Ruined

  He whispered her name, “Em,” as his mouth found hers again and she felt a rush of relief that they’d never really kissed before. It would have torn her apart to hear Mary’s name when he was kissing her, to wonder if he would still want to kiss her if he knew who she really was.

  She ran her fingers through his hair and was rewarded with a moan of approval. Cas sat up straighter, one hand on her waist to keep her in his lap. She thought he couldn’t get any closer, but he drew her against him until she could feel his heart beating next to hers. If he’d asked her in that moment to run away with him, to take his hand and hide from everyone, she almost certainly would have said yes.

  A light touch on her knee made her grasp his hair tighter. He pushed her dress up her thigh, his fingers trailing sparks over her skin. That spark was going to catch and she was going to be consumed by flames at any moment. She was sure of it. But there was nothing that would stop her kissing him.

  His hand disappeared from her thigh and was on her back, finding the buttons of her dress. There were far fewer than the last time he’d unbuttoned her. He quickly had three undone and her dress slipped down her arms.

  His hands pressed into the bare skin of her back, his fingers curling like he was about to completely lose control. She was right there with him.

  Cas’s hands stilled suddenly, and she heard the noise half a second later. Horses.

  She pulled away from him and his hands disappeared from her back. Her body still buzzed from his touch, and it took a moment for her eyes to focus.

  A group of warriors surrounded a wagon in the distance. They weren’t scouting the area, but it looked like they were keeping whatever was in the wagon heavily guarded.

  “It’s a wagon,” she said quietly. “Is that the one you were in?”

  He shifted beneath her, and she slid off him so he could see. He squinted in the dark, then leaned back against the tree. “That’s the one.”

  She lifted her shoulders, straightening her dress, and Cas motioned for her to turn around, a smile on his face. He buttoned her back up, planting a soft kiss on her shoulder when he was done.

  “Could have been bad, if they were closer,” she said, a hint of amusement in her voice. She turned around, settling next to him. “We never would have heard them coming.” Five or six armed warriors against her and Cas? They would have been dead for sure.

  “I could think of worse ways to go.” He glanced back at the road. “I wish I could help them.”

  “There are too many of them. Maybe if we still had Aren, but without him . . .”

  “I know,” Cas said softly. “I just feel helpless. I’m supposedly the king now, and I’ve never felt less in control.”

  She laced her hand through his, lifting it to her lips. “You’ll be in control again. If there’s anything I can do to help with that, you know I’m more than willing.”

  He released her hand, pulling her closer to him and planting a kiss on top of her head. “I know, Em.”

  THIRTY-FOUR

  THREE STEPS SEPARATED Cas and Em. If three steps were too many, what was he supposed to do when there were thousands?

  He closed the distance and brushed his hand against hers. She smiled at him as she stepped over a patch of leaves, letting her fingers curl around his for a moment.

  They’d spent most of the day walking to the Southern Mountains, and Cas felt his heart sink further with every step. Once they arrived he would know for sure what had happened to his mother and Jovita, and probably Galo as well. And he would lose Em.

  His brain kept trying to come up with a scenario where she could stay with him, where he could convince his mother and advisers and everyone in the kingdom that Em wasn’t their enemy.

  I know she deceived us all and is partially responsible for Olso’s attack on the castle, but I promise she’s not as bad as you think, Mother! He could already see her face. She would probably slap him.

  He wouldn’t blame her. He knew he’d lost his mind, that his feelings for Em had clouded every shred of good sense he had.

  But then . . . she also made excellent points. The decisions his father and his advisers had made were not perfect. They were horrifying, in some cases. His father had always seemed convinced that his actions were for the best of Lera, and Cas wished he’d prodded him further. He wished he’d had more honest conversations with his father, like he’d had with Em yesterday.

  He glanced at her again. His body was always trying to lean into her, to be closer, to touch her.

  “I think it’s best you don’t tell them we traveled together,” Em said.

  “You’re right,” he said softly. “I’ll tell them I made the journey by myself.”

  “They’ll all be very impressed. Maybe they’ll start saying you’re very handsome and tough.”

  “I can only hope.”

  Her smile faded and she dropped her gaze, her walk slowing. “I’ll miss you, Cas.”

  Two steps this time; he jumped across them and pulled her against him. She always sucked in a tiny breath when he put his arms around her, and it made it impossible not to kiss her. He ducked his head and pressed his lips against hers. He let his hands slide down her back, taking in the shape of her and convincing himself for a moment that he’d never have to let her go.

  He wished he’d kissed her before, when they were sleeping in his bed. He would have spent all night kissing her, tracing his fingers over her shoulders, memorizing the shape of her mouth. He’d thought he had all the time in the world then, and now he looked back with exasperation at all the moments with her that he’d squandered.

  “I’ll miss you too,” he said when they broke apart. “More than you know.”

  She shook her head, brushing her lips against his again. “I know.”

  When she looked at him like she was now, it was impossible to think that her feelings were fake, or part of the plan. She looked at him like she never wanted him to let her go, but also like she was about to cry. Like she was desperately, irreversibly sad. He recognized it as guilt, and the worst part of him was glad she felt it. He hadn’t completely forgiven her, and she hadn’t asked him to. She must have known that was an impossible request. He wanted to forgive her, and his father—and himself, while he was at it—but the heavy weight of disappointment was stubbornly sticking to his chest. Clawing it out all at once didn’t seem to be option. Letting it slowly drip away until the hurt became bearable seemed like the more likely scenario. Every time she looked at him, he felt a little piece fall away.

  He reluctantly let her go. Selfishly he wanted to ask her to stall, to spend one more night with him under the stars. But neither of them could afford to delay, so he bit back the words.

  They walked in silence, occasionally intertwining their hands and holding on to each other.

  Voices drifted over the trees, and they both immediately stopped and went perfectly still. Cas couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, as they were speaking softly, but they weren’t far away.

  Em crept forward and he followed, letting his hand linger on her back.

  A blur of gray and blue flashed through the trees. Cas’s heart leaped and then immediately sank.

  Lera soldiers.

  “You should go,” Em said quietly.

  He swallowed the lump in his throat. She laced her fingers through his.

  “You’ll be the best king Lera ever had,” she said, blinking back tears.

  He tugged on her hand until her body was against his, her face in his neck. “I don’t know about that.”

  “I do.”

  He hugged her as tightly as he could and kissed her forehead. “When I find your sister, I will make sure she’s set free. Keep watch on the lodge, when you get there. I’ll send her out the front and straight into the trees. You can meet her there.”

  “Thank you.” She gave him a shaky smile as he pulled away.

  He pressed his lips to hers, for only a few moments, because he was afraid if he held on for any longe
r he would grab her hand and run away.

  He glanced over his shoulder at her once, but that was all he could manage. He didn’t know if she stayed and watched him go, or if she left after that first look.

  He ducked under a vine, and the voices abruptly stopped as his footsteps echoed through the jungle. A man with his blue-and-gray coat tied around his waist suddenly appeared from behind a tree, a sword in one hand and a dagger in the other.

  Galo. Cas had to blink back tears at the sight of the friend he’d feared the worst for.

  The guard’s eyes widened with shock. “Cas?” he said very quietly, still aware of their surroundings.

  The other guards immediately jumped out from their hiding spots, their faces etched with disbelief.

  Cas held up his hands since one of the guards still had his bow and arrow aimed at him. He quickly lowered them, a sheepish expression on his face.

  “What are you—how did you—” Galo rushed forward. He appeared to be going in for a hug, then seemed to think better of it. “Are you all right, Your Majesty?”

  Cas stepped forward and embraced Galo. “I thought you were dead.”

  Galo looked like he might cry when Cas released him. “We feared the same, Your Majesty.”

  “Please stop calling me that.”

  “Sorry.” Galo surveyed him. “Are you injured?”

  “My shoulder was reinjured, but I’m fine. Did my mother make it out?”

  Galo gestured behind him. Cas followed his gaze to see two guards on horses, their hats pulled low over their foreheads.

  One of them looked up, and Cas’s heart leaped into his throat. His mother.

  She slid off her horse and ran for him, almost knocking him over as she threw her arms around him.

  “I knew you weren’t dead,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “I told them you would have found a way to escape.” She released him, holding on to his arms as she inspected his clothes. “Why are you wearing a staff shirt?”

  “Some of the staff helped me escape.”

  Jovita was on the other horse, and she jumped down and briefly hugged Cas. “I’m glad you’re all right,” she said.

  “Sure you are,” Cas said with a laugh. She smiled tightly, not quite meeting his eyes. Perhaps his cousin hadn’t been entirely sad about his disappearance, and her sudden direct path to the throne.

  “Come on,” the queen said. “We should keep moving. Tell us your story on the way.”

  “Is Fort Victorra still under our control?” Cas asked.

  “Yes,” his mother said. “We sent one guard to ride ahead and check, and he said it’s still secure and they’re preparing for an attack. We’ve sent soldiers to protect the Vallos border as well. We want to keep the warriors in the north for now.”

  “And Olivia?” he asked.

  “We’ll dispose of her when we arrive,” the queen said. “I didn’t send word for them to kill her. I figured there were more important things to take care of.”

  He flinched at the casual way his mother talked about killing Em’s sister. They definitely needed to get to the Southern Mountains, to safety, and to prepare for an attack. His mother and Jovita were right about that.

  “Have you seen the warriors come through with a wagon?” he asked. “I saw them last night.”

  “One of our scouts saw a wagon,” Galo said. “They’re ahead of us.”

  “They have a lot of the staff in that wagon, and a few guards,” Cas said. “I was in there with them for a while. Last night there were only five guarding the wagon.”

  “Six, last we heard,” Galo corrected.

  Cas surveyed the group, counting. Eight guards, that he could see, plus his mother and Jovita. “Is this all of you?”

  “No, there are four scouting the nearby areas,” Galo replied. “Two ahead and two behind.”

  “That’s plenty. Do you think we can catch up to the wagon?”

  “No,” Jovita said sharply. “We don’t have time.”

  “We’re headed that way anyway,” Cas said. “And given how we were treated in the wagon, I can’t imagine the warriors have anything good planned for them.” He turned to Galo. “How far ahead and behind are the scouts?”

  “Not far. One of the two comes back often with reports.”

  “Good. Next time they come back, we’ll have them stay with us. At least four guards will go with my mother and Jovita, and they can continue on to the mountains. The rest are with me, and we’ll be taking that wagon.”

  “No, you will not,” the queen said. “There is no one of use in that wagon, and we are not risking our lives to save them. Everyone back on your horses. Joseph, Cas will ride yours.”

  The guards looked from the queen to Cas, clearly unsure what to do. His mother put a hand on his arm.

  “Cas, your safety is more—”

  “It wasn’t a suggestion,” he said, his voice rising. She blinked, dropping her hand from his arm. “There are thirty people in that wagon, and they all helped me escape. Thirty people we will take with us to the Southern Mountains, to help defend our hold on Vallos.”

  Jovita put her hands on her hips. She gave Cas a look like he was an absolute idiot.

  “Pick four guards to accompany you,” he continued.

  Joseph immediately stepped forward, and the queen motioned to a few others.

  “Leave Olivia alone for now,” he said, trying to keep his voice casual. “The last thing we need is her causing any trouble. Focus on securing the building. We’ll deal with her later.”

  The guards all nodded, but his mother studied him, a hint of suspicion in her eyes.

  He quickly turned away. “Let’s go.”

  It took less than an hour to catch up to the wagon, and a guard who went ahead informed Cas that the warriors were resting, letting their prisoners out for a bathroom break.

  Only two of the Lera guards had bows and arrows, and all eight stood in a circle around him. There were five men and three women, and he didn’t know any of them particularly well, except Galo. But they all listened intently as he outlined his plan, nodding as he gave orders.

  “I’m going to make it my mission to open that wagon,” he said, his voice low as they weren’t that far from the warriors. “Either the men or the women will still be inside, because they only let one group out at a time usually. No one in that wagon has a weapon, but we could use the extra bodies.”

  “Are you sure you won’t wait here?” Galo asked, and Cas immediately shook his head. “Or just let us go ahead and you can come in after we’ve killed a few of them.”

  “No. I’m good with a sword; you need my help.”

  “I’m sticking close to you, then,” Galo said. “If you die, we have to take orders from Jovita.”

  This produced a few chuckles from the tense guards, and Cas smiled. “Fair point.” He looked at each of them. “Thank you for this. I know our main priority is to get to the mountains and defend the rest of Lera and Vallos, but I can’t just let the warriors take the castle staff. Especially not after they helped me escape.”

  A young man with dark curls—one of the guards with a bow and arrow—took a glance around the circle. “I think I speak for all of us when I say that we’re honored to be with the one who wanted to save the staff, not leave them to die.”

  The guards nodded in agreement, and Cas looked at them gratefully. “Thank you.” He pointed north. “Let’s go. Get in position.”

  The guards scattered, and Galo grabbed the curly-haired one by the wrist and planted a quick kiss on his lips.

  “Don’t die.” He released the guard, who shot Galo a quick smile before he took off.

  Cas watched him go, then turned to Galo. “How long has that been going on?”

  “A few months.” Galo started walking, drawing his sword. Cas did the same.

  “Months! You didn’t say.”

  “I don’t think now is the time to talk about my love life, Cas,” Galo said, amused.

  “Fine. But you
’re telling me later.”

  Cas stopped behind a tree. He could see the wagon in the clearing ahead. The women were in the wagon, the men in a line outside, getting ready to be loaded back in. The warriors were in the same positions they’d been in when they’d had him—two in front, one on either side of the wagon, and two in back. The two in back were off their horses, supervising the prisoners.

  Cas glanced to his right. He couldn’t see the guard, but he was probably almost in position, getting ready to shoot off an arrow.

  “How is—what’s his name?” Cas glanced at Galo.

  “Mateo.”

  “How is Mateo with that bow?”

  “Excellent.”

  An arrow whizzed through the air. It landed squarely in the back of a warrior at the side of the wagon. Her body convulsed once before she toppled off her horse.

  A second arrow flew through the air, but the other warriors were already off their horses, swords drawn.

  “In the wagon!” one of the warriors yelled to the prisoners. The men froze, ignoring the order.

  Cas broke into a sprint, Galo at his side. Two more arrows flew through the air. A warrior screamed as one lodged in his arm. A few of the male staff members jumped on top of him.

  A warrior immediately planted himself in front of the door to the wagon, and Cas swung his sword as he approached. The warrior blocked the attack, his feet kicking up dust as their swords met.

  Galo crept around behind the warrior, grabbing him by the throat. The warrior’s eyes widened, his sword jerking sideways. Cas lunged, sinking his sword into the man’s chest Galo dropped him, his body making a thud as it hit the ground.

  Cas jumped forward, releasing the latch on the wagon and swinging open the door. Gasps echoed through the group as they recognized him.

  He gestured for them to get out, quickly whirling around to survey the damage. He spotted one Lera guard dead on the ground, but the staff had swarmed the warrior.

  Two warriors were fending off an attack from four guards, and clearly losing. A guard sliced his blade into the chest of one of the warriors as Cas watched.

  In a matter of minutes, five of the six warriors were dead, and Mateo was engaged in a heated battle with the last one. The guard was clearly not as good with a sword as he was with a bow and arrow.