Little Men

  CHAPTER VIII. PRANKS AND PLAYS

  As there is no particular plan to this story, except to describe a fewscenes in the life at Plumfield for the amusement of certain littlepersons, we will gently ramble along in this chapter and tell some ofthe pastimes of Mrs. Jo's boys. I beg leave to assure my honored readersthat most of the incidents are taken from real life, and that the oddestare the truest; for no person, no matter how vivid an imagination he mayhave, can invent anything half so droll as the freaks and fancies thatoriginate in the lively brains of little people.

  Daisy and Demi were full of these whims, and lived in a world of theirown, peopled with lovely or grotesque creatures, to whom they gave thequeerest names, and with whom they played the queerest games. One ofthese nursery inventions was an invisible sprite called "The NaughtyKitty-mouse," whom the children had believed in, feared, and served fora long time. They seldom spoke of it to any one else, kept their ritesas private as possible; and, as they never tried to describe it even tothemselves, this being had a vague mysterious charm very agreeableto Demi, who delighted in elves and goblins. A most whimsical andtyrannical imp was the Naughty Kitty-mouse, and Daisy found a fearfulpleasure in its service, blindly obeying its most absurd demands, whichwere usually proclaimed from the lips of Demi, whose powers of inventionwere great. Rob and Teddy sometimes joined in these ceremonies, andconsidered them excellent fun, although they did not understand halfthat went on.

  One day after school Demi whispered to his sister, with an ominous wagof the head,

  "The Kitty-mouse wants us this afternoon."

  "What for?" asked Daisy, anxiously.

  "A sackerryfice," answered Demi, solemnly. "There must be a fire behindthe big rock at two o'clock, and we must all bring the things we likebest, and burn them!" he added, with an awful emphasis on the lastwords.

  "Oh, dear! I love the new paper dollies Aunt Amy painted for me bestof any thing; must I burn them up?" cried Daisy, who never thought ofdenying the unseen tyrant any thing it demanded.

  "Every one. I shall burn my boat, my best scrapbook, and all mysoldiers," said Demi firmly.

  "Well, I will; but it's too bad of Kitty-mouse to want our very nicestthings," sighed Daisy.

  "A sackerryfice means to give up what you are fond of, so we must,"explained Demi, to whom the new idea had been suggested by hearingUncle Fritz describe the customs of the Greeks to the big boys who werereading about them in school.

  "Is Rob coming too," asked Daisy.

  "Yes, and he is going to bring his toy village; it is all made of wood,you know, and will burn nicely. We'll have a grand bonfire, and see themblaze up, won't we?"

  This brilliant prospect consoled Daisy, and she ate her dinner with arow of paper dolls before her, as a sort of farewell banquet.

  At the appointed hour the sacrificial train set forth, each childbearing the treasures demanded by the insatiable Kitty-mouse. Teddyinsisted on going also, and seeing that all the others had toys, hetucked a squeaking lamb under one arm, and old Annabella under theother, little dreaming what anguish the latter idol was to give him.

  "Where are you going, my chickens?" asked Mrs. Jo, as the flock passedher door.

  "To play by the big rock; can't we?"

  "Yes, only don't do near the pond, and take good care of baby."

  "I always do," said Daisy, leading forth her charge with a capable air.

  "Now, you must all sit round, and not move till I tell you. This flatstone is an altar, and I am going to make a fire on it."

  Demi then proceeded to kindle up a small blaze, as he had seen the boysdo at picnics. When the flame burned well, he ordered the company tomarch round it three times and then stand in a circle.

  "I shall begin, and as fast as my things are burnt, you must bringyours."

  With that he solemnly laid on a little paper book full of pictures,pasted in by himself; this was followed by a dilapidated boat, andthen one by one the unhappy leaden soldiers marched to death. Not onefaltered or hung back, from the splendid red and yellow captain to thesmall drummer who had lost his legs; all vanished in the flames andmingled in one common pool of melted lead.

  "Now, Daisy!" called the high priest of Kitty-mouse, when his richofferings had been consumed, to the great satisfaction of the children.

  "My dear dollies, how can I let them go?" moaned Daisy, hugging theentire dozen with a face full of maternal woe.

  "You must," commanded Demi; and with a farewell kiss to each, Daisy laidher blooming dolls upon the coals.

  "Let me keep one, the dear blue thing, she is so sweet," besought thepoor little mamma, clutching her last in despair.

  "More! more!" growled an awful voice, and Demi cried, "that's theKitty-mouse! she must have every one, quick, or she will scratch us."

  In went the precious blue belle, flounces, rosy hat, and all, andnothing but a few black flakes remained of that bright band.

  "Stand the houses and trees round, and let them catch themselves; itwill be like a real fire then," said Demi, who liked variety even in his"sackerryfices."

  Charmed by this suggestion, the children arranged the doomed village,laid a line of coals along the main street, and then sat down to watchthe conflagration. It was somewhat slow to kindle owing to the paint,but at last one ambitious little cottage blazed up, fired a tree of thepalm species, which fell on to the roof of a large family mansion,and in a few minutes the whole town was burning merrily. The woodenpopulation stood and stared at the destruction like blockheads, as theywere, till they also caught and blazed away without a cry. It tooksome time to reduce the town to ashes, and the lookers-on enjoyed thespectacle immensely, cheering as each house fell, dancing like wildIndians when the steeple flamed aloft, and actually casting one wretchedlittle churn-shaped lady, who had escaped to the suburbs, into the veryheart of the fire.

  The superb success of this last offering excited Teddy to such a degree,that he first threw his lamb into the conflagration, and before it hadtime even to roast, he planted poor Annabella on the funeral pyre. Ofcourse she did not like it, and expressed her anguish and resentment ina way that terrified her infant destroyer. Being covered with kid,she did not blaze, but did what was worse, she squirmed. First one legcurled up, then the other, in a very awful and lifelike manner; nextshe flung her arms over her head as if in great agony; her head itselfturned on her shoulders, her glass eyes fell out, and with one finalwrithe of her whole body, she sank down a blackened mass on the ruinsof the town. This unexpected demonstration startled every one andfrightened Teddy half out of his little wits. He looked, then screamedand fled toward the house, roaring "Marmar" at the top of his voice.

  Mrs. Bhaer heard the outcry and ran to the rescue, but Teddy could onlycling to her and pour out in his broken way something about "poor Bellahurted," "a dreat fire," and "all the dollies dorn." Fearing some diremishap, his mother caught him up and hurried to the scene of action,where she found the blind worshippers of Kitty-mouse mourning over thecharred remains of the lost darling.

  "What have you been at? Tell me all about it," said Mrs. Jo, composingherself to listen patiently, for the culprits looked so penitent, sheforgave them beforehand.

  With some reluctance Demi explained their play, and Aunt Jo laughed tillthe tears ran down her cheeks, the children were so solemn, and the playwas so absurd.

  "I thought you were too sensible to play such a silly game as this. IfI had any Kitty-mouse I'd have a good one who liked you to play in safepleasant ways, and not destroy and frighten. Just see what a ruin youhave made; all Daisy's pretty dolls, Demi's soldiers, and Rob's newvillage beside poor Teddy's pet lamb, and dear old Annabella. I shallhave to write up in the nursery the verse that used to come in the boxesof toys,

  "The children of Holland take pleasure in making, What the children of Boston take pleasure in breaking."

  "Only I shall put Plumfield instead of Boston."

  "We never will again, truly, truly!" cried the repentant little sinners,much abashed at this r
eproof.

  "Demi told us to," said Rob.

  "Well, I heard Uncle tell about the Greece people, who had altarsand things, and so I wanted to be like them, only I hadn't any livecreatures to sackerryfice, so we burnt up our toys."

  "Dear me, that is something like the bean story," said Aunt Jo, laughingagain.

  "Tell about it," suggested Daisy, to change the subject.

  "Once there was a poor woman who had three or four little children, andshe used to lock them up in her room when she went out to work, to keepthem safe. On day when she was going away she said, 'Now, my dears,don't let baby fall out of window, don't play with the matches, anddon't put beans up your noses.' Now the children had never dreamed ofdoing that last thing, but she put it into their heads, and the minuteshe was gone, they ran and stuffed their naughty little noses full ofbeans, just to see how it felt, and she found them all crying when shecame home."

  "Did it hurt?" asked Rob, with such intense interest that his motherhastily added a warning sequel, lest a new edition of the bean storyshould appear in her own family.

  "Very much, as I know, for when my mother told me this story, I was sosilly that I went and tried it myself. I had no beans, so I took somelittle pebbles, and poked several into my nose. I did not like it atall, and wanted to take them out again very soon, but one would notcome, and I was so ashamed to tell what a goose I been that I went forhours with the stone hurting me very much. At last the pain got so badI had to tell, and when my mother could not get it out the doctor came.Then I was put in a chair and held tight, Rob, while he used his uglylittle pincers till the stone hopped out. Dear me! how my wretchedlittle nose did ache, and how people laughed at me!" and Mrs. Jo shookher head in a dismal way, as if the memory of her sufferings was toomuch for her.

  Rob looked deeply impressed and I am glad to say took the warning toheart. Demi proposed that they should bury poor Annabella, and in theinterest of the funeral Teddy forgot his fright. Daisy was soon consoledby another batch of dolls from Aunt Amy, and the Naughty Kitty-mouseseemed to be appeased by the last offerings, for she tormented them nomore.

  "Brops" was the name of a new and absorbing play, invented by Bangs.As this interesting animal is not to be found in any Zoological Garden,unless Du Chaillu has recently brought one from the wilds of Africa, Iwill mention a few of its peculiar habits and traits, for the benefit ofinquiring minds. The Brop is a winged quadruped, with a human face ofa youthful and merry aspect. When it walks the earth it grunts, when itsoars it gives a shrill hoot, occasionally it goes erect, and talks goodEnglish. Its body is usually covered with a substance much resembling ashawl, sometimes red, sometimes blue, often plaid, and, strange to say,they frequently change skins with one another. On their heads they havea horn very like a stiff brown paper lamp-lighter. Wings of the samesubstance flap upon their shoulders when they fly; this is never veryfar from the ground, as they usually fall with violence if they attemptany lofty flights. They browse over the earth, but can sit up and eatlike the squirrel. Their favorite nourishment is the seed-cake; applesalso are freely taken, and sometimes raw carrots are nibbled when foodis scarce. They live in dens, where they have a sort of nest, much likea clothes-basket, in which the little Brops play till their wings aregrown. These singular animals quarrel at times, and it is on theseoccasions that they burst into human speech, call each other names, cry,scold, and sometimes tear off horns and skin, declaring fiercely thatthey "won't play." The few privileged persons who have studied them areinclined to think them a remarkable mixture of the monkey, the sphinx,the roc, and the queer creatures seen by the famous Peter Wilkins.

  This game was a great favorite, and the younger children beguiled manya rainy afternoon flapping or creeping about the nursery, acting likelittle bedlamites and being as merry as little grigs. To be sure, it wasrather hard upon clothes, particularly trouser-knees, and jacket-elbows;but Mrs. Bhaer only said, as she patched and darned,

  "We do things just as foolish, and not half so harmless. If I couldget as much happiness out of it as the little dears do, I'd be a Bropmyself."

  Nat's favorite amusements were working in his garden, and sitting in thewillow-tree with his violin, for that green nest was a fairy world tohim, and there he loved to perch, making music like a happy bird. Thelads called him "Old Chirper," because he was always humming, whistling,or fiddling, and they often stopped a minute in their work or play tolisten to the soft tones of the violin, which seemed to lead a littleorchestra of summer sounds. The birds appeared to regard him as one ofthemselves, and fearlessly sat on the fence or lit among the boughs towatch him with their quick bright eyes. The robins in the apple-treenear by evidently considered him a friend, for the father bird huntedinsects close beside him, and the little mother brooded as confidinglyover her blue eggs as if the boy was only a new sort of blackbird whocheered her patient watch with his song. The brown brook babbled andsparkled below him, the bees haunted the clover fields on either side,friendly faces peeped at him as they passed, the old house stretched itswide wings hospitably toward him, and with a blessed sense of rest andlove and happiness, Nat dreamed for hours in this nook, unconscious whathealthful miracles were being wrought upon him.

  One listener he had who never tired, and to whom he was more than amere schoolmate. Poor Billy's chief delight was to lie beside the brook,watching leaves and bits of foam dance by, listening dreamily to themusic in the willow-tree. He seemed to think Nat a sort of angel who sataloft and sang, for a few baby memories still lingered in his mind andseemed to grow brighter at these times. Seeing the interest he took inNat, Mr. Bhaer begged him to help them lift the cloud from the feeblebrain by this gentle spell. Glad to do any thing to show his gratitude,Nat always smiled on Billy when he followed him about, and let himlisten undisturbed to the music which seemed to speak a language hecould understand. "Help one another," was a favorite Plumfield motto,and Nat learned how much sweetness is added to life by trying to live upto it.

  Jack Ford's peculiar pastime was buying and selling; and he bid fairto follow in the footsteps of his uncle, a country merchant, who solda little of every thing and made money fast. Jack had seen the sugarsanded, the molasses watered, the butter mixed with lard, and things ofthat kind, and labored under the delusion that it was all a proper partof the business. His stock in trade was of a different sort, but he madeas much as he could out of every worm he sold, and always got thebest of the bargain when he traded with the boys for string, knives,fish-hooks, or whatever the article might be. The boys who all hadnicknames, called him "Skinflint," but Jack did not care as long as theold tobacco-pouch in which he kept his money grew heavier and heavier.

  He established a sort of auction-room, and now and then sold off all theodds and ends he had collected, or helped the lads exchange things withone another. He got bats, balls, hockey-sticks, etc., cheap, from oneset of mates, furbished them up, and let them for a few cents a time toanother set, often extending his business beyond the gates of Plumfieldin spite of the rules. Mr. Bhaer put a stop to some of his speculations,and tried to give him a better idea of business talent than meresharpness in overreaching his neighbors. Now and then Jack made a badbargain, and felt worse about it than about any failure in lessons orconduct, and took his revenge on the next innocent customer who camealong. His account-book was a curiosity; and his quickness at figuresquite remarkable. Mr. Bhaer praised him for this, and tried to make hissense of honesty and honor as quick; and, by and by, when Jack foundthat he could not get on without these virtues, he owned that histeacher was right.

  Cricket and football the boys had of course; but, after the stirringaccounts of these games in the immortal "Tom Brown at Rugby," no feeblefemale pen may venture to do more than respectfully allude to them.

  Emil spent his holidays on the river or the pond, and drilled the elderlads for a race with certain town boys, who now and then invadedtheir territory. The race duly came off, but as it ended in a generalshipwreck, it was not mentioned in public; and the Commodore had
seriousthoughts of retiring to a desert island, so disgusted was he with hiskind for a time. No desert island being convenient, he was forcedto remain among his friends, and found consolation in building aboat-house.

  The little girls indulged in the usual plays of their age, improvingupon them somewhat as their lively fancies suggested. The chief andmost absorbing play was called "Mrs. Shakespeare Smith;" the namewas provided by Aunt Jo, but the trials of the poor lady were quiteoriginal. Daisy was Mrs. S. S., and Nan by turns her daughter or aneighbor, Mrs. Giddygaddy.

  No pen can describe the adventures of these ladies, for in one shortafternoon their family was the scene of births, marriages, deaths,floods, earthquakes, tea-parties, and balloon ascensions. Millions ofmiles did these energetic women travel, dressed in hats and habits neverseen before by mortal eye, perched on the bed, driving the posts likemettlesome steeds, and bouncing up and down till their heads spun. Fitsand fires were the pet afflictions, with a general massacre now and thenby way of change. Nan was never tired of inventing fresh combinations,and Daisy followed her leader with blind admiration. Poor Teddy was afrequent victim, and was often rescued from real danger, for the excitedladies were apt to forget that he was not of the same stuff theirlongsuffering dolls. Once he was shut into the closet for a dungeon, andforgotten by the girls, who ran off to some out-of-door game. Anothertime he was half drowned in the bath-tub, playing be a "cunning littlewhale." And, worst of all, he was cut down just in time after being hungup for a robber.

  But the institution most patronized by all was the Club. It had no othername, and it needed none, being the only one in the neighborhood. Theelder lads got it up, and the younger were occasionally admitted ifthey behaved well. Tommy and Demi were honorary members, but were alwaysobliged to retire unpleasantly early, owing to circumstances overwhich they had no control. The proceedings of this club were somewhatpeculiar, for it met at all sorts of places and hours, had all mannerof queer ceremonies and amusements, and now and then was broken uptempestuously, only to be re-established, however, on a firmer basis.

  Rainy evenings the members met in the schoolroom, and passed the time ingames: chess, morris, backgammon, fencing matches, recitations, debates,or dramatic performances of a darkly tragical nature. In summer the barnwas the rendezvous, and what went on there no uninitiated mortalknows. On sultry evenings the Club adjourned to the brook for aquaticexercises, and the members sat about in airy attire, frog-like and cool.On such occasions the speeches were unusually eloquent, quite flowing,as one might say; and if any orator's remarks displeased the audience,cold water was thrown upon him till his ardor was effectually quenched.Franz was president, and maintained order admirably, considering theunruly nature of the members. Mr. Bhaer never interfered with theiraffairs, and was rewarded for this wise forbearance by being invited nowand then to behold the mysteries unveiled, which he appeared to enjoymuch.

  When Nan came she wished to join the Club, and caused great excitementand division among the gentlemen by presenting endless petitions, bothwritten and spoken, disturbing their solemnities by insulting themthrough the key-hole, performing vigorous solos on the door, andwriting up derisive remarks on walls and fences, for she belonged tothe "Irrepressibles." Finding these appeals in vain, the girls, by theadvice of Mrs. Jo, got up an institution of their own, which they calledthe Cosy Club. To this they magnanimously invited the gentlemen whoseyouth excluded them from the other one, and entertained these favoredbeings so well with little suppers, new games devised by Nan, and otherpleasing festivities, that, one by one, the elder boys confessed adesire to partake of these more elegant enjoyments, and, after muchconsultation, finally decided to propose an interchange of civilities.

  The members of the Cosy Club were invited to adorn the rivalestablishment on certain evenings, and to the surprise of the gentlementheir presence was not found to be a restraint upon the conversationor amusement of the regular frequenters; which could not be said of allClubs, I fancy. The ladies responded handsomely and hospitably to theseovertures of peace, and both institutions flourished long and happily.