Deep Redemption

  My eyes opened. I wanted to correct him, tell him that he deserved me more than anyone ever could, but he was already walking toward the vehicle. He opened the door. “Get in, baby, we need to go.”

  I wondered why he kept calling me ‘baby’. I had never heard such a term used toward a grown woman, yet I recognized endearment in his tone.

  Baby.

  Trusting that Rider knew what he was doing, I got into the vehicle, and Rider slid into the driver’s seat. As he started the engine, he kept all the lights off. We sat in darkness. Rider took a deep breath. I watched him as his eyes closed and his lips seemed to tighten. Something had him troubled; he looked nervous, maybe even fearful. It made me feel fear too.

  The devil’s men.

  I had no idea who they were. But then I thought of Rider’s images on his arms and it began to make sense. He knew these men. He knew them well.

  I took one of his hands in mine. Rider turned to me and I offered him a watery smile. He sighed; he knew that I had picked up on his fear.

  Rider brought my hand to his mouth, pressing a chaste kiss to the vanilla-scented skin. He pulled out onto the road and led us away from the prison that had held us for far too long. I didn’t let go of his hand as we traveled along the dark twisting roads.

  I did not let go of his hand as I felt something dark stirring in my stomach. As I let Rider lead me into the den of evil, something in my heart told me that only pain of the worst kind awaited us at its gates.

  So I kept holding on.

  I vowed to hold on to my new husband with everything that I was.

  I vowed to never let him go.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rider

  A potent mix of equal parts adrenaline and dread stirred within me as we raced away from the commune. I had one destination in my mind, one place I had to get Harmony to without incident. It was the only option. I just prayed to whoever the hell was watching over us now that I got her there.

  She needed to be there. After everything she had been through . . . fuck. My head swam. I had just married her . . . I had just been with her. My skin burned. It was the best feeling in the world. Yet at the same time, I felt like I had cheated her. She had given herself to someone for the first time in her life . . . and I was a fucking fraud.

  I was worse than Judah in my eyes.

  I could feel Harmony’s gaze on me as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Her small fingers wrapped around mine just a little bit tighter every time she correctly sensed that I was fucking falling apart. But I wouldn’t break down. I had to keep my shit together and see this thing through. Brother Stephen, Sister Ruth, Solomon and Samson were relying on me.

  Over an hour passed in silence. The outskirts of Austin came into view. I allowed myself to look at Harmony. Her back was straight and her eyes were huge as she watched the outside world whizz past us. Her hand was iron-tight in mine as she tried to drink everything in.

  I remembered what that felt like. I was eighteen when Scholar Abraham had taken me out for the very first time, when he was preparing me to go undercover with the Hangmen. I remembered being so overwhelmed by the world outside that I wanted to run back and hide in The Pasture. But little by little I had gotten used to the lights and bustle of the city . . . of the mindless sinners, as I thought of them then.

  In fact, the only reason I had adapted to the outside world so well was because I knew it was all damned. I was a saint among the sinners, and I believed that with one hundred percent conviction. As I stared out of the window, I too felt like I was seeing the world with new eyes. This time I was the fucked-up mess. This time I was the evil man who promoted a faith of pedophilia and rape.

  I had never felt so disgusted with myself.

  So disgusted with everything that I had done in the name of a God I was pretty sure had cast me from his good graces. The more I thought about it, the surer I was that something else held me in its hands. I could practically feel hell’s fire licking at the soles of my feet.

  “It is so bright I can barely take it all in,” Harmony said in an awed tone. “Brother Stephen had explained this to me many times, had told me all about the outside world, but hearing of it and seeing it are very different things.” My stomach dropped. At her age, she shouldn’t be just seeing this for the first time. I watched her face and thought of everything Brother Stephen had told me the night I had discovered who they all were.

  I couldn’t believe it at first. My mind wouldn’t allow me to believe it. But I knew it was true. I could see it now as I looked at her closely. She was so beautiful, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

  It made total sense.

  Releasing Harmony’s hand, I reached over to the glove compartment. As Solomon had promised, there was money, enough to do what we needed, and more if we needed to flee. The defectors from Puerto Rico had thought of everything. They had come to New Zion prepared and ready to succeed.

  Harmony watched me in silence. Scanning the area, I recognized where we were. Not too far away from our destination at all. I drove three more miles, turned right and let out a deep breath when I saw the drugstore up ahead. I pulled in to the car park and cut the engine. Harmony’s eyes were still on me. I saw the confusion and fear in her expression. Taking her hand, I pulled her close. “I need to get something from here, okay?”

  She looked at the store. “I should wait here?” she said nervously. I nodded and took out a wad of cash from the glove compartment.

  “I’ll lock the door,” I said. I had to turn away from her terrified face and leave. The anger that had been so free-flowing in my veins for the past several weeks was back with vengeance. Seeing Harmony force herself to be brave made me lose my damn mind.

  I was fucking falling hard.

  Remembering the list of things Brother Stephen told me to get, I rushed through the quiet store, ignoring the strange looks I got from the staff. I knew the white tunic would cause some raised eyebrows. But this was Austin. Everything and everyone was weird.

  I got out of the store as quickly as I could, throwing the stuff in the bed of the truck. When I got back into the driver’s seat, I leaned over to Harmony. Her face was white, her hands balled into fists in her lap. But she still held a determined look in her eyes.

  I knew she would. She seemed wired to be a warrior in any situation.

  “You okay, baby?” I kissed her forehead, then pressed a kiss on her lips.

  “Yes,” she nodded. I smiled at her strength. Her hand lifted and ran over my cheek. Her eyes traveled over my body. “In this light I can see you properly. Your hair, your brown eyes . . . your groomed beard . . .” Her eyelashes kissed her cheek as she lowered her eyes. When she looked up, all doe eyes staring at me, she added, “You look so very handsome.” I didn’t say shit in response. My throat was closed. “They even covered your deeper bruises.” I rubbed off the powder Sister Ruth had put on my skin.

  “The sisters put it on me too,” she said. “I am not used to wearing it on my face.” Harmony naturally was fucking stunning; with makeup enhancing her already flawless features, I was bowled over. There was no question as to why Judah captured her as a Cursed.

  She was by far the most beautiful Cursed I had ever seen. Even above Mae. Mae was beautiful, but I knew now that what I had felt for her wasn’t even close to what I felt for Harmony. With Harmony it was more . . . everything. I couldn’t even explain it. She just made me feel centered. Grounded. When I’d been so fucking lost for so long.

  We drove another couple of miles, until I saw the rundown motel on the left. I pulled in, got out of the truck and moved around to the passenger door. I opened it and took Harmony’s hand. Her fingers shook in mine as she got out of the truck. She looked all around her. “Are we here? Is this where we are going for help?”

  I shook my head and reached for the drugstore bag in the bed of the truck. “One stop first, then we’ll go.”

  Harmony nodded and tried to smile. She was so goddamn brave. And she truste
d me. She trusted me completely. Fuck, I had done nothing to deserve it. Soon she’d no doubt fucking hate me too.

  I knew I was on borrowed time.

  I held Harmony’s hand in mine as we went to the motel office. I almost punched the pimply kid at the reception desk when his stupid eyes wouldn’t move off Harmony’s face. Possessiveness wrapped around me, boiling my blood. He was lucky I was in a hurry or he’d have been eating his teeth for supper. Snatching the keys from his hand, I led Harmony back outside and down to the room.

  It was a shithole, but we weren’t there to sleep. I shut the door behind us and turned on a lamp. Harmony gasped as the shitty furnishings came into view. I was just about to tell her that we only needed an hour at most here, when she said, “This is a most beautiful room.” Harmony turned to me with shining eyes. “You have brought me here, Rider? To a room with a bed and a bathroom?”

  She walked to the bed and pressed down on the mattress with her hand before sitting down. Her chin lifted and she smiled so fucking big that it was almost brighter than the lamp beside me. “It is so soft,” she said happily, a light giggle bubbling from her throat. “And it has linen.”

  I stood like a fucking mute watching her, my now-wife gushing over a shitty bed and faded over-starched sheets. What she had truly been through all her life, at the hands of my family, of me, hit home.

  We had robbed her of any form of joy, of something as simple as a damn bed. She’d had nothing. Nothing but hatred and judgment flung her way. Raped, abused . . . denied basic human rights.

  I deserved to die. All of us who were responsible for making that her norm deserved to fucking die.

  “Rider?” I blinked away the red mist that had descended over my eyes. Harmony was still smiling at me. I needed her to keep that smile. I would ensure by the end of tonight that smile never left her beautiful face again.

  “Come,” I rasped, my voice thick with emotion. I walked toward the tiny bathroom and emptied the contents of the bag onto the faded white countertop. Harmony was a statue in the doorway, watching my every move. Her eyes dropped to the hair dye on the counter.

  “We need to change how you look,” I said, picking up the box. “So if my brother and the disciple guards come looking, he won’t recognize you.”

  Harmony studied me for a long while, before she slowly nodded her head and tentatively walked into the bathroom. I took the garland of flowers from her head, and released the two braids that held back the front sections of her hair. They fell in loose waves around her face.

  Harmony’s smile hadn’t returned as we began to work the dye through her long blond hair. She stood still, facing the mirror, as I applied it to her hair, but her suspicious eyes never left mine. As the dye darkened her light hair to a midnight shade of black, I stood mesmerized, watching it change her appearance.

  Harmony took a shower, washing off both the remnants of our wedding joining and the dye. She dressed, and I dried her hair. When the final strand was dry, I stood behind Harmony and swallowed. I stayed that way for too many minutes to count.

  I snapped myself out my stupor and turned her by her shoulders. “Look up, baby.” Harmony’s shoulders sagged, and my mouth turned dry as I lifted my finger to each of her eyes and removed her contact lenses.

  I looked at my wife, and I staggered back in disbelief. Forcing myself to gain some semblance of composure, I walked back to where she stood, completely still. I saw the unshed tears shining in her eyes.

  “Brother Stephen told you . . . about me . . . ?” she whispered. It wasn’t really a question. It wasn’t a statement. It was a shocked realization that I knew everything about her.

  Taking her wrist in my hand, I lifted it, and with a wet face towel I wiped off the impressive makeup on her wrist . . .

  A tattoo. A tattoo I had seen only three times before, the name and numbers of a passage of scripture: “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

  “Revelation 21:8,” Harmony said cautiously. Bringing her wrist to my mouth, I kissed the tattoo. I wrapped my arms around her and brought her to my chest, holding her securely in my arms.

  “I’m sorry,” I said hoarsely. “I’m so fucking sorry for the life you had.” Harmony began to cry, but only for a few moments. She pulled back and wiped at her eyes. I couldn’t stop staring at her. My heart simultaneously beat and bled for her. She was even more beautiful now, but not in the way I’d thought she’d be. She was simply a more beautiful Harmony. No one else. I couldn’t compare her. There was no comparison to me. As hard as that was to believe.

  Harmony fought to regain composure, and I said, “You are the strongest person I have ever known. What you’ve been through, what you’ve survived . . . what you were willing to do to save the people in the commune . . . ”

  Harmony laughed a single mirthless laugh. “That is not true. I had to be strong because people relied on me. I was looked upon as the strong one by the ones that I loved. But inside”—Harmony lifted her hand and brought it to her chest, right over her heart—“in here, I would crumble just like anyone else. I simply hid it from the world. I would not let the cruel men that hurt us find fuel within my tears. Strength is a shield, only to be lowered by trust.”

  Her words were a blow to me, but it was the glint in her eyes that truly undid me, because it told me that she trusted me. Fuck . . . she trusted me.

  Edging toward her, I let my hand fall down over her now-black hair. I looked into her captivating eyes. I was lost in their beauty, but we had to leave. It was time for Harmony to find her peace . . . even if it meant the beginning of one hell of a fucking war for me.

  Slipping my hand into hers, I said, “Are you ready, baby?”

  “Yes,” she replied, then stole the final fragment of my heart as she nervously added, “Baby.” She blushed as I smiled at the endearment.

  I led Harmony out to the truck. We had about twenty miles to go.

  So I held on to Harmony’s hand again. Smiling in the knowledge that her shattered heart would soon be fully healed.

  A small act of redemption in my clusterfuck of a life.

  *****

  I didn’t know how I would feel as I rolled up to the place I once called home. I expected to be nervous—hell, I expected to feel nothing but fear of the inevitable . . . but strangely, I just felt numb. My heart didn’t race, my pulse didn’t speed up. I was simply calm, because I knew bringing Harmony here was right.

  She deserved it.

  As I steered the truck around the final bend that would bring me to their gates, I saw the flickering lights of the compound.

  Harmony shifted on her seat. I could feel her eyes watching me closely, suspiciously, but I kept my gaze straight forward. I didn’t bother with the turn signal as I turned left and rolled the truck to a steady stop. I studied the compound. Since I’d last been here, a shit-ton of protection had been put in place. The gates no longer had bars, instead they were solid iron. The walls were higher, stronger and thicker. But newer still were the raised watchtowers that looked over the only road in and out of this place.

  It was a fucking fortress. Impenetrable. Impossible to break in, and even more importantly, to escape from.

  Movement from one of the towers caught my eye and I saw a guy dressed in black staring down at me. The truck’s windows were all blacked out, and I was thankful for that right then. They couldn’t see in, which was the plan.

  The guy in the tower had a gun in his hand and was scoping out our truck, but I couldn’t see which brother it was. Harmony’s eyes were huge with fear. “Stay here, okay?” I said.

  She swallowed and cast a long look at the black iron gates beyond the windscreen. “Rider . . . I am scared. Something in my heart is telling me this is a bad idea.”

  Leaning over the console, I placed my finger under her chin and brough
t her lips to mine. I kissed her softly, sweetly, and I kept my mouth on hers as long as possible. I knew this would most likely be the last time that I would know her like this, be here like this . . . have any kind of moment with her like this. Harmony melted against my lips. It made me feel so fucking alive. I had been dead before her.

  I pressed my forehead to hers and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to move. I would have given anything to stay right there in the truck for the rest of my sorry life. But it was time to face my former brothers.

  It was time to start paying for all the shit that I’d caused.

  It was time for Harmony to be free . . . of me and the people who had imprisoned her.

  The sound of raised voices outside cut through the silence in the truck. It was time. “Stay here until I call for you. Don’t come out before then . . . please,” I insisted. Without looking back at Harmony, I opened the door and got out of the truck.

  With my hands held in the air, I moved around to the front of the truck. Light after light came on, lightbulb after lightbulb flaring beyond the compound walls to reveal my presence. I winced at the brightness of the spotlight I was thrust under.

  “Holy fuckin’ shit.”

  I recognized that voice. My stomach sank as I saw my former best friend. My road brother, the only true friend I ever had in this club.

  Smiler.

  I stepped to the side, moving from a direct beam of light so I could look up and clearly see his face. Smiler was staring down at me, mouth gaping. When I caught his gaze, I saw a flash of pure sadness flicker over his face. “Smiler,” I said, loud enough for him to hear. My voice seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he had found himself in, and his expression morphed into one of untapped anger.

  Smiler leaned over the tower’s guardrail and shouted across the compound, “Get the fuckin’ prez. Now!” He turned back to me again. “Scratch that! Get everyone! Every single brother out here! We got a huge fuckin’ problem!”

  “There’s no problem,” I said calmly. Smiler’s head snapped to face me. He drew his gun, aimed it at my head, then searched the road behind him. “What the fuck is this, man? Ain’t y’all pricks already done enough to this fuckin’ club? You got more cult freaks comin’? Tryin’ to steal the fuckin’ bitches again like a bunch of desperate fucks?”