For All the Evers

  Then, suddenly, the thought of the debt to the electric company, the money her mother had simply erased, made her sick to her stomach. The budget was so, so tight already.

  “So, I mean, if we could just get a system going here—you slide me a little—I can get back on my feet. I’ll help out here once I get more hours.”

  Fallen finally turned to her mother and looked her up and down. “Your children were cold last night because you stole our money.”

  Nora looked at her feet for what she must have deemed a respectful amount of time for that transgression before starting another line of questioning that had the same transparent goal.

  “Did you see my bank card anywhere? I had it last night.”

  Fallen knew she was wasting her time. She left Nora on the toilet and went upstairs to wake Fenn for school.

  She entered his room and murmured the bad news that it was time to wake, as his alarm would go off soon, but also added the good news that it was Friday. He nodded with his sleepy eyes closed. She liked to think waking up to a friendly voice was a nicer start to the day than the alarm on his cell phone. She couldn’t give him luxuries, but now that she was here, she could put some thought into small things for him. Once she was sure he would continue to get out of bed, she left and closed the door. Nora leaned against the wall in the hallway, arms crossed as she watched her.

  “You’re his mother now?”

  Maybe if Fallen had gotten some sleep, she could have had more compassion for Nora. Or maybe not. Maybe she was just finished.

  “Fenn doesn’t have a mother, Nora. He has a sister. Now please get out.” She pointed to the stairs.

  Nora’s eyes went wide before she blinked back tears. “Fallen Billow! How dare you?”

  Fallen came back at her, standing nose to nose as the fire of her anger drove her next words. “We were cold. You drank our money. How dare you? How dare you come in here and ask me what my paycheck is? Do we have to starve? Do we have to have nothing to make you happy? Drink the whole world, Nora. I don’t care. But don’t you steal from us again. You’re on your own. You need wine so bad? Steal from strangers or from Fritz. He’s already letting you live with him, right? What did you do to lose your full-time spot, anyway?” Fallen’s hands shook as she put them in fists by her sides.

  Nora looked torn, like she wanted to be angry too, but knew she had no ground to stand on.

  Fenn’s door opening broke the tension.

  “Everything okay?” he asked.

  Fallen wondered if it was like this for all children of alcoholic parents, if the burning desire to make everything seem okay fueled all their decisions.

  Until today, Fallen had never yelled. So many times she had placated her mom just to smooth things over.

  But today she could see the future clearly. If Nora got her way, she and Fenn would have nothing. Addiction took what it felt it was due, no matter how many people it needed to feed it. She wasn’t willing to let it have Fenn.

  “Great. You ready? I left the toothpaste on the counter for you. Your lunch is downstairs in the kitchen. I’m walking Nora out.”

  Nora went to Fenn and hugged him. No doubt she believed him to be the easier mark. He hadn’t gotten angry—yet.

  He smiled and seemed happy she was coherent.

  As soon as he disappeared into the bathroom, Fallen grabbed Nora by the arm and manhandled her down the stairs and out the front door.

  As she closed the door behind them, she pointed at the front steps and issued her ultimatum. “You won’t come back here again. If we need you, we’ll find you.”

  “You can’t kick me out of my own house.” Nora pulled her thin jacket closer.

  “It’s the bank’s house. Not yours. Not mine. I’m trying my best to make sure Fenn has a place to live. Have some shame.”

  Mrs. Moji from next door opened her front door, looking over at the commotion. Nora waved, plastering a Stepford wife look on her face. “Good morning Betty!”

  Mrs. Moji waved back, but her face looked stricken.

  Fallen repeated her statement at the same volume. “Have some shame.”

  Nora looked over her shoulders, as if trying to spot any other neighbors who could listen in.

  “Find a rehab that I don’t have to pay for. Get in it. Get sober. I’ll find you after that. Best of luck, Nora.”

  “But I lost my key! And I don’t have my bank card.” Nora tossed up her hands.

  Fallen walked down the three steps to the sidewalk and made sure her mother was looking her in the eye before she spoke. “And you don’t have kids any more either.”

  ···

  A little while later Fallen stood in the kitchen composing herself when Fenn walked in, his hair still wet from the shower.

  “Mom’s gone?”

  Fallen had a lot of answers to that question. She turned and looked at her brother. She saw more knowing in his eyes than she gave him credit for.

  She always tried to cushion the blows for him, but the way he nodded slowly without her having to say a word told her he understood the situation just fine. She cringed again, thinking how terrible it had been for him while she was away at school.

  “Until she stops drinking so much, she is,” Fallen finally said. “We can’t have her here. We can’t support her. And I don’t know if she can stop drinking.”

  Honesty shouldn’t have hurt to hear out loud. But it did. Fenn whistled softly. Instead of being crushed under the reality of the situation, he held his arms open for a hug. Fallen waited for a second before stepping into his embrace. Fenn patted her back.

  “It’s going to be okay, Fallen. We’ve got each other.”

  She nodded into his chest. Her brother was strong, and she allowed herself to feel a moment of pride in his upbringing.

  Chapter 4

  Best of her Life

  Every day she went to work, which most weeks was every day but Sunday, Fallen spent any extra time she could find in her assigned rooms, trying to fall asleep. Of course she also slept at night, at home, but she couldn’t make her brain manifest Thomas again. If she dreamed at all, it was run of the mill stuff—falling off a cliff, arriving naked at the high school she no longer attended—no Thomas, no Lad, no hyper-real sensations.

  While awake, she thought of Thomas more often than she should, particularly since he was a guy who didn’t exist. Fallen wondered about his strong shoulders and deep voice. She kept trying to find things that matched the bright white in his teeth. His kisses had been the best of her life. The sparkle in his eyes when he laughed ran over and over in her mind, yet recreating the realism of her stunning dream world was impossible.

  She had no real explanation for this, but she needed one, so she chalked up her inability to dream so deeply again to her drive and focus on the job she had to do. The money from this place was her only hope of keeping everything together for Fenn. That one dream had been a fluke.

  Getting back and forth to the hotel, completing her work, and then maintaining the house and juggling the bills took all of her energy. She didn’t have any socializing to worry about because her friends from college lived in their own bubble, and she was on the outside of it now, not to mention thousands of miles away. Her remaining friends from high school were off at college as well. She couldn’t afford to use her phone minutes on them or the guy she’d been sort of dating when she left school anyway.

  It was better to let the life she’d briefly inflated for herself wither up and die like the fiction it was.

  Today, a full week since her dream, she was finishing her shift with room 514. She’d saved it as a treat for herself because it was so easy, and perhaps because something wonderful would happen there again. As she puttered around, dusting, she mulled over the hotel employees’ excitement because the owner would be dropping by in a week. Every square inch of the place was being shined up, and her requests for maintenance were suddenly handled quickly.

  In their morning meeting, Desta had told her the lob
by would be part of her cleaning routine for the duration of this week and all of next. Everyone had been assigned a portion of the hotel’s entrance to detail. Fallen was in charge of a batch of plants and the front doors, which were always getting smudged by people’s hands.

  This meant she would be even later getting home. She’d have to try to prepare meals in the morning, or have things on hand that Fenn could make easily on his own.

  So far Nora had stayed away, which Fallen was thankful for, though she didn’t think it would last. Addiction would be back. Fallen had changed the pin number on the bank account, and she kept her mother’s bank card in her wallet.

  She sat on the bed as she started to think about the options for Fenn and college. Maybe he could get loans, like she had, or even a scholarship. His grades were okay—not great, though. Fallen turned and saw that one of the pillows needed to be fluffed, so she stretched out on the bed to run her hand across it. Fenn might need to do some after-school activities to beef up his college applications, she thought as she closed her eyes. Actually, it was like someone closed them for her.

  When Fallen came to, she was on the ground by the trees that bordered the field where she’d kissed Thomas the last time she saw him. Her heart began to race.

  She sat up, hugging her chest as she looked around. It was night, and this dream was definitely in high definition. She heard the crickets and saw fireflies dipping low in their waltz celebrating the evening. After slapping at a sting on her hand, she realized a mosquito had bitten her.

  So real.

  She stood and looked around. There was no sign of Thomas, but she listened for a crackling fire, scanning her surroundings for the telltale glow. There was none.

  Sighing, she’d just resigned herself to being alone in this dream when, from behind her, he spoke.

  “Dream girl.”

  She whirled around, gasping. He hushed her and pulled her close.

  “It’s you!” she whispered, tossing her arms around his neck.

  He hugged her back, lifting her off the ground. “It’s you,” he murmured in her ear.

  “I didn’t think I’d see you again,” she said. “I tried and tried.” She ran her fingers down his face, and he smiled, kissing them as they passed close to his mouth.

  He was so handsome. His deep blue eyes were electric, with flecks of lighter blue embedded in them. His jaw could cut a box open, and he smelled perfect—a mix of fabric softener and musky cologne.

  He wore his uniform again: white T-shirt, pants with a canvas belt, and boots. She ran her hands down his chest, enjoying her ability to touch wherever she wanted.

  He watched her do this before stepping forward, tossing her off balance with a kiss. She responded eagerly, trusting him to carry her as she lost her footing. He laid her on the ground smoothly, propping up at her side.

  “It’s like you’ve been choreographing that move for a week,” she teased.

  “I have,” he responded with a smile and a self-deprecating wince.

  “Well done, then.”

  Now he explored her without inhibition. With one hand he outlined her shape—first her cheek, then her lips before tracing down her neck, breast, and stomach. He circled her knee with his index finger before dragging it up her outer thigh.

  “So soft.” He spoke to himself. “So pretty.”

  Her cheeks felt hot.

  “See? Now that’s the part I think I would forget to do in my head—make you blush.”

  “You think you’re making me up in your head?” Fallen felt as real as the stick jabbing her in the lower back. She yanked it out and watched Thomas toss it aside.

  He nodded. “Could you take your hair down? I’d love to see what that’s like again.”

  Fallen sat up and pulled at her hair tie. Thomas plucked leaves from her hair before rubbing her lower back.

  She groaned. Her back was always sore by the last room of the day. She fluffed her hair, letting it cover her shoulders like a cape.

  Thomas sat up then, touching her hair and pulling it forward. Then he gathered a handful and sniffed it, which made her laugh.

  “What?” He dropped her hair and straddled her legs.

  “You’re sniffing my hair. It’s cute.”

  “Cute? I’m a strong, manly guy. Nothing about me is cute.” He made his best scary face and flexed.

  She knew it was a joke, but she admired his arms anyway. “Strong. Love that right there.” She touched his forearm.

  “You know how to make a guy feel like he hung the moon, Miss Fallen.” He leaned forward and nuzzled her neck.

  It was wonderful to flirt, to be touched, to feel her concerns float away. She leaned into his lips and ran her fingers up his back before dragging her nails gently down.

  He looked in her eyes, and she saw lust change their color a bit.

  And then his demeanor changed as well. He pulled her hard against him, cuddling her in.

  “Quiet,” he whispered in her ear.

  She did as she was told; from her peripheral vision she could see that his jaw was tense.

  Fallen listened and soon heard cracking branches as someone’s footfalls disturbed the sounds of nature in the night. They stayed huddled and quiet, her cheek pressed against his neck. She could feel his pulse race and finally slow as the footsteps disappeared.

  When he seemed sure they were safe, he disentangled from her and stood, holding out his hand to pull her up. She wished she had makeup on and a nice outfit. It would be lovely to be dressed up for him. Her uniform had no place on a date.

  As Thomas grabbed her hand and pulled her into the meadow, she pictured possible outfits for a second date. Maybe a dress with a sweater? Heels that buckled around her ankles? She’d leave her hair down and just do light makeup, fresh perfume, and matching underthings.

  Fallen was thrilled as she looked down and saw the exact dress she had hoped for.

  “Look!”

  Thomas turned quickly, scanning everywhere but her body as if waiting for danger, or running from the cops. She had to point to herself before he seemed to realize she was wearing something new.

  “Well, that’s a nifty dress.” He brought her close and hugged her, tugging off her sweater to feel her shoulders. “So soft.”

  “You said that already.”

  “I mean it. There’s nothing like your skin. It’s satin and clouds and sin, and I want to kiss all of it.”

  He began to do just that, working from her neck to her chest to her shoulders.

  “I hear water,” she said after a moment, interrupting his delicious progress. It was clearly the sound of moving water in the distance.

  “Huh… I wonder...” He pulled her along behind him and they worked their way through some trees before he started really moving.

  “Wait!” Fallen worried she’d stumble, trying to keep up with his long legs.

  He simply turned and tossed her over his shoulder like he moved people for a living. She shouted and started to laugh. He slapped her bottom playfully and then caressed it the way she would only let him do in a dream.

  He set her down soon after. “Look! I’ll be damned. I was just thinking about how I wanted to take you here, kiss you here. I love this place.”

  She stepped away from him and had a peek. The stunning, bright moon put a light blue tint over everything, and they stood at the edge of a cliff. Far below was a river, with a rocky shore edging it.

  “So amazing. Tell me about it. Why here?” She turned back to him, always wanting his warm skin under her palms. She lifted the back of his T-shirt out of his pants and put her hand on his lower back.

  He pulled her over to a rock and sat, gathering her on his lap. She put her head on his shoulder and listened to his deep voice rumbling as he began his story.

  “Well, first thing you should know is I love the hell out of my brothers. The trouble John and Eddie can talk me in to is without equal. And that’s how we all ended up right there...” He pointed to the high outcroppi
ng of rocks. “…in our underwear. This place is called High Falls.”

  “Who’s the oldest?”

  “Eddie. Then me, then John. He’s the tallest and the baby of the family.”

  “Taller than you?” Thomas was a tall guy.

  “Six foot five, and every inch of it trouble.”

  Fallen liked how Thomas’ eyebrows moved as he talked about his brothers.

  “Tell me about the last time you were here,” she encouraged.

  “I told them, ‘You dumbasses, this is how we die. Like a bunch of nosebleeds in our drawers.’ Eddie pretended to push John off the edge.

  “Then I said, ‘Think of Ma. She’ll have to bury all three of us.’

  “Of course John said, ‘Swell. Drag us all down, Tommy, with talk of a sad Ma. Just man up and get over here and throw yourself into the water.’

  “They knew I would do it. Anything my brothers asked. So I inched out next to Eddie.

  “Then John said, ‘We go together.’ Which is our motto, you know?”

  Thomas looked at Fallen, and she nodded.

  “It’s a good thirty feet up,” he continued. “And I’m afraid of heights. There was a handful of bathing-suit-wearing honeys sunning on that rock over there.”

  He stood, setting Fallen on her feet and holding her close as he pointed it out.

  “I prayed I wouldn’t accidently scream like a girl. And then we counted down from ten. ‘three…two…one!’” Thomas acted out the jump, letting Fallen stand a little ways away to watch. “And together we jumped.

  “After that the honeys on the rock spent the rest of the day razzing us, because we’d all screamed like schoolgirls with spiders on our heads the whole way down.”

  Fallen laughed at his description, and his smile widened as he took in the water and cliff.

  “I got that memory right here—my brothers laughing their fool heads off as we all flailed in midair. God, we have so much fun together.”

  She moved closer to him, drawn in. “Honeys, though? I’m jealous.”

  “Don’t pout, dream girl. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more.”