Tear

  That’s what I’m afraid of. I mean, crap. What am I thinking? I love Demetri, I love him! He’s been so good to me, and he wrote that song, and… Ugh. I nodded at Alec. “I’ll go with you. Thank you for asking.”

  He beamed.

  My heart felt confused. After a few more moments of awkward stilted conversation we parted ways.

  I ran to my truck and hopped in. I needed a dress and fast.

  Where to find a dress in Seaside?

  I knew Demetri had probably forgotten about our little deal to go together today. He was too excited about teaching. I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. I quickly said goodbye to Bob and promised him I’d keep my cell phone around. Geez, the guy was nearly impossible to get rid of at school, but the minute I said dress shopping he backed off. Men.

  I decided to drive the hour and half to Lincoln City. They had more choices and I needed more choices.

  The drive took longer than it should have. Traffic was always awful on Highway 101, and I knew first hand that when tourists were pouring into town what should take an hour could take upward of three.

  Chapter Seventeen

  After almost two hours of traffic, I pulled into Daisy’s, a classic dress shop that I knew would have exactly what I needed. I only had a few hours before I was due back home. Not that my parents would even notice if I was gone, but still I was a rule follower.

  The bell chimed as I stepped in. Colors and sparkles bombarded my senses until I felt slightly dizzy. I walked up to the plainest dress I could find and looked at the ticket. One hundred and twenty dollars. Not too bad, I guess.

  I touched one of the fabrics. It was a dark red. It had a plunging neckline and was floor length.

  “You don’t want that one,” a girl said.

  I looked up. She was standing behind the counter filing her nails. Her hair was a dark brown and piled up on top of her head with a pencil sticking in it. “Trust me.” She shook her head. “The last girl who bought that dress is so not gonna get any action tonight.”

  “Good.” I felt relieved. “Action is the last thing I want.”

  The shop girl peered at me. “Really? Because you’re really pretty, I mean, I’m not hitting on you or anything, but you have like amazing eyelashes.”

  I laughed. So I’ve been told. “Thanks.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, but red wouldn’t look that great on you. I mean, it would be fine, but I’m thinking silver.”

  “Silver?” I asked.

  She nodded and walked around the counter. “I have the perfect one.”

  Well, it wasn’t as if I was super fashion forward. Alec would probably want me to look nice, and Demetri would like the pictures. I found myself following her through the store, a ghost of a smile on my lips.

  “This would be perfect!” My eyes fell to the short cocktail dress in her hands. It was strapless but had some sort of dip in the middle.

  “What’s that called?” I pointed at the top of the dress where it seemed to curve towards the chest.

  She looked at me like I was high. “That’s a sweetheart neckline. Haven’t you ever worn a cocktail dress before?”

  “That would be a no.” I awkwardly stuffed my hands in my jean pockets.

  “Well, The sweetheart should look killer on you, plus you’ve got long legs and this baby will make ‘em look even longer. Here, try it on.” She shoved the dress at me. “I guessed you at about a four or six, is that right?”

  “I think so?” I wasn’t actually sure. I’ve never owned a dress like this before.

  “Okay, well let me know if you need help.” She walked back to the register.

  I took a deep breath and stepped behind the curtain. The dress was really smooth and frail. The silver was shimmery and stopped right at the hip where it flared out. It looked like something a fairy princess would wear.

  I laughed and began stripping.

  Nervously, I looked at the finished product in the mirror.

  “You done?” the girl yelled.

  “Um, yeah, just a second.” I took off my socks, because the dress looked weird with them, and stepped out.

  “No. Way!” She clapped her hands. “You look like a super model.”

  “Really?” I exhaled and turned around to look in the mirror. “You don’t think it’s too much?”

  I had a bit of cleavage and she was right my legs looked dangerously long. I felt awkward and tall, but pretty at the same time.

  “Yes. It’s too much, but it’s perfect. You have shoes?”

  And like that she was off.

  By the time I drove home an hour later. I had earrings, shoes, a bracelet, and a two hundred dollar dress. At least I knew my parents wouldn’t care. They probably wouldn’t even notice the hit on the credit card.

  My cell rang the minute I drove out of the parking lot, but because of Oregon laws I couldn’t actually talk on it without getting a ticket. I hit speakerphone without looking at it and answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Nat! How are you?” Demetri gushed.

  “Good! You on the plane yet?”

  “Yeah, we’re getting ready to taxi. I just wanted to call and make sure you weren’t mad at me.”

  “Mad?” I repeated.

  “You know, for making Alec take you to Homecoming. I just didn’t want you to go by yourself.”

  “I’m not mad.” I smiled and shook my head. “And thanks, it was very sweet of you.”

  “I’m a sweet guy.”

  “Yes, you are,” I confirmed, laughing.

  “I gotta run, Nat. I, um. I…” He paused, the only thing I could hear was his breathing on the other end. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too,” I whispered.

  The call ended and I was filled with so much self-loathing that I wanted to pull over and cry. He was such a good guy! Why did I have to have such a strong connection with Alec too? It wasn’t fair.

  Driving home proved tedious when the rain started coming down in sheets. Exhausted, I almost forgot to turn off the lights to my truck when I slammed my door and began running to the house.

  With a curse I ran back to the truck and reached inside. I looked up and glimpsed the brothers’ house. Alec was watching me.

  Shirtless.

  I gulped, my hand slid against the switch, and rain pelted my legs. Finally, the lights turned off, I slammed the door and ran into the house tucking the dress bag as far under me as I could.

  Rain dripped off my clothes as I stomped up the stairs, a little irritated that my mom still hadn’t come out of her cocoon of an office to say hi and congratulate me for making it home in the rain and not dying. By the time I made it to the top of the staircase I heard my mom’s office door click open.

  “You home, Honey?”

  “Yup,” I called.

  “Okay.” The door clicked shut again.

  Not another sound from downstairs. Figures. Once in my room, I walked over to the bathroom and turned the shower on.

  With a sigh I turned back around. “Holy crap, what are you doing here?”

  Alec stood, still shirtless, his eyes menacing, and arms crossed on his chest. “What am I doing here?” He ran his hand through his hair.

  “In my room,” I clarified. Shirtless.

  “Do you realize how worried I’ve been about you?”

  “Worried?” My heart lurched. Nobody worried about me. “Why?”

  “You disappeared, Nat! When I came back to the house your truck was gone. You weren’t at work, you weren’t downtown… I waited for hours!”

  “I don’t understand?”

  “Haven’t you seen the weather report?”

  Dumbly, I shook my head no.

  “A huge storm is coming in tonight, they’re telling people to stay inside, and here you are driving around as if the damn sun is shining!”

  I gulped. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Where’d you go?” he demanded as he paced in front of me.

 
I looked away and shook my head. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Lincoln City.”

  Alec cursed and turned away from me, stretching his arms behind his head like he wanted to hit something but thought better of it. He whipped back around. “Listen, Nat. I’m only nineteen. It’s not good for my health to be thinking about all the awful things that could happen to you in the rain.”

  “It’s just rain.”

  He looked disgusted. “No, it’s not. Things happen, you can lose control, your car can slip, people die.” His eyes suddenly broke away from mine and I knew.

  “Was it raining when—”

  “Yes.” His voice was hoarse.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You should be.”

  Irritation pumped through me. I approached him, hands on my hips. “I was getting a dress.”

  Confusion filled his eyes and then realization. He looked down. “For Homecoming.”

  “Yes.”

  “May I see it?”

  “No.”

  Alec scowled. “Next time, will you just tell me where you’re going? So I don’t have a heart attack before twenty?”

  I sighed. “Yes, but why didn’t you just text me?”

  “I think your phone died.”

  I pursed my lips, then walked over to my purse and pulled out my phone. Sure enough, it was dead. Must have been on low battery when I talked to Demetri. I plugged the charger into it and turned back around to face Alec. “Satisfied?”

  A smile played at his lips. “Sure.”

  “Put on a shirt or something, you’re making me nervous, and I’m already edgy enough what with having to drive two hours through the rain.”

  “Sorry,” he mumbled then looked around the room, clearly he wasn’t thinking about anything but shimmying up to my window and punishing me for being irresponsible.

  I rolled my eyes. “Here.” I still had one of his old shirts that I had washed after I was sick.

  He turned around to put on the shirt. I have no idea why. Boys. But as he turned I caught a glimpse of his tattoo. It truly mirrored his brother’s.

  “Hey.”

  He paused mid-air.

  “Doesn’t Demetri have that same tattoo?”

  Alec continued putting the shirt on and turned to face me. “Yup. You should take a shower, Nat. Warm up a bit.”

  “And what are you going to do?”

  He shrugged. “Make you dinner.”

  “My mom will freak if she sees you downstairs.”

  “Nat, your mom won’t even know I’m here.”

  I still wasn’t convinced.

  “Nat. Shower. Now.”

  I rolled my eyes and stomped into the bathroom.

  The warm water felt heavenly against my skin. I didn’t realize how cold I was until I kept turning the shower hotter and hotter.

  After twenty minutes, I realized if I didn’t actually get out of the shower then Alec would knock the door down.

  I wrapped the towel around me and walked out of the bathroom.

  Alec was sitting on my bed, a tray of food next to him and a few cans of soda.

  I gasped. Didn’t he ever knock? What? Was he going to help me dress too?

  His gaze met mine and immediately I turned away. I know what I saw in that gaze. His eyes reflected mine and it wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.

  “Sorry, I thought you brought your clothes into the bathroom.”

  “Nope.” I turned back around and stared him down.

  He grinned. “I’ll turn around.”

  “Yes, you will,” I said tightly.

  I hurried over to my dresser and grabbed a pair of fresh black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. My underwear drawer was closer to Alec than I wanted to be. Flushed with embarrassment I walked over to it, knowing that he watched me out of the corner of his eye.

  My hand touched the black victoria secret panties, just as Alec coughed.

  “Do you mind?” I said tersely.

  “I like the pink better.”

  Patience. Patience. Is this what its like to have a brother? No, that would be a no. Because it’s illegal and icky to want a member of your family the way I want Alec.

  Demetri. I needed to focus on Demetri.

  I snatched the black pair just to piss Alec off and grabbed my sports bra from the other corner of the room.

  “Girls take forever to get dressed,” he grumbled, still looking away from me.

  “Not usually, I’m just doing it for your benefit.”

  “You’re crabby when you don’t eat.”

  I sighed. “Okay, done.”

  He turned around, his gaze hungrily taking in my sweats as if I was wearing some sort of short dress. Alec nodded and looked toward the dinner. “I didn’t really know what you wanted, so I threw in some stir fry with your leftover chicken, hope that’s okay.”

  “Smells good.” My stomach grumbled on cue as I walked over to the bed and sat down. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

  “Nat, I don’t think I’ll have an appetite for a week. I was too worried to do anything except call you and stare out the window.”

  “I was fine.” I shoveled more food in my mouth.

  “I promised Demetri.”

  I dropped the fork onto the plate. “You promised Demetri? What exactly did you promise him?”

  Alec shrugged and looked away. “I promised him I’d take care of you. Then in my first day of babysitting you disappear.”

  “So I’m a toddler?”

  “No, you’re just very important.”

  “Important or irritating?”

  “I’ll tell you when I know.” He gave an amused chuckle and pointed to the food. “All of it, Nat. Eat all of it.”

  “I swear you’re trying to fatten me up.”

  “Maybe.” He sat on the bed.

  I ate in silence. Too hungry to be angry that Alec was watching me every time I lifted the fork to my mouth and swallowed. I swear, if I pretended to choke I’d probably give him gray hair.

  “Done,” I announced, wiping my mouth with the napkin he brought up.

  “Good girl.” He pushed the tray away. “Now, how about a rematch?”

  “Rematch?”

  “Last I remember…” He stretched out across my bed. “You cheated during our final round of Go Fish. I think I deserve a rematch, don’t you?”

  “Fine,” I grumbled. “But I don’t know how I’m going to manage to eat candy after all that food.”

  “I’ll be easy on you.”

  “Right, you and easy don’t really fit in the same sentence, Alec.”

  His lips twitched like he wanted to smile but thought better of it. “My place or yours?”

  “Your place doesn’t have crazy people coming in and out all hours of the night to talk about their feelings with my mom, so I choose yours.”

  He nodded and bounced off the bed. “You know just because they’re seeking help from your mom doesn’t make them crazy.”

  “I know. Otherwise I’d be putting you and your brother in that very same boat.”

  “I thought we were captains of the crazy boat. My mistake.” Alec opened the bedroom door and I followed him down the creaky stairs.

  “Why do you see her?”

  Alec paused on the middle of the stairs, not turning around. I saw his shoulders tense. “We’re just dealing with some stuff, that’s all. You’re mom’s good at what she does. She wouldn’t be one of the most renowned psychiatrists on the West Coast if she wasn’t.”

  “Pardon?” My heart started to beat erratically, what was he talking about? “What did you just say?”

  He turned around slowly his eyes not meeting mine. “Your mom, she comes very highly recommended.”

  “By who?” I yelled.

  “Everyone.” He shrugged. “Look, I thought you knew. Your mom’s like a genius, she’s written articles on grief, loss, depression, and addiction. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s gotten offers to start her own rehab facility.” br />
  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure if I was more angry or guilty that I didn’t know all of these things. Why hadn’t she told me? Why wasn’t I important enough to tell? If she was so freaking good at her job why did she ignore her own kid?

  I felt my body slowly slump to the stairs. I hung my head in my hands and began to sob like a little girl.

  Why couldn’t I be enough for her? Why wasn’t I important enough for her to at least say hi to? I had a rock star who had only known me for a few months calling my phone like I died, and my own mom still hadn’t checked on me to make sure I made it home safely.

  “Nat, don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” I was in Alec’s arms in an instant. “Lets go to my house, okay? I’ll make you hot chocolate and even let you win.”

  I hated that winning a game against him cheered me up, but it was enough to stop the tears.

  I hated feeling insecure. Alec rubbed my arms as I sniffled a little more. “I just don’t get how I don’t even know my own family. I mean, am I that invisible?”

  Alec tensed, his hands stopped rubbing my arms. “Nat, look at me.”

  My lower lip quivered as I locked eyes with him.

  “You are anything but invisible. You are a treasure. I know your mom knows that. She loves you. Sometimes parents just suck at connecting with their kids.”

  “She sucks big time.”

  Alec laughed and kissed my cheek. “Yes, she does, but communication works both ways. Have you ever even asked her about work?”

  Guilt lodged itself quite uncomfortably against my chest making it hard to breathe a bit. “No ,but…”

  “Sorry to say, but that’s how relationships work. One of you has to take the first step.”

  I sighed and nodded my head.

  “Wait here.” He set me on my feet and knocked quietly on my mom’s office door. I wanted to run and hide. I couldn’t face her. If she saw me crying she’d go all psychiatrist on me and I couldn’t handle being psychoanalyzed now, not now, not when I needed her most. I couldn’t handle the rejection of her telling me she had another client and we would talk later when I was calmer and she wasn’t busy.

  My fingers twitched in my palm as I clenched my hands tighter and tighter. The door opened. Alec stepped out, followed by my mom.

  Crap.

  “Are you okay, Honey?” She said Honey. I wanted to cry.