Under the Arches

she exclaimed a moment later. Beside her Zeus was in fits of laughter. ‘I can’t believe it says that,’ said Angelina.

  Zeus wiped the tears from his eyes with his sleeve.

  ‘Well they were hardly going to put Jesus Christ on there now were they? I thought I’d have a bit of fun so, Mr Robert Sole at your disposal.’ He gave a mock bow.

  Angelina tried to give him a disapproving look but instead just stifled a giggle.

  ‘Perhaps you’re right,’ added Zeus. ‘Maybe I’ve been hanging around Satan for too long. OK, let’s pay for all this and get it home.’

  He pushed his card into the slot on the chip and PIN reader.

  ‘Oh bugger, now what’s my PIN again?’ he muttered. He made the sign of the cross with his right hand. ‘Yeah, that’s it. 2-8-4-6-Enter.’

  ‘I can’t believe I now know Jesus’ PIN number,’ said Angelina as they walked out of the shop with their bags of groceries.

  ‘Well they tell you to pick something you can remember,’ said Zeus. ‘I’ve never been that good with numbers. I way over-calculated on the five loaves and two fish miracle.’

  When they reached Zeus’ house they went inside and began unpacking the shopping. His fridge was pretty empty, but looked a lot better by the time they were done.

  ‘Would you like a drink?’ asked Zeus as he filled the kettle with water from one of the bottles.

  ‘A cup of hot chocolate would be lovely,’ replied Angelina.

  ‘Right-o.’

  ‘Do you mind if I use your bathroom?’ she added shyly.

  ‘Not at all, go right ahead,’ said Zeus. ‘But you will need the rest of this,’ he added, throwing her the rest of the bottle of water. ‘And sorry about the smell.’

  Angelina gave him a strange look and carefully opened the door. A pungent aroma swept out to meet her. It was not the usual bathroom smell.

  ‘Phwoar, it stinks of booze!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘Yeah, slight technical problem there,’ said Zeus. He seemed quite embarrassed about it all.

  Angelina decided to spare his blushes, and took a deep breath and entered. Several minutes passed before she re-emerged with a puzzled expression on her face. Zeus was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee clasped in his hands. Angelina sat down next to him.

  ‘So tell me,’ she said after a thoughtful pause. ‘What is the red stuff coming out of your hot taps?’

  Zeus muttered something unintelligible.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t catch that,’ said Angelina.

  ‘OK, but you’ve got to promise not to laugh,’ said Zeus.

  Angelina raised her eyebrows.

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Oh all right, I promise,’ she said eventually.

  ‘OK, it’s like this. About a month ago I was having a quiet night in watching TV and I decided I really fancied a drink. Unfortunately it just so happened to be a Sunday night and so all the shops were shut. I was gutted, but then I had a thought. Something I did a long time ago sprang to mind. A miracle I performed…’

  He paused and looked guiltily at the table.

  ‘And…?’ pressed Angelina.

  ‘And so I turned my water into wine,’ said Zeus holding up his hands in defeat. ‘I admit it was always one of my better miracles, and I was pretty sure I was still up to it.’

  ‘So you gave yourself running wine?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘For real?’

  ‘Sauvignon Blanc and mulled; cold and hot.’

  ‘And you’ve still got it.’

  ‘Well there was never much call for changing it back,’ said Zeus. ‘Can you imagine doing that as a miracle? Hey guys, check this out! All the booze is gone but look! Bottles of Evian for everyone! I think they’d have more than crucified me.’

  You mean you’ve got no water whatsoever?’

  ‘Why do you think I smell of booze all the time. I’m no alcoholic, but you try taking a shower in that stuff and keeping the smell out.’

  Angelina couldn’t help stifling a laugh.

  ‘Hey, you promised,’ said Zeus.

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘It’s just that I’d kinda guessed, but the way you tell it is just hilarious.’

  ‘Well then, now you know the story behind all the bottles of water,’ he said.

  They sipped away at their drinks for a while and the evening drew on. They ate a nice dinner of stir-fried vegetables and rice and as they began the washing up, Zeus spoke.

  ‘I sense that you have more questions,’ he said. ‘In fact if you did not I would be surprised, and I admit, a tad disappointed.’

  Angelina looked through the glass she was drying up and saw his face on the other side.

  ‘I do have questions,’ she said. ‘I have many, but I feel tonight has been such fun that I’m afraid to spoil it.’

  ‘Well if you class food shopping as fun then we really need to get you out a bit more,’ said Zeus.

  Angelina smiled. ‘You know what I mean.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ he replied. ‘No pressure at all, I’m just here to help.’

  Angelina finished the glass and put it in the cupboard next to the others. Then, turning to Zeus and taking hold of his arm she asked, ‘Why are you here?’

  ‘Ah,’ said Zeus, letting the plate he was washing slide back into the bowl. ‘The biggie. Well my dear, it’s really quite straightforward. Have you read much of the bible?’

  ‘Nothing I can really remember,’ said Angelina guiltily.

  ‘Yeah, it can be a bit like that,’ said Zeus smiling. ‘Anyway, in the Gospel of Matthew, I think, there’s something about the son of man returning and every person on earth being held to account for their lives and deeds.’

  ‘You mean judgement day,’ said Angelina.

  ‘Exactly,’ said Zeus, clearly happy that she was keeping up. ‘My role in this is simple; to watch and observe the people of the world, how they go about living their lives, seeing what temptations they are exposed to, so that when the day of atonement arrives then everyone may be judged in a fair and honest way.’

  ‘Right,’ said Angelina, amazed at how calm she was feeling in the face of this news. ‘So I guess it must be quite soon then.’

  ‘Not far away, I suppose,’ said Zeus.

  ‘How long?’

  ‘Err… 31st December.’

  ‘What!?’ cried Angelina. The plate she was drying fell crashing to the floor. Judas, who had been dozing peacefully on his beanbag, let out a yelp of surprise. Zeus looked at her levelly.

  ‘That’s not ‘not far away’, that’s right round the corner!’ she continued. ‘Why? Why now?’

  ‘The time has come,’ said Zeus simply.

  ‘That’s not a real answer,’ replied Angelina.

  ‘It’s the only one I can give.’

  She looked at him, willing herself with every ounce of her being to feel anger or hatred towards him. Anything but love. Why had he hidden this from her? Why had it taken him so long to reveal his true purpose? And why could he not give her a straight answer? Slowly she slumped down defeated into a chair and stared forlornly at the table.

  ‘I guess it’s too much to expect it to be 31st December 2050?’ she asked meekly.

  ‘I’m afraid not,’ said Zeus sitting down beside her and taking hold of both her hands.

  Angelina gave a deep sigh.

  ‘At church they always used to say that it was imminent, but I never believed it. I never believed that it would happen in my lifetime, if at all.’

  ‘I doubt there are many people who are truly expecting it,’ said Zeus. ‘But that is the way it should be. There would be no point in sending an email round saying ‘Excuse me chaps but the world is ending in a few months time. You’d best start getting ready. Sorry for the inconvenience’. That wouldn’t work. Everyone would plan a big old party, and then when the time came there would be a big countdown and fireworks, and maybe a celebrity guest as an ambassador. It should be kept a secret.’

  ‘Then why
tell me?’ asked Angelina.

  ‘You asked me why I was here,’ said Zeus. She frowned at him and his face became grave. ‘Believe me, I did not wish to place the burden of this knowledge on the shoulders of one so young. It is not fair on you, and in all honesty it has probably accomplished very little. I admit that when I first came here I did not expect to gain such a strong friendship with any single person. Even the omnipotent, it would seem, can still be surprised. Yet it was through your generosity that we came to be acquainted, and I did not wish to go any further without letting you know the truth. You have been utterly open and honest with me so far, and you deserve the same from me. Part of you, I’m sure, suspected it, and another part loathes me for not telling you sooner. But even the Pope wouldn’t have believed me if I’d have told him, yet your young mind has not been tainted by too much cynicism and doubt, and I am happy that you have accepted the news so readily.’

  ‘Well I wouldn’t say I’m not shocked by it, but I guess there’s not a lot I can really do about it,’ said Angelina. ‘Hang on, though. Why have you been urging me to keep up my studies and to look to the future when you know that it is all pointless?’

  ‘The point is that it is not at all pointless. Far from it,’ said Zeus sternly. ‘You have been given great gifts, Angelina Marsh. Gifts that many others do not possess. It is important for you to keep using them to the best of your ability.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘Because when the time comes and you stand before my father, what would you say if you didn’t? Would you say that you wasted the life you were given because you could not be bothered to apply yourself?’

  ‘I guess not.’

  ‘Well then, please keep studying,’ said Zeus. ‘In fact, however hard it may be, try to keep