The Girl Who Dared to Think

  I knew I was worrying Zoe. And it would only be a matter of time before she risked running into my parents just so she could barge into my room and demand answers. And I still wasn’t sure what I would tell her if that happened.

  “She is taking the Medica treatment,” a familiar voice from some distance behind me said, and I turned, expecting to see Eric, bewildered at how I could be thinking about him one second, only for him to manifest the next.

  “I don’t think she is,” Zoe replied, and I realized I had seconds before they rounded the corner and saw me, and quickly launched myself over the railing. I landed, just barely able to catch my balance before splashing into the water, and ducked under the bridge, crawling on my hands and knees into the tight space underneath. “I think she’s avoiding me.”

  Hidden though I was, it took everything I had not to climb out from under the bridge to go to my best friend and give her a hug. Her voice had broken as she said it, and Eric sighed and said something softly, under his breath.

  Then silence. I watched the water rushing by, trying to keep my heartbeat down, and wondered what they were doing up there. After a moment, Zoe sniffled.

  “Eric... do you think Liana doesn’t like me anymore?” she asked. “Like... maybe I did something to make her upset?”

  Eric’s reply was soft and soothing. “Zoe, there is nothing in the world you could do to make her upset. She loves you.”

  “Then why won’t she net me?” Zoe snapped.

  Eric sighed, and I heard the thump of his foot on the bridge and tried to curl up even more underneath it. The space was tight, however, and the bridge barely wide enough to accommodate two people walking side by side. If they came around the other side, they’d see me plain as day.

  “Fine,” Eric began patiently. “Why would she be mad at you? The last time you two hung out was when both of you were being weird. What happened after you left?”

  My breath caught in my lungs, and I looked up, my heart pounding. The last day he’d seen us together was when we’d fed him that really awful story about why Zoe had to cancel their dinner plans. The day she had helped me save Grey’s life. Zoe had said she wouldn’t tell him, but she was positively smitten with Eric. She trusted him. So did I, to an extent—but there was a limit.

  “I already told you. I helped her out and then left.”

  “Yes, but, I mean...” I heard the awkwardness in Eric’s voice and bit my lip, praying he wouldn’t dig too far. “I feel like you’re not telling me everything. And I kind of thought... well... that we were better friends than that.”

  Zoe was silent. “Are we?” she asked quietly, and I could just imagine the insecurity on her face. “How long before your family convinces you to stop hanging out with me? My ranking has never been lower, and I’m definitely not the biggest fan of the Tower right now.”

  “Yes, but why?” Eric’s voice was awash with frustration—the most negative I’d ever heard him in my life—and another pang of guilt shot through me. He was an eight because he was so upbeat, but if he was feeling the way he sounded—harsh and tense—then his rank was in jeopardy, and it was my fault.

  Zoe sighed overhead, and I clenched my hands together, trying not to say anything. Going out there would only make things worse, because they’d demand to know where I’d been and what I’d been doing. And I couldn’t tell them the truth, which meant I would have to lie. I might even have to be cruel.

  Zoe sighed, and I heard footsteps. I closed my eyes as they thundered loudly overhead, and then opened them when they stopped halfway across. “Don’t worry about me,” Zoe said. “I’m sure I’ll get over it. I just...”

  She trailed off, and I wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to compress myself into an even tighter ball.

  “Hey,” Eric said. “You know you can tell me anything. I’m not like the others... I can take it.”

  “Oh, Eric,” Zoe breathed, her voice so soft that I had to strain to hear it over the wind and the water. “I really want to, but Liana said...”

  “She’s not here! She’s not even talking to us. Please, just tell me. Maybe I can help.”

  Alarm began to course through me as Eric tried to worm his way toward the truth, and I realized that I’d done Zoe a great disservice—I’d had someone to talk to about what I’d seen, but I’d denied her anyone to talk to about what I told her.

  I heard her sigh, and in that sigh, I imagined her crumbling. Breaking down and telling Eric everything about what we had done. Putting him at risk. Panic gave speed to my limbs, and I tore out from under the bridge like a woman possessed, scrambling on my hands and knees.

  I climbed to my feet immediately, taking a moment to find my footing on the steep embankment, and looked to where Zoe was now staring down at me, her mouth opened in a wide “O” of surprise, her eyes bulging. Beside her, Erik looked just as dumbfounded by my abrupt appearance, and I suddenly recalled that I had been eavesdropping on a very personal conversation. And now they knew that, too.

  Well. Best way out was always forward. I hoped.

  “Hey?” I asked, raising one dirt-stained arm and forcing a bright smile on my lips. Inside, my heart was quivering in terror, and I had to fight to keep it from punching out of my back and making a run for it. “How’s it going?”

  Zoe was not amused, and as her eyes narrowed to slits, I realized that, at the very least, I had prevented her from spilling her guts to Eric. For now.

  “Where the hell have you been?” Zoe began, her voice snapping. Before I even had a chance to draw breath, she held up her finger, silencing me. “Oh no, scratch that. What the hell were you doing down there?”

  I blinked several times, trying to think of an excuse. “I... was... inspecting the underside of the bridge.”

  Zoe’s eyes narrowed even more, until they were just slits ablaze with fire, raging in fury. I wondered if she thought that squinting her eyes together tight enough would enable her to channel that anger into a laser beam.

  “You were inspecting the underside of the bridge.” Her voice was flat and emotionless, but those eyes told me to think carefully.

  “Yes?”

  “Just... the underside of the bridge?”

  “Yes?”

  “Really.”

  “Yes.”

  Her face scrunched into a tight knot, and then she tried to lunge for me, over the railing, her arms outstretched. I took a step back in alarm, and almost fell as my foot slipped on the steep slope. Luckily, Eric caught my best friend around the waist with his large arms, and held her pinned against his side. She kicked and screamed as she continued to try to get to me, but Eric didn’t let go.

  I used the time to climb out of the ditch and start to dust myself off. Zoe’s yells and hollers were dying down some, enough for Eric to look over at me and say, “She thinks that lie is insulting our intelligence. And I happen to agree.”

  My lips curled up in a smile, and I offered him a mock salute as I beat the mud off my boots. After a moment, Zoe went completely quiet, and I looked up to see Eric setting her gently on the ground. Her eyes met mine, and I saw a hardening in them before she whipped around and began marching away. My eyes caught her wrist, and I felt my heart stop short as I took in the four, winking mockingly and reminding me that that was my fault. I thought of what Grey had said—that after four it was almost impossible to get up without Medica assistance—and cringed.

  Eric watched her go, turned back to me, shrugged, and then moved to follow her. I watched them both go, torn between following and running away.

  Then I thought of the anger in Zoe’s eyes, and how it was unable to mask the pain there.

  I turned away from her, intent on telling Roark why he was going to recruit Zoe. Then, I was coming back up here and leveling with my friend.

  24

  I buzzed the door and waited, teetering on the precipice of banging on the door or really getting mad, when it slid open to reveal Grey, his eyes sluggish, as if I had woken him up. He stared dum
bly at me, and I seized the advantage and pushed by him, heading deeper into Roark’s home.

  “Liana?” he said from behind me, but I ignored him and moved into the common space. Roark was sitting behind his workbench and looked up in surprise from his work screen, his fingers still on the controls.

  “What are you doing back here, girl? You just left a few hours ago.” His bushy eyebrows fairly bristled as he glowered at me, his blue eyes suddenly suspicious. “Don’t tell me you saw someone following you again.”

  I ignored the question completely. “Zoe is a four, but she’ll be a three soon. She’s twenty, almost twenty-one, and with Water Treatment, but the girl is a Cog in her heart. She’s untrained and built her own data pad, and not like the ones we use—like the ones IT uses. There isn’t anyone more qualified to get us out of here or put together a transportation device. You don’t just want her, Roark; you need her.”

  Roark stared at me during my entire speech. I’d spent the trip back deciding what to say and stripping it down to its most important and briefest points. Now I stood here, meeting his gaze unwaveringly—until I heard glass clinking so violently it set my teeth on edge.

  I immediately turned to see Grey leaning heavily on one of the small UV fridges, his eyelashes fluttering. My feet moved of their own accord, and I crossed over to him to thread his arm over my shoulder and stand him upright. A few more steps with his sluggish and heavy body next to me, and I sat him in an overstuffed chair nearby. A book hit the floor with a thunk as he dislodged it from the seat, and I picked it up and set it to one side.

  “What’s wrong with him?” I asked, watching his head loll to one side as he immediately drifted off.

  “Oh, him? He was scratching at the salve on his burn, so I sedated him.”

  I swiveled around to see Roark bent back over his work, his eyes focused on the glowing screen.

  “Is he going to be all right?”

  “He’ll be fine. Just a little in and out for a while.”

  I made sure Grey was settled, and then marched back over to Roark. “Can you help me?” I asked, meeting his startled gaze.

  “You mean, will I help your friend?” Roark said, turning back to his screen. “And the answer is no, I will not.”

  I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming at him. “Look, she’s the reason I was able to get Grey out. I cut her off after that day, completely abandoned her after giving her a glimpse of what was really going on. She is my best friend in the world, and there is no way I am ever leaving this Tower without her—okay? If not just because of what I asked, then because of what she did for Grey.”

  Roark leaned back in his chair and said nothing for what felt like an eternity. Then he sat up, rubbing at his forehead. He stroked the hair back from his brow, letting out a long breath before speaking.

  “I knew a man, once,” he said. “Name of Caduceus. We were as close as any two people in this damned Tower can be. We collaborated on research, lifted each other up when things were hard. I loved him as a brother, and was godfather to his child.”

  I grew silent and let Roark speak. I hadn’t known him long, but I didn’t have to know him long to know this was a hard story for him to tell. I was certain that whatever he was going to say, it was relevant, even if it wasn’t clear in the moment. I hoped that it meant whatever I was about to hear would help me solve my Zoe problem.

  “Caduceus was twice the scientist I am. If Chief Surgeon Sage ever managed to die, I think Caduceus would have made a fine candidate for the council, after Selka, of course. Not that Scipio would ever elect a seven like him. No, but Caduceus was methodical. Smart, but considerate, which is an unusual mix for the Medica.”

  He stroked his wispy beard, his expression full of distaste. “When Selka found out about the outside world, she swore me to secrecy on the subject. It would be between us, she said. We couldn’t risk people dropping in rank, running off, causing a panic. We had to keep calm, and, more importantly, keep it to ourselves.

  “Thinking back, it’s easy to see why she wanted us to do so. She died, of course, and look at how I live now. Caduceus had heard about Selka dying, and showed up to beg me to let him help me with my grief, help me process, but I turned him away. And he quickly forgot about the old, dishonored man working in Cogstown.”

  I continued to stare at him, and he met my gaze, his eyes sparkling brightly with unshed tears, a crooked smile on his lips.

  “The man’s family is doing well. I check in from time to time. My godson has a son now, with a pretty girl he met when he was a student. The little boy shows as much promise in the medical field as his grandfather. Had I not done what I did, he would be dead, or disgraced. Do I miss him? Every day. Do I regret cutting him out of my life?”

  There was a pause, and for an instant it looked like Roark was trying to convince himself of the next word.

  “No,” he said.

  Silence grew in the room as I considered his words. After a long time in deep thought, I shook my head and looked at him. “There are parallels, sure, but there are some drastic differences. Zoe knows I was trying to save Grey, trying to break the law. She helped me do it. Caduceus was just your friend; he didn’t know what was going on with you and Selka. Your behavior can be written off as grief—but mine? I just ran into her, Roark. She wouldn’t even talk to me, and her number is dropping. You can’t tell me that if you found out Caduceus was about to hit one tomorrow, you wouldn’t help him out. I dare you to tell me that.”

  Roark folded his arms over his chest as I ranted at him, his gaze turning angry and then distant as I talked. I finished my speech and waited for him to respond.

  He nodded and returned my gaze, his expression speculative. “I have to say that you do impress me, Liana. Your argument was fairly flawless. Let’s hope this girl is as good as you claim with machines. We could really use a Cog, but, surprisingly, they are the one department with the highest job satisfaction. Go figure.”

  I smiled and allowed myself a moment of relief. He was going to let Zoe join us—which meant I was going to get my friend back. “Zoe is even better with machines than I said. When can I bring her here?”

  “I imagine you’ll want to do it as soon as possible, so let’s say tomorrow.”

  “She normally has a shift in the morning, so I’ll bring her by early in the afternoon,” I said, quivering with excitement and starting a plan in my head about what I’d say to get her down here. I knew I still had to figure out what to do with Eric—no way Zoe was going to let us leave him behind when we finally left—but for now, she was my main concern. I’d figure out how to bring Eric in later. If he started to drop, then I’d bring it up, but hopefully we’d all be long gone before that ever happened.

  “Good.” Roark turned back to his work, this time lifting two test tubes filled with colored liquid—one blue and one a bright green—and pouring them into a beaker. “So I assume after this, you’ll be ending your recruitment runs with Grey.”

  I looked up at him sharply, my eyebrows pulling tight together as I frowned. “No. Why would you think that?”

  He shrugged. “Well, you got what you wanted: medication for your friend. You don’t have any obligation to us, and if anything, we are in your debt. So I just assumed you would—”

  “You really do not get me, Roark,” I said, too tired to be incensed. “I like helping Grey. It’s the first useful thing I’ve done in my life. We might be at a fifty percent success rate right now, but I don’t care. I want to help, and I have no intention of going anywhere. Also, don’t be surprised if Zoe wants to help as well.”

  A warmth washed over his features that made my stomach do a flip, and I realized that he was both relieved and pleased to hear me say that. I suddenly realized that he didn’t like feeling isolated any more than I did, and that I had more in common with Roark and Grey than I did with my own family. Here, I felt wanted, needed, and appreciated. I belonged with these misfits, just like they belonged with me. Some
how, we’d found each other, and that made us all feel a little bit safer, and a little less alone. I needed it just as much as Grey and Roark did.

  I opened my mouth to say something, then suddenly heard a rustling behind me. I saw Roark’s eyes go hard and flat, directed just over my shoulder, and he stood even as I began to turn.

  “Liana,” said an all-too-familiar voice.

  In the doorway, Gerome was brushing a bit of dust from the shoulder of his crimson uniform, his eyes sweeping over the little lab, lingering briefly on Roark, and then longer on Grey. He shook his head, expression cold and distant.

  “Gerome,” I managed, my eyes on my mentor, taking in his cold eyes and rigid stance. “What a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here? Am I late for our shift?” I wasn’t—it was only four.

  “To hell with that,” Roark snarled. “You’re in my home, Knight.”

  “The Knights go where there is a threat to the Tower, and no door can stop them,” Gerome responded smoothly, his eyes returning to me. “What are you doing here?”

  I hesitated, and then hoisted my chin up. “Citizen Farmless was assaulted by a three today, and suffered burns. I came here to help him file a report.”

  “Would this be Silvan Wash?”

  Blinking in confusion, I looked away for a second, and then looked back up at him as a piece of the puzzle fell into place.

  He’d been the one following me.

  Gerome’s face might as well have been carved from stone as he stared at me. “Why are you here?” he repeated.

  I stuck to the lie. “If you know his name, that means they found him and got him to the Medica. Citizen Farmless was telling me he acted in self-defense.”