Dawn

  "I'll be back," he mouthed.

  The roof light began, and the patrol car was started up.

  "Jimmy!"

  I felt my father's hand on my shoulder, restraining me.

  "How utterly embarrassing," my grandmother said from somewhere behind me. "That my guests should see this."

  "You'd better get inside," my father advised.

  My body shook with sobs as the police car pulled away, taking Jimmy back into the night.

  15

  SECRETS REVEALED

  I felt my father's fingers grip my shoulders softly as the lights from the police patrol car disappeared on the street below. My grandmother stepped forward to face me. Her lips were tight and thin, and her eyes were wide and maddening with rage. Under the lanterns and the bright porch lights, her skin was ghostly white. With her shoulders raised and her neck lowered between them, she looked like a hawk about to pounce on a mouse, and right now I felt like some sort of trapped creature.

  "How could you do such a thing?" she hissed. She turned sharply to my father. "I told you she was no better than a wild animal brought in from the streets. She's sure to bring them all here if we don't put an immediate stop to it. She has to be sent away to some private school that specializes in this sort of person."

  "I'm not a wild animal! You're a wild animal!" I screamed.

  "Eugenia," my father snapped. I spun out of his hands.

  "I'm not Eugenia! I'm not! I'm Dawn, Dawn!" I insisted, pounding my sides with my own small fists. I looked up and saw the guests who had gathered at the front entrance and on the porch gawking, some of the elderly women shaking their heads and the men nodding their agreement as Philip pushed his way through and gazed at confusion.

  "What's happening?" he cried. He turned to Clara Sue, who was off to the side looking very content with herself. She flashes a smile of satisfaction up at him.

  "You'd better get yourself inside," my father advised in a strong, loud whisper. "We'll talk about all this when everyone's a bit calmer."

  "No," I said. "You shouldn't have let them take him," I added and began to sob. "You shouldn't have."

  "Eugenia," he said softly, stepping toward me.

  "Get her inside," my grandmother commanded through her teeth. "Now!" She turned away and smiled up at her guests. "It's all right, everyone . . . just a misunderstanding. Nothing to alarm anyone."

  "Please, Eugenia," my father said, reaching out to take my hand. "Let's go inside," he pleaded.

  "No!" I backed farther away. "I'm not going inside. I hate it; l hate it!" I screamed and turned and ran down the driveway.

  "Honestly, Daddy, you're always treating Dawn with kid gloves," I heard Clara Sue say. "She's a big girl. She's made her bed! Now let her lie in it!"

  Her words put more force into my stride. Clara was such a liar. As I ran, the tears streamed down and blew off my cheeks. I felt as though my chest would explode, but I didn't stop running. I reached the street and turned right, running down the sidewalk, half the time with my eyes closed, sobbing.

  I ran and ran until the pain in my side became a sharp knife cutting deeper and deeper, forcing me to slow down to a trot and then a walk, my hand on my ribs, my head down, gasping for breath. I had no idea where I was headed or where I was. The street had turned to the left, bringing me closer to the ocean, and the pounding surf seemed right beside me. Finally I stopped by some large rocks and leaned against them to rest and catch my breath.

  I gazed out at the moonlit sea. The sky was dark, deep, even cold, and the moon looked sickly yellow. Occasionally the spray from the surf reached me and sprinkled my face.

  Poor Jimmy, I thought, spirited off into the night like some common criminal. Would they force him to return to that mean farmer? What had we done to deserve this? I bit down on my lower lip to prevent myself from sobbing any more. My throat and chest ached so much from crying.

  Suddenly I heard someone calling. It was Sissy wandering through the streets looking for me.

  "Your daddy sent me after you," she said.

  "He's not my daddy," I spat out hatefully. "He's my father, and I'm not going back. I'm not."

  "Well, what'cha going to do?" she asked, looking around. "You can't stay out here all night. You gotta come back."

  "They dragged Jimmy away like some hunted animal. You should have seen."

  "I did see. I seen it all from the side of the porch. Who was he?"

  "He was my . . . the boy I thought was my brother. He had run off from a cruel foster parent."

  "Oh."

  "And there was nothing I could do to help him," I wailed helplessly, standing back and wiping my cheeks, "Nothing." I sighed deeply and lowered my head. How frustrated and defeated I felt. Sissy was right: I had to return to the hotel. Where else would I go?

  "I hate Clara Sue," I said through my clenched teeth. "She told my grandmother Jimmy was hiding out here and got her to call the police. She's a mean, spiteful . . . she's the one who stole Mrs. Clairmont's necklace just so I'd be blamed. Afterward, I saw her sneak into my room and put it in my bed."

  "But I thought Mrs. Clairmont found it."

  "I snuck into her room and put it back, but Clara Sue did it," I repeated. "I know no one will believe me, but she did."

  "I believe you. That's one spoiled child for sure," Sissy agreed. "But she will get hers someday. That kind always does, because they hate themselves too much. Come on, honey," Sissy said, putting her arm around my shoulders, "I'll walk you back. You’re shivering something terrible."

  "I'm just upset, not cold."

  "Still, you're shivering," Sissy said, rubbing my arm. We started back to the hotel. "Jimmy's a handsome boy."

  "He is handsome, isn't he? And he's very nice. People don't see that at first because he seems so standoffish. That's because he's really shy."

  "Ain't nothing wrong with being a little shy. It's the other type I don't like much."

  "Like Clara Sue?"

  "Like Clara Sue," she agreed, and we both laughed. It felt good to laugh, like finally letting out a breath you had to hold for the longest time. And then an idea came to me.

  "Do you know the woman who was my nurse when I was first born—Mrs. Dalton?"

  "Uh-huh."

  "She lives with her sister, right?" Sissy nodded.

  "Does she live nearby?"

  "Well, back there about four blocks," she said, indicating behind us. "In a little Cape Cod house on Crescent Street. Once in a while my granny sends me over with a jar of this or a jar of that. She's a sick woman, you know."

  "Mrs. Boston told me. Sissy, I want to go see her."

  "What for?"

  "I want to ask her questions about my kidnapping. Will you take me there?"

  "Now?"

  "It's not that late."

  "It's too late for her. She's very sick and would be asleep by now."

  "Will you take me in the morning after we do our work? Will you?" I asked. "Please," I begged.

  "Okay," she said, seeing how important it was to me.

  "Thank you, Sissy," I said.

  When we returned to the hotel, my grandmother was nowhere to be seen, but my father greeted us in the lobby.

  "Are you all right?" he asked. I nodded and looked down at the carpet. "I think you should just go to your room. We'll have a chance to talk about all this tomorrow when everyone is calmer and can think clearly."

  As I was crossing the lobby, I decided what I was going to do. It was time to deal with Clara Sue. She wasn’t going to get away with what she had done.

  Without bothering to knock, I stormed into Clara Sue’s bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

  “How could you?” I angrily demanded. “How could you tell them about Jimmy?”

  Clara Sue was on her bed, flipping through a magazine. By her side was a box of chocolates. Despite my angry words, she didn’t look up. Instead she continued reading, reaching into the box of chocolates, nibbling one after another and discarding them after one o
r two bites.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” I asked. I still received no answer and it infuriated me the way she so blatantly ignoring me. I swooped down on her and swatted the box of chocolates. It flew off the bed and into the air before crashing to the floor, chocolates scattering everywhere.

  I waited for Clara Sue to look up at me. I couldn’t wait to confront her about the treacherous thing she had done. But she didn’t look up. She only continued reading, ignoring me as if I wasn’t there. For some reason this infuriated me even more. I tore her magazine out of her hands, ripping it to shreds, tossing the pieces in the air.

  “I’m not leaving, Clara Sue Cutler. I’m staying right here until you look at me.”

  Finally she looked up, her blue eyes sending me a warning look. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you to knock? It’s the polite thing to do.”

  I chose to ignore the look in Clara Sue’s eyes. “And didn’t anyone ever teach you about trust? About keeping a secret sacred? Jimmy and I trusted you. Why did you do it? Why?"

  "Why not?" she purred softly. Then more angrily and with a burst of force as she jumped off her bed, "Why not? Making your life miserable gives me pleasure, Dawn. It makes me happy."

  I stared at her in outrage. Without even thinking about it, I brought up my hand and slapped her across the face. "You're nothing but a spoiled selfish brat! I'll never forgive you for this. Never!"

  Clara Sue laughed at me, massaging her cheek. "Who wants your forgiveness?" she sneered. "You think you're doing me a favor?"

  "We're sisters. Sisters are supposed to be best friends. You didn't want me as a friend, Clara Sue, and now you don't want me as a sister. Why? Why are you so intent on hurting me? What did I ever do to you? Why do you keep doing these nasty things?"

  "Because I hate you!" Clara Sue screamed at the top of her lungs. "I hate you, Dawn! I've hated you all my life!"

  I was shocked by her anger. It threw me off guard, and I didn't know how to respond. There was such ferocity in her words and her face was bright red, her eyes bulging like the eyes of a madwoman. I'd seen such a look before—on Grandmother Cutler's face. Clara Sue's look chilled me the way Grandmother's had. But I couldn't understand it. Why did they both hate me so? What had I ever done to this family to warrant such ugly emotions?

  "How can that be?" I whispered. Part of me wanted to understand Clara Sue's feelings. "How can that be?"

  "How can that be?" Clara Sue mimicked cruelly. "How can that be? I'll tell you how. I’ll tell you! You've been a part of my life without even being in it! From the day I was born I've lived in your shadow, and I've hated every minute of it!"

  "But that wasn't my fault." Part of me was starting to understand. The aftermath of my kidnapping had become a permanent part of life at Cutler's Cove, and Clara Sue had been born into it.

  "Oh, wasn't it? I wasn't the first-born, like Philip, or the first daughter, like you. I wasn't even considered the baby of the family. Oh, no! I was nothing but the baby born to replace you!" Clara Sue closed the distance between us. "Get out of my room. Get out! The sight of you sickens me. But before you go, Dawn, here's a promise. A very special promise that I intend to keep. I will never accept you as a part of this family. I will never welcome you with open arms or make your life easier. Never! Instead I will do everything humanly possible to make your life a living hell. And when that isn't enough, I'll do even more. I will go out of my way to bring you sorrow and heartache. Your unhappiness will bring a smile to my face and make the sun even shinier. I will shatter your dreams until they're nothing more than twisted remnants of your hopes and will bring you only nightmares. Nothing less will do!"

  I was speechless. "You can't be serious!" I cried. Clara Sue's reasons for turning in Jimmy were now crystal clear, and although I was still very angry at her, part of me pitied her. With everything she had, Clara Sue was miserable. I wanted to help her overcome her unhappiness. Maybe then she wouldn't hate me so much.

  Clara Sue's eyes glinted wildly as she stared at me with open amazement. "I don't believe you! I honestly don't believe you! You just don't give up, do you? This isn't some sappy movie where we pour out our hearts to each other, have a good cry, and then kiss and make up. Get your pretty little head out of the clouds, Dawn. Didn't you hear a word I said? We will never be friends, and we will certainly never be sisters. Ever!" Clara Sue inched closer, and I backed away from her into the bedroom door. "Never let your guard down with me, Dawn," she warned. "Watch out for me. Always."

  With those final words she turned her back on me. I fumbled with the doorknob, anxious to escape from my sister because in my heart I knew that what she had promised was true.

  Neither my father nor my grandmother had time to see me the following morning since it was the day of a big check-in and checkout. I was busy with Sissy anyway because we had an additional five rooms to clean and remake. Nevertheless, I anticipated my grandmother's appearance in the kitchen when the staff had its breakfast. I hadn't slept well the night before, and I wasn't in the mood to be yelled at or embarrassed in front of the other workers. I made up my mind to stand up to her, even if it meant being confined to my room without food again.

  Because Clara Sue had the early evening shift at the front desk, she always slept late, so I didn't have to face her, but Philip was up and with the other waiters, of course. He avoided me until it was time to go to work. Then he followed me out and called to me.

  "Please," he begged when it looked like I wouldn't stop. I turned on him abruptly.

  "I have work to do, Philip," I said. "I have to earn my keep," I added bitterly. "And I don't believe Grandmother. I'm not learning the business from the bottom up. I'll always be on the bottom as far as she is concerned." I gazed at him. He looked so different to me now, so cheap and pathetic since he had attacked me. To think I had almost been in love with him!

  "Dawn, you have to believe me. I had nothing to do with my grandmother's finding out about Jimmy. She doesn't know I brought him down there to hide him when he first arrived," he said, his eyes showing his fear. So that was it, I thought.

  "You're afraid I'll tell her?" He didn't reply, but his face answered. "Don't worry, Philip. I'm not like our precious younger sister. I won't deliberately get you in trouble just to get revenge, although I should," I snapped and pivoted to catch up with Sissy.

  During the rest of the morning, whenever I heard footsteps in the corridor, I expected my father or my grandmother. After our work was completed and neither had arrived, I pulled Sissy aside.

  "Take me right to Mrs. Dalton's daughter's house, Sissy. Please, before my grandmother finds more work for us."

  "I don't know why you want to go see that woman. She don't remember things that well," Sissy said, looking away quickly.

  "Why do you say that, Sissy?" I sensed the change in her attitude.

  "My granny says so," she said, looking up quickly and then looking down again.

  "You told her you were taking me and she didn't like it?" Sissy shook her head. "You don't have to go in with me, Sissy. Just point out the house. And I won't tell anyone you showed me. I promise."

  She hesitated.

  "My granny says people who dig up the past usually find more bones than they expected, and it's better to let bygones be bygones."

  "Not for me, Sissy. I can't. Please. If you don't help me, I'll just go looking anyway until I find the house," I said, screwing my face into a look of determination to impress her.

  "All right," she said and sighed. "I'll show you the way."

  We left the hotel through a side entrance and quickly went down to the street. It was strange how everything looked different to me in daylight, especially the cemetery. Gone was its foreboding and ominous atmosphere. Today it was just a pleasant, well-manicured resting place, easy to pass.

  It was a bright, nearly cloudless day with a soft, warm ocean breeze. The sea looked calm, peaceful, inviting, the tide gently combing the beach and falling back into small waves. Eve
rything looked cleaner, friendlier.

  There was a constant line of traffic in the street, but it moved lazily. No one seemed to be in a rush; everyone was mesmerized by the glitter of the sunlight on the aqua water and the flight of terns and sea gulls that floated effortlessly through the summer air.

  This might very well have been a wonderful place in which to grow up, I thought. I couldn't help wondering what I might have been like had I been raised in the hotel and Cutler's Cove. Would I have turned out as selfish as Clara Sue? Would I have loved my grandmother, and would my mother have been an entirely different person? Fate and events beyond my control had left these questions forever unanswered.

  "There it is, straight ahead of us," Sissy said, pointing to a cozy little white Cape Cod house with a patch of lawn, a small sidewalk, and a small porch. It had a picket fence in front. Sissy looked at me. "You want me to wait here for you?"

  "No, Sissy. You can go on back. If anyone asks you where I am, tell them you don't know."

  "I hope you're doing the right thing," she said and turned back, walking quickly with her head down as if she were afraid she would set eyes on some ghost in broad daylight.

  I couldn't help trembling myself as I approached the front door and rang the buzzer. At first I thought no one was home. I pushed the buzzer again and then I heard someone shout.

  "Hold your water. I'm coming; I'm coming."

  The door was finally opened by a black woman with completely gray hair. She was in a wheelchair and peered up at me with big eyes, magnified under her thick lenses. She had a soft, round face and wore a light blue housecoat, but her feet were bare. Her right leg was wrapped in a bandage from her ankle up until the bandage disappeared under her dress.

  Curiosity brightened her eyes and drew deep creases in her forehead. She pressed her lips together and leaned forward to peer out at me. Then she raised her glasses and wiped her right eye with her small fist. I saw a gold wedding band on her finger, but other than that, she wore no jewelry.