Whisperers

  But these jobs were few.

  I had a great reference from my previous employer. He was sad to see me go. He always said I had the hands of a lover of trees and wood. A skill to craft something ordinary into something mesmerizing. He appreciated that I took pride in my work.

  I even thought of starting my own company. Thurston and I spoke about it a lot. I mostly put it off though. I had enough money to start off with or at least something to put down as surety if I were to apply for a loan.

  But my mind was not in a good place. She still haunted me.

  So did he.

  The fire in my heart burnt less as time went by, but it was still there.

  Ever present.

  I knew it would never subside. Until I let go. Until I can let her to let go. That part of Nia that remains alive in me. The part of her I still loved and cherished.

  The real Nia has all but forgotten about me already, I am sure. She said she didn’t want to be reminded of me by anything. That’s why she gave me everything, I gave her, back. Including the chest, the couch and the tank.

  Amongst other things that kept reminding me of her. Things I too loved and couldn’t just let go of.

  It didn’t seem fair that Nia should get to have the final say in everything. And yet, there she was in my head. Always the voice of reason. Always the force of guidance. Now the source of confusion and restlessness.

  The source of a pain like none other.

  I had to stay busy. It was the only way.

  I took the empty boxes and plastic wrappings to the huge trash can outside. Then I went back to the condiments aisle to do another check of the shelves. The Slave-driver expects the stock to fly off the shelf and yet for the shelf to remain full.

  Umf.

  I sat on a Coca-Cola crate and started facing some of the items that were out of stock.

  “Sherwynne.”

  Soft and velvety.

  I knew that voice.

  I told you.

  You should never have started working here.

  I turned around slowly.

  There she was standing.

  Dressed in jeans and a loose top.

  Simoné.

  I never called Simoné after that first time we met.

  Back in 2009.

  I just couldn’t.

  I’m still a mess.

  And I didn’t want her to find out.

  She must never know.

  “Hi Simoné,” I said and stood up.

  “I was beginning to think you were dead,” she smiles, but then she frowns.

  Still, she looked beautiful.

  Simoné had changed since we were children.

  Her breasts were full.

  Her hips broad.

  Those delicate ankles still the same.

  Her cheeks were also much less chubby.

  Revealing her high cheekbones.

  “No, still alive,” I tried to sound cheerful, but that came out more nervous.

  “You never called me. You promised that you would call.”

  She didn’t sound as desperate as last time, but still sadness was in her voice.

  I did.

  “I’m sorry. I should learn not to make promises I can’t keep, nor intend to keep.

  I’m sorry I lied to you. I was never going to call you.”

  I looked at Simoné.

  I was surprised at my honesty.

  I was expecting a disappointed face, but Simoné smiled.

  “I always admired that about you. That you are a bad liar,” she smiles and shows her teeth.

  “I knew you wouldn’t call me. I had just hoped that you would. If I got you to promise… that you might have a conscience.” She stopped smiling and frowned.

  “You can make it up to me.” She put her hands on her hips.

  She had grown much taller. We were almost eye to eye. She was still a bit taller than me, I guessed.

  “How?” I asked and hated myself immediately.

  Fool.

  "Come visit me at my Grans." She smiles that familiar smile.

  The one I loved as a child.

  The one that hit you for a home run.

  Don't.

  I kept thinking about Nia and what my mom had said.

  You can't.

  I looked at Simoné.

  She looked at me. Still smiling. Still with her hands on her hips.

  She may never find out.

  "Sure." I said and smiled.

  Idiot.

  "Esterhuizen!" That was the Slave-driver. Mr Small. He was the floor manager here. Buy-rite. Thurston had warned me about him, when I decided to start work here on a casual basis. Thurston failed to mention that he hovered like a hawk.

  "I'll come and visit." I told Simoné and started walking towards the Slave-driver.

  "When?" Simoné sounded desperate again. Her smile was gone.

  I stopped and looked at her for a second.

  There was something.

  "This weekend."

  She seemed satisfied.

  She smiled again.

  That smile that hit you for a home run.

  iii

  Relax.

  I prompted myself onto the platform.

  It has been more than a year and still nothing.

  Umf.

  No sign of them.

  Relax.

  Run.

  I walked briskly onto the pavement and rushed home.

  At least no sweat.

  I opened the gate. It opened without any effort. Mom had it fixed soon after the whole mess of Cape Town.

  Go inside.

  Mom was in the kitchen as usual.

  "Hallo, Mommy." I said and walked into the kitchen.

  The sweet smell of mom's cooking hanging in the air.

  "Hello, dear." She said and just carried on with what she was busy with.

  Looked like we were in for a treat tonight.

  Roast beef, baked potato, fried carrots and onions. Some lovely potato salad.

  Mmmmmmmm.

  That was dad's favourite.

  "What's the occasion?" I asked my mother and helped her to clear the table.

  "Oh, nothing." My mom looked at me and smiled.

  I have gotten more used to the hanging eye. It really didn't bug me as much as before.

  "Just spoiling me." I laughed. I didn't know whether it was because I had felt guilty for hating my mother or because I had given her sleepless nights for the past year and what.

  Whatever it was, I was just happy to be home today.

  Happy that I ran into Simoné.

  ***

  Tuesday, 22 January 1991.

  Mommy I want to cry.

  First I saw the shoes.

  Black.

  Boy's school shoes.

  It was a boy, lying in the mud.

  Then I saw the big boy sitting on top of him.

  Big muscles.

  Very muscular.

  It was Georgie.

  Then I saw the boy lying in the mud again.

  He was holding onto his private parts.

  Though he didn't cry, you could see the boy was in pain.

  He looked familiar.

  I saw the crowd standing around them.

  Boys laughing.

  Girls giggling.

  Then, I saw her.

  Simoné.

  She was standing behind a few of the girls.

  Her face hidden from me.

  She saw me.

  That boy, was me.

  I kept watching Georgie.

  He still smiled at me.

  Still standing on Simoné's surprise.

  The one that he had just thrashed.

  I looked at the boy again.

  He looked at me.

  His face went from pain to sad to disappointment.

  Like he was disappointed in me.

  The tears burned my eyes.

  Tears of sadness.

  Tears of absolute anger.

  Boo.
br />   Boooooooooo.

  *Ooooooooooooooooooo*

  I watched him.

  Today is the day.

  Told you.

  Mark my words, Coloured.

  I lunged forward.

  Georgie was caught off guard.

  I hit him with my right fist, right in his nose.

  I felt the bone break against my small knuckles.

  It's nothing.

  He stumbled back.

  I saw the image of a guy giving a flying kick.

  It was a move from one of the karate movies my dad and I used to watch.

  I stood back a bit and lunged forward again.

  Feet into the air.

  Georgie tried to duck, but I hit him flat on his chest.

  He fell to the ground.

  On top of him.

  I jumped onto Georgie and connected with my right fist to his right eye.

  Yes.

  Hit him.

  I saw the boy in the mud again.

  Sad face.

  He must suffer.

  My left fist connected with Georgie's mouth.

  His two front teeth sort of bit into the skin.

  His mouth started bleeding almost immediately.

  His nose was a red mess of blood.

  Nothing.

  Make him suffer.

  I saw Georgie’s face in front of me.

  How?

  His face was covered.

  I saw it again.

  The bloody mouth.

  Two teeth exposed.

  He was smiling.

  Mocking me.

  Ha ah.

  Hit him.

  I connected with my right fist, then my left, all to Georgie’s head.

  Repeatedly.

  Yes.

  That’s it.

  To the chin.

  Upper cuts.

  Hit him.

  He must suffer.

  I saw Georgie again.

  Standing in front of me.

  Holding his private parts.

  Teasing me.

  I hit him harder.

  More.

  I felt as Georgie twisted beneath me.

  He was now on his side.

  To the kidneys.

  WWF.

  I got of Georgie.

  Jumped into the air and landed with my elbow to his side.

  I felt the wind leave me to.

  Nothing.

  Get up.

  Again.

  I jumped up and pounded another elbow to his side.

  I saw as Georgie ran around in front of me.

  He looked as if he was calling me a cry baby.

  He wiped fake tears from his eyes.

  Make him pay.

  There.

  That rock.

  Bash his head.

  I got of Georgie.

  He was crying like a girl.

  That’s it.

  Feel what it feels like.

  Rock.

  There.

  I bent down and picked up the rock.

  I felt my back give a slight crack.

  The rock was really heavy.

  Nothing.

  Take it.

  Bash his head.

  Look.

  I saw again as Georgie paraded in front of me.

  Laughing at me.

  Mocking me.

  Holding his private parts.

  Pretending to be crying.

  Fake tears.

  Gums and all.

  Bloody two front teeth.

  He must suffer.

  I lifted myself up and went to stand above Georgie.

  He didn’t try to get away.

  He was not able to move.

  I thought.

  He was covering his face, but you could see he wanted to hold his back.

  Good.

  Finish it.

  Do it.

  Do it.

  I struggled to lift the rock to above my head.

  If I wasn’t careful, I could drop it and it would hit us both.

  Balance.

  That’s it.

  More.

  Yes.

  Look.

  I saw Georgie looking at me.

  He stuck his tongue out at me.

  Bloody mouth mocking me.

  Finish him.

  Bash his head in. 

  I was about to drop the rock.

  “Sherwynne!”

  Soft and velvety.

  In the distance.

  She must be around the corner of the street.

  Do it.

  Do it now.

  “Sherwynne!”

  This time her voice was frantic.

  Almost right next to me.

  What?

  She’s right here.

  When did she get here?

  Do it!

  Georgie still lay on the ground.

  His clothes were muddy.

  His arms protecting his face and head.

  Still crying.

  “Please, Sherwynne.”

  Simoné almost begged.

  Do it!

  Do it!

  Bash his head!

  “Enough.

  No more.”

  Simoné’s voice has never sounded like this before.

  Do it now!

  “He is not worth it.”

  Pleading.

  I just watched her.

  The rock was starting to get heavier with every glance.

  I wouldn’t be able to hold it much longer.

  Bash his head in!

  Now!

  Simoné looked scared.

  Do it!

  Concerned.

  Bash his head I said.

  Her smile was gone.

  I dropped the rock.

  My back felt immediately better.

  I stood up straight and cracked it right.

  IDIOT!

  I’ll show you!

  I saw the boy on the ground again.

  He started twisting and curling.

  Sometimes it looked like his arms were folding between his legs and touching his back.

  I saw Georgie holding his private parts.

  He started falling apart.

  As the parts hit the ground, they became maggots.

  I saw as the maggots started crawling towards Simoné very fast.

  The boy in the mud was now totally disfigured.

  He started turning brown.

  Grey.

  Then as black as coal.

  He exploded.

  Right in front of my eyes.

  I saw the black dust all swirl and twirl towards Simoné.

  The maggots and the dust started intertwining, forming a shape.

  I saw him.

  Big and real.

  Behind Simoné.

  ***

  “Where are you?”

  I grabbed at the black in front of me.

  Nothing.

  Absolutely nothing.

  “Where are you?”

  I kept looking around me.

  Kept turning around in circles.

  My hands reaching.

  Hoping to touch her.

  But all I touched was darkness.

  I saw a faint light in the distance.

  The light became brighter.

  I could start making out shapes.

  Trees.

  Rows and rows of trees.

  The light sort of dashed between the trees.

  It was blindingly white.

  It was approaching me.

  Can it be?

  Is it her?

  The light came straight at me.

  I felt relieved.

  Worried too.

  As the light was right in front of me, it exploded.

  Almost like dust with a glow.

  It came straight at me.

  I fell backwards.

  I saw as the tiny specs hovered above me for a while.

  Then, almost as if it actually disappears.

  Swiftly.
r />   It passed me.

  I looked at it with my head tilted to the back.

  Still lying flat on the ground.

  The specs became one glow of light again.

  It moved further into the darkness.

  And left me in the dark again.

  I got up and started following it.

  The light started to take more of a familiar shape.

  It no longer looked like the glow was in the air.

  No.

  It was now closer to the ground.

  I could make out legs.

  A fluffy tail.

  It was.

  I couldn’t be sure.

  The light was very bright.

  Yes.

  I saw the ears.

  It was a rabbit.

  A white rabbit.

  Running further and further into the forest.

  I assumed this too.

  The forest.

  I couldn’t be sure.

  The rows of trees looked familiar.

  The trees became odder looking as I followed the rabbit.

  More familiar.

  Yes.

  Protected-Dreams-Forest.

  Am I dreaming?

  I asked myself and looked around me.

  The rabbit went into a hole of a tree and disappeared.

  I could still make out the trees though.

  That was part of the beauty of Protected-Dreams-Forest.

  The soft glow.

  Ever present.

  Turquoise.

  Translucent.

  There where the rabbit disappeared, were two trees.

  Each with only one branch.

  The branches sort of hung over what looked like the entrance to something.

  I was not familiar with this part of Utopia.

  I went in between the two trees.

  Had to squeeze a bit.

  The opening was small.

  The two branches almost on the ground.

  I went further in.

  The trees had huge trunks.

  Almost six feet wide.

  The sound of frogs croaking is what I heard first.

  Then I saw the small pool of water.

  It had a strange glow to it.

  Unlike the glows I was familiar with.

  This one was out of place.

  Almost too bright.

  It was like it was coming from the bottom of the small pool.

  Bluish bubbles started bubbling to the surface.

  Then a head.

  I wanted to hide, but the head looked familiar.

  Hair short on the head.

  I saw the shoulders.

  More of the torso.

  Then the face.

  Those eyes.

  Doe eyes.

  It was Nia.

  I found her.

  I ran forward into the water and embraced her.

  Thank you, God.

  She embraced me.

  She was warm.

  I looked at her; she looked at me, doe eyes fluttering.

  I stood back and looked at Nia.

  She had a smile on her face that I had never seen before.

  A lustful look.

  I looked at Nia.

  All wet.

  Looking at me like that.

  Everything inside me told me to take her.

  Take her right there.

  Is this a dream, I thought again.

  Then Nia leaned closer to me.

  Her wet body almost against mine.

  She was dressed in a white dress.

  It was tight against her body.

  Showing off her voluptuous bosom.

  Her beautiful, tall body.

  The water just reached to below her knees.

  It felt warm too.

  Dream or not, I was going to take what I got.

  I moved closer to her.

  She closed her eyes and parted her lips.

  I did the same.

  As our lips were about to touch, I opened my eyes.

  Nerves.

  I wasn’t sure.