The Excess Road
Chapter Forty-four: Platitudes
I felt fine the next day. George’s door was open so I knocked. I looked around the door and he was writing something in his notebook.
“How are you?” I asked.
He looked up from the paper and shook his head.
“Dude, there’s a memorial in the chapel at seven thirty.”
“Oh. What are you writing?” I asked.
“It’s for the memorial. They asked me to say something. I don’t want to but you know, respect,” he said.
“Respect. I will leave you to your business,” I said as I turned away and he said, “Come get me for dinner.”
“Sure,” I said and walked to get water.
Dinner was a diversion, steak and real mashed potatoes, probably for finals originally. I put down one thin slice of bloody rare beef before the nausea bubbled. Tea was all I could handle. George and James boxed out their shoulders to shield the world from their plates as they gobbled. My scruffy chin went into my hand and I watched in silence.
We marched back to the dorm. Showers were swift and the formal wear was taken out of the dry-cleaning plastic bags. George left to practice his speech at the chapel.
James, Cyrus and I followed the slope around the north side of Collin’s field up by the Dopp Studio Art building to the entrance of the domed chapel. Jack rolled back his sleeve and looked at his watch from the double doors. He led us up the center aisle to the front pew. The wood was slick with high polish. The marble altar levitated behind a podium and was covered with a black cloth. A minister in silken vestments held the sides of the podium and started a prayer that some, but not all, repeated. I sat in contempt and listened to the air molecules buzz in my ear as I waited for George.
A dark suit with George’s head popping out of it ascended the set of three stairs to the podium. He rested a note card below the gaunt light and grabbed hold of the podium.
“Forgive me for my brevity. I am not a good public speaker. This tragedy hasn’t fully registered and I find myself in disbelief every moment. I don’t know why this happened but it should not have. I am stricken by both people’s deaths and can only say that he was my friend. He helped me when others would not. He stood up for me when I could not stand up for myself. I never doubted his friendship for a second no matter what argument we would get into. We got into a lot of debates in which one would storm out of the room and not speak to the other for a day or two. It always resolved and reconciled. He was a unique person and he respected my strange behavior and I respected his. I am going to miss him. A great potential has been extinguished. I know he is in a better place than this and this idea comforts me from the sadness. I hope it comforts you all also.”
He looked to his note card as he blinked away tears.
His head bowed and he continued, “I’m sorry my statement is short, I, I, I can’t… I can only say good bye Tim. You were my friend. Good journey. God bless you.”
George could no longer hold the tears as he descended the steps. One professor after another got up to speak. They were hollow clowns. I didn’t listen. After the last one left with fake tears, the minister waddled back and said a prayer that ended in, “Go in Peace!”
Peace was not appropriate.
Fuck peace.
We got back to the dorm faster than the rest. George’s stereo blasted Metallica down the hall as I changed and he popped his head in my door.
“Joaquin get ready and grab James. There are some houses going down now,” George said.
“I will be just a few seconds,” I said.
Time ate itself and we race-walked to Luke’s house. A soft breeze dampened by early flowers rushed by as we left campus. George’s neon white legs reflected the stray light. I couldn’t believe he was wearing shorts. We reached the party plump as a pig. We separated and found space to claim. Luke came up to me as I stood behind the blue bin of beers in the kitchen.
“Man, I’m sorry. Way too fucked up. Way too fucked up. Dudes jumping out windows and now this in the same fucking year. It’s a fucking wasteland. Sorry, take what you want bro,” Luke said.
I nodded as he was absorbed by the pulsing crowd as two brunettes eyed him. A series of growls came from the front yard. I weaved my way out to the porch and frat boys were fighting. To my advantage, this cleared out the crowd around the beer so I pressed my way back in. I drank until my world broke into threes and the darkness encapsulated me.
Sleep couldn’t be denied.
I woke up tired the next morning at ten-thirty. My joints and eyes ached. I stretched out and an image of Elyssa twirled through my mind but no morning wood was there to be chopped. After a few attempts at putting on clean clothes, I stopped and went back to bed. As I fluffed my pillow red dots covered it. Gravity tripled around me and pressed my face down into the divots of the mattress. I couldn’t move and all I could think was I really should read that.