Deep Redemption

  “Bella,” Stephen said softly and kissed Bella’s cheek.

  “You saved me,” Bella whispered, throwing her arms around him. “When I was brought to Puerto Rico, it was you who did not let me die. You healed me. You kept me hidden. You kept me safe.”

  She turned to Mae and Maddie, holding out her hand. Mae went to her immediately. Maddie didn’t move at first, but then left the safety of her husband’s arms and joined her sisters. Maddie’s head was cast down in nerves. But Mae looked her father in the eyes.

  Stephen smiled at the daughters he had never met. “You are all so beautiful,” he said. “More beautiful than I had ever imagined.” Mae dipped her head, then to my surprise, leaped forward and wrapped her arms around Stephen. Stephen’s face looked shocked, then it melted into an expression of deep relief. Deep relief and love.

  Mae stepped back, wiping her eyes, and Stephen looked at Maddie. Bella put her arm around her youngest sister’s shoulders. Maddie fell into Bella’s side, then shakily held out her hand to Stephen.

  Stephen smiled. He put his hand in hers and shook it. “Nice to meet you again, Maddie.”

  Maddie breathed deeply. “It is nice to meet you too.” Her voice was barely audible, but I could see that didn’t matter to her father. It momentarily chased the darkness from my heart.

  I saw movement from the back of the crowd. Lilah was walking through slowly, her eyes on Stephen. She stopped beside her sisters. “Phebe?” she asked. I could see by the devastated look on her scarred face that she knew her sister wasn’t with us.

  That I hadn’t saved her.

  Stephen dropped his head. When he looked up at her, he said, “You are Delilah . . . Rebekah?” Lilah flinched at the mention of her original name, but she nodded. Ky moved to stand by his wife’s side.

  “Phebe helped us escape,” Stephen said. “She sacrificed so much to help us. And it was all in your honor. Your sister . . . she loves you very much. Everything she did was for you.”

  Lilah released a strained sob. “I love her very much too,” she cried. Ky held his wife closer.

  Stephen rocked on his feet. “She was taken by one of Judah’s associates. I am sorry, but I do not know where he has taken her.”

  Lilah cried harder into Ky’s shoulder. Ky let her have a moment, then lifted her head with his finger under her chin. “Baby,” he said tentatively. “Phebe asked you to do something for her. She needs you to help her.”

  “I do not understand,” Lilah replied.

  Ky put his hands on her face. “Just know that I’m here with you, right? You got this. Fuck, babe, you were fuckin’ born for this.” Lilah gripped onto her husband’s arms tighter. She opened her mouth to speak again, as Sister Ruth emerged from the back of Cowboy’s truck.

  Ruth smiled at me nervously, then turned back toward the back seat. Ky pulled Lilah forward toward the truck. Lilah’s steps were slow and nervous. Ruth lifted Grace from the back seat, and the blond sister went still with shock.

  Ruth set the child on the floor and took hold of her hand. Ruth approached Lilah, bringing the frightened, wide-eyed child with her. Grace stared at everyone watching her, but when her eyes found Lilah’s, the kid couldn’t look away.

  Lilah sucked in a breath, and Ky held her tighter. “You are Phebe’s sister?” Ruth asked.

  Lilah nodded her head.

  “Phebe has been caring for this child.” Ruth chased the thickness from her throat and said, “Judah had recently proclaimed her a Cursed Sister of Eve.”

  “No,” Lilah whispered. Bella, Mae and Maddie were watching on with sad, knowing expressions on their faces.

  “Judah was going to take her on her eighth birthday,” Ruth continued. “It is in two months’ time.”

  “So he did not . . . he never forced her to . . . ?” Lilah trailed off, unable to finish the question.

  “No,” Ruth answered. “Your sister saved her. She locked her away to make sure she was safe . . . if she had not, Delilah would have died today like all the other helpless young.”

  Lilah had frozen still. “Delilah?” she whispered, devastation lacing her tone.

  “Yes,” Ruth replied. “Her branded Cursed name is Delilah. Judah named her because she looks just like you.” A cry came from Lilah’s mouth.

  I cleared my throat and said, “Grace.” Lilah faced me in confusion. I pointed at the kid, who already looked completely enamored with Phebe’s sister. “Her name before my brother branded her was Grace. Phebe only ever called her that.” I pushed my hair back off my face. “She wants you to take her, raise her as your own. She saved Grace so you could give her a better life. Because she couldn’t see another child hurt the way you were”—I met Bella’s watery eyes—“the way you all were.”

  Grace stepped forward and tugged on Lilah’s long cream dress. Lilah looked down, and Grace said nervously, “You . . . you are Aunt Phebe’s . . . sister?”

  Lilah’s face contorted with grief, and with Ky’s help, she bent down and met Grace face to face. “You have the same hair color as me,” she said innocently, and my heart almost fucking cracked down the center.

  Ky looked away, and I knew he was breaking too. Lilah smiled indulgently at the little girl. “I do.”

  Grace pointed at Lilah’s eyes. “And your eyes are the same too.”

  “Yes,” Lilah said in a husky voice. “They are blue.”

  Grace tipped her head to the side, and she blushed. She clasped her hands in front of her. “Aunt Phebe said . . . ” Grace looked up at Ruth for approval. Ruth nodded her head in encouragement. Grace stepped closer to Lilah and said, “Aunt Phebe said you are to be my . . . mama?” The little girl swallowed. “Are you . . . is that true? Are you my mama? I never had a mama before.”

  Lilah and Ky both turned their faces away for a moment, trying to control their tears. Then Lilah smiled. She cried through her smile and nodded her head. “Yes, Grace. I will be your mama.”

  Grace’s smile practically lit up the darkening sky. She tentatively moved closer to Lilah, and Lilah pulled her into a soft hug. Lilah looked up at Ky, smiling so fucking big. She pulled back from the little girl and pointed at Ky. “Ky, my husband . . . He will be your papa, Grace. He will be your papa . . . ” Ky’s jaw clenched as Grace peered up at him.

  “Hey, kid,” Ky said gruffly.

  Grace smiled at him, and I heard Ky’s breath hitch. “You look like me too,” Grace said and pointed to her hair.

  “Yeah,” Ky rasped. “The same hair and eyes too, kid.”

  Grace looked back to Lilah. “Is Aunt Phebe going to live with us too?”

  Grace’s question was like a bucket of ice-cold water over the happiness Lilah had found. Stephen crouched down next to Grace. “Aunt Phebe has had to go away for a while, Grace. She wanted you to get to know your new mama and papa first.”

  Grace nodded her head like that made perfect sense.

  “Do we have a house?” Grace asked Lilah. “Aunt Phebe said that you would have a home. With a bed.” She paused, then said, “I have never slept in a real bed before. Just on a mattress on the floor of the children’s quarters. The prophet told me I would sleep with him very soon, in his bed. A real bed, but that has not happened yet.”

  Lilah flinched at Grace’s words, and it took her several seconds to pull herself together. I pushed back vomit at the thought of what Judah had planned to do with the kid. “Yes,” Lilah said breathlessly. “We have a home . . . with a room that I think has been waiting just for you.”

  Grace laughed in happiness and Lilah stood, looking over at her sisters with an overwhelmed expression on her face.

  “Come on, kid, we’ll show you your new house.” Ky bent down and took Grace in his arms. Lilah, Ky and Grace walked away, Grace staring up at them in complete fascination.

  The other brothers began to filter into the clubhouse. And I didn’t know what the fuck to do. Suddenly, Bella was at my side, looking completely stunned by everything.

  “Bella,” Mae called.
“I will take Stephen and Ruth to my home to rest. Styx will give your other two friends rooms in the clubhouse.” Mae looked at me and smiled. “I am sure you wish to spend time with Rider.”

  Styx met my eyes with a meaningful glare. I understood his message, a message that wouldn’t be spoken aloud. Then he lifted his hands and signed at me. I nodded, then reached down for Bella’s hand.

  “What did he say?” she asked.

  I forced a smile. “That I can clean up in his old room in the clubhouse.” Bella’s smile almost broke my heart.

  “He is trusting you again?” she asked hopefully.

  I shrugged. “Don’t know.”

  Bella’s palm met my cheek. “Come. You need rest. You need to bathe.”

  I let Bella pull me toward the clubhouse, then I took her to Styx’s old room. It looked exactly the same as it always had. Bella closed the door behind us, locking us away from everything outside, and stood in front of me. I didn’t know what to say.

  My mind had clogged into a thick fog. My eyes burned from too many tears. And I was tired.

  So fucking tired.

  Without speaking, Bella began shedding my clothes from me. I let her. My arms hung limply at my sides as she rid me of my jacket and shirt. All the time she undressed me, I watched her stunning face, and a glimmer of hope pierced the numbness in my heart.

  Because now she would be free.

  “What is your real age?” I asked. I had suddenly realized she would not be twenty-three after all. That was another ruse to keep Judah from discovering her true identity.

  Bella stilled. “Twenty-six. I am twenty-six.” She ran her hand over my bare torso. “And you?”

  “Twenty-four,” I said. “But I feel older. I feel like I have lived a thousand lives.” I leaned against the door. “I’m tired, Bella. I’m . . . I’m so fucking tired.”

  A brief flash of worry formed on her face. Wordlessly, she took my hand and led me to the bathroom. As usual, the bathroom was clean and fully stocked with towels and any other shit you could need—the club sluts were always seeking approval. Bella walked to the shower. She struggled with how to turn it on at first, but steam soon began to billow out into the bathroom. I inhaled the warm air and closed my eyes.

  Gentle hands suddenly touched the button of my leathers. I looked down; Bella pulled them down over my legs until they were off and I stood naked before her.

  She lifted her hands to the straps of her dress and brought them off her shoulders. When the dress pooled at her feet, when her perfect, beautiful body was bared to me, all I could do was stare.

  She was so fucking perfect, so kind and so damn strong . . .

  I didn’t deserve her.

  She took my hand and led me into the shower. I hissed as the red-hot water hit the wounds and cuts on my skin. Bella shifted me to face the spray, and I let her. Right now I didn’t want to make any decisions. I didn’t wanna take the lead no more. I didn’t wanna think, I didn’t wanna remember . . . anything.

  The water pounded on my head. Bella’s hands moved to my body. She began to wash away the remnants of today—the blood, the fucking horror of being helpless to save the innocent.

  I gasped, slapping my hand on the tiles for balance as the memories began to seep through the cracks in the armor around my mind. But Bella didn’t stop. Her hands worked shampoo into my long hair and my beard, clearing them of the blood . . . so much fucking blood.

  Then, one by one, the faces of the dead came rushing back . . . the many faces, the fucking terrified faces of the children thrashing, reaching out for help, no one meeting their searching hands. The people who were shot as they tried to run away, afraid to die. The screams, the music drowning out the agony.

  Then there was Judah . . . his choked breath calling me “brother”, telling me he loved me as I watched his eyes lose their light, their life . . . Cain . . . Cain . . . his fucking silent heart.

  A loud, pain-filled cry shattered the silence in the shower. It wasn’t until I dropped to the shower floor that I realized that the noise had come from me. My legs had given way until I sat, hunched down, under the heavy spray.

  “Rider!” Bella called and dropped down beside me. My long wet hair gathered forward, shielding my face. But Bella’s hands were there, guiding me back until I slumped against the wall.

  “Rider . . . baby . . . ” she whispered. Her soft voice was thick with sympathy. It only made the pain worse.

  I tried to shake my head to rid myself of the unwanted images, to block the screams from my head. But they didn’t go away. They only got louder. Deafening, racking screams of terror.

  I rocked forward, pushing my hands over my ears. The water kept coming in heavy torrents, and so did the memories. Two hands wrapped around my wrists, pulling my hands from my head.

  “Bella,” I whispered, my voice cracking with the strain. “I killed him . . . I killed him because he murdered them all.”

  Bella nodded her head, inching closer between my legs until her forehead rested against mine. I cried harder as I felt her warmth drift over me, her soft hands brushing through my hair, gliding over my skin. But I couldn’t stop the hurt. I couldn’t stop the pain . . . “Their faces won’t leave my head,” I whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut, but all I saw were the syringes being forced into the children’s mouths. Their trusting, innocent eyes never resisting a thing. I choked on a sob. “Their screams won’t leave me alone.”

  I opened my eyes and raised my hands. I could still see the blood. I could see Judah’s blood. “Blood,” I blurted. “Please . . . wash away the blood . . . ”

  Bella took hold of my hands. She searched the skin, her fingers running over the thick red fluid pooling in my palm. “Rider,” she whispered. “There is no blood, baby. It has all gone.”

  “No,” I argued, holding my hands higher. “It’s still there. I can see it.” I brought my palms to hover in front of her face. “It’s still there . . . my brother’s blood . . . I can see it . . . ”

  A strangled sound came from Bella. I stilled and blinked away the water from my eyes. “Bella?” I asked softly. I jerked back my hands as she laid a kiss to my palm. “No!” I shouted, scrambling to my feet. I slipped on the tile and slammed back down to the floor.

  “Rider!” Bella pressed her hands on my shoulders to keep me still. My breathing was erratic as I fought to pull in new gulps of air. “Listen to me,” she implored. “Listen to me!” she repeated when I didn’t look up.

  When I did, she was right before me. Her face mere inches from mine, her legs straddling my waist. Her eyes were locked on mine. “Baby,” she soothed. “You are seeing things that are not there.” She paused as her words sank in. She laid her hand on my cheek. “You are seeing blood, but it is all gone. I have washed it all away. You are clean. Baby, you are free.”

  “I’m not.” I tapped the side of my head. “The screams and the faces . . . they’re trapped in here. I can’t . . . I can’t chase them away.” I laid my head back against the hard tile. “I killed him, Bella . . . I killed him with my bare hands. And I watched his disbelief that I, his brother, could do it . . . he died knowing it was me who sent him to hell.”

  Bella didn’t say anything in response. Instead, she reached up and turned off the shower.

  She reached for my hand. “Come with me,” she said softly. I wasn’t sure I could move, but as she stood up, the bathroom light flaring behind her like a halo, I knew I would follow her anywhere.

  She was a damn angel . . . my fucking angel.

  Slipping my hand into Bella’s, I let her guide me to stand. I swayed on my feet, but I pushed forward, following her out of the shower. She took a towel and began drying every inch of my body.

  When we were both dry, Bella pulled me from the bathroom to the bed. My legs ached as I lay beside her, staring at her face as she stared into mine.

  My gaze drifted down over her breasts, her stomach, her legs. I stilled when I saw the scars on her inner thighs. Nausea built in my
throat . . . they were from the Lord’s Sharings . . .

  “They are no more,” she said and inched closer to me. “Rider,” she breathed. “There will be no more because of you.”

  “But they all died,” I said.

  “Because of Judah,” she argued.

  I shook my head. “My telling Judah the Hangmen were coming changed his plans. It made him do it, Bella. It made him kill them all. He would rather they all died than be saved. Even when all was lost, Judah somehow found a way to make it worse.” I smothered a cry. “Their faces, Bella . . . they . . . they were so scared . . . ”

  “Shh,” she said and she took my lips with her own, her breasts pressing against my chest. I tensed as her lips began to move against mine, but I fell into the kiss as her sweet taste burst on my tongue.

  Life flared back into my muscles under her touch. I threaded my hands into her hair. Bella moaned into my mouth, and I rolled until I was braced over her body. I broke from her mouth, needing to see her beneath me. As I drew back my head, my pulse raced. Bella’s long black hair fanned over the white sheets, and her pupils were wide with need.

  Need for me.

  “Bella.” I ran my hand down her soft cheek. She caught my fingers and brought them to her lips. She kissed the center of my palm and laid it over her heart. My heart took control and my mouth opened. “I love you,” I whispered, the words coming straight from my soul.

  Bella’s eyelids drifted shut . . . then a smile pulled on her lips. My heart slammed in my chest. She opened her eyes and stared right into mine. “I love you too, Rider. As impossible as it is for me to comprehend the concept of loving someone so deeply . . . I do. With my whole heart . . . I do.” My cold body felt infused with bright, warm light.

  I bent down and kissed her just as the sound of rain began hitting the windows. A dull flash lit up the room, followed by the loud crash of distant thunder. But I didn’t even flinch at the rolling storm. Bella’s gentle hands ran up my back, her tongue brushing against mine. With her, I was safe. I was calm.