Rain

  "No thank you."

  "She's stuck-up, Jerad," another one

  commented.

  "Are you stuck-up?" he demanded. I glanced at him. His eyes looked glazed with anger. "You think you're better than the rest of us because your skin's lighter, girl?"

  "No," I said.

  "So how come you don't tell me your name?" he followed.

  "It's Rain," I said.

  "Huh?"

  "Rain. My name is Rain, okay? Now leave me alone," I pleaded.

  "Rain?" He took out his toothpick and nodded. "I like that. Me and my Rain girl. What'cha think, Chumpy?" he asked a heavyset and much shorter boy.

  "Rain's a trouble that will follow you everywhere you go, Jerad," he said.

  "Yeah, that's right, Chumpy. You wanna be my Rain girl, Rain?"

  "No. I want to get my sister and go home," I moaned.

  "Now that's not too friendly," he said. "Come on," he said, grabbing me at my elbow. "I'll buy you somethin' to drink."

  "No thank you." I pulled out of his grip.

  "No thank you? How polite. Ain't she polite, Chumpy?" he asked.

  "I never seen a more polite Rain," Chumpy quipped. Everyone laughed. The circle they made tightened so I couldn't look toward the bar or even at the dance floor.

  "I bet kissin' you ain't like kissin' rain, though," Jerad said. He drew closer. I backed up into one of the boys behind me who gave me a small shove forward into Jerad, who then put his arms around me.

  "Whoa, take it easy. Don't be comin' at me so aggressively, girl," he said with a laugh, but he held onto me. "I'll be here for you. Don't worry."

  They all laughed again. I struggled to get out of his embrace.

  "Let me go," I said.

  "After I get my kiss. Come on," he urged, bringing his lips closer to mine. "I never kissed no Rain before. Come on."

  "No, let me go." I squirmed. He looked at the others and they tightened the circle. Panic nailed my feet to the dirty wooden floor.

  Someone from behind seized my arms just above the elbows and pulled them back so hard, my books slipped and fell to the floor. I gasped, but before I could shout, Jerad pressed his thick, wet lips to my mouth, cupping my breasts in his palms as he did so, and the group sent up a cry of glee. It drew everyone's attention because when he pulled back, I could see people looking at us and laughing. Beni stopped dancing and gazed at me with amazement.

  "Now that was no Rain kiss," Jerad said, "but that there is some treasure," he added, nodding at my bosom.

  I didn't move. I never felt so violated; I was terrified.

  "Chumpy," he said. "Pick up the girl's books. Where's your manners?"

  "Sorry," Chumpy said. He picked up my books and handed them to me.

  I wanted to wipe my mouth, but I was afraid of getting Jerad angry, so I turned away and started toward the door. The boys stood their ground.

  "Let her go. For now," Jerad ordered and they parted. I hurried out and into the street. Even the littered gutter felt fresher and cleaner than where I had just been. I walked as quickly as I could, my legs trembling, cold tears flowing down my cheeks.

  "Rain!" I heard Beni call and turned before I reached the corner. "What happened?"

  "I'm going home, Beni. I don't care if you stay there.

  I'm going home." I wiped my cheeks and my mouth with the back of my hand.

  "Okay," she said, realizing how upset I was. "Wait a minute, will you?" She went back inside and then came out with her books, hurrying up the sidewalk to join me. "What happened? Why did he kiss you?"

  "I didn't want him to, that's for sure," I said. "He forced himself on me. I hate that place."

  "You know who he is? He's the leader of the Crips here. That's Jerad Davis," Beth said looking as if she was talking about some movie star.

  "I don't care who he is. He's disgusting and so are his friends." I walked faster. "I knew something bad was going to happen if I went there. I just knew it."

  "Oh, what was so bad?" Beni asked. "He just kissed you."

  I stopped and turned on her.

  "What was so bad? I didn't want him to kiss me, Beth. That's what was so bad and he touched me, too," I told her indicating my breasts. Her eyes widened.

  "He did?"

  "He's disgusting and so are his friends and so are most of the people in there," I cried, and walked faster.

  Beth mumbled something under her breath and caught up.

  "You better not say anything about it to Mama or Roy," she warned.

  "Don't worry. I don't want to think about it anymore. You're not getting into any trouble."

  We hurried along, Beth looking sullen and frustrated and I feeling completely violated.

  .

  It was always difficult for me to look at Roy and hide my thoughts and feelings. He had a way of gazing through my eyes into my heart and mind. No one was more sensitive to my moods than Roy, not even Mama. I was afraid of what he would see when he came home.

  As usual, I started preparing dinner for us. If I kept busy, I thought, I wouldn't dwell on what had happened to me. Beth helped some, but was still brooding about having to leave Oh Henry's so quickly. When Roy came home from work, he went right to the stove and looked at the roast chicken. I had small potatoes and onions in with it and the aroma was delicious. He took a deep breath and rubbed his stomach.

  "I'm starving," he declared. "Put in a day's work in just four hours. Slim's got himself a new slave, but I ain't complaining."

  Beni sat at the table flipping through a movie magazine. Roy stared at her for a moment and then looked at me.

  "You better wash off that oil and grease before Mama gets home," I warned him. He nodded, but he didn't change expression. I looked away quickly.

  "Everything all right?" he asked. I made the mistake of shifting my eyes toward Beni before replying.

  "Yes," I said.

  "What's going on, Rain?" he demanded.

  "Nothing's going on, Roy. We're just... worried and upset because of Ken," I said.

  He stared through me in his usual way, those dark eyes fixing so hard and fast, it was easier to shake off fly paper. I had to pretend to check on the chicken.

  "You girls come right home after school?"

  "Yes," Beth said quickly. "And quit treating us like children. Just because Ken went and run off doesn't mean you're our daddy, Roy Arnold?'

  "You cause any more problems for Mama and you'll find out who's gonna be your daddy," he threatened pointing his long, thick forefinger at her.

  Beni wasn't easily intimidated by anyone, least of all Roy. She flipped her magazine at him as if it was a frisbee and it hit him in the chest. It wasn't that it hurt him. It was that she would do it. He started around the table at her.

  "Roy!" I cried.

  He stopped, his shoulders up, and looked at me. "You're headed for trouble, girl," he told Beni. "It's none of your business," she wailed.

  "Just leave her be, Roy," I said. "Mama's going to be home any minute. Please," I pleaded. "I don't want to make her any more upset." He looked at me again, then at Beni, and then left the kitchen.

  "Why did you do that, Beni? You know his temper."

  "I don't want him thinking he can lord it over us just because he's older and he's a man," she said. "I feel like some trapped bird in here most of the time with him saying don't do this and don't do that, and what are you wearing that for or why don't you wear longer skirts? I don't need any one telling me what to do," she declared. "He never says anything to you."

  "He just wants to be sure you're safe, Beni."

  "I don't need him to do that. I'm old enough to take care of myself?' She stared at me for a moment. "You better not get me in trouble, Rain," she cautioned and went into our room.

  Mama came home before Roy returned to the kitchen.

  She was tired and I saw she was disappointed Ken hadn't returned. I knew she had been hoping he would.

  "Dinner looks delicious, honey. Didn't Beni help you?" she
asked, looking at our closed bedroom door.

  "Yes, she helped, Mama," I lied. A lie to keep Mama from being upset was a good lie, I thought. She shook her head and smiled at me though.

  "Sure she did. That girl doesn't lift a finger unless I'm standing right over her. Roy home yet?"

  "He's just cleaning up for dinner, Mama."

  "Good. I'll do the same and then be out to help," she said.

  "There's nothing left to do, Mama. The table's set," I said.

  She sighed deeply, smiled at me, and started out, stopping at the doorway.

  "Thank God we've got you, Rain. It makes it all a lot easier," she said.

  It nearly made my heart crack to see her lower her head and walk with a slight stoop. She was exhausted and full of worry. How could such a tiny woman hold so much grief?

  We were all quieter than usual at dinner. Mama tried asking questions about school, but Beni remained sulky and Roy continued to have suspicious eyes. I kept as busy as I could and was actually happy to clean up by myself when Beni complained she had too much homework.

  "The teachers don't care how much they pile it on us," she moaned.

  "Just do it all," Mama ordered.

  "Well, I can't do it all if I don't get started right now," she declared.

  "It's all right, Ma. I have most of my work done. I don't need Beni tonight."

  Beni rushed off to the phone to call her girlfriends as soon as she saw the opportunity. Mama was at my side and Roy went into the living room to watch television.

  "I keep hoping times will stop being hard for us, Rain, but it doesn't seem to change. The first chance you get to leave this hell hole, you take it, hear?"

  "I'll never leave you behind, Mama," I promised. "Sure you will, honey. You're supposed to. You children are the hope."

  She put her arm around my shoulders and hugged me to her and then she went into her bedroom. After I finished cleaning up, I started for the bedroom, but Roy came to the living room door. He hadn't been watching television so much as biding his time.

  "Come on in here a minute, Rain," he said.

  "What?"

  "Come on in here," he said more firmly. I lowered my head and walked into the living room.

  "I've got homework to do, Roy."

  "You'll do it. I want you to tell me the truth, Rain. What happened today?"

  "Oh Roy, don't make more trouble?'

  "That's what I'm afraid's going to happen if I don't know everything. You don't lie to me, Rain. We always tell each other the truth," he said softly. His eyes lingered on my face. They were soft, loving, pleading.

  "Beni let her friends talk her into going to Oh Henry's," I revealed. "I went along to be sure she'd be all right, only it was me who got into a situation." "What situation?"

  "Someone named Jerad forced himself on me, had his friends surround me and then he kissed me."

  I didn't want to tell him all of it. I could see just being kissed was enough.

  "Then what happened?"

  "I ran out and Beni followed and we came home. That's the whole thing. It won't happen again. I promise, Roy. We'll never go back to that place."

  "Jerad Davis?"

  "Yes," I said.

  "He's killed people, Rain," Roy said.

  My heart was thumping so hard, I had to take a breath.

  "If he ever comes near you again, I gotta know, hear?" "Yes," I said nodding.

  "Beni's getting wild," he said looking toward our bedroom. "She's gonna get herself into real trouble someday. I don't want you tagging along. She'll drag you down with her."

  "I can't desert her, Roy."

  "Don't desert her, but if she's stubborn, don't let her drag you down:' he warned. "Promise me." He reached out and took my hand. "Promise, Rain."

  "I promise, Roy," I said. His eyes softened again. "Good," he said. "You're too good for this place, Rain. I've got to get you out of here someday."

  "We all have to get out, Roy."

  "Sure," he said. He stared hard at me and I tilted my head in confusion. He blinked a few times, then pulled himself up. "Go do your homework," he said like an older brother, "and don't keep any secrets again."

  I smiled at him and then I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

  He was still standing in the doorway looking after me when I reached the bedroom door and looked back. His look stirred that little butterfly in my heart, the one that rang alarm bells when boys fixed their eyes on me in the hallways and in the streets. Maybe Roy felt my butterfly's wings too, because he turned away quickly and disappeared.

  Confusion, like static on the radio, jumbled my thoughts. I rushed into the sanctuary of my

  schoolwork, grateful for the distractions to help me forget the day.

  2

  Through Thick & Thin

  .

  Neither Beth nor I knew it, but after I had told

  Roy what had happened at Oh Henry's, he got Slim to let him come into work later every day just so he could secretly keep an eye on us when we walked home from school. Apparently, he was always trailing behind us, staying out of sight. He had to promise Slim he would work an extra hour every Saturday for nothing in order to do it, but I didn't learn about that until much later.

  Beth continued her flirtation with Carlton Thomas, who was always after her to return to Oh Henry's. We had a big argument about it the following week. She was sullen every day all the way home because I had refused to go along with her return to Oh Henry's. She didn't care if I accompanied her, but I made it clear I wasn't going to lie for her and hide the fact that she was going there if either Mama or Roy asked. I had to tell her that Roy knew about the first time.

  "Why did you tell him anything?" she demanded.

  "He knew something was wrong, Beni. You know how Roy is. He wouldn't have given up until he found out anyway, maybe from someone else, and then he would have been even angrier," I explained.

  She thought for a moment.

  "He's got no right butting himself into my business," she declared, but she avoided any argument with Roy that would lead to something worse between her and Mama.

  I knew her girlfriends were teasing her about my refusal to cooperate and that was only making her angrier at me. One afternoon, Nicole and Alicia cornered me in the hallway between classes and bawled me out for spoiling Beni's fun.

  "Just because you're a snob doesn't mean your sister's got to be one," Nicole charged.

  Nicole was a tall, lean girl with a harsh mouth and big eyes. Because she was the star of the girls' basketball team, she acted as if she was someone special. When she got angry, she would put her face right up to the other person's, practically touching noses, and hers was so pointed, she looked like she could stab you with it. She had been in two bad hair pulling, scratching and kicking fights and had been suspended a half dozen times during the last few years. I knew when Beni became friendly with her that there was going to be trouble someday.

  "You don't have to be a snob to detest going to Oh Henry's," I replied, trying to hide my fear. She looked like she was ready to slap me silly, but I didn't step back.

  "Detest?" She batted her long eyelashes and smiled. "Detest? You hear that, Alicia? You hear her fancy words?"

  "It's not really a fancy word, Nicole," I said, and started to walk around her.

  She grabbed my arm and pulled, spinning me around. I dropped my books. Some of the boys hurrying by paused to watch, their faces full of smiles, anticipating another fight.

  "Don't you go walking away from me, Rain Arnold. You ain't nothing special."

  "I'm not going to be late for class," I said pulling away and picking up my books. As soon as I'd gathered up my books I headed down the corridor.

  "You're just a frustrated bitch," she called after me. My heart was knocking like a tiny hammer in my chest. I could hear the boys laughing behind me. "Ruining it for your sister 'cause you're jealous."

  All the remainder of that day and most of the next, I could feel the d
erision, the laughter behind my back, and see the sly smiles on the faces of the girls who hung around with Nicole and Alicia. Beni sat with them in the cafeteria and then started to give me the silent treatment in school too, only speaking to me when it was absolutely necessary. She finally broke her silence one afternoon after we arrived home.

  "If you liked some boy, I wouldn't threaten to get you in trouble, Rain. Some sister," she muttered.

  "That's what I'm trying to be, your sister. That whole crowd's no good, Beni. You're going to get yourself in big trouble hanging around with them."

  "I am not. I've got a mind of my own," she said.

  "You're just scared of growing up," she accused.

  She sat on her bed watching me change into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I turned, smiling.

  "I'm scared of growing up? Who put that silly idea into your head?"

  "Don't laugh at me, Rain. Maybe I don't get as good grades as you, but I'm not stupid. Nobody has to put ideas in my head."

  "I never said you were stupid, Beni. People get influenced and sometimes, just because they're where bad things happen, they get blamed or they get in trouble or..."

  "Stop preaching at me," she cried. "What are you, a schoolteacher?" She grimaced at me. "Don't you ever think about being with a boy? You're older than me and you never had a real boyfriend, Rain. Everyone says you think you're too good for anyone in our school. They call you Miss Prissy."

  "That's not true. I just haven't found anyone I like enough or I believe likes me enough," I protested.

  "So? Someone likes me. Why do you have to make it hard for me?"

  "I'm not making it hard for you, Beni. I'm trying to protect you."

  "That's all I ever hear from you and Roy." She kicked the table and folded her arms under her bosom, pouting.

  "You can do better than Carlton Thomas," I said. Her eyes were full of fire.

  "He likes me and I like him. And he respects me," she added.

  "Sure," I said. "He respects you. Someone like Carlton Thomas doesn't know the meaning of the word."

  "Oh and you do, of course. You know it all," she said, her eyes full of fire and tears. "My friends are right about you. I can't talk to you anymore," she declared and went into the bathroom, slamming the door.

  Was I wrong? Was I too particular, a Miss Prissy? Was I afraid of boys? Maybe Mama's warnings had too dramatic an effect on me. I wished I could talk to her about it all, but I knew Beni would be even more furious if I revealed any details of her budding romance.