For All the Evers

  “My baby brother was a smart ass,” he continued. “He just said, ‘Ladies love a uniform’ while he waggled his eyebrows. And Edward was practical as usual. His plan as for us to spread out in the different services, try to stay alive that way, as it really seemed like war was coming. ‘I’m Army,’ John said then, like he was calling dibs for the passenger seat in a car.”

  Thomas shook his head. “I wanted to follow in Dad’s footsteps, too. The thought of going to war was terrifying, but also I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. All of the neighborhood guys were signing up. I wanted to be a patriot as well. How little I knew about where I was headed. I hate the war but love my country. My parents always kept the flag out and taught us to respect it.

  “Then Eddie pulled an envelope out of his pocket telling us he’d already enlisted in the air force. It was just a few weeks until he was scheduled to report. That news had been the first piece of mail he’d received at his new place. John told him he knew a guy who could get him to Canada in a heartbeat.

  ‘I heard Canada’s fake,’ Eddie told him. ‘Like unicorns and your last girlfriend.’”

  Fallen laughed and nodded for Thomas to continue. Pretending they had all the time in the world felt luxurious.

  “I told him if he was going, I was going. I figured if I killed any of the enemies, there might be one less headed for my brother.

  Then John pointed out that Ma was gonna be busted up about it. But we all knew it was coming. And so did she. The military is a family legacy, or so it seems.”

  Fallen was desperate to ask where the war was. Was he still at war? He did seem to hate where he came to her from. The fighting must be awful.

  “But enough of that. I’m here with you.” Thomas lay back in the pillows, and she wiggled over so she could put her head on his shoulder. “Tell me about you. What’s your day like at the hotel?”

  Fallen looked at the ceiling. She’d thought she would just jump on him, feel the things her nerve endings were daring her to feel with him, and that desire was there, of course. But to talk without judgment, to really know him, was amazing.

  “It’s hard. I mean, it doesn’t sound anything like what you’ve got going on. I’m not struggling to survive, just to keep things right for Fenn and keep a look out for Lad. He hasn’t been at the hotel for a week or so now, and it’s a relief not to see him—other than just now, when you saved me.” She peppered his cheek with kisses before continuing. “My mom came back around. I thought I was going to be able to have some cash, but she took it. For a second I thought she was coming back to me, and to Fenn, to help. But she was just using us again.” She sighed. Instead of feeling weak for complaining, her chest felt lighter having him to confide in.

  Thomas tucked her closer, and she threaded her leg between his—like she’d do if they had a sleepy Saturday morning to waste together.

  “Booze can destroy people.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry it has a hold on her. Tell me, what did you want to do before you started taking care of Fenn? What will you do when he’s pushed off on his own?” Thomas stroked her hair with his fingertips.

  “A teacher. I like kids, and I like handing out tests and new pencils.” She flipped to her stomach and regarded him. “When I was little I would sit and write out ten of the same worksheet, line up my toys in rows like they were in a classroom, and pass out their pop quizzes. Then I’d have to answer them all and decide how advanced each toy was. One of my brother’s teddy bears failed every test.” She ducked her head when he started laughing.

  “I bet you were adorable.” He put his knuckle under her chin and encouraged her to lift her head. She rolled back over and settled against his shoulder.

  “I don’t want to be adorable. I want to be impossible.”

  “How do you mean?” He kissed her forehead.

  “I want to be impossible for you to forget, impossible for you to keep your hands off of.” She leaned up for a kiss.

  “You’re my impossible then. Have no fear.” He tenderly reminded her he was her impossible, too, with his lips.

  She put her hand against his stomach and snuggled in. “This is my spot. Right here. With you—it’s home.”

  He swallowed before talking to the ceiling. “My heart was like a fist. Where I am? It’s not a place you plan to survive. I’ve been there for years, and it’s not about skill; it’s not even about luck. You get strapped into a machine, and fate’s driving. You can’t get out even if you want to. So you submit to it. You harden your soul. You get ready to die.”

  He shifted, rolling on top of her. She sighed in contentment. Being beneath him made her feel safe and secure.

  He kissed her lips, then the tip of her nose, before continuing. “But with you, it’s like my heart’s opening up, and I’m terrified to feel, after all this time. Yet I don’t have a choice. No matter where I am, I draw your face whenever I get a scrap of paper.”

  He laughed a little. “We found a puppy, and I named it Fallen, just so I could say your name over and over. The guys think I’m crazy—such a strange name for a dog. But I don’t care. I’m gasping for you every moment I’m awake. And I’m making choices to keep me alive through the week.”

  His eyes searched hers. “What if I’m not as tough as I was in the beginning? God, I hope no one is affected by my distraction with this. But in the end there’s you. Only you. Do what you have to to get back to me when you’re awake. You have to. I need you more than air, more than life right now. The softness of you, the tenderness in your eyes when you see me. I’m trying to force fate to throw me in your direction. To hurl me at you somehow. I don’t know if it will work. But I’m praying for it.”

  Fallen touched his face, then his neck. “I will do everything I can to find you.”

  And then the time for talking ended. As he pushed forward with his hips, she tilted her chin up. This was what she wanted from him, from now.

  Thomas had a flicker of a smile as her imagination added small tables with candles to the treehouse. She wanted to watch him so she could re-envision each motion over and over until the next Thursday. The desperate need to stay with him almost choked her, but she let it pass, forcing herself to be in the now, with him.

  Thomas sat back, straddling her. She ran her hands up and down his thighs, but it seemed he had no intention of rushing this time. He untied her checkered top, and then paid great attention to her nipples with his thumbs through her tank top. Desire for him flooded her, and she watched his eyes darken. He added slow, nipping kisses to his fingers’ teasing. He was in no hurry.

  She tried to convince him by pulling gently on his dark hair and bucking underneath him, but he just nodded.

  “You, dream girl, are going to feel every bit of this. I’ve been doing this to you in my mind all week.”

  He nipped at her mouth and then added his tongue. She frowned.

  “No. Don’t be sad. In my imagination this week you were either smiling at me or begging me.” He took her left hand from above her head and kissed the bare ring finger. “Me and only me.”

  “I’m past smiling and on to begging now.” She tried to keep a frown on her face, but he started to tickle her.

  Then, with a lifted brow, he pulled her tank top down, almost to her nipple and used his tongue to remind her where she really wanted him.

  “Thomas.”

  And with that his lips were on her, no clothes separating the intimacy of his mouth on her breast. She inhaled as he revealed her other breast and rolled the nipple between his fingers, pinching it just enough to make her arch her back.

  Fallen wriggled under his touch, forgetting herself and calling his name. Thomas took his mouth from her breast and put it on hers, whispering for her to be quiet. The protector in him brought forth another petal of lust in her. She would have a bouquet by the time he was done with her.

  He stood and stripped off his T-shirt with a masculine maneuver that made every muscle in his chest more defined. She growled a little.

/>   He paused taking off his pants. “Careful, Fallen. I can barely stop myself as it is. Don’t push me over the edge. I have so little control.”

  Now she did smile. Watching him lose control had been her favorite part of their last dream together. Instead of a warning, she heard a dare.

  She reached down and unbuttoned her jeans, wiggling out of them and sending her panties with them off to the corner. Fallen bit her lip and motioned for Thomas to come to her.

  He held his hands in two tight fists, looking almost ready to fight. She scrambled to her knees. He shook his head at her while she unthreaded his belt.

  “What are you doing?” He didn’t stop her, but she bet he looked at the wrong end of a gun more nicely than the glare he was aiming at her.

  “Tasting?” It was a question, but she knew what she wanted to do. With her two previous boyfriends, anything sexual had been awkward. But here, with him, it was elegant. The forest played them a symphony sourced right from the evening. Crickets and wind rustling the leaves made their love song. The self-conscious thoughts from reality didn’t follow her here. She only had confidence. The way he looked at her body as she freed him from his pants, stopping to help him with his boots, was empowering.

  She felt him lean over her as she worked on the knot in his laces, running his hand over her bum and palming her in places that made her stop and groan.

  He shifted and popped the boot off without undoing the laces, and then he wore just skin.

  She sat back on her heels and let her gaze clothe him in appreciation. “You are exquisite.” She wrapped her hand around him.

  He took a quick inhale as she ran her fingertip over the end before responding, “That’s what I was going to say to you.”

  She smiled, but her reply left her as she took him in her mouth. He was hot and smooth, and she loved the way his muscles tensed with every new place she found to lick, nibble, and suck.

  “Enough.”

  He said it with such force that she was shocked. She looked up at him, lips still wrapped around him.

  “No. Not this time. Last time I was too fast. Not this time.”

  He pulled away from her and got to his knees. She wasn’t sure how, but in an instant she went from kneeling to lying on her back with his tongue pressing hard and fast against her as his fingers entered.

  It was intimate and so quick that Fallen was at the brink of an orgasm before she was even prepared. She tried to squirm away, but he held fast to her. One of her legs was over his shoulder, the other held open with his strong forearm. She couldn’t get away if she tried.

  As she tensed, she told him, “I’m about to…about to…”

  And then he growled against her, the vibration taking her away. The crash of complete bliss was soul shaking. All pretense of being quiet was lost as she shouted and shuddered. She felt like she pulled a muscle in her chest as she came, and yet he increased the friction, adding to her already impossible peak.

  “For me. That’s right. Come for me.” He’d removed his mouth to demand things of her and used his fingers to bring her compliance.

  Twice he built her passion to the point that it fell like a curtain, draping over her. Her throat felt rough from her shouts.

  He kept a massaging hand between her legs, grinning from ear to ear. “God Bless America.”

  She’d lost all modesty and urged him up, forcing him to cover her with his body. There was so much of him. She loved the way he smelled, and as she licked his shoulder, the way he tasted.

  She felt him near her thigh, persistent in his own need. “Come inside,” she offered.

  He pressed all the way into her and then stilled.

  She grabbed his shoulders and encouraged him, opening her legs wider. “Go so hard that I can still feel you next week.”

  Her words snapped the leash he’d been on, and he bucked into her wildly. He proved his strength and stamina, taking from her but never forgetting her breasts, biting and sucking, or her pleasure, slipping a hand between them.

  The sight of his strong biceps holding him up, the strain in his neck as he hit her in a splendid place inside over and over, was the definition of ecstasy.

  She gently bit his forearm before running her hand over her tattooed name.

  She remembered her present to him, her keepsake from his hand. She pulled herself up, and Thomas didn’t miss a thrust, kneeling and helping her straddle him so they remained connected. She took off her tank top and shirt, and Thomas reacted as if he were seeing her breasts for the first time, burying his face in them. As he turned his head to get a breath, he must have opened his eyes, because in the next second he stilled.

  “This is still there?” He pointed to his inked name.

  “It will be forever. I had it tattooed in place.” She held his face and touched her forehead to his.

  He gave her his intense look before taking her by the hips and moving her up and down on him. This was what being cherished felt like. She leaned backward and grabbed her breasts, pinching the nipples hard. As the passion became uncontrollable, he shouted her name, holding her in place with one hand and rubbing her with the other.

  They came together, his orgasm lasting so long that he started apologizing between twinges of what he had left.

  She could feel him inside her, like a heartbeat. She pulled her muscles tighter, letting him know she was well pleased.

  Eventually he rolled to her side, propping up on his elbow. To be naked with him, seeing him satisfied and sunny was a tremendous thing.

  He put a hand on her breast before letting it drift to his name. “I can’t believe you did this. You were able to recreate my signature?”

  “No, it stayed. It was still on my arm when I woke up. And that’s when it became my most treasured possession.” She touched his chest, his throat, and skimmed his face. “I wish I could have a picture of you.”

  He caught her fingers when they coasted close to his mouth and kissed each one of her fingertips. “I draw you every time I get a chance. Sometimes it’s in the dirt with a stick.” He went back to her breast, setting her hand free again on its trek to memorize him. “But I can’t capture you. Every time I forget how lovely you are. I can’t get it perfect.”

  He kissed her again, and she responded. How could she ever live without this? She wanted to ask him where he was, why—anything so she could wake up and contact him. But she couldn’t speak. All she had were tears that rimmed her lashes and a prayer that he would tell her on his own.

  “Don’t cry, my pretty Fallen. This. What we just did here? It will be the light in my darkest goddamn hour. Memories of time with you are my sanity.”

  She felt the dreaded heaviness in her lids and saw the droopy look on his face as well.

  “I’ve never dreaded something so much as I do this feeling that takes you out of my arms.” He cuddled her in close.

  She touched her name on his arm, and he traced his signature on her skin.

  When she knew she had just a blink or two left, she had to tell him. “I love you.”

  He hugged her even tighter, and as her lids sealed shut, forcing out the tears, he whispered in her ear, “I love you so much.”

  And then he was gone. .

  Chapter 14

  Waking, Again

  Fallen squeezed her eyes shut when she felt the rush of being pulled away from Thomas. If she refused to open her eyes, he wouldn’t be gone.

  But his heat was gone. That beautiful thump thump of his heart under her hand was missing.

  They were just getting started. They were new together. With resignation, she opened her eyes. The loss of him was visceral. She felt sick. The only thing that could compel her out of the bed was the fear of being caught. Judging from the darkness in the room, she had pressed the hell out of her luck. She stood in the room for a moment, catching her breath and wondering exactly where Mr. Orbit might be—besides in her dream. Did that make him nearby in this realm as well? Just what were he and this room capable of? br />
  Fallen was at least thankful that the darkness would aid her in removing the picture that had let her take her nap in privacy. But as she prepared to retrieve it, she looked around the room and realized she’d made a mistake. The little lights on the smoke detector and electronics had been an oversight. The picture did not include the lights. Fallen crawled up and took the picture down, all the while feeling like that was another mistake. She hadn’t been careful enough.

  She tried to stay out of the camera’s view as best as she could after that, but opening the door let in a slice of light. She cursed herself and dragged her housekeeping cart out. Flipping the power on and off on every Thursday would be obvious. Too obvious. This was just the best she could do, and maybe none of it mattered anyway. Maybe Orbit knew exactly what she was up to, because he’d been up to it too.

  She let the door shut behind her. Fallen put her cart away and braced for the cold. On her freezing walk home, some of her anxiety burned away. She grinned at the thought of Thomas’ proclamation of love. She loved him, and he loved her back. It was a beautiful free fall until she framed it within the impossibility of their situation. He was at war. He’d said as much, so there was no denying it now. But which war? And where?

  Yet even in the face of all this, her heart couldn’t be fully dissuaded. There was something to what burned between them. She felt it.

  ···

  In the morning, Fenn woke her instead of the other way around.

  “We both have, like, four minutes to get out the door!”

  Fallen sat straight up in bed, her notebook and pen still in her hands.

  “Shit. Wait, what do you mean?” Luckily, she was still in her uniform. Or unluckily. “I didn’t make you a lunch. Or me.”

  Fenn grabbed her hairbrush and her purse. “I have to be at school early to get in time in the weight room. It’s for football. C’mon, let’s run!”