Whisperers

  And so bright.

  Confident."

  She looked at me.

  Amazed.

  "All true.

  You know it.

  I saw you and immediately hid behind one of the oryx statues in the lobby.

  You were on the sofa opposite Sweets from Heaven. "

  Umf.

  "I was afraid you’d recognize me.

  Was afraid you would make a scene in front of all the people.

  I could not deal with a Mr Sexy legs yelling.

  Not at that moment.

  Umf.

  Hahaha!

  I was very nervous that day.

  I was there as guitar accompaniment for a guy who was with me at the College of the Arts.

  Was afraid there would be a harsh, direct dude like Simon Cowell.

  Shatter my last bit of confidence.

  Had no reason to be nervous.

  The guy never auditioned.

  He was too shy.

  I didn’t argue with him.

  I was really relieved.

  The song's name is Always with you.

  The couple wrote it themselves.

  Numeri and Kritzman.

  Cousins.

  Pity you didn’t find it worth your while to get to know them better.

  Two of the kindest people you’ll ever meet.

  Really dependable.

  Look.

  They gave me the lyrics and even autographed it.

  Look."

  Nia lifted the frame.

  Above is a photo of her and me at the gardens in Windhoek.

  Parliament gardens.

  We were there for her birthday.

  Below the picture, were the lyrics.

  Nia bit her lip and closed her eyes.

  As if the cello took her on some memory trip.

  She opened her eyes and looked at me.

  Shy smile.

  Doe eyes fluttering.

  "That was your last birthday we spent together.

  I still remember it very well.

  You and your green dress."

  Ha-ha.

  "Not even startled by the salamanders. Only you would try to catch them."

  Umf.

  My sweetpea.

  Girl doesn’t have a scared bone in her body.

  *Ting*

  "The box is empty.

  But if you open it and think of me, you can climb in."

  Nia looked at me.

  Confused.

  Her eyes open.

  Pupils still large.

  "The chest is made so that only you can get into the box.

  It’s not magic.

  No sorcery or spells.”

  Story will never get Walt Disney’s stamp of approval.

  “It’s the connection that you and I have.

  Those unsaid words that reach us, though we are miles apart.

  That part of the email that asks what you had for breakfast, and then I deleted.

  You then respond and answer my question exactly where the question was before I deleted it.

  Brackets and all.

  That connection.

  That is what makes it possible.

  Obviously not love, because you do not love me like that…"

  Wonder what it is.

  Nia looked away and closed her eyes.

  She pressed the frame hard against her chest.

  Opened her eyes again.

  "Maybe this will help you remember.”

  I took Nia's cell out of the packet I got ready for her.

  "You’re ringtone for me.

  You know.

  Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, I see-you.

  Umf."

  *Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, I see-you*

  *Ting*

  "Under normal circumstances, I would never have to go in with you, but..."

  Nia looked me in the eye.

  The frame still close to her chest.

  "Since that... evening, access is restricted.

  And.

  He.

  He... could get in.

  And he didn’t waste any time.

  Not a drop of sand in the hour glass.

  No.

  No, no, no.

  He is looking for it.

  He wants it for himself.

  That which I have got to show you.

  He wants me to hate God.

  Forever.

  Uhm."

  I looked into Nia’s brown eyes.

  Beautiful doe eyes.

  "We should be quick, Nia.

  Please.

  Listen only to me.

  They are conniving.

  Take my hand if you must.

  If you open your eyes again, you will see.

  I promise.

  Think of me and you can climb in."

  *Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, I see-you*

  *Ting*

  End of Chapter 4

  Utopia

  i

  "Welcome, Nia.

  Welcome to your prosperous kingdom.

  Everything here sings only your praise."

  Nia stood silent.

  Her unmatched socks pulled up to below her knees.

  Her right arm protectively around her waist.

  With her left hand, she shielded her eyes from The Bright.

  "A hat for My Fair Lady."

  I could barely see the hummingbird's wings.

  Only the white breast with the deep-purple feathers around the neck and head.

  Even the long bill looked purple.

  On the head a few green feathers too.

  Gold patches closer to the tail.

  It even surprised me to see how the little claws held onto the large hat.

  The purple legs and claws clearly visible as it clutched the white ribbon.

  "Go ahead, Nia. Take it from him. "

  Nia continued to shield her eyes with her left hand and took the straw hat from the hummingbird.

  She looked amazed.

  "May the rays of my love always keep you warm, My Fair Lady.

  I am My Lady’s willing slave."

  His voice sounded almost like one who speaks through his nose.

  And with "Aaaaaaaaaah, My Fair Lady... Beautiful," he disappeared amongst the trees.

  Nia still looked confused.

  *Beautiful*

  She put the hat on her head and for the first time relaxed both her arms along her sides.

  With the short hair covered by the hat, her face was more prominent.

  Porcelain skin.

  Those doe eyes.

  Purple-black flowers.

  She was beautiful.

  She made the khakis look sexy.

  "Take your time.

  Adjust a little.

  Feel the grass.

  Maybe it will help.

  Feel.

  All real.

  Really."

  Nia went down slowly.

  Weight on her right foot.

  Left knee on the grass.

  Slowly her left hand reached out to the grass.

  The grass was bright green and thick.

  But not long.

  Not that it was cut.

  Short, but still wild.

  "Do you hear?"

  Nia looked at me.

  The big round straw hat fit her nicely.

  Her face was confused.

  Suddenly as if she heard something, she looked down.

  "My Fair Lady!"

  "My Fair Lady!"

  "No, My Fair Lady!"

  The voices sounded like babies talking.

  "My Fair Lady!"

  Hundreds of voices.

  All at once.

  "My Fair Lady!"

  Nia smiled broadly.

  Her fingers caressed the grass more.

  "My Fair Lady.

  May My Fair Lady’s future always be as green as grass.

  I am My Lady’s willing slave."

  “No! I am My Fair Lady!”

  "No! I am
My Fair Lady!"

  "Me, too!"

  Nia now had both hands in the grass.

  The baby voices just praising away.

  Some were high pitched.

  A few groaned.

  But baby voices; they moaned.

  But you only heard them if you held your head close to the grass.

  Nia put her fingers hard into the patch right in front of her.

  Ripped out a handful in both hands.

  The grass left the soil effortlessly.

  You could clearly see two patches of rich, black soil where the grass was a few seconds ago.

  As if ripped out roots and all.

  It gave its all.

  The grass was her willing slave.

  Nia held both hands up under her nose.

  Took a deep breath in.

  Held it for a few seconds.

  She seemed to be remembering something.

  The expression on her face was that of a bitter sweet memory.

  She smiled.

  But she didn’t show her teeth.

  Then, she threw her head back.

  Her pretty head smack in the middle of the round straw hat.

  Her eyes as the stigma of a flower.

  Two stigmata.

  The long, black lashes, fine anthers round the stigmata.

  Make-up leaving her dark purple irises.

  Black.

  The make-up gets lighter as it nears her eyebrows.

  To a light purple.

  Then white-lavender.

  The porcelain skin.

  You could barely see Nia's eyebrows.

  It was as white as her hair.

  Hard to see against the white skin.

  Almost as if they were not there.

  But believe me, they were.

  Thick and beautiful, with a prominent sharp point.

  The hat as a solid petal.

  Nia was beautiful.

  The Queen was here.

  I had butterflies in my stomach.

  I was nervous.

  Never thought I would be.

  Never thought she would see this.

  Utopia.

  She was here.

  I felt a drop of sweat form at the side of my head.

  Trickle down my neck.

  Uneasy.

  Down the middle of my back.

  Into my shirt.

  Yes.

  Nia then threw the grass into the air over her head.

  "Hooray!"

  "Hooray!"

  "Hooray!"

  "Nia!"

  "Nia!"

  "Nia is here!

  Spread the joyous news!

  My Fair Lady is here!"

  Hundreds of baby voices.

  Some of the grass went into the air.

  Like being carried away by a silent wind from beneath the trees.

  Just "Hoorays! Nia is here!" as they were blown away.

  A few fell back.

  But as it fell about Nia, it turned into gold dust.

  "I am My Lady’s willing slave."

  Poof!

  Gone.

  Nia, smiled, but at the same time, she seemed more confused.

  "Come.

  Come and see."

  ii

  Nia rose and walked towards me.

  The grass started growing back slowly.

  We walked from under the trees.

  Nia to my right.

  The light was much brighter here than under the trees.

  She closed her eyes.

  "Turn around and look back."

  Nia turned around and opened her eyes slowly.

  “It's the tiny cabin. It forms part of one of the main arteries of the heart, in the small room, in the tiny cabin.”

  Nia looked confused.

  Darn!

  "What do you mean, Sher?"

  The high notes of Nia's voice took my breath away.

  I could not believe it.

  I could hear her.

  I could hear her.

  I could hear her.

  After all these months of desperation just to hear her voice.

  I could hear her.

  Her voice high, but never unpleasant.

  How was this possible?

  How was this possible?

  But why bother figuring that out now.

  "I mean... (Gulp!)... what you see here..."

  I was suddenly very aware of myself.

  "Uhm."

  Uhm.

  "The cabin… with the thatched roof... the wooden porch...the dock at the lake.

  It is directly linked to the chest... in the tiny room we were in… seconds ago.

  Do you remember?"

  "The leaping heart. Yes."

  Nia seemed to register.

  She looked at me for a moment.

  Doe eyes fluttering.

  Shy smile.

  "The velvet chest. It's beautiful, Sherwin. How long did it take you to make it?"

  "Not long. Two years. The varnish was most of the work."

  I scratched my head and looked away.

  "Wow, the detail is fantastic. It looks so... real. The paws of the lion are impressive. Like a lion in his prime. Strong. The veins so prominent. The angels with bows and arrows. It's more that they look like little children with wings."

  She looked into my eyes.

  "Where does all this come from?"

  I looked at her.

  I didn’t know what to do with my hands.

  I put them in the pockets of my short pants.

  "I never knew you were so good with your hands.”

  She smiled.

  Doe eyes fluttering.

  "Sher… Are you blushing?"

  "Don’t be silly," I said and looked away embarrassed.

  I was not prepared for this at all.

  Never thought she would be here.

  Really be here.

  Present.

  She narrowed her eyes and pointed at me with her finger.

  "Sherwin EsterhuiZEN.

  You forget!

  You are lily white!

  No matter how hard you might try, those red cheeks, you cannot hide!

  It's just who you are.

  When you blush, your cheeks go red.

  Like ripe strawberries on cream.”

  With that, she steps forward and unexpectedly runs her hand through my hair.

  The first tremor started at the tip of my little toe.

  I could clearly feel it.

  The next tremor started at the point, next to my head, where she touched me.

  I felt the two tremors move towards each other.

  The one from my head, down my neck, along my spine.

  The one from my little toe moved up my leg.

  Along the inside of my thigh.

  Till where it met the other in the pit of my stomach.

  My stomach began to tremble.

  I could not control it.

  Let alone stop it.

  I wondered if she could see it.

  Could not hide it, because my hands were in my pockets.

  Would also not be ideal to take them out.

  Suddenly.

  It might make her aware.

  Perhaps she hasn’t noticed anything.

  I doubted it.

  I felt how the tears welled up in my eyes.

  Slowly.

  I was beside myself.

  I wanted to cry.

  I felt like crying.

  It was as if the tears came from the pit of my stomach.

  Like they were the cause for my stomach trembling.

  I fought hard to hold them back.

  Hard.

  It took every ounce of me.

  If she only knew.

  How dearly I wanted her to stroke her fingers through my hair.

  Just one last time.

  Exactly like she did now.

  With her doe eyes fluttering.

  As if they were only fluttering for me.

  "I like
your hair long and curly.

  The thick, white-blond curls fit your face."

  She smiled and stroked her hand even harder into my hair and pressed it to my neck.

  No.

  I cannot.

  "Come see."

  I turned around and pointed with my right hand.

  "Look."

  Nia turned her body.

  She seems to have adapted to The Bright more.

  She was no longer trying to shield her eyes.

  I still felt like crying.

  The trembling in my stomach much less.

  But the tremors remained, none the less.

  The tears, at least, remained.

  Boys don’t cry.

  Nia walked a little more forward and then stopped.

  Lifted her head, as if she was stunned.

  "Sherwin! Seriously!? Is it..? "

  She didn’t say the word.

  Only the stunned look.

  "Daisies, yes.

  White and purple.

  The other, white and yellow.

  Just as you like them."

  I tried to keep my voice evenly.

  The lump in my throat made it difficult.

  Almost impossible.

  The sweat was dripping more and more down my back.

  We will have to move.

  I can feel it.

  My shirt was wet.

  Before I could stop her, Nia took the straw hat from her head, and threw it into the air.

  She then ran forward.

  “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..!”

  Into the daisy field.

   

  iii

  For Britney Spears

  Play me a song. Pretty please. 

  I followed her.

  It is really bright here.

  Everything appeared to be clearer, as if it is more prominent.

  Nia went down the hill.

  Cartwheels through the daisies.

  She looked in her element.

  I saw it in the distance.

  It’s getting closer.

  I could see the heat.

  But no flames.

  The fire was still far behind the hill.

  I jogged down the hill, after Nia, to try and get her to stand still.

  She really doesn’t understand the danger we are in.

  But I didn’t want to spoil Utopia for her.

  It was hers, after all.

  The fire was still far away.

  Relax.

  He does not come near The Bright.

  "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Weeeee!!! Wee!

  *Weeeeeeeeeee*

  Sherwin, Sherwin! It’s wonderful!

  Come.

  Let's roll through the daisies down the hill.

  To the water."

  Umf.

  "Sorry, but no.

  My stomach can’t handle that."

  "Scaredy cat.

  Prrrrrrt!"

  Stuck her tongue out and smiled at me.

  *Prrrrt*

  At least she stopped cartwheeling.

  She quietly, and slowly, started turning in circles on one spot.

  She stood for a moment.

  Her eyes tightly shut.

  She opened them slowly and looked around her.

  Seemed to be taking everything in, but at the same time, as if she was in a world of her own.

  The daisies grew all along the hill, down to the water.

  It is a river that runs behind the hill.

  It runs along the trees.

  To the tiny cabin.

  The daisies grew up the hill again.

  The daisy field is sort of in a valley.

  I started sowing them in 2002.

  The third time I saw her.

  At the College of the Arts in Windhoek.

  Namibia.

  Just shortly after the whole Zing! thing.

  I had just taken my guitar out to practice a few chords, when I saw her.

  I was on the stairs in front of the entrance to the College.