over what I had heard and seen. I had never thought about the families of any of those men and what they must have gone through once they were reported missing, just what Collin Nickels’s family would soon be going through. Of course, they hadn’t been men whom I, or even any of my sisters, would know much about. It had been easier not to care that way, I suppose, not that Ava had revealed any concern one way or another.

  I was surprised at the knock on my door, surprised and grateful, because it snapped me out of my horrid reverie and made me realize how much time I had wasted ruminating. Liam would be there in a little more than a half hour. He was always on time, even now, especially now. It was as if he thought I wouldn’t wait or would be angry enough to leave him after only ten minutes beyond our time to meet. It told me that his natural instincts were telling him that there was still something very tentative about me. I understood. He wouldn’t think otherwise until he heard me pronounce those two words, “I do.”

  I opened the door to face Jim Lamb.

  “Sorry to disturb you,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you I wasn’t completely forthcoming with the police just now.”

  “Why not?”

  “I didn’t want to involve you any more than you were just by being a fellow tenant.”

  “How could I be involved any more than that? I had much less to do with him than anyone else here had, especially you.”