Only by Your Touch

  “That was Sherry, angry and hostile. To make a very long story short, a month after Mr. Foster died, I found a note by the office phone. It was in Sherry’s handwriting. An appointment of some kind. I don’t know what made me do it, but I dialed the phone number. It was to a local clinic where they primarily performed abortions. I confronted Sherry. She admitted that she was pregnant, and then she told me she was getting rid of it. It couldn’t possibly be her lover’s, she said. She was three months along. She didn’t want to have my child. What if it was a boy? It might turn out like me.”

  “Oh, Ben.”

  “I tried to let it go,” he said raggedly. “But I knew when she planned to have it done, and the knowing haunted me. The afternoon of the appointment, I drove to the clinic and waited for her to show up. I had to take one last stab at talking her out of it. She arrived with her cowboy. When she saw me, she tried to walk right by me. I grabbed her arm, asking her to reconsider, saying it was a life that she was about to end, our child’s life. She said, ‘No, it’s just tainted tissue, and I don’t want it in my body.’ We began arguing heatedly. I guess the cowboy was afraid I might strike her. He tapped my shoulder, and when I turned, he sucker punched me. I was already mad. That cinched it. I didn’t think. I just swung. I must have caught him off balance because the blow knocked him off his feet. When he fell, he struck his head on a parking curb.”

  Silence fell between them—an awful, pain-filled silence. She wished she knew the right words to say, but her thoughts remained impossibly tangled. At the forefront of her mind, she kept wondering how Ben must have felt.

  “I don’t know what came over me, and I’ve regretted it ever since. I bore him no animosity. He hadn’t caused the disintegration of my marriage. But he was dead, Chloe, and no amount of regret could bring him back. I was arrested for manslaughter, and the judge refused to set bail. Sherry left town—went home to her folks, I think. The clinic was left unmanned. By the time I finally got released, I had legal expenses out the yang, and when I tried to reopen the clinic, none of my staff would come back. It was just as well. I got only one client in the month I was open.”

  “Mrs. Foster?”

  He turned a tortured gaze on her. “She remained loyal to the end. Other people wanted nothing to do with a murderer. By the end of the trial, I was bankrupt. And even though I’d been exonerated, the local people still wanted no part of me. It was right about then that my dad got killed. When I came back for the funeral and saw how bad off my mom was, I assumed the responsibility of her care. I had nothing to go back to, and my sister Karen had a job and family over in Medford. It was easier for me to move home.”

  Chloe stared at the ground, absorbing all that he’d just told her. This man had been so badly hurt—not only by Sherry, but also by his father and countless other people over the years. Was it any wonder that he’d been secretive with her, always holding back and afraid to reveal too much?

  A dozen things came to mind that she might say, but in the end, only four words came from her lips. “I love you, Ben.”

  When he turned to look at her, she added, “Unlike Sherry, I do believe in the unseen, and as impossible as it may sound, I honestly think it may rain frogs sometimes. I also believe in God.” She waited a beat to lend emphasis to what she said next. “And I believe in you.”

  His eyes went bright with unshed tears. Instead of averting his face to hide them, he hooked a hand over the back of her neck and hauled her against him. As his arms closed around her, Chloe could feel him shaking. As always that wonderful feeling that came only from Ben moved through her.

  “Are you sure, Chloe? Please, be sure. If I let myself hope, and you change your mind later, it’ll half kill me.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him with all her might. “I’m sure, Ben. I’ve never been so sure of anything.”

  “You may feel differently once it all sinks in. You see the cougar and her cubs? Around me, that’s an ordinary occurrence. From one moment to the next, you’ll never know what animal may wander into the yard.”

  Recalling the bear’s aborted attack, she leaned back to study his face. “Will any of the animals hurt me or Jeremy?”

  “No. My mom has come nose-to-nose with every kind of ill-tempered animal imaginable over the years. They’ll know you and Jeremy are my family. They’ll accept you and trust you, just like the fawn did Jeremy that afternoon.”

  “That bear didn’t trust me.”

  He gave a laugh. “He’d never seen you before, and you were approaching his den. If I turn him loose now, he won’t bother you. He may even amble over for petting.”

  “I think I’ll pass on that experience, at least for today. Tomorrow, maybe.”

  He pressed his face against her hair. “What if I get you pregnant, and you find out it’s a boy? How will you feel about that, Chloe? More important, won’t it worry you, knowing what he’ll have to go through?”

  She kissed him beneath his ear and whispered, “It’ll be different for our sons, Ben. They’ll have a father who loves them. You can raise them to be proud of who and what they are.”

  He turned his head to find her mouth. The kiss was deep and long, melting Chloe’s bones and making her head spin. Somehow they slipped off the log, locked in each other’s arms. As always happened when he touched her, she felt a lovely glow growing within her, and all rational thought was chased from her mind. Ben. Oh, how she loved him. As for his gift, there were certain invaluable perks, not the least of which were the jolts of pleasure that ignited her nerve endings with every brush of his hands over her skin and every feather-light touch of his lips.

  Later, much later, when he rose over her, Chloe surfaced enough to say, “I want it all, Ben—a wedding ring and vows and a life with you. How do you feel about that?”

  “Like I’ve died and gone to heaven,” he whispered.

  And then he proceeded to take her to heaven with him.

  Afterwards, lying in Ben’s arms, Chloe noticed that the sun was setting and the sky was washed with lovely hues of lavender and rose. She shifted onto her back, using the bend of his strong arm to pillow her head. “Look,” she whispered. “Isn’t that fabulous?”

  He joined her in admiring the view. After a moment, he said, “It’s particularly fabulous, seeing it with you.”

  Chloe felt exactly the same way and was disappointed when he stirred and sat up. Reaching for his shirt, he treated her to a mesmerizing display of rippling chest and arm muscles. “You know what a beautiful sunset means, don’t you? It’ll be dark soon. I’d better finish up in the cave.”

  Sighing, Chloe stood to dress, laughing when he swatted her bottom to rid it of pine needles. Oddly, she hadn’t noticed any discomfort while they’d been making love. When she was with Ben, the rest of the world moved away, and nothing registered in her mind but him.

  When they were both decent again, she helped him finish cleaning cages and medicating the animals. All Old One did was grunt when Chloe opened his cage door.

  “If you’re afraid of him, I can change his water and feed him,” Ben offered.

  Chloe looked into the bear’s beady eyes. “Nope. You said he won’t hurt me, and I believe you.” Her hands shook as she filled Old One’s dish and gave him fresh water. When she started to shut the cage, she remembered how the small animals seemed to need attention almost as much as they did nourishment. She touched a fingertip to the bear’s sloped nose. “Guess what you’re getting for Christmas, big guy—a bar of Dial soap.”

  Ben chuckled. “Bears do stink. My ancestors used to rub bear fat in their hair to keep it from getting tangled. My grandfather told me you could smell them coming for a mile.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “You’ll have to keep tangles out of your hair some other way.”

  “Wearing it short, tangles aren’t a problem.”

  Chloe gave the bear a final pat and closed the cage door. “Yes, well, it’ll be long again soon. And tonight while you’re asleep,
I’m burning that belt and those boots.”

  He shot her a questioning look.

  “My son is old enough to start making his own choices,” she informed him. “If he chooses to wear a headband and moccasins because you do, I won’t discourage him.”

  “He’ll get teased.”

  “If it bothers him, he can dress like the other kids. If it doesn’t, more power to him.”

  Ben crouched by the rabbit’s cage again. “I was almost four before I realized I was weird.”

  “Special,” she corrected.

  “Weird, special—same thing. Until then I thought all kids could walk out into the trees and pet deer or cougars.”

  Chloe paused in her task. “You were petting cougars at four?” She pressed a hand to her lower abdomen. “Oh, my.”

  Ben noticed the gesture. “There’s always a chance our sons may not have it. Or that we’ll have daughters.”

  “Would you stop referring to your gift as if it’s a terrible flaw? And why would I wish a son of ours wouldn’t have it?”

  “It’s not a gift.”

  “It is a gift.” Chloe joined him by the rabbit’s cage. “You’re no longer a twelve-year-old, making emotional decisions, Ben. You’re a vet, for heaven’s sake. You can surely tell by looking at a wound how serious it is.”

  “Of course.”

  “And pretty much know if you have it in your power to fix it. This little bunny, for instance. Did the bullet destroy so much of her hip that you can’t heal her?”

  “Chloe, I—”

  “Just answer me. Can you, or can you not, heal her hip?”

  “Probably.” At her narrow look, he quickly revised that to, “Most likely.”

  “Then why don’t you do it?”

  “Because. It’s playing God. I have no right.”

  “God Himself gave you the gift. I think that gives you the right.” She curled a hand over his shoulder. “God doesn’t make mistakes. He’s given you something incredible—something most of us can’t even fathom. You can heal, Ben. What does it matter if you can’t heal everything? If we’re born incapable of running in the Olympics does that mean God doesn’t want us to walk?”

  “If I screw up, Chloe, I’ll have to kill her. I’d rather just let her live her life.”

  “And live it lame?” She shook her head. “When you have the power to make her complete? There’s a learning curve with any talent or gift. Do you think Michelangelo was born great? Of course not. He probably did dozens of awful paintings. Did that make him quit? No, because he realized he had an extraordinary gift, and he just kept working until he perfected it.”

  “This is different.”

  “Yes. He replicated life. You’re working with the real thing.” Chloe drifted her hand over the rabbit’s soft fur. “Whether you try to heal her or not, worst-case scenario, she’ll be lame. If left to heal this way, she’s going to be lame for sure. Why not see what you can do? Nothing lost, nothing gained.”

  Ben stared solemnly at the tiny rabbit. Chloe could tell he was tempted. He loved the animals so much. What a torment it must be for him, she thought, to see them suffer when he knew he might be able to help them.

  “Do I have this right?” Chloe mused aloud. “This rabbit came to you, thinking you could help her?”

  He nodded.

  Chloe let that hang there for a moment. Then she said, “You really shouldn’t disappoint a lady. We get so testy when a man doesn’t deliver.”

  Ben’s mouth twitched. He rubbed his palms over his knees, a picture of indecision. He reminded Chloe of someone trying to work up the courage to jump off the high dive. His hands trembled as he laid them over the tiny rabbit. Chloe saw the bunny’s pom-pom tail wiggle. Then her nose twitched. Ben sat back on his heel.

  “Well?” Chloe said. “Aren’t you going to do it?”

  “I already did.”

  Chloe looked back at the rabbit. It just lay there, looking dazed. “Well. Hmm. Maybe you’re rusty.”

  “I’m not rusty. She’s drugged.” He reached down to remove the blood-soaked dressing, revealing a swath of shaved, pink skin. “I can’t replace the fur. It’ll just have to grow back.”

  Chloe stared hard at the shaved place. There was no sign of a wound. “Dear God, it worked.”

  Ben tossed back his dark head and barked with laughter. “Of course it worked.” Then he grabbed her up into his arms. She felt the wetness of his tears trickling down the side of her neck. His big body was taut, and with each breath, he shuddered as if a dozen emotions, too long suppressed, were being released. It hurt, knowing that he wept. He was a strong man, and she knew that the tears didn’t come easily. Each time she felt him shudder, she ached for him.

  All Chloe knew to do was hold on to Ben with all her might. She couldn’t understand him completely, but she looked forward to a lifetime of trying. After several wonderful minutes of just holding each other, she pushed to her feet and went to the badger’s cage. “What his problem?”

  “He was shot in the leg. He’ll be ready to go in another week or so.”

  “Can’t you let him go now?”

  Ben scratched beside his nose. “I could, I guess. But I—”

  “Then do it.” Chloe opened the cage. “Come on, Ben. Fix him.”

  He walked over, searched her upturned gaze, and grinned. Kneeling beside her, he laid a hand over the badger’s bandaged leg. The badger got an odd look on his face. When Ben removed the bandage, the surprised animal sprang to his feet and walked in circles, as if to test his healed limb.

  Next came the fawn, then two raccoons. Chloe had never had so much fun. She was seeing miracles happen. When they came to the coyote’s cage, Ben shook his head. “This one’s tricky, Chloe. There’s a bullet lodged next to his spine. He’s partially paralyzed. There could be permanent nerve damage.”

  “Oh, no.” She reached inside the cage to touch the animal’s shaggy fur. “Poor baby. If he’s got nerve damage, you can’t help him, can you?”

  “No.” Ben crouched beside her. “I can’t replace what’s gone. I learned that long ago. I’m hoping his body will eventually form hard tissue around the slug, preventing it from pressing on the spine. It depends where the lead is lodged. I don’t have an X-ray machine to see. I can only guess—and hope.”

  Chloe saw the sadness in his expression. She laid her hand on his arm. “Hey,” she whispered. “You win some, and you lose some in any endeavor. Stay focused on the successes. When you’re powerless to heal with your gift, all you can do is fall back on your medical knowledge and do the best you can. Either way, this coyote is lucky to have you in his corner.”

  Some of the pain left his eyes. Finally he nodded. “That’s true. He’d already be dead if I hadn’t found him. At least this way, he’s got a chance.”

  “My money’s on you,” Chloe said. “I’ll bet he walks again.”

  “I hope so.”

  The next cage held yet another animal that Ben couldn’t completely heal, a small rabbit with a missing front foot. “The bullet blew off his toes, and gangrene set in,” he explained. “When I found him, he was so far gone that surgery was the only option. I can heal the stump, but I can’t replace what’s missing. I don’t know how well he’ll be able to navigate.”

  “I think he’ll do okay,” Chloe assured him. “They push off with their hind legs. It may take him a while to perfect his balance, but he’ll get there.”

  Ben hesitated. “If he’s slow, he’ll be easy prey.”

  Chloe swallowed and nodded. “Yes, but what happens to him after you’ve done all you can is out of your hands, Ben. It’s that way with all of them, isn’t it? Even whole and healthy, they may meet with a bad end once they leave your care.”

  He nodded and laid his hand over the rabbit’s mangled leg. Moments later, Chloe laughed joyously when the rabbit hopped away, managing quite nicely with only three sound feet. “There, you see? He’s going to be fine.”

  As the healed animals filed, o
ne after another, from the cave, Chloe went outside to watch them disappear into the woods. It was almost dark, that blue-gray time of evening right before all trace of sunlight blinked out. Perhaps that was it. She only knew that Ben had a bluish, electrical aura around him when he emerged from the cave behind Old One, much like the glow she’d seen hovering around him that very first night.

  She hugged her waist and stared at him, not in fear, but in awe. “The night you came by my house to tell me about Rowdy, you’d healed him only a while before, hadn’t you?”

  He nodded.

  “It does something. There’s a nimbus of light around you.”

  He looked down at himself, then at her. “I was afraid you’d notice it last night when we were making love.” He slapped at his jeans, as if the aura could be brushed away. “I don’t know what causes it, just that it happens when I use my power.” He looked a little sheepish. “I can’t seem to stop myself with you. It happens whenever I touch you, whether I want it to or not.”

  Chloe grinned. “I’ve noticed. It happened the very first time we met. In the feed store, remember, when you caught me from falling? It wasn’t as pronounced as it is now, but I felt it.”

  “Really?” He frowned thoughtfully, and then he grinned. “When I was very small, my grandfather used to tell me that one day I’d meet the woman who was to be my destiny. Maybe something within me recognized you long before I began to accept it with my mind.”

  “Maybe so.”

  She walked toward him. When she drew close, he caught her up in his arms. The contact sent those wonderful little jolts through her, and Chloe joyously embraced the possibility that it would always be this way. It was a lovely thought.

  Later that night, after Chloe had tucked Jeremy into bed, and Nan, too, had turned in, Chloe and Ben sat together on the deck to gaze at the starlit sky. Hands linked, they were both slightly tipsy from two glasses of wine.

  “Problem,” he whispered. “I don’t think Jeremy’s old enough to handle the truth about me, Chloe.”