Halfkinds: Survival and Superiority (Volume 1 - Contact)

  Chapter 19 - Curtis Lawton - Deserter

  November 16, 3040 11:45 PM

  I'm almost at the Gonzalez station, I'll probably be there in fifteen minutes at the latest. My walk here has been uneventful. Primm isn't Las Vegas, it's a dead city. You would think that around midnight there'd be people walking the streets, partying their lives away, but not here. It's not exactly safe after the sunset and the only creatures that would be up would be the shady ones. You know, the types that would be into interspecies intercourse.

  I guess I should be grateful. If it wasn't for those losers, I wouldn't be here. Or maybe I shouldn't. They've cursed me to this existence. If I found out who my father is, these claws and teeth would see some action. I'd follow Tiago's advice and use the gifts given to me.

  My mother's a different story. I would never lay a finger on her. Just like I would do anything to protect my family, my mother is the same. It's too bad she died. There's been a lot of controversy over what happened to Leonard. Though my brothers and sisters are sad that he died, the overall feeling I get is that they don't understand why he did it. Why go back home and risk everything for someone who's already dead?

  I get it, though. She was the one who raised us, our blood. She sacrificed so much to help us get a taste of a normal life when we should never have been afforded such luxury. We did nothing to repay her, to show our respects. It's too bad.

  The others can't read me well, they're too scared to look me in the eyes. But if they did, they would have seen that I was ashamed to call myself her son. I already was ashamed of my own existence, but at least I knew someone loved me. My brothers and sisters may have been afraid of me, even Tiago to a degree, but my mother was not. She saw me as her boy. I wasn't coddled by her like Leonard was, I didn't need it. But I did love her just as much.

  I'm so misunderstood by my family. Because I run with Tiago, they think I have the same opinions as he does about mother. They think that I hate her like Tiago does. I do not. I would've gladly done what Leonard did when he decided to leave. I'd be killing two birds with one stone, giving mother the proper send-off she deserved and getting the send-off I wanted. If only I had thought of it first. Poor Leonard.

  Candy has given me a route that I can safely take. It's simple enough and runs through an undeveloped part of town. It seems there are a lot of those in Primm. If I stay on her track, I should encounter nothing. There are some street lights here and there, but I make sure to avoid them.

  My path isn't a street, but rather a dirt track that used to be a train line when those things existed. The tracks are buried deep beneath the ground. It's impossible to grow anything on this soil, so the walk is quiet and abandoned. It makes me feel alone. My mind drifts to the dark side. I think of the suicide that should've happened, the years of feeling like an outcast. I was going to be rid of my pain forever, but my brother intervened. I wonder why I took this job for Tiago when I wanted to end things on my terms. How did I get sucked into one of his schemes?

  I guess it's because I feel I owe it to my family. What I'm doing will help protect them from these bastards who are chasing us. It could help get them off our tail completely. Just the thought that they'll be left alone gives me a shred of happiness in an otherwise chronically depressed mind.

  But then I think about whom exactly I am protecting. Tiago is the one who hatched this plan. Is it just for him? Oscar isn't with him, only Tiago's cronies are. I'm not even sure if Tiago cares about Oscar. But when I think about the plan that Tiago has outlined for me, I can't see how it wouldn't help everyone. Even if Tiago is only looking out for himself, what I am going to do isn't just for him. Getting rid of these agents will surely benefit us all.

  I was going to end it all a few nights ago, but it seems my contract with our maker has been extended. If living on this God forsaken planet for a few more days will help my family, sign me up. I'm in.

  There aren't many things to look at on this deserted road, but there's a nice view of the Vegas lights. It's so bright. They're twenty miles away, but the neon signs illuminate the sky giving it a rainbow of hues. Beams shoot into the air, the result of the spectacles the different hotels offer. Some of the lodgings tower so high above the skyline that even from my position, I have to tilt my head up to see where it ends. It seems to stretch more than a mile into the atmosphere. Hovercars zoom around the landscape like bees in a hive. I wonder what it's like to live that kind of life. Must be great.

  The view itself impresses me. It's nice. I don't think I've ever had the chance to see it. Our house was facing the opposite direction, so live images like these were a rarity. The only way I could see something like this was if I snuck around and I didn't do that often. I'm not exactly the stealthy type.

  Looking at this beauty depresses me further. I know this is the closest I'll ever be to experiencing that kind of life. Imagine me walking around Vegas. The gamblers and hedonists would no doubt run in terror. I'd be spending the whole time dodging gunfire. It'll be like what we're doing now, on the run, except in tenfold.

  "Spare some creds?" a gravelly voice says behind me. I look to where it came from and I see a homeless lion sleeping on a cardboard bed. His mane is grimy and dirty, his fur stringy and greasy. He looks malnourished or hung over, maybe both. He's wearing tattered clothing and has a chewed out hat to his side. It appears to be a military cap.

  "Um, sorry," I say discreetly. "I don't have any."

  "It's okay, brother. Didn't expect anyone to be walking around here anyway. Sorry if I caught you by surprise."

  "Uh, no problem."

  I realize this is the first time I've talked to someone from the outside world. I'm nervous, I don't really know what to say. I've never talked to any creature other than my own family members and I could barely keep a conversation with them. Now I am talking to someone who is part of that world I learned to fear. I'm terrified, yet curious at the same time.

  I'm actually surprised he hasn't run for the hills yet. But I look at him, eyes half open, laying in the light. On the other hand, I am concealed by a veil of shadows. I'm also covered from head to toe in clothing. Hood, thick sweater, pants, I'm wearing anything to hide my identity. It must be hard for him to see what I am. I feel a little relieved.

  "What are you doing out here, anyway?" he inquires. "Seems kind of late for someone to be around this part of the neighborhood."

  "I was just, um, going for a late night walk," I say. He talks slow and slurs a bit. He sounds like he's under the influence of something, but I'm not familiar with what substances are out there. I'm hopeful that my answers won't trigger any suspicions, but in his state, it would be hard to recognize if anything is off. His awareness has gone out the window.

  This is a rare opportunity. I can actually interact with another being consequence free and my curiosity gets the best of me. I wonder what this lion has to say.

  "What are you doing out so late?" I ask him.

  He gives a yawn and licks his snout area. He uses his paws to scratch the top of his head.

  "I'm running," he says. "I've been on the run for a while."

  "Running?" I say. "From what?"

  He looks at me oddly and peers straight at me. I get a little nervous, unsure if what I said has tipped him off. I don't think he can see anything, though, it's too dark and I'm too covered. After a few moments of piercing glances, he lowers his head down and looks at his hat.

  "You speak human," I say.

  "Of course," he says. "All military members, human, wolves, lions, learn all the languages. In a human city like this, it comes in handy."

  He bites his hat and flings it my way.

  "You see this hat?" he says. "I was a soldier in the conflict."

  "Conflict?" I say.

  "Geez man, where have you been? The conflict!"

  He raises his voice as if something I said angers him. I step back cautiously a
nd he notices.

  "Sorry, pal," he says. "I didn't mean to get testy. I just haven't had a good drink for a while. Anyways, the conflict, you know, the Lion-Gorilla War?"

  I'm vaguely familiar with what he's talking about. I wish I had paid more attention to current events.

  "So, you're fighting in that war?" I ask him.

  "Was fighting. I left about a year ago, went AWOL," he says. "Somehow I ended up in Vegas and blew my creds away. Now I'm stuck in this goddamn city trying to get whatever I can."

  "AWOL? You mean you left the war without permission?"

  "No shit."

  "Why'd you leave?"

  "I got scared, pal."

  He shakes his head and pauses. He looks at the ground and moves his head up and down in a dazed fashion.

  "Yeah, I got scared," he said. "Got drafted into it when the gorillas started their attacks. They came to my house, threw me a uniform, and shipped me off. I didn't even have time to say goodbye to my family. You know what that's like?"

  "I think I do," I say.

  "Basic training wasn't so bad. Got some good food there, learned some cool shit, and made some good friends. In fact, I trained with my company from the start. Those guys are like my brothers. We even made a pact to make it out alive, through thick and thin."

  "Brothers? So you were part of a team?"

  "I was part of a team, but I ain't anymore."

  For a brief moment, he snaps out of his dazed behavior and has a moment of clarity. Talking about his team triggers something in him.

  "So, what happened to your team?" I ask.

  "I? I left them," he said.

  "You left them? How?"

  "I snuck away. I didn't even go and fight. I got scared. During training, they showed us movies to prep us up. I saw videos of the war, lions getting their heads blown off from all sorts of weapons I didn't even know existed. I wasn't ready for it, I would never be. I'm no fighter, I wouldn't survive one day out there. I left the training grounds and took the first teleporter I could away before they could shipped me off to battle. Never fought a gorilla in my life."

  "What happened to your friends?"

  "What about them?"

  "You said they were your brothers, your family, you left them?"

  "Of course I did. I wasn't going to die because of some silly pact."

  "Wow, you really have no honor then. I guess the outside world really is a shitty place."

  "What the hell are you talking about?" he says as his voice rises.

  "You ran off. You're afraid of death," I say.

  "Yeah, whatever, like you aren't."

  "I'm not afraid of death, I welcome it. I welcome it so much that I invite it in so that it can take my place instead of the people I love. How could you leave the lions you call your brothers to die alone?"

  The lion stands up. He shakes his head and inches closer to me. My face is still obscured, but if he keeps at it he'll know what I am.

  "Don't talk to me, you shit," he says. "Try and judge me about how I shouldn't leave. What the fuck do you know about family and courage?!"

  "I know more than you'll ever know!" I yell. It catches him off guard and scares him. He steps back but maintains his ground.

  "You don't know jack shit about me," he says defiantly.

  "I don't need to," I say. "I know that you left your family behind right before they needed you most. You made a pact with each other and you broke it. They could be dead and your promise meant nothing. You aren't their family, you're a nobody."

  "Shut up! I'd do anything for those guys. I mean it when I call them my brothers. I got scared. I was thinking and thinking and thinking, and my nerves got the best of me okay?"

  "Yeah, sure. You did a lot of thinking, but it was only about yourself. You are a coward."

  "Hey, fuck you!"

  His curse echoes faintly through the sky.

  "So what if I left them?" he says. "We're all in in it for ourselves, pal. You think they give two shits about me? Show me one creature who wouldn't do the same thing I did!"

  I step from the shadows and take off my hood. My face and body are now clearly visible to him. I tower over him like an ant, my hands protrude from my sleeves and my claws stick out. I give him a demented smile to make sure he sees my razor sharp teeth.

  He looks at me with utter terror in his eyes. His face shakes and he steps back slowly, but with each step he walks faster, and faster, and faster, until he's far enough to sprint away. I stare at him until he is out of my view completely.

  "Just as I thought," I say to myself. I put my hood back on and continue on my path. It should only take me a few more minutes until I'm there.