SINATHA EMERSON - CHILD?



  She felt the bullet whizzing past her ear. Sinatha ran as fast as she could, because she knew her stepfather was trying to kill her. She had poured boiling hot water on him last week when he was beating her mother and he was seeking revenge. She also knew he wouldn’t be there if mama hadn’t brought him back. Tears ran down her face as urine ran down her legs. She always peed when she was scared. Running up on her godmother’s porch, she leaned against the doorbell praying. She heard soft footsteps padding to answer the door.

  “Lord, have mercy. Baby, come in here, what’s the matter with you?”

  Sinatha fell into the arms of the woman who had always been there for her when no one else was. Evelyn Jones had no children of her own, but as a midwife, she had delivered more babies than she could remember. She was a short Native-American woman with a stern countenance but a heart of gold. For reasons unknown, even to her, she had fallen head over heels in love with Sinatha Emerson, the minute she was born. The fact that the amniotic sack was still over her face may have had something to do with it. She knew the curly-haired, brown bundle would have an amazing life, but that she would go through many trials to get to that life.

  Sinatha was born to a young black woman who wasn’t ready to be a mother. Jacqueline Emerson had always been more concerned about money, men and alcohol, but had managed to raise a very smart young woman. However, her latest lover man was brutal and many times he took his brutality out on Sinatha. Though he would never admit it, his wicked desire for the thirteen year old flesh of his stepdaughter consumed him to the point of rage. Sinatha, at thirteen looked like a grown woman, long jet black hair, knowing eyes and curves galore. But, Sinatha was determined that nothing she had would be taken from her, until she was ready to give it.

  “Chile, come on in here. What done happened now?”

  Evelyn looked at the child she loved like her own. She could see and smell her fear. She also saw the urine stained legs, but pretended not to.

  “G’mother, could I please take a bath and then I’ll tell you.”

  Sinatha’s voice was filled with pleading. Nodding, her godmother walked to the kitchen, thinking, ‘Lord, what has happened now? Ever since Jackie got with that fool, that child’s life has been upside down. I know my girl gotta go through some thangs, but lord, I trust you to keep her covered.’

  Evelyn placed a pat of butter in the skillet. She was going to make grilled cheese and hot tea. There was nothing that Sinatha loved more when she was sad.

  Sinking down into the fragrant water, Sinatha wondered where her mom was. Earlier that day, things had been going well, then, he came home and started fussing at her mom. Sinatha knew that before the night was over violence would happen, because last weekend when he hit her mom, she had thrown hot water on him.

  Sunday through Thursday he was a good, hardworking man. But on Fridays after the Jim Beam, straight, no chaser, he turned into a monster, a monster, who her mother loved. For the past two years, they had been financially better off than ever in their lives. But the flip side was that at least twice a month her mom was beaten. Lately Sinatha had tried to help. She was tired of seeing her beautiful mama with black eyes and bruises. She was even sicker of hearing her mother moaning like a cat after he had beaten her. As if sex made it all better. Tears ran down her face as she thought about the bullet whizzing past her head. He could have killed her.

  “Sinatha, baby, come on eat something…”

  Startled awake in the cooling water, Sinatha stood up. Evelyn looked at the child she had seen naked since she came into the world and was startled by how developed her body was. “My God…” she thought as she handed the child-woman a towel. She knew it was time for deep conversations.

  Verse II

  After Sinatha had eaten she snuggled up on the sofa next to her godmother. That was the only place where she could feel like a child. Evelyn rubbed her soft, damp curls.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She did, but Sinatha loved her mama like a sickness and was afraid to betray her. She would do anything to protect the woman who brought her in the world. Even hide the truth and risk her life. She was all her mama really had and she needed her.

  “Not really, I was just scared. He’s acting crazy and mama’s gone. So I just ran over here.”

  ‘Well baby, it’s very dangerous to run through the streets at ten at night.”

  “It was even more dangerous to…”

  The child’s words tore through Evelyn’s chest and she knew she would have to step out on a limb. Because she was as protective of Sinatha as Sinatha was of her mother.

  “Have you had sex?”

  The question startled Sinatha. Sitting up she looked into the wise green eyes of her grandmother. Those eyes were startling in that wrinkled brown face.

  “Of course not! I’m not ready for all that. I have plans for my future. I’m not trying to be like…well, I’m not trying to be like these other girls around here.”

  Evelyn knew she was about to say, ‘I’m not trying to be like my mama.” Evelyn’s heart was pleased to hear that, she knew Sinatha wouldn’t lie to her. She might not tell her some things, but, she wouldn’t lie.

  “That’s good. Now, I have another question. Has a man, a grown man ever tried to touch you.”

  Sinatha tensed, because the truth would be a problem. When she was a younger girl, Evelyn’s own husband had made her kiss him. She had threatened him with a checkerboard and he had left her alone. Now that he was dead, she didn’t see the point of telling that.

  “Umm, no ma’am…”

  “Are you sure…”

  The hesitancy in the child’s voice had Evelyn’s heart racing again.

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “Not even him?” She knew Sinatha couldn’t stand the sound of his name.

  “No, he is mean to me, that’s all…”

  She didn’t admit how he looked at her all the time and how she would never stay home when her mama wasn’t there. But, he had never said or tried anything. Sinatha knew she would kill him or die herself before she allowed that. Evelyn could tell from her face that she was telling the truth.

  “Well, okay, go to bed. Everything will look better in the morning.”

  “Okay, G mother, love you.”

  “I love you too, sweetie.”

  Evelyn walked outside to her balcony to pray and think. She knew the child wasn’t lying to her, but, she knew she hadn’t been told the whole story. For the last two years she had watched the light go out in the child’s eyes. She had tried to talk to Jackie, but Jackie had cussed her out, telling her to mind her own business. Evelyn told her that Sinatha was her business. Evelyn had tried to help Jackie the same way but men and money had always called out to her. She was going to make sure that Siantha didn’t end up in the same situation. No matter what.

  Verse III

  When the doorbell rang early the next morning, Sinatha and Evelyn knew it was Jackie. Sinatha sat at the table reading the newspaper, not even glancing at her. Sinatha’s face could be like Mount Rushmore sometimes. Evelyn walked to open the door. The damage done to Jackie’s once ravishing looks always startled her. To the unknowing eye, she was still a beautiful woman. But to those who knew, the eyes were too sad and the face was distorted from too many open and backhanded slaps. However, as usual she was dressed to kill. Today she was wearing a bright orange suit to set of her café au’lait complexion. She pushed in past Evelyn, the scent of Tanqueray gin and Estee Lauder’s Youth Dew, trailing behind her.

  “Sinatha Emerson, let’s go.”

  Sinatha looked up at her mothe
r. Jackie didn’t even acknowledge Evelyn though she was standing in her home.

  “Mama, I’m going to finish reading the newspaper. Then I’m going to church with G’mother. After that we’re going to Piccadilly’s for lunch. I’ll be home later.”

  The thirteen year old voice was quiet and firm. Made one wonder, who was the child and who was the mother? Jackie turned in anger to the shorter, older woman. Evelyn looked up, straight into her eyes.

  “Evelyn, she is not your child. That’s my daughter and you need to remember that.”

  “Woman, I know whose daughter she is. I was there with you, when your mama and daddy wouldn’t come. So don’t go telling me whose child she is. When she is ready to come home, I’ll make sure she gets there. Where is your man?” Jackie’s face turned bright red at her former mentor’s words.

  “Why? He told me he and Sinatha had a misunderstanding.”

  “Well, a bullet seems like more than a misunderstanding…”

  Sinatha looked up at her godmother’s words. She hadn’t said a word. Jackie tried to hide the shame in her eyes.

  “Yes, ma’am, Ms. Jackie, I got friends everywhere. And I was told that they saw Sinatha run out the back door seconds before they heard gun shots. They also told me they saw you streaking out the front door minutes before.”

  Jackie slumped into the chair; she looked as though someone had punched her in the gut.

  “So let me tell you this, if something happens to this child, I’ll bring you and that no good man up on charges. I already talked to my friend at the police station. I know Sinatha won’t press charges cause she trying to protect you. But you can believe this, if he ever does something like that again, his ass is going to jail, if he don’t end up at the undertaker first. Now go on out my house, and I’ll return your daughter home….later…”

  Jackie stood, throwing a pleading look at Sinatha, who continued to read the newspaper. She wasn’t feeling her mama right at the moment. She knew she would go home, but she wasn’t ready, not yet. Throwing a fifty dollar bill on the table, Jackie turned walking out the door, with tears running down her face. She knew she was wrong, but she also knew she wasn’t strong enough to leave him.

 

 

  Verse IV

  When Sinatha finally returned home it was Sunday afternoon. She had shared a restful couple of days with her G’mother, but, she knew her mom needed her and it was time to go home. Walking in she could smell the turkey and dressing. She knew her mama was preparing a big meal for him, after all it was Sunday and in some cases the devil even took a day off.

  He and Jackie were sitting on the sofa snuggled up as if nothing had happened. Jackie looked up as her daughter walked into the room. So did he, but Sinatha hated the smug look on his face. If were as if her were flaunting the fact that her mom chose him over her own daughter. Nodding at her mom, she tried to escape to her room

  “Sinatha Emerson, I know darn well you aren’t going to walk in here and not even speak to me and Jonah.”

  The biblical name sliding past her mother’s lips caused Sinatha to shudder. Not looking their way, she muttered, ‘Good evening…’

  “So you grown now Miss Emerson, you can run out of here and stay how ever long you want to.”

  Jackie had gotten up and walked over to her daughter. Even though she was speaking firmly, her eyes that he couldn’t see was begging her daughter to understand. Sinatha’s heart turned over in her chest at the pitiful sight. Reaching over she hugged her mom close to her. They were both startled that they were the same height and size.

  “No ma’am, I don’t think that, but, mama sometimes even a child needs a break, some rest. Can I please go to my room and take a nap?”

  Pulling away from her child, Jackie looked at her, feeling pangs of shame running through her veins. She brushed the curly tendrils that had escaped from her ponytail away from her eyes.

  “Of course sweetie, are you hungry?”

  “No ma’am G’mother and I ate after church, I’m just tired.”

  The younger woman walked into the room, closing the door behind her. Jackie stood looking after her with her back to him. Within minutes she felt him walk up behind her, kissing her neck. Immediately her focus was redirected, just as he intended.

  Sinatha covered her ears with her pillows as she heard her mothers cat cries from the other room. Tears rolled down her face as she prayed for God to make things better.

 

  Verse V

  The sun was streaming through the windows when Sinatha woke, turning over she looked at the clock and was startled that it was after nine. It was a good thing it was summer or she would have missed school. Walking from her room, she was startled to run into him.

  “Why is he here on a Monday morning?”

  She averted her eyes trying to avoid him.

  “Girl, look at me.”

  Looking up at him, her heart raced in her chest. She was sure that the devil himself looked just like him. He was over six feet tall, and as muscular as an ox with smooth jet-black skin and wavy hair. Fear consumed her as she wondered where her mother was. Grinning cockily, it was as though he could read her mind.

  “I sent Jackie to the store, I feel like you and me need to come to an understanding. If I had wanted to shoot you, I would have. I had the police come by here asking me a bunch of questions, and I don’t appreciate that. So you need to tell that old witch doctor godmother of yours to mind her own business, if she knows what’s good for her. And you need to stay out of my way.”

  His voice was as low and cold as ice. Before Sinatha could say a word, Jackie walked in.

  “What’s going on in here? And Ms. Sinatha why do you have on your gown…”

  Sinatha felt her mother’s words down in her bones and as usual she felt she had done something wrong.

  “Because mama, it is Monday morning and usually know one is here but us, you and me!”

  Shame pierced the heart of the mother and for the first time in a long time she looked at her daughter, really looked at her. She was startled by how mature she looked and she was even more startled by the way he was looking at her.

  “Just go and get some clothes on.”

  Jackie threw the bag on the table, then, turned to look at her man. He was startled by the look in her eyes. He was even more surprised by what came out of her mouth.

  “Jonah, if you ever do anything to my daughter, anything, I will see you in hell, even if I have to go there with you.”

  He walked towards her and was shocked that she didn’t flinch or move. Usually he was able to intimidate her. He could see that something in her had shifted and he didn’t like it.

  “We will talk about this later…” He walked around her, to leave.

  “There is no more to say about that, I know I’m not the best mother in the world, but I am all the mother she has and I will allow no one to…violate her…you understand.”

  “I hear you!”

  He walked out, slamming the door. Sinatha, who had heard every word slid down to her knees, thanking God for the words her mother had spoken, because she knew that if he ever touched her or looked at her like that again, things would change forever and God help them all…