Rain

"I'm going to throw up," Beni declared. "I'm so scared of Mama finding out."

  "Just don't think about it," I told her.

  "How am I supposed to do that?"

  "Make believe it's all just a dream," I told her. She laughed at me.

  "How come you know so much about lying to people?" "I don't, Beni, but I know a little bit about lying to myself," I said.

  The idea was like a small bird too fast and too high for her to grasp. She just shook her head in confusion and walked on, stepping over the sidewalk as if we were both barefoot on ice.

  Roy called near dinner time to say he had to stay at work and finish a job for Slim. They had promised a customer he would get his car in the morning. Slim had done him so many favors lately that Roy felt obligated. He said he and Slim were going to send out for a pizza.

  Actually, I felt a little relieved that Roy wouldn't be there to hear me tell Mama my lies. I was even afraid he would follow us out to see if we really did go to study with friends.

  Mama was occupied with some bills that had come due and she pounced on Ken the moment he entered the house. He flailed about like a man being chased by bees and promised her he would get work soon and start paying off some of the debt, but he continued to curse the family that had given me to them.

  "They won't even talk to me," he declared. "I just get this nosy secretary who keeps asking what's it about."

  "I don't blame them," Mama said. "If I had a choice, I wouldn't talk to you either."

  That set him off on a tirade about all he had tried to do for our family and how no one appreciated his efforts. They carried their arguing into the living room and Beni and I prepared to leave.

  "Don't stay out too late," Mania called to us. "Getting a good night's rest is just as important for a test."

  "What would you know about that, woman? You never even finished high school," Ken told her and they were at it again, clacking their tongues like two angry chickens, neither really hearing what the other said. What would become of them? One day Ken would surely leave and never return, I thought. Surely once they had been happy and hopeful. What had changed?

  Beni and I looked at each other and slipped away. Neither of us spoke as we made our way out of the building and into the street.

  "You let me do the talking when we get there, Beni. What they're doing is blackmail and if they don't give us those pictures, we're going right to the police. We've got to get them to believe we'll do that," I said.

  She nodded, too frightened to speak. I talked because I was too frightened not to hear the sound of a voice, even if it was only my own.

  The neighborhood where the warehouse was located was in a dark, dingy area. It was a run-down industrial block with empty store fronts, their windows either smashed or boarded over. Some had notices and posters pasted on the doors. No one cared to repair the broken streetlights. The vacant

  warehouses and buildings were taken over by homeless people or the gangs. If Roy knew we were here, I thought, he would be so angry, the top of his head would turn as red as a thermometer in boiling water. As we walked toward the warehouse, we drew closer to each other. It was quiet, deadly quiet. There was little reason for any traffic on these streets or any pedestrians.

  The old mattress warehouse was a five-story building. It had a facade the color of rusted metal. Most of the windows were smashed and the sign dangled ominously on wires over the chipped and broken sidewalk below. I was surprised no one had done anything about it, but like so many of the dilapidated and depressed places in our city, government officials were satisfied pretending it simply no longer existed. They had more important areas for their attention and money.

  There were three cars parked in front, but there was no one in them or on the sidewalk.

  "What time is it?" Beni asked me.

  "It's just past eight," I said. I took a deep breath like I would if I were about to go under water. "Let's get this over with."

  The front door hung loosely on its hinges and was partly open. I stepped up to it and gazed inside. I could hear music coming from within and saw a lighted area. Then I heard some laughter.

  "Maybe we shouldn't do this," Beni muttered. I was frightened, too, my brave face evaporating like a mask of wax at the sight of the deep shadows and the large, empty room before us. I felt like we were about to step into hell itself.

  Some heavy metal object clanged and then there was more laughter. I stepped farther in. What I was sure was a big gray rat scurried by, only inches from my feet. I gasped and stepped back.

  "You're late," someone said above us. A flashlight was turned on us-, -the beam blinding me for a moment. I put my hand over my eyes and gazed up. Carlton was standing on a ramp. "You brought your white sister?" he asked Beni.

  "Shut up, Carlton," she threw back at him. He laughed. "We have the money," I announced.

  "Wait down there."

  He turned off his flashlight and then we heard his footsteps on a metal stairway. Seconds later he was in front of us.

  "Come on," he said.

  "Why don't you just give us the negatives and the pictures and we'll give you the money?" I asked, not eager to go too much farther inside.

  "Because I don't have them," he barked. "You want 'em or not?"

  I hesitated and gazed back at the partly opened front entrance. For the rest of my life, in my mind's eye, I would gaze back at that door. I kept thinking about the Robert Frost poem we read in English class, the one about the two roads that split and the choice that made all the difference. Beni was wilting at my side. They would destroy her with those pictures. I had to go forward, I thought. I had to be brave and strong for her.

  "Well?"

  "We're coming," I said sharply.

  He led the way deeper into the warehouse. There were cobwebs everywhere and more rodent sounds coming from the darkest corners. By the light of a few lanterns, we could see a group of about five boys and two girls, who were sitting and sprawling on old mattresses. They were drinking whiskey and vodka and cheap wine. Wrappers from fast food hamburgers and fries, some still holding food remnants, were on the floor beside them. Cigarette smoke spiraled into the darkness above and from the aroma, I knew that some of it was smoke from marijuana. They stopped laughing and talking when Carlton shouted.

  "She's here!"

  At first I didn't see Jerad anywhere and I was happy about that. We would pay the ransom for the photographs and go home quickly.

  "Who's that with her?" I heard from a dark corner. Moments later, Jerad emerged. I could just make out a girl lying on a mattress behind him. "Well, well, it's my old girlfriend, Rain," he announced as he buttoned his shirt and fastened his belt. "This here's a nice surprise." There was a little laughter. He drew closer. "Why are you just standing around like that, Carlton? Get these girls something to drink. Where's your hospitality?"

  "We don't want anything to drink. We have the money," I said. "Give us the negatives and we'll go."

  "That's not a very friendly attitude, now is it?" he asked his group. Some said no. "After all, we're doing you a favor. You could at least be friendly and show some gratitude."

  "We're giving you two hundred and fifty dollars," I said. "That's all the money in the world for us and all the gratitude we can afford."

  Jerad laughed.

  "Two hundred and fifty ...hell, girl, I have that much for pocket change. Hang around with us and you'll see a lot more than two hundred and fifty."

  "I'd rather stay poor," I said.

  His cold smile slipped off his face like a thin sheet of melting ice.

  "All right," he said. He snapped his fingers and held out his right hand. The heavyset boy he had called Chumpy in Oh Henry's leaped to his feet and put an envelope into his palm. Slowly, Jerad reached into it and came out with a row of negatives. He held it up and then another against the dim light. "Yeah, these are them," he said with a leering smile.

  He looked at us again and stepped closer.

  "But how do I know
this is the girl in the pictures?" he asked looking at Beni.

  "Huh?" Beni said.

  There was a ripple of laughter. My heart, which had felt as if it had stopped, suddenly began to thump heavy warnings against the inside of my breast. I took a deep breath and reached down for my fistful of courage.

  "Very funny," I said. "You know those are Beni's pictures and you know how disgusting they are and how terrible it was for her. We could just as easily go to the police and tell them what's happening, but I'd rather just end it here, please," I said.

  "Is that so? Go to the police, huh? What do you think of that, bros?" he asked his followers. They responded with more catcalls and laughter, even the girls, whom I didn't recognize. I imagined they were school dropouts.

  "What you are doing is blackmail," I said. "It's a crime, a serious crime. A felony."

  "Oh, so you're a lawyer, too. I heard you were the smart one:' His lips twisted into a bitter smile. "If you're so smart, why didn't you tell your sister to be careful and not get into trouble?"

  "Leave her alone," Beni said, suddenly stepping forward. "It's not her fault. It's mine." She reached for the money in my hand and held it up. "I have what you want, so give me my pictures."

  He drew closer as if he was going to hand over the envelope and then hesitated.

  "Now that I see you better in the light, I don't think you look like her."

  "What are you being stupid for?" Beni asked bravely. "You don't look like the girl in the pictures. Does she, bros?"

  "No," they resounded.

  "That's ridiculous," I said. "We've seen one of those disgusting pictures. There's no question what was done to her. Do you think we would be here if she wasn't the one in the photographs?"

  "Nope," he said shaking his head. "The more I look at her, the more I think these here might be pictures of someone else. There's only one way to be sure:' Jerad said.

  I felt my heart fall down to my stomach. I gazed back at the dark path to the entrance. We had better just retreat, I thought, while we had the chance.

  "What do you mean?" Beni asked, not understanding. "What do you want?"

  "You'll have to get undressed so we can compare," he said. The others laughed harder, especially the girls. How could they just sit there and let us be ridiculed like this? I wondered. Would either of them like it if it happened to her?

  "Just step into the light and take off those clothes." "Like hell I will," Beni said. "Give me those pictures now, you bastard."

  "Whoa... eee. This here's a nasty-mouth girl:' Jerad declared. "I said if you want these pictures," he said holding up the envelope, "you take off your clothes and stand in the light. We'll inspect and decide?'

  "Let's go, Beni," I said backing up. "This is a matter only the police can handle."

  "We're the police here," Jerad declared angrily. "This is our territory. We decide what's to be done, hear?"

  "C'mon," I said reaching for her hand, but Beni was nearly hysterical with anger and fear. She lunged forward to snap the envelope out of Jerad's hands and he pulled back and caught her around the waist.

  "That's an assault!" he cried. "You all saw it." She struggled to get out of his grasp.

  "Let her go!" I demanded.

  "She committed a crime. She has to be tried and punished. We're the police, judge and jury here," Jerad said. "You want to be her lawyer? Okay, start pleading her case."

  Beni tried to kick herself free. Jerad passed the pictures back to Chumpy and put a choke hold on Beni to stop her from resisting. Then he pulled the envelope with our money out of her hand and shoved it into his pocket. She started to gag. I panicked and screamed.

  "Stop it! You're hurting her. Let her go now!"

  "Only way I can let her go is if you agree to take her place as the defendant. We allow that sometimes," he said.

  Beni gagged again. Her eyes bulged with her effort to breathe.

  "Okay," I said. "Let her go."

  He loosened his grip. She went to her knees, choking and spitting.

  "You're horrible," I said. "How can you do this to her? Does it make you feel big and strong in front of your friends to bully a couple of girls?"

  His eyes lost their glee and became cold again.

  "I think you have a big mouth and someone's got to teach you a lesson," he said. "Tonight's your lucky night, girl. Step up here and let a man make you a real woman:'

  Beni looked up at me. I saw something in her eyes and started to shake my head, but she moved too quickly. She turned and with her closed fist, she swung her arm up between Jerad's legs and hit him hard where it hurts a boy the most. He gasped, seized his stomach and fell to his knees. Beni slammed her open palm into his nose and he fell onto his back. The others just stared in disbelief.

  "Run, Rain!" she cried rising to her feet.

  I turned and ran, expecting her to be right behind me. I ran with all my might toward that doorway. I heard the shouts, but I didn't look back. I banged into something hard and nearly fell when it spun me around. Somehow, I managed to keep my balance and keep going. Moments later, I shot out into the street. I ran a few yards and turned, waiting for Beni to appear. She didn't. Instead, I saw Carlton in the doorway.

  "Come on back here," he called.

  "Beni!" I screamed.

  "Come back here. She ain't going nowhere."

  I looked behind me at the empty street and then at Carlton.

  "I'm goingto get the police," I said.

  "You better not," he threatened. Another boy came up beside him.

  My feet felt glued with fear to the sidewalk, but I had to do something and do it fast. I turned and I ran without looking back. When I rounded the corner, I saw a car and ran out onto the street, waving my arms. The driver stopped. It was a black man about Ken's age.

  "What's wrong?"

  "They've got my sister in an old warehouse. Please, take me to the police," I begged.

  "Who's got your sister?"

  "Gang members," I said.

  His face wrinkled with fear. "I ain't gettin' involved with no gang."

  Before I could plead, he accelerated and pulled away. I thought I heard voices and footsteps behind me and ran harder. I ran until it felt like knives in my side and I had to slow down. I had reached a busy street and saw a police patrol car on the corner. I was afraid they would pull away before I reached them. Somehow, I managed to find more energy and strength and broke into a run. When I reached the police car I practically fell against the door on the driver's side. The policeman, a dark-haired white man, and his partner, a shorter but more burly black man, looked up with surprise. They had a pizza on the seat between them.

  "My sister!" I gasped.

  "What?"

  "My sister...is trapped back in a warehouse."

  They looked at each other and then the driver put down the piece of pizza he was eating and stepped out of the car.

  "Take it easy, miss," he said. "What are you saying?"

  I blurted as much of it out as I could as fast as I could. Finally, they decided to go to the warehouse. They put me in the rear of the car and called their station, asking for backup. I directed them to the old mattress building. When we arrived, I saw that the cars that had been parked in front were gone and there was no one in sight. My heart had been pounding so hard, my chest ached.

  "This is the place?" the black patrolman asked.

  "Yes. I'll show you."

  "No, you just stay here," he said. "We'll check it out." Another patrol car arrived and parked behind us. The four policemen gathered and then went to the door of the warehouse. I waited, my face pressed to the window.

  To me it seemed like at least an hour went by. I couldn't get out of the car, however. There was no handle on the inside. Another patrol car arrived and parked in front of the one I was in. The two officers, one of them a woman, got out quickly and hurried to the warehouse. I tried to get their attention, but they didn't hear my screams or didn't want to.

  Finally, the po
liceman who had driven the vehicle I was in emerged. He walked slowly toward the car and opened the door for me.

  "Is she all right?" I asked as soon as I got out.

  "What does she look like?" he asked and took out a small notepad.

  I began to describe Beni and I described what she was wearing as well. Another patrolman emerged and then another.

  "Give me your name and telephone number. Your mother or father home?"

  "Yes, they're both home," I said. I gave him our phone number. I wanted to answer all his questions quickly so I could get some answers, too. "What about Beni? Was she in there? Did they take her somewhere else? Tell me!" I screamed.

  He looked at his partner and then at me. I saw by the expressions on their faces that it wasn't good.

  "Beni!" I cried and lunged toward the door. The policewoman stopped me and held me back.

  "You don't want to go in there, honey," she said. "Why? What happened to my sister? Is she all right? Tell me."

  "The girl in there is dead," she said. "She was stabbed, cut real bad. I'm sorry."

  I looked at her, but I never really saw her face. I can't recall anything about it to this day. I felt her arms around me and then I felt my legs disappear as the darkness that filled the warehouse poured out and enveloped me, washed over me like a flood.

  I sank and went under and when I came back up, I was back in the rear of the patrol car again. A paramedic was hovering over me.

  "Take it easy," he said as soon as my eyes opened. The smelling salts made me gag.

  It took me a moment to remember where I was and what had happened.

  I started to sob uncontrollably, my whole body shaking. "Hey," he said. "Take it easy."

  I shook my head.

  "It's my fault," I said with my voice cracking. "I ran and left her. It's my fault."

  7

  Farewell

  .

  If Beni could see the way Mama reacted to her

  death, she would never have had any doubts about Mama's deep love for her. I had only to look into Mama's eyes to start crying hysterically again and again. At first Mama looked like someone so confused she thought she was still trapped in a nightmare. She listened when people spoke to her, but I didn't think she heard a word. Her eyes were more like tiny mirrors reflecting back the images, preventing them from entering her mind. From the moment she realized that Beni was gone, her brain shut down, slammed a heavy iron door closed and refused to accept another devastating message.