Tabula Rasa

  “They’re just raw, aren’t they?” Ehren replies.

  “Yeah, I guess they are. It doesn’t matter. We need to get going again.”

  I feel desperate as we hit begin moving again, the final stretch of the journey, and the final moments before I see Alexis again. The strain of anticipation is almost unbearable. The desperation is coupled with fear.

  “When this highway ends, we’ll head northeast on the service road if we can.”

  “And how far is Langtree from there?” Ehren asks.

  “Maybe ten or twelve miles. ”

  As we come upon the end of the country highway, we’re forced to stop in order to clear a jackknifed vehicle from the center of the road. There are streaks of rust-colored blood smeared across the windshield, and the windows have all shattered. Behind the steering wheel, still safely fastened beneath a seatbelt, rests a pale corpse. Judging by the corpse’s attire, the man was middle-aged.

  “I know who did this,” I say to Ehren.

  He looks at me and raises his eyebrows. “Yeah, so do I. The same monsters that have done everything else.”

  “No,” I say, leaning in through the window to peer closely at the man’s neck. “See this marking here?”

  Ehren walks around the car and gazes in through the window. “Jesus Christ, did they carve it into him?”

  “Yeah, they do that. They like to mark their turf. They’re an all-female coven.”

  “Female? I haven’t seen a single chick vamp since all this started, except…” He stops speaking and looks at me.

  “Female vamps are rare,” I tell him. “Male vamps have a hard time turning women. They normally can’t when they’re finished with them. They’ll drain them and rape them to the point of no return.”

  “Fucking Christ!” Ehren has fallen to his knees. I hear his quiet sobs tucked beneath his arms.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry.”

  “Do you think they raped her?” He can barely finish his question through his tears.

  “If she was turned, it was this coven who did it. They wouldn’t rape her.”

  “God dammit! Sons of bitches! You sons of bitches!”

  I leave Ehren alone and get to work moving the car. It gently rolls into the ditch as I push from behind. When it’s done, I walk over and sit beside him.

  “They’re the only female coven that I know of, and I don’t know what they’re doing stateside. I always heard they stayed in London. None of this makes any goddamn sense.”

  “I want to kill them all.”

  “So do I…Listen, Ehren, if we’re going to make it to Langtree before sunset, we need to go now.”

  We walk over wet leaves toward the abandoned red barn. Rusted cars, empty chicken coops, and dark hillsides surround the building.

  “This is it?” Ehren asks in a disappointed tone. “You made us trek through the country, walk a mile, exposed and wet, all for a shitty old barn?”

  I glare at him and purse my lips, motioning him toward the interior. The faded doors groan as we pull them open.

   “We had to leave the car. If this place were covered in cars, the vamps would know something’s up. It’s underneath the building. It’s Brad’s bunker. I always gave him shit over it. I never thought we’d need it.”

  I jump slightly when a whisper rings out from behind me.

  “Ryan?”

  Even before I fully acknowledge what’s happening, I know it’s her. And before I can react, I feel her arms wrap firmly around my ribs. I smell the lavender in her hair and taste the vanilla on her lips. It’s a blur, a glorious, robust daze of happiness that I’d forgotten I could feel. I lift her a few inches to meet my lips. Her pink knuckles dig into my neck.

  All the darkness of the past few days has been diminished into a bad afterthought. I can’t hear or form a coherent thought. I just see her gray eyes looking back into mine, her cheeks streaked with tears and eyelids softly twitching. I’m reminded that I still have a chance at leaving this behind: no more violence, cruelty, or darkness. We don’t speak, just cling to one another as gray light falls around us through the cracks of the building.

  “You’re here,” Alexis finally utters, clutching my face. “You’re alive…I knew you’d find your way back to me. I knew it…”

  “Yes, I’m here.”

  My arms tighten around her back and I pull her closer still, wrapping my coat around her hallowed frame. I’ve never felt a moment of such immense relief and wholeness in all my life.

  Ehren moves beside us with moist eyes. “This is just like that scene in The Notebook,” he whispers.

  “Alexis, meet Ehren. Ehren, meet Alexis,” I say, exasperated

  “Hello.” Ehren stretches out his hand in greeting.

  “Hi,” Lex smiles at him.

  Outside I can hear the atmosphere beginning to grumble, the storms of the past few days returning once more. The stained sky starts to tremble, and all at once, a downpour begins. Thunderclaps shake the barn, and I hold Alexis close to me.

  “Ryan, we should get below.”

  “Is Brad here?” I ask, grabbing my bag.

  She looks at me with pursed lips, her eyes filled with moisture. I feel my own mirror hers, and I stumble, bracing myself against a bale of moldy straw.

  “How?”

  “Just a few days after we got here,” she says. “He went out not long before dark, and he just never came back. We don’t know what happened. We’ve been searching every day, but we’ve found nothing.”

  “We?” I ask, confused.

  “When Brad picked me up, I couldn’t leave Lindsay and Connor behind at the lab. They had nowhere to go.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad you’re not alone.” I truly mean what I say; I’m fond of them.

  “They’re below, making dinner. There’s plenty of room for you and Ehren. You can have your own room,” she says looking at Ehren.

  He just nods in gratitude.

  “I have some of the things you left in my apartment, Ryan. And I brought clothes for you, and even some books.”

  “Thank you.”

  Alexis and I have much to say to one another, but we share a mutual look of understanding, and I know that we’ll need solitude before we can say what needs to be said.

  She leads us over to an empty stable and kicks aside moldy straw to reveal a silver-plated door. It creaks loudly as she lifts it. There’s a stairwell leading into a hallway with a single entrance, a reinforced metal door.

  “Welcome to paradise,” she jokes pushing the massive door open.

  She ushers us into what seems to be a common room. There’s a television in front of a couch and two armchairs. We walk through the room into the kitchen area. The countertops are polished marble. The stainless steel oven and microwave reflect a blinding gleam from the light above.

  “Nice,” Ehren mutters, staring at the stocked cabinets on either side of the room.

  “There’s a pantry as well.” Lex points at a closed door behind a plastic dining table.

  In the next room, a petite brown-haired girl emerges from a bedroom. Her jaw drops slightly and she gazes at me before smiling wide.

  “Ryan!”

  She rushes forward and hugs me tightly.

  “Oh, thank God,” she whispers.

  “Lindsay, it’s good to see you.”

  “Connor!” She shouts. “It’s Ryan! He’s here!”

  “Ryan? Here?” He shouts back from the bedroom. “Jesus Christ, it’s you…” He stands gawking in the doorway. “You’re alive.” He grins largely as he crosses the room in long strides and firmly shakes my hand.

  “Guys, this is Ehren. Ehren, this is Lindsay and Connor. They’re friends. They work with Alexis.”

  After introductions, Lindsay offers to cook us dinner, and we gratefully sit together while she prepares a meal. She bounces around, humming cheerfully. Alexis sits beside me with her head buried into my chest, clutching my hand tightly while we rest. I try not
to break my calm demeanor, but internally, I’m aching to be alone with her, just to lie with her, to speak to her like we always have.

  Ehren and I explain how we came to meet while we wait.

  “I was about to become a human blood bag when Ryan showed up,” he explains.

  “How bad is it out there?” Connor asks.

  “It’s bad,” I reply. “Chaos and anarchy—we’re cut off completely. It doesn’t make any goddamn sense.” The table rattles loudly as my fists pound on it.

  I break my composure for a moment and rant. “The boys in uniform should have showed up and toasted these guys. I mean, Jesus Christ, this is America. Where the hell is the cavalry?”

  “You need to tell him,” Alexis says to Connor.

  “Tell me what?”

  Connor looks down and looks back at me before shifting his gaze beyond me.

  “What is it?” I ask. “Just tell me…”

  “I don’t know what’s going on with the government boys now,” Connor says. “But I know that in their unending quest to create the perfect killing machine, they’ve killed millions of innocents.”

  Ehren snorts and cuts Connor off in disbelief. “You’re saying the military’s behind this?”

  Connor just shrugs and looks back at us. “That’s what Brad seemed to believe. He said he got intelligence that the big boys had been rounding up massive amounts of fangs from all over, even the ones you were bagging alive, Ryan. They were trying to breed them, use the information they collected to modify them. They wanted to breed an army. Crazy sons of bitches were trying to condition them, control them, ya know? They were doing all kinds of crazy shit. I mean, they were implanting metal plates over their hearts, trying to protect the kill spots from penetration.”

  “The big goon from the other night,” Ehren interjects. “I staked him, remember? He just kept at it like it was nothing.”

  I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

  “An army of monsters? And they planned on controlling this army to what end?”

  “I don’t know,” Connor answers. “They manipulated us, every single one of us. You, Alexis, Lindsay, Brad…they played us like pawns to help create their army.”

  “Why would they do it?” Alexis asks rhetorically. “Why would they set them loose on innocent people?”

  “I’ve heard a lot of conspiracy theories from my stoner friends,” Ehren chimes in, rubbing his eyes and blinking wildly. “It could be anything. Maybe they wanted to start a war somewhere and they needed to blame it on someone else?”

  Lindsay interrupts our musing with dinner. “Fettuccine is the main dish this evening, and it will be followed with ice cream sandwiches if you eat all your food.”

  She winks and sits beside Connor. Ehren’s eyes widen as he fills his plate, and I mirror his enthusiasm.

  Alexis laughs. “Remember to breathe between mouthfuls.”

  The rest of the meal is silent apart from Ehren asking Connor’s opinion of the Empire vs. Jedi debate. I zone them out and try to come to grips with the possibility of a government-staged coup. My thoughts drift over to Alexis, and I’m aching to be alone with her. I’m aching to truly be with her.

  “You can have Brad’s room,” Alexis tells Ehren.

  “Thanks. I could use about a week of sleep. It’ll be nice to feel secure in an actual bed.”

  Alexis stares at me as I wash up the dishes and clear the table. Softly, she bites her lip and wraps her arms around my chest.

  She whispers softly. “I feel like I’m dreaming. You’re really here, aren’t you?”

  The plate in my hand slides into the sink with a dull thud as I turn to face her. “I won’t leave you again.”

  Our room is small, and our bed is smaller still. The dim light leaves most of it in darkness and illuminates Alexis beside me. Her fingers are wrapped tightly around my ribs, clinging to me as if she’s afraid I’ll just vanish.

  “It’s so quiet, Lex. Is it always like this?”

  She stirs on my chest and rolls onto my torso, gazing into my eyes. “How bad was it out there? Are we going to get out of this?”

  “I don’t know. It’s bad. It’s real bad. What the hell happened? Where was the military when this started?”

  Her small hands ball up and slide from my chest to my neck. “I don’t know. They never showed. News networks, radio, cell phones, Wi-Fi…it all went down, and no one ever showed up. We were on our own.” She pauses a moment and breathes deeply, clinging to me more tightly still. “It was chaos, Ryan. The vamps were bad enough; they hit us in swarms. They took the cities and spread outward. In the daylight, people were losing control, looting and murdering. People were taking shelter in buildings, but those monsters were inside all over, just watching and waiting for anyone stupid enough to stumble on them, and they took to using weapons.”

  “That’s odd,” I interject. “They never use weapons. This is all so bizarre.”

  “Brad kept us safe, but it wasn’t easy, and we barely survived.”

  “I can’t believe he’s gone,” I say. “He’s my best friend.”

  “He saved us. You’d be real proud. Ryan, I don’t think I’d have made it without the hope of your return. Someone just kept me hoping.”

  “I am proud. He’s the best man I’ve ever known.”

   For a while, we just lie together, and the silent room lulls me into thoughtlessness. There is only Alexis. There is only this moment right now, and it’s all I need to keep the impending storm at bay.

  Alexis speaks softly, gazing hard and intentioned. “I missed you, Ryan.” Her brown eyes swell with moisture. “I wanted to write you letters, but I had nowhere to send them.”

  “Did you think I was dead?”

  “Brad said you were on your own, that we couldn’t get back to you. He told me what happened when the riot started. He said you’d find your way here.”

  “He was right,” I tell her. “There’s no way you could have made it to me alive.”

  “I knew, though. I knew that you were alive, somehow. I just wasn’t sure you’d come back to me.”

  “I woke up, and I wanted to go home. You’re the only home I’ve got, Alexis. I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  In the pale room, we make love, warming one another with our bare skin and unabashed desire. It’s silent in the bunker den, save for the soft moans of the woman I love and the rustle of disheveled sheets strewn about in passion.

  When we finish, we lie together, a tangled mess of legs. Our chests rise and fall in unison. I’m exhausted, but fearful of sleep, afraid to wake and find myself separated from Alexis once more.

  “You’ll still be here when I wake, won’t you?”

  “Yes, I’ll be right here.”

  I wake from my dreamless sleep, unsure of its duration. It feels like I’ve been out for several days. The darkness of the bunker helped keep me unconscious, and I find myself feeling refreshed. I roll to my side and see Alexis gazing at me with a grin on her face.

  “Still here,” she mutters, through tangled hair.

  “Always?”

  “Always.”

  “Is Ehren awake?” I ask as I stand to dress.

  “He’s in the kitchen. You guys really hit it off, huh?”

  I smile and nod knowingly. “He’s been through the ringer, and he’s good, you know? You know how you can just tell sometimes? And he’s a fighter, too.”

  She nods and smiles, straightening the bedding.

  “Would you like a shower?”

   “Yes.”

  Alexis grins and walks to the door, twisting the bolt and securing it. “Me too,” she laughs.

  The steam swallows the air within the bathroom. Before stepping into the shower, I stop to admire Alexis’s radiant outline behind the shower door. I close my eyes and feel her press against my skin. Her soft fingertips trace my jawbone, wiping the hair from my eyes. I open them to see her looking at me.

  “We can still get away,” she s
miles.

  “Away?”

  “Away from the world of monsters, and killing.”

  “Can we?” I ask in dismay. “Just when I thought I could leave it behind forever, it rained down on me. It doesn’t seem like it wants to let me get away.”

  Alexis lets out an affirming look, pressing her lips to my neck. “You’re a hell of a man, Ryan Pierce. You’ll get us through this, and we’ll get that fresh start. We’ll lie down on a beach somewhere far away and drink and screw and sing together. I promise.”

  I smile at her words, briefly allowing myself to imagine a better future. “It’s safe here behind these walls, Alexis. But we will have to face the world out there if we want to get our lives back. Supplies won’t last long.”

  Her piercing brown eyes fall and succumb to the dreary task ahead of us. “I know…”

  The next few days at the shelter are a haze of rest and food. After Ehren and I feel recovered, we take Connor on patrols in the daylight, searching for Brad or for any clue to his whereabouts. We scour the edge of the hillsides, fanning through wild sage in the shadows and open valleys. I peer through the frosty air and grow more discouraged with each step. Deep down, I know that Brad wouldn’t have abandoned the group unless he had been killed.

  It’s on the second night of searching, while still protected by sunlight, exposed in the open valley, that we see the group watching us from the shadows at the base of the valley. Ehren spots them and pulls Connor and me back toward the bunker. We sprint toward the barn, grabbing our gear.

  When we’re safely inside, we barricade the door and gather in the kitchen.

  “Do you think they’ll find us?” Connor asks.

  I purse my lips and glance at Alexis. “No, I don’t think so. But they know we’re here somewhere, and they won’t stop looking. If they’re the ones who got Brad, they’ll know we were looking for him.”

  “We’ve got a half hour of sunlight,” Ehren chimes.

  “We’ll take shifts tonight. Watch the door and sound the alarm if anyone tries to get inside.”

  A few hours from sunrise, I wake to a knocking on the door. Lex and I walk out into the kitchen to find the others crowded in the corridor leading outside. I can smell the fire in the kitchen.