Rhionan (A Gurruffallo Accessory)

  four

  “Teach me to fight,” I begged Shawny. Winter were passing mildly. The weather's no much for bad. Catriona's assault by the British guard were some time ago, but in her fragile state, I've completely taken over her chores – plus me own. Cain helps lighten the load where he can and Shawny follows me around like a lost puppy dog when his chores are finished. He gets up earlier than he used to, to finish his chores before mine begin. “I dunna like feelin' helpless. Or livin' in fear, wonderin' who's lurkin' behind each tree.”

  “What?” Shawny laughed in surprise. His smile reached his gray eyes lighting them up. “Ye dunna need to fight, luv. Ye're a wumman. My wumman. And even though I'd let ye whoop me butt, that doesna mean I want ye to be able to.”

  “Please, Shawn. I hate livin' in fear.” Looking at me hideous reflection in the water beneath me, I sighed. Me curly, red hair were more unruly than before and me bright, green eyes slowly lost their sparkle. Due to me fears and an overload on chores I lost a lot of weight, giving me a skeletal appearance as me skin pressed against me bones. Obviously, I havena been eating well. Thinking about everything me sister endured, I canna complain. Thrusting another article of clothing against the rocks, in the stream, I scrubbed it the best I could. “I wanna be able to protect meself if ye're no around.”

  Shawn put a hand on me shoulder bending down to me level on the ground. His gray eyes, sincere, met mine. “I'll teach ye, as long as ye never stick up for me, and never whoop me. Got it.”

  Smiling up at him, I nodded awkwardly, happy he agreed so willingly. Turning back to the clothing I washed, a sigh of relief escaped me. I already felt as though I could defend meself, and I know wholeheartedly, Shawny will teach me.

  'Tis when it happened...

  Shawny gently touched me cheek with his fingers, turning me face back toward his. He moved close enough I could feel his breath on me. Me own breathing quickened. Our lips touched, slowly, softly. Stars appeared! Unsure what to do, I slid me hand around the back of his neck pulling him closer.

  'Tis perfect!

  Me eyes closed as he pressed against me harder. Kissing him back, me fears subsided revealing a desire hidden deep within. Lying on the grassy shore of the river, I pulled Shawny on top of me.

  Shawn let go, pulling back to gaze upon me. An excited spark, he rarely shows, flashed across his face. His breathing deepened but remained steady as he laid across me. The gray color of his handsome eyes appeared lighter, drawing me deeper into them. His woodsy aroma radiated from him stronger than any other time before, I wanted more of him. Smiling up at him, dazed and happy, he took it as an invitation to kiss me again. This time longer. Harder. He held me in a way I couldna let end.

  Lifting himself from me, “I shouldna have done that,” he whispered, ending the kiss too soon and adverting his eyes shamefully.

  I sat up quickly, I had to say something to defuse the situation before he began to have hard feelings. “'Tis okay. I-wanted-ye-to-and-I-still-want-ye-to.” The words escaped me all-in-one before I could stop them. We're comfortable enough together 'tis hard keeping me thoughts from him. Due to me abrupt words, heat filled me cheeks turning them a scarlet color. 'Twere me own turn to look away shamefaced, but I didna.

  'Tis inappropriate for non-married couples to act in such ways. And married couples dunna act this way in the open.

  'Tis forbidden.

  Raising me hands, one to each side of his face, I forced him to look at me. A smile crossed his lips making me happy we're as close as we are. No just physically, as we are right now, but in other ways too. Shawny moved closer pushing me back on the grassy river shore. As he came down on top of me, his mouth met mine again. His hungry kiss filled with passion and his deep, longing desire inspired something in me as his long fingers made delicate trails up and down me sides. Tingly sensations irrupted along me skin, where he touched, burning deep within me. I never felt anything like it. We both knew it couldna go no further than a kiss. To be honest, according to propriety, we'd already gone too far.

  Shawny's heart beat faster. His breathing quickened. His fingers tingled along me arms. As he looked on me, I sucked my bottom lip between me teeth and held me breath. Shawny's lips pressed against me neck, working his way back to me mouth. His lips opened, letting his tongue out to demand entrance of me mouth. Me eyes opened from surprise as I granted his access and his warm tongue rolled around mine. We were never more in-tune with each other before, as we are now.

  A moan escaped me, causing him to chuckle.

  I want us to continue, and so does Shawny, but we canna. 'Tis forbidden until we become man and wife. Blushing, his lips brushed across me earlobe, “I wish I'd done that a long time ago.”

  Breathless, yet breathing deep at the same time, “Me too.” Lifting off me, he took me hands and pulled me back into a sitting position. Our moment lost... Butterflies fluttered in me belly as I finished washing the clothes. Flying in every direction, and crashing into one another, the butterflies stayed with me all that day.

  Suddenly, our wedding ceremony seemed an eternity away.

  Later, during the night, as I lay in bed, the kiss between Shawny and me replayed itself. The images danced across me mind, teasing me. Torturing me. Me head grew light as I yearned for our next fervent meeting. I thought me family had retired for the night but were proven wrong when Cat came to me bedside.

  “Can I lay with ye?” she asked, as she let herself under me blanket.

  “Are ye well?” 'Tis a stupid question. I ask it often.

  “I will tell ye in the morrow. Just let me sleep with ye this night.” She crawled into me bed almost every night since the attack. I canna tell her no. The nights she doesna crawl into me bed she screams from her nightmares until Cain or me wake her. She sleeps with me on those nights too.

  Our parents say she needs to deal with it. That's their answer for most of life, which is why the three of us are so close, and constantly watching out for one another.

  “Can ye keep a secret?” I asked her. I shouldna be telling anyone, but I'm unable to hold it inside any longer. She nodded as her green eyes widened dramatically. “Shawny kissed me by the wash.”

  Cat's emerald eyes grew twice the size and a smile played on her perfect lips. “Well, 'tis about time!” she teased. “Tell me about it!” For a moment, I saw a glimmer of the lass before her vicious attack.

  I told her everything. The emotions still fresh from the memories that flooded me. 'Tis silly to be caught up in one moment this way but I canna help it. The connection between Shawn and me is overwhelming at the best of times. It leaves me wanting more with each breath. I hope, one day, me brother and sis – especially me sis – will experience the luv Shawny and me share.

  Cat and me fell asleep a short time later. When I awoke in the morning, I were a sore mess. Being cramped against a wall is no way for anyone to sleep.

  I rose early tending me chores quickly. Me plan is to spend the day with Catriona. More than a fortnight passed since she left our home, or her bed. I'm devoting me day to getting her up and outside.

  The warm, radiant sun cast a golden glow across the fields creating one of the first nice days of spring. The morning frosts recently subsided allowing the wildflowers around our home to bloom.

  'Tis always been Catriona's favorite time of the year and I'm no gonna let her miss it. I kept telling meself, if I can get her to step away from her bed and peek outside, she'll feel better. Sitting inside all day and night only breeds the darkness that consumes her. If she continues in this manner, she'll forget the good in life. I canna allow that. Catriona deserves better.

  Before the attack, she never came inside. No even when it rained. She loved the outdoors so much she sometimes slept outside too. Now, feeling vulnerable and exposed to the dangers lurking outside, she refuses to step away from her bed. I dunna blame her for the way she feels. How can I? I face the same fears every day. Even though there's no comparison, she survived an attack by a British
guard... I'm just scared.

  “I canna do it,” she argued, her face turned pink with annoyance as her lips set in a thin, straight line.

  “Da got ye out a fortnight ago.”

  “I canna do it,” she repeated.

  “Ye can. Please.” I begged, “Ye luv the outdoors and the sunshine'll do ye good.” I paused, no wanting to upset her but maybe what I had to say would sink in, hopefully. “Cat, yer skins become frightfully pale. We both know ye dunna ken bein' a hermit! Come. Outside!”

  She closed her eyes for only a second, but when she opened them I saw the fear through her tears. “I think I may be with child,” whispering the last word, she stared at me hard, waiting for a response.

  “Are ye certain?” What a stupid question, Rhionan! I scolded meself, immediately wishing I could take it back. “That happened in the fall. 'Tis been some time.”

  “Aye, Rhionan! 'Tis been a season, almost two! What do ye think of me? I would make up such stories! I canna stand to look at meself. I hate all around me. The hatred fills me and I wish he'd killed me that black night!” Rage flooded her, spilling out everywhere.

  Her life turned upside down in the blink of an eye. “Dunna talk that way, Cat,” I whispered, unsure how to console her.

  'Tis me fault.

  He wanted me.

  Grabbing Catriona tightly, I pulled her to me in a strong embrace. How do I help her? The question repeated over and over again in me head. She needs Cain, but I canna leave her to find him. She's a lot further from the lass she used to be then I thought.

  “I dunna want it, Rhionnie. I dunna want it,” she repeated quietly, sobbing on me shoulder.

  There're no words to soothe her. I wouldna want a baby conceived so violently out of hatred for me family either. The bile rose in the back of me throat as the thought made me stomach curl.

  “We can give the bairn away, Cat.” I forced what I hoped, sounded like hope, into me voice, “Let someone who wants a babe have it. They dunna need to know how it came to be.” I reasoned, trying to make her feel better.

  “Nay!” she shouted. “'Tis a part of that monster and it grows inside me. 'Tis suckin' the life from me! Rhonnie, I canna carry his bastard!”

  Her words were a slap in the face that stung me. Me arms fell from her sides as the full effect of her words settled in the quiet space between us. I stepped back from her, me body stiffening as I studied her scared, shattered features that were masked with hatred and anger. Catriona always wanted motherhood... I understand this isna the best circumstances but... Making others happy is what she enjoys most. Even as a loner, Catriona wants to please everyone around her. Always going above and beyond to make them happy. Now, here she sits, dead set against this bairn.

  This life.

  This part of her.

  “'Tis yer babe too,” I spoke the words so quietly, hadna I said them, I wouldna have heard them. She heard them. Her crying became louder. Her mournful heaves shook her body.

  I didna realize Cain rested outside our home until he heard her uproar and ran into the room. He's been determined to help her, anyway he can, but this, he wouldna understand where to begin. Shooting me a stern look, the disapproval on his face almost made me cringe. He scooped her up in his arms, without any effort, and carried her back to her bed.

  “I'm here. It'll get better,” Cain quietly breathed the words into her ear without knowing half of her problem. “I willna let him hurt ye again.”

  Bile rose in me mouth as I thought over the words shared between Cat and me.

  I canna be here.

  On me way through the curtain of our door, I decided it must be Cain's tone of voice that calms her because his words do nothing for me.