The Girl Who Dared to Think

  For a second, I couldn’t feel anything. Then it came pouring in, my greatest nightmare realized. Zoe was locked up inside the Medica, isolated, alone, and afraid—and thinking her best friend in the whole world had betrayed her and left her all alone.

  And it was all my fault.

  “Access her net,” I said. “What’s her current rank, and is it possible to tell how long it’ll be before she drops to a one?”

  Alex didn’t offer a word of argument, so it was a little unnerving when he suddenly came back with: She’s still a two, but her levels are low. She… She doesn’t have long, Lily.

  I closed my eyes, fighting against the pain and panic that threatened to consume me. “Alex, I gotta go. I need you to keep everything under your hat, and I’ll try to net you soon.”

  Liana, what are you—

  “I love you,” I added, before I shut down the connection with a touch on my display.

  What was happening with Zoe wasn’t right, but I had no idea what to do about it. On the one hand, I wanted nothing more than to start planning a way out of here. If I could just get some of Roark’s medication, I could get up to the Medica and... figure out some way to get it to her.

  Yet even as I thought of it, waves of guilt washed over me. Cali had opened her home to us, even let me talk to Mercury. She was doing everything she could think of to help me, and I had no desire to put her and everyone else at risk—the thought of it alone was repulsive. But so was the idea of letting Zoe continue like this, one step away from the glass cell and poison gas.

  Deeply conflicted, I continued to lash back toward Sanctum.

  I didn’t say much once we got back—but I wasn’t really in the mood to talk. I headed straight for the bathroom. The hard edges of panic and anxiety were starting to slip in between the cracks in my armor, and I felt nausea churning deep in my gut.

  It was an impossible choice, I realized—either go and rescue Zoe and risk leading someone back here, or stay here, knowing that at any moment she would drop to one status.

  I made it to the bathroom just in time to break down, tears beginning to pour down my cheeks in hot rivers. My breathing came in ragged gasps, and I pulled at the jacket on my torso, trying to get the heavy thing off my shoulders. The stiff material fought me, so much so that it only heightened the rising tides of my panic.

  Eventually, I got it off and tossed it over a bench in the locker area. My limbs felt twitchy, like they should be moving, should be doing something. I tried to shake them out, but the more I moved them, the worse it felt—like my skin was too tight and I was a stranger to my own body, to everything.

  Oh, God... Zoe. I leaned against the cool tile wall and then slid down it, resting my butt on the floor. Dropping my head into my hands, I began to sob, unable to hold it back anymore. My best friend was going to die. I was going to lose her forever. All because I couldn’t bring myself to risk my new friends in the process of helping her.

  I jerked when a hand slid onto my shoulder, and looked up. Tian looked down at me, her eyebrows drawn together over her blue eyes. I immediately started scrubbing my cheeks with the heel of my hand, sniffling hard.

  “Tian,” I said, my voice coming out thick and raw. “What are you—?”

  “Why are you crying?” the young girl demanded, her eyes sparkling with empathy. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head, still very much on the verge of breaking. “No—there’s nothing you can do, Tian.”

  “Yes, there is!” Tian said, and I looked up at her blankly, unable to even imagine what she could possibly be talking about. “I can listen.”

  I shook my head again. There was no reason for her to know any of this, and I wasn’t going to burden her with my problems. “Tian, it’s really okay. I’m—”

  “Worried about your friend,” she finished for me. “I know—her name is Zoe, right? She has a pretty name.”

  I almost broke down again. I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t seem to get a grip, but it hurt so much, even just talking about her. “It’s because she’s a pretty person. Just like you—inside and out.”

  “Nobody is just like me,” Tian said primly, her little shoulders wriggling up and down. She sat down next to me on the floor and leaned her head onto my shoulder. “But I really want to meet her anyway.”

  “I want you to meet her, too,” I whispered, a tear slipping free. I wiped it away, trying hard not to lose it again, and Tian shifted.

  “Cali still wants you to wait?”

  I nodded. “She’s trying to keep you all safe, and I can understand that.”

  “But your friend needs help now?”

  I hesitated. “Tian, it’s complicated.”

  She gave me a crooked smile, her eyes shining brightly. “You think so? Because I don’t. I think that if your friends need help, you should go help them.”

  “But it’s dangerous. I’d be risking six other lives for the sake of one.”

  Tian gave me a sad little smile, suddenly looking wise beyond her years. “It’s always dangerous. Even when it’s Cali or Maddox—they are always worried about bringing someone back. But they’re careful. You’re careful. I trust you. So do the rest of us.”

  “This is how I break their trust, Tian,” I said. “And what if someone follows me back here?”

  “We’ll deal with it. I’ll help.” Tian leaned back into me, and I lifted my arm to let the girl rest against my side, settling it in on her shoulder. “Besides, I like having new friends around—I wish Cali had let more people stay with us long ago.”

  I smiled and stroked Tian’s hair, feeling some of the storm clouds ease. Tian’s blanket approval wasn’t the same as getting permission, and it wasn’t even like I was getting approval from a person of authority, but... it helped make me feel better about what I had to do.

  Because of course I had to help Zoe. I just had to make sure that I kept the people here as safe as possible in the process.

  Hours later, after everyone had said their goodnights, and long after all the lights inside had dimmed to near darkness, I sat up in my hammock and slid out of it, the fabric rustling against my clothes. I looked over at Grey’s hammock, highlighted only by the ambient light, and saw that it remained motionless, his body a still, shapeless lump.

  I crept quietly past him, making my footsteps as soft as possible, and quickly grabbed my gear. I knew he’d be mad at me for going without him, but I was already risking too much on this. If I got caught, then it was on me. I couldn’t risk another person I cared about on this harebrained idea. I just hoped he would forgive me.

  I had set my gear aside last night after talking to Tian, in preparation for this. Sitting with it was my crimson uniform, modified baton, and lash harness. The only thing I needed was Paragon.

  And a whole lot of luck.

  Alex had told me my net had been deactivated, but that only meant it wasn’t actively connecting to the servers. The device was still alive in my skull, and ran the risk of getting picked up by scanners if I wasn’t careful enough.

  I knew this was dangerous. I knew what it would mean if I got caught.

  Zoe was worth the risk.

  As quietly as humanly possible, I picked up my gear and started getting dressed. I began with the lash harness, and then the uniform, pausing only to run the lash ends into place. I zipped up the front and smoothed it down, then tucked my baton into the loop.

  Putting on the uniform, even after having been out of it for only a short amount of time, felt wrong, but it wasn’t hard to realize why. I didn’t belong to the Knights any more than I belonged to the Tower.

  I belonged here. I knew what I was doing was jeopardizing their safety, but I couldn’t let Zoe die. I just hoped they could find it in them to forgive me after everything was said and done. Because even though I’d known them only for a short amount of time, I didn’t want to lose them so soon.

  I couldn’t bring the Knights down on their heads. I just couldn’t. It was six lives to Zoe’s on
e, and I knew that this wasn’t the right choice, but the emotional one. But I couldn’t stop it. I just had to make one hundred percent sure I didn’t bring anyone back—except for maybe Zoe.

  If I could do that, then, hopefully, they’d accept my apology for betraying them in the first place.

  Number one on my future apology list was Roark, and I crept into his makeshift room amidst the machines and looked around. I typically didn’t come into this area, out of respect for his privacy, but I needed Paragon, and I needed it now.

  The pills were set up on a table next to his bed, as was all the equipment we’d been able to carry from his house. I moved over to it, treading as silently as possible, while the old man snored in his hammock. And though I was familiar with the sound, every time he made a noise, I felt close to coming out of my skin.

  I was being ridiculous, and this was critical.

  I finished crossing the room and began picking up pill bottles, looking for the right label.

  The fourth bottle I picked up was labeled “Paragon 5,” and I quickly popped open the lid, hoping that the “5” meant it was the rank it got someone to.

  Roark’s snores faltered for a second as the loud pop filled the air, and I looked over at him, expecting to see his eyes open and staring at me. His eyes were closed, though, and he suddenly snorted. Then the gentle snores were back, filling the air.

  I fished out a few pills—just in case—and then found the bottle marked “Paragon 9” and grabbed a few for myself, also just in case. I didn’t want to take the bottles, for fear of losing them or getting caught with them—the pills at least I could swallow. I mean... I had no idea what the side effects would be, but at least they wouldn’t have anything to analyze if they caught me.

  I slid the pills into my pockets—Zoe’s on the left and mine on the right—closed the bottle, and then took a quiet step away. Then another, and another, the sound of Roark’s snores chasing me out. I couldn’t imagine getting caught by him, but he did not give the impression that he was a “hug it out” kind of guy.

  Though, who in this Tower was, really?

  I carefully slid out of the narrow opening and headed directly for the stairs, unwilling to waste any more time. I made it to the front room easily—everyone was fast asleep in their beds, thankfully. I was on a roll tonight in the luck department.

  I was starting for the ladder, and nearly screamed when a voice spoke out behind me.

  “Where do you think you’re—”

  My hand pressed against Grey’s mouth, and I pushed him back away from the entrance of the hall, deeper into the shadows of the room.

  “Keep your voice down,” I whispered after a moment, lowering my hand from his mouth. “You want to wake everyone?”

  Grey stared at me, his eyes dark and unfathomable. “No. But then again, I’m guessing you really don’t want me to, considering you’re wearing your Knight’s uniform... Where are you going?” he breathed.

  I exhaled slowly, puffing out my cheeks. “Zoe’s in trouble.”

  His eyes widened, and then narrowed. “How do you know that? I thought the contact only agreed to—”

  “My brother netted me on the way back from the meeting,” I whispered, interrupting him. Grey gave me a hard look, and I sighed. “He’s an Eye. But before you freak out, he’s figured out what’s going on, too, and wants to help. He looked up Zoe, and she’s in the Medica, Grey. They are cracking down on threes, and now fours—and she’s a two. If I don’t get her out of there, they will kill her.”

  Grey studied me for a long moment, and then nodded. “Then there’s no time to waste. I’m coming with you.”

  “I don’t...” I hesitated, torn between wanting him to come along, and wanting to protect him. “Grey, you’re wanted for Gerome’s murder.”

  Grey stared at me, and his expression grew dark. “Gerome’s dead? How?”

  “Poisoned—an injection. But they think you killed him and... and me. They’ll be looking for you.”

  There was a span of silence, and then Grey shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. If anything, it’ll be the perfect distraction if we are discovered. I’ll get them to chase me.”

  “That...” I stopped again, giving him an incredulous look. “That’s no reason for me to take you along! I’m trying to do everything in my power to keep the people here safe.”

  “Liana,” Grey said, his hand going up to my cheek. “Stop arguing with me. I’m going—I owe it to your friend for saving my life. And there’s no way I’m letting you go alone.”

  I stared at him, trying to find the will to fight him on this, but found myself ultimately unable to. I really was on a selfish streak tonight, it seemed—throwing the people here into danger for my friend, potentially getting Grey caught trying to help me. But at the same time... I felt just so grateful that I wouldn’t have to do this alone.

  “Then it’ll be a fun party,” announced a hushed voice, and I started, turning away from Grey to see Tian, a smile on her face. “Because I’m going too!”

  Grey and I looked at each other and then back at her. “No, you’re not,” I retorted, just as Grey said, “Absolutely not.”

  Tian’s eyes grew wide and large, immediately filling up with tears. “I can’t... go?”

  Crap. A crying Tian was the last thing we needed right now. I immediately dropped down onto a knee, putting myself at equal height with Tian. “Sweetie, don’t cry. Just hear me out. You know we’re already going to be in trouble for doing this. Could you imagine how mad Cali would be if we took you?”

  The little girl’s eyes widened in alarm, and she looked around. “Oh, my gosh, you are so right!” she said suddenly, her voice a rushed little whisper. “She’d murder you.”

  “Yes. And... I’d just feel better if you were here, okay?”

  Tian hesitated, and then nodded. “Okay, but you have to take Grey with you, then. So you’re not alone.”

  I smiled and nodded my head. “All right. I promise. Now go to bed, okay?”

  “Okay.” She turned to go, stopped, and then whirled around to throw her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. “Please be careful, Liana.”

  “I will,” I vowed, holding her tightly to me. I let her go, and watched as she made her way back down the hall, my heart heavy. I had to keep them safe. I just had to.

  “You’re stuck with me now,” Grey said from behind me. “Tian’s orders.”

  “I swear, that little girl’s charms will be my undoing,” I muttered, standing up. “Now, let’s get out of here before I attract any more help in this supposedly stealthy operation.”

  32

  We took the plunge, and I quickly learned that Grey was afraid of heights.

  “It’s not heights,” he insisted, his arms and legs holding tightly to me. “It’s the plunge. How you bloody Knights even attempt to navigate these things is insane!”

  He winced as my arms suddenly snapped out to the left, hitting a nearby beam and using the gears in the harness to jerk us to the right to avoid a bent girder blocking the way. My other hand was already spinning, and I released the lash and felt the tug when it connected. I jerked us up, the new gears working as smoothly as if they were greased and twice as fast as they had before. The air tore at my hair as we flew ahead, the light in Grey’s hand illuminating our path while the painted symbols on the wall guided my route.

  I took a sudden left, and he exhaled slowly, his fingers digging into my skin as I lashed us through a tight makeshift tunnel of pipes. “Can’t you just move a little slower?”

  “Yes,” I said with a smirk, launching us through the opening on the other side and lashing the first thing I could see above us. I was sweating from the exertion and my heart was pounding in my chest with the excitement of finally doing something to help my friend. “You okay?”

  I felt Grey’s weight shift slightly and compensated for it by throwing another lash and changing direction to rebalance. “I’m hanging in there. And by in there, I mean on to you. I a
ssume this just shatters all conceptions of my masculinity, right?”

  “You riding on my back and whining about the plunge?” I teased, my eyes flicking around at the marks, ready for a new danger. “Absolutely.”

  There was another sharp left, and I took it hard and fast, much to Grey’s discomfort, the press of time heavy on my shoulders as I thought about Zoe in the Medica. At least I was finally doing something to help her. I just had to reach her in time—I couldn’t get to her if she dropped and the Knights came to collect her.

  “So, do you have a plan for how you’re going to get in there?”

  I shook my head, lashes flying. “Not so much of a plan... It’s more of an outline.”

  “Which consists of?”

  “Go to Zoe. Get her out. Go back to Sanctum.”

  He went silent for a minute, and all I could hear was the tink tink tink of my lashes as I continued to move us upward. Then: “That’s literally just a concept.”

  I let his words hang between us, unable to argue with someone who was right, and focused on step one: getting to Zoe. I just continued to lash, unwilling to be swayed by something as inconsequential as the lack of a plan. This was going to happen. I didn’t know how, yet, but I was going to seize every opportunity I was presented, and lie without compunction.

  The exit came upon us so quickly that I almost missed it, which made my landing inside a little wobbly. I stumbled forward, Grey’s weight on my back offsetting me slightly, and he quickly dropped to the ground and relieved some of the pressure. Taking a moment to collect myself, I looked down the corridor in both directions, checking to see if there was anyone around.

  Thankfully, the early hour meant the halls were still fairly empty, and I quickly stepped out, put my hand on Grey’s arm, and began pushing him forward.

  “What are you doing?” he sputtered, his eyes widening, and I leaned close to him.

  “I think I can get us inside the Medica under the premise that you’re my prisoner and I’m having you checked out before I take you to the Citadel for questioning. It’ll at least get us inside.”