Once Upon a Time in Bliss

  God, even her potential sex life with an inanimate object was boring. Henry was still standing there staring, and it was time to cut her losses.

  “Uhm, I guess I’ll go back inside. Thanks again for dinner.” He’d been a gentleman, insisting on paying for dinner. She turned to go. She would just read until she fell asleep, if she could fall asleep. But she had to get out of here. She couldn’t stand how cold her feet had gotten.

  Nell had moved exactly two steps before he was in front of her, his big chest a wall blocking her progress.

  “I don’t understand you,” Henry said, his face a complete blank.

  “You don’t have to.”

  He was close. So close. She could feel the heat of his body. “I should leave you alone.”

  Then why wasn’t he? Tears threatened. God, she hated that. She couldn’t just be calm. She always had to get emotional. No matter how many times she got kicked, her heart still got involved. Her brain was willing to let go, but her heart still wanted and she couldn’t seem to make it stop. “Then go away, Henry. I didn’t come out here looking for you. I’m not going to follow you around. I promise I’m not going to bug you. It was a bad date. We can both walk away.”

  He frowned, his face setting in hard lines. “It wasn’t a bad date. It was nice. I liked talking to you.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m not stupid, Henry. You didn’t have a good time. You got rid of me as fast as you could.”

  “No, I didn’t. That blonde lady who was dressed like Annie Oakley said there was a storm coming in. I wanted to get up the mountain before it hit. I’m not used to driving in the snow.”

  He’d driven with complete competence. “That’s dumb. You’re an excellent driver. You just wanted to get back so you could get away from me.”

  His eyes seemed to find the ground. “Maybe.”

  Her heart sank. “Well, don’t let me intrude. I’ll try to avoid you from now on.”

  She would do just that. She wasn’t going to force herself on the man. It hurt too much. Why? She’d only known him for a day, and she didn’t really know him at all. So why was her heart breaking? Why did she think she was missing out on something good? Why did she think she would regret not being with him for the rest of her life?

  “Damn it, Nell.” His hand shot out, grabbing her elbow and stopping her from walking away. “I’m not good for you.”

  Yeah, she got that. “Fine. Then let me go.”

  His fingers tightened. “I tried. Do you have any fucking idea how hard it was to let you go in the first place?”

  “I think it was pretty easy since you did it without batting an eyelash. Let me go, Henry. My feet are getting so cold.” It was sinking into her skin. She was going to embarrass herself by shaking and chattering.

  He leaned over and shoved one muscular arm under her knees, hauling her up before she could protest.

  “What are you doing?” She’d never been picked up before. She couldn’t think of a time she’d been cradled in another human’s arms. She’d been a baby, most likely. This was what it felt like to be adored and cuddled and beloved. And she had to make it stop.

  He didn’t let her go. He started walking toward the doors, his long legs making quick work of the distance. “I’m taking you inside where you’ll be warm.”

  “I can walk on my own.”

  “But you don’t have to. See. This is the problem. You want to be a completely independent female, and I want to carry you around and protect you and do all the dumb crap you shouldn’t have to do.”

  What game was he playing? He was saying one thing and doing another. “Let me down, Henry. You made your choice when you dropped me off, and I’m going to do us both a favor and make you keep to it.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have walked outside. You shouldn’t have let me get another shot.”

  He was so frustrating. “I wasn’t giving you another shot, you Neanderthal. I was trying to forget you.”

  He kicked open the door and started walking down the hallway. At this time of night, it was deserted. “And I was trying to forget you, and you made that utterly impossible by walking out into that courtyard. Did you know there are three separate courtyards in this compound? This one is the furthest one from your room.”

  She kept her voice down. The community was very tolerant, but they did enjoy a bit of gossip. “If you’re trying to say I came looking for you, I didn’t. I don’t even know where your room is.”

  “It’s two doors away from yours,” he said. He wasn’t even winded. He seemed to support her like she didn’t weigh anything at all. “We both walked the furthest destination we could and at roughly the same time. I’d been sitting there for five minutes and wondering if I shouldn’t go inside. Either one of us could have taken a simple left or right and we wouldn’t have met tonight, but that didn’t happen. You walked all the way here and I walked all the way here and we met.”

  “And we can unmeet, Henry.”

  His head shook. “No, I thought we could, but now I’m wondering.”

  “You said you were bad for me.” She kept arguing, but a little bit of hope was starting to light inside her.

  “I am, but I’m starting to wonder if you might be good for me.” His arms tightened slightly, cradling her closer.

  She loved how small she felt in his arms, but she didn’t love what he was saying. “That’s not fair, Henry.”

  “The world isn’t fair. That’s why you do half the shit you do.”

  “It’s not shit, and that’s precisely why you should put me down.”

  He stopped in the middle of the hall, setting her down. “Fine. If that’s what you really want.”

  He pushed every single button she had. Nell started to turn to go, but she just couldn’t. Not without giving him a piece of her mind. He’d shoved his mean-spirited beliefs at her and made her feel dumb. She should walk away. It was what she did, but she couldn’t. Not when he was standing there looking so secure and blasé, like he didn’t really care. “You think what I do is shit?”

  “I think it’s naïve,” he corrected. “It’s braver to just accept the world as it is. Smarter, too.”

  An ember of anger was settling in her gut. “You know what I think?”

  “I think you’re probably going to tell me.”

  “I think you’re the coward. I think everyone who just accepts that the world is unfair and doesn’t do a thing about it, they’re the cowards. We push every day to find new medical breakthroughs. We push to invent new technology. And I push every day so this planet is a better place for everyone, and you can look down on me and call me a kook, but people like me are the reason for democracy. We’re the reason women can vote. We’re the reason we have words in our vocabulary like human rights. Philosophers, thinkers, activists are the reason for every breakthrough humanity has made in becoming a more fair place. You think we’re not fair now, buddy? Go back a hundred and fifty years and try being a slave in the South. Activists changed that. And they were considered naïve and foolish, too. The things we accept as normal and fair today were once fought for and won by people like me, so I will keep my naïveté and you can keep your cynicism. I hope you two are very happy together.”

  She turned to go. She wouldn’t think about him again. She’d said what she needed to say. Now she could forget him and move on.

  Except his hand reached out, grabbing her elbow and spinning her around.

  Nell gasped, her body off-balance. She started to stumble, but Henry’s arms went around her, hauling her back up. She was right where she’d been before, cradled against his big, strong chest. “What are you doing?”

  “Something dumb.”

  “You put me down.”

  “I can’t. I tried, but you just keep talking, Nell.” He walked across the smaller courtyard, the one she should have gone to but didn’t. It took him about five long strides to get inside the wing where their respective rooms were. “I was going to leave you alone. I was going to play it s
mart.”

  What had changed his mind? “Henry, stop.”

  “I tried to stop. I tried to be the gentleman, but I’ve decided that the universe doesn’t want that.”

  “You don’t believe in a higher power.”

  “No, but I’m starting to believe in you.” He looked down at her, those deep brown eyes of his hot on her face. He’d said the exact right thing to make her melt. She knew she should call him a liar, but she didn’t want to. She wanted him. She wanted to know what it was like to be in Henry Flanders’s strong arms. He would leave, but she would know what it meant to be held by him, loved by him.

  “Oh, Henry, are you going to make love to me?”

  He managed to get his door open without ever putting her down. He was in the room in two strides, placing her on the bed. Like all the single rooms at the Mountain and Valley, it was a small double bed.

  He looked down at her, one hand finding her hair. “Make love to you? Yes, I think I am. It’s going to be a change of pace for me.”

  She had no idea what he meant by that, but her head was whirling and she wasn’t sure she was capable of making a decent decision, and that was kind of cool. Mistakes. She rarely made them, and life was made of brilliantly beautiful mistakes. Her heart might break later, but she would know what it meant to feel this passion.

  She wanted. She wanted in a greedy way, and it was lovely. So much of her life was about giving that this moment seemed perfect because it was shared by two people who wanted one thing. Pleasure. Connection. Love. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that making love meant forever, but in a way it did. She would remember it forever. He could forget all he liked. She didn’t control that, but this experience would remain in her heart for as long as she drew breath.

  Henry unzipped his coat and tossed it to the side. “Give me your coat, and then I want you to take off your shirt very slowly.”

  He ripped his own shirt off. It was the same one he’d worn to dinner. A plain black cashmere sweater over a black T-shirt. He pulled them both over his head and they went the way of the coat, slung to the corner of the room in a random pile. Nell couldn’t help but stare. His chest was a work of art. It was rather shocking. When he was wearing clothes, there was a blandness to his features that belied the hard state of his body. He was quite cute. She wouldn’t deny that. He was handsome but in a professorial way, not a superpredatory, athletic way, yet his chest told a different tale. Perfectly sculpted and defined, Henry liked to work out. No doubt about it.

  She wasn’t close to him. She was a little out of shape. She walked a lot, but there was a curve to her belly that never went away no matter how well she ate. What would he think when she got her clothes off?

  “When I said slow, Nell, I didn’t mean a snail’s pace.” He held out his hand.

  She took a long breath.

  “What’s wrong, Nell?”

  “I’m not as pretty as you.”

  His dark eyes rolled. “Uhm, I call bullshit on that. You’re far prettier, and I want to see you naked. Are you going to give me hell about it?”

  He wanted to see her naked, and she kind of wanted to be naked with him. Totally wanted to be naked with him. She could be a coward or she could try to get what she wanted. If he laughed and walked away, she would totally rethink her stance on nonviolence. She unbuttoned her coat, passing it to him. Unlike his own clothes, he hung her coat up and held out his hand for her shirt.

  With shaking hands, she pulled her cotton shirt over her head, leaving her in nothing but a plain white bra. She shivered in the still chilly air.

  “Damn it, you’re still cold.” His hands went to her feet, pulling her galoshes off and then her socks. Her feet were in his hands. He put them to his belly, covering them with his palms. Her freezing feet were enveloped in heat, his skin covering her.

  It was the sweetest gesture. She was surrounded by his heat. Her feet. They weren’t sexy. There was nothing even vaguely sexual about her feet. His hands rubbed on her skin. After a moment, he pulled one into his hand and started a long, slow rub that nearly made her purr.

  “What do you like, Nell?”

  She liked him. Oh, she really liked him. “I like social justice.”

  Sexy. That was so sexy. Well, it was sexy to her. Probably not so much with him.

  “I was talking about sex, Nell. What do you like sexually?” He kept up the press of his thumb against her foot. It made her eyes threaten to close with just how good it felt.

  “I have no idea, but I really like the foot rub. It’s making me reconsider pedicures. I’ve heard the technicians at Polly’s Cut and Curl always give a foot rub, but I’ve stayed away because they also use toxic chemicals. Do you think I could get the rub without the chemicals?”

  “Nell, are you trying to tell me you’re a virgin?” Henry had stopped his slow rub and stood there staring down at her.

  Maybe she shouldn’t admit to that. He didn’t look like he wanted to hear a “yes” to that particular question. “I was just trying to tell you about the foot rub.”

  His eyes hardened. “Are you a virgin, Nell?”

  She was going to give lying a really good try. “No.”

  He flipped her over, and she nearly screamed when his hand came down on her backside in a short, sharp arc. “Don’t lie to me.”

  “Henry, you spanked me.” She felt her eyes widen as she turned and looked back at him.

  A slow, incredibly sexy smile crossed his face. “And I’ll do it again if you don’t answer me honestly. It’s not like you can hide it, baby. I’ll know the minute I shove my cock inside, so you should tell me now.”

  “You spanked me, Henry, and you didn’t even set up limits before you disciplined me. We don’t have a contract.” She wasn’t dumb. She knew how things worked. She’d read an enormous amount of erotic fiction. Not that she mentioned it to any of her protesting friends.

  He flipped her back over. He needed to stop treating her like she was a toy he was playing with. She was just about to mention that fact to him when he looked down at her with the darkest eyes. “Who’s your Dom?”

  “I don’t have a Dom.” She shook her head. “You were right. I’m a virgin. But you should know I have done some kissing in my time. And some heavy petting.”

  He didn’t laugh, just loomed over her, holding her wrists in his hands. “What do you know about contracts and discipline?”

  “I read books,” she admitted. He would laugh at her like everyone else.

  A little smile finally lit up his face. “You read books? Books about BDSM? You read BDSM romances. You read silly romances, don’t you?”

  “They aren’t silly. I like them.” He was going to make her cry again. Damn it. Sometimes those stupid books were all that got her through the day. They were her comfort food.

  “Hey, I’m sorry. Don’t take it like that. I think it’s sweet.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “You read erotica. I wouldn’t have expected that. I like it, Nell. You can read it to me. We can get hot together and we’ll make love.”

  “They’re really about love you know.” She felt a need to defend her chosen reading.

  “Of course they are. You wouldn’t read them otherwise.” Henry’s lips brushed hers, and she started to sink into that nice, drugged feeling she got whenever he was close. “And it makes it easier to explain what I want from you. I want submission, Nell.”

  “I don’t know that I’m very submissive, Henry.” The words came out in a breathy puff that had Henry laughing.

  “Not in your normal life, baby, but here you will be. You’ve reacted beautifully any time I’ve taken control. Tell me you’re not getting wet right now.”

  “Henry, that’s very forward of you.” And yes, her panties were in a state from attempting to soak up her arousal. She hoped that one hundred percent organically grown cotton would do the job, but she was getting really damp.

  He pushed off the bed and stood over her. “I’m going to get a lot more forward, sweethe
art. You need to make a decision. I want to fuck you tonight. I want to be your man for as long as I’m here and while I’m your man, I’ll be in charge of this part of our lives. I’ll let you take control of everything else.”

  She hated that phrase “for as long as I’m here,” but she understood. He was trying to be honest with her. He couldn’t stay here forever. He had a job and a life. This was a brief moment in time. This moment was really all anyone could count on. “All right, Henry. For as long as you’re here.”

  “Take off your clothes, Nell. I know this is new to you, but you can stop me at any time. No safewords tonight. A ‘no’ will suffice.” He pulled out the chair that accompanied the small desk every single room had. He curled his lean body into it and sat back. “I want to see you naked. I want to see what my little submissive has to offer me.”

  His little submissive. She wasn’t all that little, but the way he said it made her feel sexy. “You really want to see me?”

  It seemed too good to be true.

  “Baby, I can’t fake this.” He scooted his hips out, allowing her to see the way his erection tented his pants.

  Wow. That wasn’t some teeny tiny thing. That was a really big thing. A really big penis.

  “Nell, take your clothes off or we will start the discipline. I’ll start with twenty smacks, and I promise you’ll still be naked at the end of it.”

  Well, put that way, she should just do it. She could see plainly that he wasn’t going to make this easy on her, and she was okay with that. She could have had any number of men or boys who would have just taken her because she was available, but she’d wanted someone who wanted her. Henry’s dark eyes held hers. He wanted her. Nell Finn.

  Her hands shook slightly as she undid the buttons of her shirt.

  “That’s what I want,” he whispered. “I’ll take care of you, Nell. Do you understand what I mean? Do your books cover that?”

  Tears filled her eyes. Yes, her books covered that. If she did as he asked, they were entering a kind of contract where he would offer her affection and comfort and protection in return for trust and acceptance. All in all, it was a sweet trade and so much more honest than anything she’d been offered before. “Yes, Henry.”