You're Not Alone

  ***

  At nine thirty p.m., I opened the door to find a very large smile on Chaz’s animated face. I stepped forward and engulfed his six-foot-four body in a hug (as much as my five-seven, one hundred forty-pound body could engulf a giant). I held on tight and started to cry.

  He was patient. He wrapped his large arms around me and waited. Finally, I was able to gain control and I stepped back. I searched his face to see if I could tell him. His look was sympathetic and understanding.

  “I saw him, Chaz.”

  “Saw who, honey?”

  “Matthew.”

  Chaz stepped into my apartment and sat down on the couch with his hands folded. He let out a heavy sigh which made me feel that his sympathy, patience, and understanding just went out the window. Then he said, “Okay, tell me about it.”

  Relief flooded my body as I shut the door and turned to face him. “When I got home, I took a shower and went to bed. The apartment was really quiet, like it’s been since Andjela sensed the specters.”

  “The what?”

  “The evil spirits.” He started to say something but I put my hand up and kept talking. “The locket was on the dining room table and there was still no picture in it. I figured Mr. Princeton’s spell didn’t work. So I went to bed.” I sat on the couch next to him and looked at him, waiting until he looked back. “I was sitting in bed kind of talking to myself.”

  “Kind of?”

  “Okay. Talking to myself.”

  “Quinn, are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I am. Just listen, will you?” I said, annoyed.

  “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

  “While I was…talking, I felt a breeze across my face. On my lips.” I placed my fingers to my lips, remembering the subtle trace that brushed across them. “There were no windows opened. It was such a gentle breeze. Almost like a whisper kiss.”

  “A what kiss?”

  “My mom used to give them to me. She would touch her eyelashes against my cheek. She called them whisper kisses. Anyway, I saw him in the direction of the breeze. He was floating. I couldn’t really make him out, but I knew. It was Matthew. He came toward me and…”

  “And what?”

  “Chaz, he went right through me, like he did the other night.”

  “This happened before.” It was a statement more than a question.

  “Yes, the other night when I cut my arm. I didn’t tell you everything because I thought…oh why would you believe me? Sometimes I don’t believe it myself. But Chaz, I’ve never felt anything like it before. He took all my sadness with him. For a brief moment I felt all the love I did when he was alive. But this time...” I wiped a tear from my eye. “This time after he passed through me, I didn’t feel lost, or lonely, or even sad. For the first time since he died, I felt like everything would be okay. No matter what. Then he was gone.”

  “You think everything is going to be okay even though Mr. Abernathy and the Shikmans are still clawing at your door?”

  “Even though. Whatever happens, happens, and I will be okay.”

  “Must have been some visit.”

  I looked out the window smiling. “It was.” I turned to look at him once again. “I’m a little embarrassed to say this but it was deeper and more intimate than any sex I ever had.”

  “Girl!”

  “Why, Chaz, I would say you’re blushing.”

  He pointed to his chest. “Me? Never.” We laughed briefly. Not knowing what else to say, silence filled the room. It was Chaz who broke it. “So…?”

  “So?”

  “From what you just told me, I would say Mr. Ancient Man’s spell worked. Did you check the locket?”

  I jumped up from the couch. “Oh my God, I didn’t even think of that. See, you are getting it!” I ran to the dining room table and was hit with apprehension. Before, the locket would move about the apartment and the picture would change. But here it was, still on the dining room table. It hadn’t moved. I was scared to open it. I stood at the table and stared at the locket.

  Chaz walked up beside me. “Well? I’m here. Open it.”

  I picked up the locket and took a deep breath. Holding my breath in, I opened it. I smiled wide as I heard a gasp come from Chaz.

  “I guess now I have to be a believer.” he said quietly as he stared at the picture inside. It was one Matthew had taken of Chaz and me the day we opened the funeral home. Unbeknownst to me, Chaz was lying on his back on a table in the prep room in the standard coffin “dead” position (hands crossed in front), covered with a sheet. I wore a lab coat and goggles and was laying out some instruments on the table because I was about to prepare what I thought was our first body.

  When I turned back with a scalpel, Chaz sat up. I screamed and fell back against the table of instruments. Chaz laughed so hard he nearly peed his pants. He was always joking like that. Matthew surprised us and took the picture with his phone. I made him promise not to show it to anyone. “It would be bad for business,” I told him. I remember he laughed and said it would be blackmail material if he ever needed it.

  “Chaz.”

  “Yes?”

  “I haven’t seen that picture since the day Matthew took it. I never knew what he did with it, or if he even printed it.”

  “So is this a good sign?”

  “I sure hope so.”

  The sound of the doorbell ringing made us both jump.

  Chaz grabbed my hand. “It’s time.”

  “I’m nervous, Chaz.”

  He hugged me tightly. “I know, but maybe you’ll finally get some answers and some peace.”

  I opened the door. Mr. Princeton and Chester stood side by side. It was a comical sight—Mr. Princeton in his crisp shirt, bow tie, and suit coat, and Chester in a gray T-shirt, khaki pants, and wire-rimmed owl glasses. Both men, however, had the same grin and even though I didn’t share in their sentiment, I flashed a smile back at them. They hurriedly walked past me and turned around.

  “Is she here yet?” Chester asked. He reminded me of an excited child in anticipation for their birthday party to begin and the clown to appear.

  Before I could answer, Mr. Princeton placed a hand on my shoulder. “Did it work?” he asked quietly.

  I knew what he meant. “I’m not sure I’m the one to answer that, Mr. Princeton, but I think so. I think Matthew was here this morning.”

  “That’s good, right?” Chester said.

  “Could be. Or might not be.” Mr. Princeton looked slightly concerned.

  Then the non-believer said something I never expected him to. “I think it’s good. I think it did work.”

  Mr. Princeton stared at Chaz in disbelief. “And why would you say that?”

  “How could Matthew show up if he was being held back by the…” He looked at me. “What did you call them?”

  “Specters.”

  “Yes, them. But there’s the locket. It’s still on the dining room table, and there’s a picture in it again. One of Quinn and I.” Chaz puffed out his chest.

  “Me,” Mr. Princeton corrected him.

  “No,” Chaz drawled out the word. “The picture is of me.”

  “That’s what I said.” Mr. Princeton turned back to me with a satisfying look on his face, a teacher who just successfully corrected a student who wasn’t getting it. “Maybe it is good news. I’m just not sure,” he added.

  Chaz looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. I smiled in return.

  “You really think you saw him?” Chester looked from Mr. Princeton to me.

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “What did he look like?”

  “Beautiful. Like a cloud in the sky.”

  “Did I hear correctly? You saw Matthew and there’s a picture in the locket?” Andjela was standing in the doorway. I hadn’t heard her arrive.

  “Yes and yes. The locket is still on the dining room table, but there’s a picture in it.”

  Andjela walked over to the table and picked up the locket. She opened it
and looked at the picture inside. There was no expression on her face.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I agree with what Eddie said. I am not sure if it’s a good sign or a bad one.”

  “Why?”

  “The content of the picture.”

  “What do you mean? It’s a great picture!” Chaz said defensively.

  “I know it is, Chaz, but the content of the picture worries me. I understand it was a joke, but the meaning of the joke will depend on where the picture came from.”

  “What do you mean where it came from? It had to come from Matthew,” I said

  We all waited for Andjela to further explain herself. “Not necessarily. Specters are involved.” She put the locket back down on the table. “The picture has death all around it.” She looked at me. “Did it show up before or after Matthew showed himself to you?”

  I was still taken aback by Andjela’s beliefs. She didn’t question that Matthew appeared to me. She just knew it was so.

  “It was after.”

  Andjela appeared to be thinking. “It could have been put there by the specters.” Then she looked around the apartment and after a minute she spoke again in a slow, cautious tone. “Do any of you feel it?”

  “No,” I answered, not sure of what we were supposed to feel.

  “Feel what?” Chaz asked.

  “Death.”

  Chaz broke out into laughter. Chester was smirking, but Mr. Princeton was stone-faced. I understood why. What an oxymoron, I thought! But I knew where she was going with this and it scared the shit out of me.

  Finally, I exploded with frustration. “There’s already death everywhere around me. Isn’t that what we’ve been dealing with all along? I own a funeral home, for God’s sake!” I stared at Andjela. “I thought the picture was a good sign. Chaz means a lot to me. Matthew took the picture. It was a happy time. And Matthew showed himself to me. There were no specters. It’s been quiet. You have to be wrong about this.”

  “Maybe I am,” she said quietly. “Why don’t you all sit and relax and let me set up in the dining room so we can find out?” She looked at Mr. Princeton. He nodded slowly. I wanted to ask what the exchange between them was about, but I was still upset that Andjela was thinking specters might have left the picture in the locket and if that was true, it couldn’t be good.

  I closed my apartment door and took a seat in the recliner since all three men sat in silence on my couch. Fifteen minutes later, she called us into the dining room. Everything from my table was removed and it was covered with a white cloth embroidered with the same symbols as were on her business card. The colors of the images blended into each other and the locket rested in the middle of the table unopened.

  Candles were placed around the room and the extra chair was placed at the table to accommodate all five of us. Andjela told us where to sit; I was to be on one side of her with Mr. Princeton on the other. She didn’t care which chair Chester or Chaz took.

  “Why are there always candles?” Chaz asked. Mr. Princeton flashed a disciplinary look his way.

  Andjela ignored him and proceeded to turn out all the lights in the living room, the dining room chandelier being the last light she extinguished. We were pitched into darkness except for the subtle, amber glow from the candles. As she sat down, she explained. “Candles give off a dark, earthly light much like that of the afterlife. It helps the spirits to find their way to us.”

  “Makes sense,” Chaz said. I had to smile. He was trying so hard to be serious. I just wasn’t sure if he really meant it.

  “Are we holding hands?” he asked.

  Andjela spoke sternly to Chaz. “You must watch too many…” She turned toward me. “What did you call them? Horrible B rated movies?”

  I didn’t answer. If the lights were on, everyone could have seen the bright shade of red that my face was turning.

  Chaz slumped in his chair. “I was serious,” he said.

  “Then I’m sorry. No we are not holding hands but I do ask that you put both hands on the table palms down.” We did as she instructed. Andjela looked at each of us until she seemed to be satisfied that our hands were where she asked them to be. “Now I ask you to please be quiet and don’t move your hands no matter what. They need to stay on the table face down. If you move them, you’ll break the connection that I hope to find.” She closed her eyes and we sat in silence.

  I noticed Chester and Chaz looking around the room. I knew they were watching for any sign of a ghost. But Mr. Princeton was staring at Andjela. He knew that any sign of a ghost, Matthew or whoever, would come from or around Andjela. I knew that too.

  “Quinn.”

  It was a male’s voice, but it wasn’t from any of the men at the table. Yet when I heard my name, I was looking at Andjela and it was her mouth that moved. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chester and Chaz turn and join our gazes toward Andjela.

  “Quinn.” Andjela’s eyes were still closed. I knew the voice.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I’m here.”

  “I’m sorry.” The voice was a hollow of a whisper. It was Matthew. I was sure of that. But there was something…different about it. Those two words contained so much sorrow and fear I felt it pierce my heart right to my soul.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about. I miss you so much. It’s been so hard without you.” I felt the tears fall down my cheek but I would not move my hand to wipe them away. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chaz start to move, most likely to get me a Kleenex. I cleared my throat and looked hard at him, and when he answered my alert and met my stare, I pointedly looked down at his hands. He nodded in acknowledgement.

  “The attic.”

  “What about the attic?”

  “Fourth from the north. Closest to the east.”

  Everyone except Andjela, whose eyes were still closed, looked around in puzzlement. “I don’t understand,” I said quickly.

  “I will always love you.”

  “I love you too, Matthew. What do you mean about the attic? Oh my God, I have so many questions Are you okay? Are the others gone?”

  Suddenly, Andjela’s eyes flew open. “We need to get out of here. Now!”

  “Where is he?” I cried out. “You broke the connection. I need to talk to him. I’m not done!”

  Andjela put a hand on my arm and spoke sternly to me. “We need to go now.”

  Chester, Chaz, and Mr. Princeton were already up out of their chairs in response to Andjela’s warning. Immediately, a strong wind passed through and blew out all the candles pitching us into blackness. The doors slammed and kept slamming as if an ill-disciplined child was opening and shutting them as hard as they could, over and over again. I knew the sound only too well.

  I groped my way to the wall and felt along for the light switch. My hand glided along the wall up, over, around until I found it. I felt satisfaction as I flipped it up. The lights didn’t come on and my satisfaction turned to dread.

  I felt something hit my shoulder. Hard. I winced in pain just as I heard something whiz past my head. I plastered myself against the wall and sank to the floor.

  The wind was loud, but I could hear shouting and doors slamming, and things crashing into the walls and on the floor. I shook with fear but not from what was happening in my apartment. I was afraid of the possibility that the specters were back and Matthew might be suffering—however you could suffer in the afterlife. I started to cry as I hugged myself to protect my body from the onslaught.

  The wind became aggressive. As hard as I tried to move, I couldn’t. It was a force I’d never experienced before: to be bound without restraints of any kind. It felt like tornado- or hurricane-strength storms blowing against me, and I wondered how long it would be before the walls of my apartment started coming down.

  A faint glow appeared in the center of the dining room, very dim, yet it gave off enough light for me to see the squalls swirling around the room, objects flying, Chester and Chaz squeezed together under the dining
room table.

  Mr. Princeton was coming from the living room, fighting against the wind. It looked like he was trying to get to the light. He had something in his hand. His brow was covered in sweat and his clothes were all askew from the force of the gale. His bow tie was sideways and the skin on his face was stretched toward the back of his head. He tried to dodge my belongings that had become airborne projectiles, but it was impossible to miss them all and I saw something strike him.

  He didn’t wince. He moved in slow motion, deliberately with purpose, on a mission. Mr. Princeton fought his way to the middle of the room. As soon as he got there, he struggled to stretch his arm toward the light. I cupped a hand over my eyes to better see and in that moment my belief system crumbled. In the middle of the light stood Andjela. But it wasn’t just Andjela. Matthew was there too, and the images of both of them were shifting back and forth, blending one into the other.

  Andjela’s body amalgamated with the smoky apparition of Matthew but their collective substance wasn’t fighting the squalls like Mr. Princeton was. They were unaffected by the gale-force wind that was tossing the contents of my dining room around and holding us prisoner against the walls and under the table. I tried to move, to get to Matthew and help him, but the force of the tempest kept me low to the floor and plastered to the wall.

  The wind took on forms as it swirled around my apartment. Angry forms. The colors were gray and black with sharp outlines that screamed rage and fury. They recklessly flew at Andjela, their colors fading the closer they got closer. Andjela stood steadfast with Matthew’s phantasm spinning and churning around her. They needed help but there was nothing I could do.

  I watched helplessly as a hand reached out from the light. I thought it was Andjela’s, but I wasn’t sure. It was flesh surrounded by smoke. I had to blink my eyes to trust what they were seeing. Andjela was allowing herself to be used by Matthew. She was helping him. That was the only way I could describe it. Matthew didn’t have substance—flesh or bone—to do what I saw next. But Andjela did.

  Mr. Princeton was inches away from their outstretched hand, leaning forward as far as he could, fighting the wind to stay in place. In slow motion, his hand moved forward to meet theirs. In it was a piece of parchment. I knew then Mr. Princeton had written another spell. He and Andjela must have talked about what could happen at the séance if the specters appeared. They had been ready.

  Andjela and Matthew’s hand grasped the piece of parchment. At that moment, Matthew and the parchment disappeared, and all at once, the wind stopped. Mr. Princeton fell forward because the resistance he’d been fighting was no longer there. I got up from the floor and ran to him to make sure he was all right, but by the time I got there, he was getting to his hands and knees, his eyes looking straight ahead.

  I followed his gaze. Andjela was standing in the middle of the room. There was no light around her and there was no parchment in her hand. I looked around quickly to see if it had been swept up by the wind, but I couldn’t see it, only the mayhem of my dining room belongings strewn about everywhere.

  What I saw was real.

  Chester and Chaz crawled out from under the dining room table. I stood up and went into the living room. The living room was untouched by the wind. I hurried into the kitchen and saw that too was untouched by the phenomenon that just took place. I went back into the dining room and surveyed the damage. I remembered hearing stories about tornadoes that destroyed one house but left the one next to it whole. The wind had been so fierce and violent it felt like my whole apartment was caught up in it. But it wasn’t. My dining room was that one house.

  “What just happened?” Chaz demanded.

  “I think you know,” Andjela answered wearily.

  I started to cry again. “Is…is he okay?”

  “We hope so.” Mr. Princeton spoke softly.

  Chaz glared at Mr. Princeton. “You knew this was going to happen?”

  “He didn’t. I suspected it might,” Andjela said to him. “As I have said, I’ve dealt with specters before. They don’t always leave that easily. I wanted to be prepared in case they blocked Matthew from moving forward. I talked to Eddie about it earlier and he agreed to research the Book of the Dead for a spell that would do what I asked for. I had never tried this before, but I hoped it would work.”

  “Why did you have to get another parchment to him? Are you saying the parchment we put in the coffin didn’t work? We did that for nothing? We broke the law…for nothing?” I asked, confused. But then my mind sparked. “You said it was a one-way communication. You said you couldn’t just hand Matthew the parchment,” I almost shouted. “But you did! I saw him, you…” I stumbled for the right words. “Take the parchment from Mr. Princeton. It disappeared with Matthew.” Tears were flowing down my cheek. I looked at Mr. Princeton who was beaming. I wanted to slap the smile off his face.

  “Quinn that has never happened to me before. I always believed what I told you, that it’s a one-way communication. I’ve never physically connected with a spirit.” She leaned forward and whispered, “I am as bewildered and as awestruck as you are.”

  She stood straight again. “I believe the parchment we put in his coffin did work. That was why he was able to show himself to you this morning and why he was able to communicate with you this evening. I just didn’t know if it would give him enough time or strength to fight them off totally.” She shifted her weight uncomfortably. “The picture in the locket worried me.”

  “You believe the specters put it there, don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why didn’t we just hold the séance this morning after we got back? None of this would have happened. He was okay this morning.”

  “Quinn, we need to hold the séances at night. The spirits are strongest at this time. It gives us the best chance of making a connection. We also had to give Matthew time to use the spell.”

  “What, no full moon?” I asked sarcastically.

  “We did have a full moon,” she rebutted quietly. “And it helped. That’s another reason we waited for tonight. Quinn, it was the best we could do to be in time to help him.”

  “Tell me what just happened.” I could feel the heat from my anger rise within me. I knew deep down inside what happened, but I needed to hear it from Andjela.

  She took a step toward me. I could feel her breath, smell her perfume. My knees were weak from the shock of what just took place in my dining room. I forced myself to concentrate on my knees so I didn’t fall and knock her over. Keep them locked, don’t fall.

  Andjela took my hands in hers. “Matthew was here,” she smiled and nodded her head in confirmation, “because of the parchment we put into his coffin. With that spell, Eddie was able to get him enough strength and time to fight off the specters so he could give you his message. But that was all he could do. I knew this might happen, so Eddie came prepared with another spell from the Book of The Dead.

  “When the specters showed, I was able to pull Matthew back to us so Eddie could get the spell to him, a spell that we hoped would help Matthew to pass through the afterlife unharmed. I had never tried this before. But for you, I knew I had to.” She shook my hands. “And I believed it worked.”

  “That was what you did?” Chester asked excitedly. “I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.”

  “I saw it and I still don’t believe it,” Chaz added. He stared incredulously at Andjela. “You were like…both in the same place and time.”

  “So through you, Matthew was able to cross the plane of existence to get the parchment from Mr. Princeton.”

  Andjela still held my hands but looked at Chester. “Well, yes. Very well put, Chester.” She looked back at me.

  “What was on the parchment?” I pleaded. “Will he be okay?” My face was wet from my tears. I was finally admitting to myself that I knew all along Matthew’s soul was in danger. I never believed in the afterlife or souls. Working at a funeral home with dead bodies did that to you after
a while. Now, how could I not?

  Mr. Princeton stepped forward. “Quinn, I found a spell to help Matthew escape the evil of the specters and hopefully help him to move beyond them to his afterlife.”

  “Wasn’t that what we put into the coffin?” I asked again, my mind still not willing to accept it all.

  “Not exactly,” Andjela said. “In order for Matthew to get his message to you he had to stay in the same plane of existence as the specters—in the spiritual plane. It’s the only place the dead can communicate with us. That spell helped him to fight them off so he could give us his message.”

  “And it worked,” Mr. Princeton said with the pride of a ten-year-old winning the national spelling bee.

  I looked back at Andjela. “Then this one will work too. He’ll be okay. He’ll finally be at peace.”

  “I believe so,” Andjela answered affirmatively.

  “Yes, I believe so too,” Mr. Princeton added. “I worked hard to make sure I prepared the best spells to help him move on. I used a combination of two spells. I found the first one from the ‘Protection from Peril’ section once again. Number forty-four to be exact. It is supposed to help the spirit to ‘not die a second time in the realm of the dead.’ I combined that spell with number one hundred twenty-seven taken from the section called ‘Journeys.’ This one should ‘help him to surpass his enemies to finish his journey to the afterlife.’”

  Even though I was grateful to Mr. Princeton for helping my beloved be at rest, I didn’t care what the numbers of the spells were or what they did. I just wanted to know that they worked.

  Chester’s mouth was open in apparent awe the whole time Mr. Princeton spoke, but everything he said went over my head.

  “Wow! A double punch. Those specters don’t stand a chance!” Chester exclaimed.

  “Then no more ghosts or voices?” Chaz asked Andjela.

  Andjela let go of my hands. “I didn’t say that.”

  “But if Matthew’s gone, there’s no reason for them to hang around. Isn’t that what you said? That the specters feed on the pure spirits?” I asked desperately.

  “Yes, I did.” She looked out the window. “But sometimes one or two lag behind. They can’t seem to or won’t move on. I don’t know why—just could be their vindictive, evil nature coupled with a bad sense of humor.”

  “Seriously?” Chaz began to sound irate and frustrated. “She might have to put up with this…” He looked pitifully at me. “Forever?”

  “Look, Quinn. I’ll work with you on this if there are any left behind. They won’t hurt you if any of them stay. There’s no reason for them to. They just become…a nuisance.” She winked at me. “All bark and no bite.”

  I smiled. “Devil’s advocate.”

  “Oh, good one!” She smiled back at me. “Now let’s clean up your place and try to figure out what his message meant.”