Unbearable

  I buried my hands in her hair and kissed her. Actually, more like devoured her. As we kissed, I let all the doubt go. Let it drain from every pore. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my heart. She said it best. Time to move on. I turned my head and deepened the kiss as her arms locked around me. We stood there, two damaged souls, pouring everything we had into the kiss. A beautiful, mind-blowing kiss.

  I also knew that the first bet I’d ever lose was going to be in an elevator. Unfortunately, Tess pulled away. I literally groaned. She laughed. Yeah, not seeing anything funny here.

  “Slow down, tiger. We’ve waited this long. Besides, I plan on taking the bet money and opening a dance studio.” She punched the stop button with her palm and the thing slowly started its ascent again.

  I smacked the red button with the side of my fist and it stopped, followed by an eerie grinding sound. “I’ll give you the money.” I tried pulling her back into a kiss.

  “Did you just proposition me?” she asked, her hand firmly planted on my chest.

  “No! That’s not what I meant at all, I swear.”

  “Relax, Gatto, I was just pulling your chain.” She flashed me a wicked smile. “And since you haven’t actually said yes to my question yet,” she slapped her hand over my mouth before I could, “there are some things you should keep in mind, aside from the fact that I’m damaged goods.”

  “Go ahead, but they won’t change my mind,” I mumbled beneath her hand.

  “I like your attitude, Gatto. Okay. First of all, there’s a very good reason you haven’t lost that bet of yours. I hate the whole intimacy thing. I flat out hate it. It’s not a temptation for me. At all.”

  “Pshh. One night at the Fantasy Inn and I’ll fix that.” I waved my hand at her silly statement.

  “You are such a guy,” she said, her brow arched.

  “Thank you.”

  “That wasn’t a compliment.”

  “What else do you think is a deal breaker?” I said, wrapping my arms around her waist.

  “This one just may be, Book. I don’t know if you remember or not, but I can’t have children. If you marry me, there’ll be no little Gattos running around destroying the house.” Her sober face made me sad.

  “We can adopt, Tess. The ability to have a baby does not make you a parent. It simply means your reproductive system functions properly. Parenting is love, time, and commitment.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Two hundred percent,” I promised. “Now, is there anything else you care to throw at me, because I’m telling you, there’s very little I’d consider a deal breaker.”

  “You tell me, what would you consider a deal breaker?” she asked, her arms folded.

  I thought for a minute. “Only one thing comes to mind. If you’re really a dude, that would be a deal breaker for me. I mean, I consider myself open minded and all, but that’s a deal breaker.”

  She smacked me on the chest. “You’re obnoxious sometimes.”

  I gathered her to me as she laughed. “I love you, Tess. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

  “I love you, too.” She kissed me.

  It didn’t take long for me to get lost in her kiss again. I pulled back, breathless again. “I do need you to promise me one thing. I need you to promise me this will be a very, very, very short engagement.” A kiss smothered her answer. I sure hoped she said yes.

  Chapter 40

  Booker

  Ten years and three days later

  “Happy anniversary,” I said, pulling my wife next to me and holding her tight.

  “It’s our anniversary?” she asked, her sea blue eyes wide. She hadn’t forgotten for a second. We spent last week in Rome, New York, at the Fantasy Inn, trying out the new rooms and making beautiful memories. Besides, she’d been cooking all day today, or rather trying to cook. No promises that the food was edible. I had to give her credit. She never stopped trying to learn how to cook. I had a lifetime supply of Tums in the bathroom cabinet to prove it.

  “I have a gift for you, little Ms. Tease.” I reached in my back pocket and removed a long, slender, gray box. I laid it across my palm and presented it to her.

  “Oh, Book. Thank you.” Tess took the box and carefully removed the lid. Before pushing the tissue aside, she looked up at me. “I don’t believe these are the new ballet shoes I asked for.”

  “Ballet shoes are not romantic, Tess.” Her dance studio had taken off the past few years, and she now had a one-year waiting list to get in.

  “But they are practical. The side of mine tore out this morning during one of my lessons.” She frowned. “My favorite pair, too.”

  “Go buy some new ones. You deserve them,” I said, sneaking in a kiss before she finished opening the gift.

  She peeled back the paper and gasped—the exact reaction I’d hoped for. She removed the bracelet from the box and I helped her put it on.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a tennis bracelet like this,” she said, moving her wrist back and forth.

  “I had it made,” I said, taking her wrist in my hand. “The ten diamonds represent the ten years we’ve been married. And the ten ruby hearts are for the number of years you’ve held my heart.” I ran a finger along the dangling red hearts. They caught the light just right and twinkled.

  “I love it.” She leaned in to kiss me, but I placed my index finger on her lips, stopping her. First time I ever stopped one of her kisses.

  “What?” she said under my finger.

  “I have another gift.” I stepped to the back door and grabbed the handle of my surprise. “Close your eyes.”

  “What is it?” she asked, her eyes pinched shut. “It better not be a snake or anything slimy.”

  “Tess,” I balked. “Would I do something like that?”

  “Yes.”

  I placed the gift in both her hands. “Open your eyes.” She peeked first, then tossed her head back and laughed. “And it’s engraved with your name.” I turned the shovel over to show her. “I was going to get you a gun, but then I thought, ‘Tess doesn’t need a gun to protect herself’. Saved myself four hundred bucks buying this instead.” I tapped the shovel.

  She set it down and flew back into my arms, just where she belonged. “I think your sense of humor is the best thing about you.” She kissed me. “Well, maybe the second best thing.” She bounced her eyebrows.

  “You’re wrong, my beautiful wife.” I ran my hands over her long auburn hair. “The best thing about me is you.” I pressed my lips to hers and was lost in everything Tess within seconds.

  “Hold on, Gatto. We have company coming,” she said without breaking the kiss.

  “Don’t answer the door,” I replied, also not breaking the kiss.

  “Yuck! Get a room,” came the unmistakable voice of our oldest. I moved back. There stood our three children, the two boys pretending to gag, as my daughter smiled wistfully.

  “I own this entire house. I’ll kiss my wife anywhere I want.” I pretended to be a monster with a claw and chased them back into the family room as screams mixed with giggles filled the air. The place looked like a cyclone hit it, books and toys peppering the floor. “You’d better pick all this up before mommy sees it.” With long faces they began picking up their mess.

  I got back in the kitchen as Tess quickly shoved a white envelope into a kitchen drawer and closed it. “What are you hiding?” I asked.

  She slapped playfully at my hand as I tried to open the door. “Sorry. That gift's for later.”

  “I thought you already gave me my gift this morning.” I slipped my arms around her waist. “Remember, before the kids woke up.” I nibbled on her neck.

  “That,” she said with a quiet moan, “was part one.”

  “Part one? How many parts are there?”

  “That all depends on you.” She flashed me a seductive grin.

  “I do believe I created a monster,” I beamed proudly, remembering how apprehensive she was on our wedding night.

&
nbsp; “Bragging or complaining, Gatto?” She looped her arms around my neck.

  “Bragging all the way, baby. Bragging all the way.”

  “Incorrigible.” She pushed on my chest. “I need to get the games set up before everyone arrives.” She gave me a swat on the butt and made her way to the family room.

  As I put the finishing touches on the Caesar salad, the only contribution I was allowed to make for our anniversary meal with our friends, I couldn’t help but think about the changes our life had been through over the past ten years. We had three children, our oldest son adopted seven years ago. He was my fishing buddy. We couldn’t love him more if we shared DNA. Two years later twins, a girl and a boy, expanded our family thanks to Tess’s sister. She offered to be a surrogate for us. We even got to be in the delivery room to watch them being born. It was an experience I’d never forget, and a debt I’d never be able to repay her sister.

  Garen was convicted of accidental manslaughter in the death of the store clerk and sentenced to three years in prison. However, he received the death penalty for killing Tess’s lawyer in a brutal murder trial that tested the family’s mettle thanks to the media circus Garen turned it into. In the end, his old boss, Senator Graft, was the one to put the nails in Garen’s coffin. After being arrested for racketeering and embezzlement of campaign funds, Graft agreed to turn states evidence against Garen for a lighter sentence.

  Garen hadn’t stood trial for setting fire to the trailer in an attempt to murder Tess yet. With no Statute of Limitations on murder, the prosecutors decide to hold off on those charges in case Garen ever got out a jail, however unlikely with the death penalty looming over him. We were taking no chances. The guy was one slimy piece of scum so it didn’t hurt to know there were backup charges waiting for him.

  Nikkolynn, on the other hand, served only five years before being released for good behavior. Within a day of her release, she and one of the prison guards ran off together to Hawaii to sell painted coconuts to tourists from a roadside stand. Nice to know that trying to kill me was only worth five years in jail.

  “I guess loving me isn’t an incurable disease after all,” I said to the shrimp as I tossed it into the salad.

  The back door sprung open. Four little Colters came screaming into the house, followed by Cole and a pregnant Lilah.

  “If it isn’t Ducky and the gang.” I gave Lilah a hug as Cole directed the kids into the family room. Tess came flying into the kitchen, and went straight to Lilah, scooping up her hands. “I’ve been dying all day. How did the ultrasound go?”

  Lilah glanced at Cole as he sauntered into the kitchen. “Do you want to tell them or should I?”

  “By all means,” Cole waved his wife on.

  “We’re having all girls. Again.”

  “Girls?” Tess laughed. “Wait, did you say again? You’re having triplets again?”

  “Yup. Soon we’ll be a family of seven girls,” Lilah said, rubbing her tummy.

  They tried for two years to get pregnant on their own before going on some drug that supposedly increased your odds of conceiving. It worked great; they had triplets. Sofia loved being the older sister and helped her mother quite a bit with the babies. We all did. No way could they have done it without help.

  “Have you picked out names yet?” Tess asked, leading them into the living room so Lilah could sit.

  “Caboose one, two, and three,” Cole said emphatically.

  “Maybe,” Lilah said.

  “Maybe? We’ll have our seven,” Cole replied.

  “You said I could decide how many we’re going to have since it’s my body that has to go through the pregnancies. I’m just not sure I’m done yet,” she said simply.

  “I’m going to have to pick up extra shifts at the hospital.” Cole sank into the couch.

  “Knock, knock.” Seth entered with a platter of appetizers from his restaurant. Three streaks raced in behind him. His kids.

  “Here, let me take that.” I grabbed the tray from him as he picked up the kids’ coats and hung them in the closet. They’d already joined the other kids in the family room.

  “Mags did teach them to pick up their coats, so you know.” He slipped off his boots and set them by the door.

  “Is it snowing again?” I asked quietly. Tess still hadn’t acclimated to New York weather.

  “Yeah, and it’s that lousy slushy stuff,” he complained, rearranging the appetizer.

  “These scallions look really good. Tess made veggie lasagna.” I smiled optimistically.

  “Is that what that smell is?” He wrinkled his nose. “You have to give her credit for trying.”

  I popped one of the bacon-wrapped scallions into my mouth after setting the tray on the counter. “Heaven,” I said quietly, trying not to groan.

  “I have another platter out in the car, just in case.”

  “Knew I could count on you.” I slapped him on the back. “How’s the new restaurant going?”

  He’d opened Prescott’s Place, a fine dining restaurant in Port Fare, right after Tess and I married. It was an instant success. Last year he opened a second one in downtown Rochester.

  “I wanted to talk to you about that. I’ve decided to sell the city one. The head chef is amazing, and he does most of the work there anyway,” Seth said. “He wants to buy me out. I’ll need you to draw up a contract.”

  “No problem. Why the change of mind? I thought it was doing well.”

  “It is. Very well, in fact. But after everything that’s happened, I decided to step back and take stock in myself and what kind of father I want to be.”

  “Seth, you’re an amazing dad. You’re great with your kids,” I assured him. Seth was just like his father. Amazing in every way.

  “I’m never home. Trying to run two businesses is a time suck. I leave for work at six a.m. and don’t get home till eleven or even midnight.” He slumped onto a stool. “That’s not the kind of father my kids need, especially not now, after the funeral and all. No business success in the world can compensate for failing at my most important job. My family. The funeral was a wakeup call for me, you know?” I nodded, looking into his eyes, still so full of pain. “One minute she’s there, greeting me with her warm loving smile, the next minute she’s gone.”

  The funeral shook us all. She went from having a simple cold to full blown pneumonia two days later. The next day she was gone.

  “It’s the right decision. I’ll be there in the morning when they have breakfast, and I’ll be home by seven each night. It’s a good thing.” He took the appetizers and set them down on the table in the living room. Everyone dug in. Couldn’t blame them. Seth had an incredible gift with food.

  I looked around at my friends, no, my family, laughing, enjoying one another’s company, as did our kids in the next room. Despite some horrific heartaches, my life was pretty great. We had our challenges, but we were there for each other.

  “Daddy,” Seth’s youngest, Eliza, tugged on her dad’s jeans. He scooped her up and kissed her cheek.

  “Daddy, where’s mommy again?” She patted his cheeks with her chubby hands.

  “The cemetery, remember?” he said softly.

  Epilogue

  Maggie

  “Hi, Mom.” I shifted the umbrella in my hand as I set a yellow rose next to her headstone. It was the first time I’d seen it in person. When she died, I didn’t have the strength to pick it out. Seth selected one for me. He showed me pictures, but they didn’t do it justice. Etched into the square stone were roses and a little girl walking hand in hand with her mother. Ironically, I couldn’t remember a time when I walked hand in hand with my mother. But that didn’t matter anymore.

  “I brought some yellow roses for Katie. She’s my daughter. She died six months ago.” I blinked back tears. “I decided it’s about time I came to see you. I’m sorry I haven’t before now. To tell you the truth, I had too much anger inside.” I toed a clump of snow next to her headstone as I spoke. “I couldn’t understa
nd why I wasn’t good enough for you, not a good enough child, not a good enough student, not good enough period. And it hurt, Mom, it hurt a lot.” I zipped my coat a little higher against the cold.

  “After I got married—oh, I married Seth, by the way. Do you remember him? You didn’t care for him when you first met him, but you were wrong. He’s been an amazing blessing in my life. He helped me to heal, and move on. If not for him, I don’t think I’d be here today visiting you.

  “As I was saying, after I got married, my heart began to soften toward you. I realized that your addiction stole who you really were. I decided it was time for me to put the past behind me and finally come visit your grave. I was eight months pregnant at the time, and just that day my doctor put me on bed rest for high blood pressure. I thought: no big deal. I’ll visit after the baby’s born and bring him here for you to meet. Two weeks later, after a horrible labor and delivery I might add, they placed little Eric in my arms. I looked down at his splotchy pink face as he screamed at the top of his lungs and fell in love. I placed his ear next to my mouth and spoke soft tender I love you’s, and Mommy’s here, you’re safe, in his ear. He immediately stopped crying. He just lay in my arms, and blinked his eyes as he drank in Seth’s and my voice.

  “In that instant, my anger for you ignited all over again, only stronger this time. My sweet Eric was scared, and all he wanted was to hear my voice reassuring him that he wasn’t alone in the world. That he was loved. He wanted what I wanted. Only, unlike Eric, I never got that from you.”

  I closed my eyes. I had to do this, to forgive her, despite the pain that still haunted me, that still tore at me. I steadied myself and continued.

  “Each new birth fanned the anger. Three years later Samuel Cole was born, and three years after that Eliza. And of course our little Katie. She would have turned one next week.” I turned from my mothers’ headstone, as if somehow she could see my tears. She hated it when I cried.