The Making of a Saint

  IX

  In the evening at ten I went to the Palazzo Aste. The servant who let mein told me that Donna Giulia was at her father's, and he did not knowwhen she would be back. I was intensely disappointed. I had been lookingforward all day to seeing her, for the time in church had been soshort.... The servant looked at me as if expecting me to go away, and Ihesitated; but then I had such a desire to see her that I told him Iwould wait.

  I was shown into the room I already knew so well, and I sat down inGiulia's chair. I rested my head on the cushions which had pressedagainst her beautiful hair, her cheek; and I inhaled the fragrance whichthey had left behind them.

  How long she was! Why did she not come?

  I thought of her sitting there. In my mind I saw the beautiful, softbrown eyes, the red lips; her mouth was exquisite, very delicatelyshaped, with wonderful curves. It was for such a mouth as hers that thesimile of Cupid's bow had been invented.

  I heard a noise below, and I went to the door to listen. My heart beatviolently, but, alas! it was not she, and, bitterly disappointed, Ireturned to the chair. I thought I had been waiting hours, and everyhour seemed a day. Would she never come?

  At last! The door opened, and she came in--so beautiful. She gave meboth her hands.

  'I am sorry you have had to wait,' she said, 'but I could not help it.'

  'I would wait a hundred years to see you for an hour.'

  She sat down, and I lay at her feet.

  'Tell me,' she said, 'all that has happened to-day.'

  I did as she asked; and as I gave my story, her eyes sparkled and hercheeks flushed. I don't know what came over me; I felt a sensation ofswooning, and at the same time I caught for breath. And I had a suddenimpulse to take her in my arms and kiss her many times.

  'How lovely you are!' I said, raising myself to her side.

  She did not answer, but looked at me, smiling. Her eyes glistened withtears, her bosom heaved.

  'Giulia!'

  I put my arm round her, and took her hands in mine.

  'Giulia, I love you!'

  She bent over to me, and put forward her face; and then--then I took herin my arms and covered her mouth with kisses. Oh God! I was mad, I hadnever tasted such happiness before. Her beautiful mouth, it was so soft,so small, I gasped in the agony of my happiness. If I could only havedied then!

  Giulia! Giulia!

  * * * * *

  The cock crew, and the night seemed to fade away into greyness. Thefirst light of dawn broke through the windows, and I pressed my love tomy heart in one last kiss.

  'Not yet,' she said; 'I love you.'

  I could not speak; I kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her breasts.

  'Don't go,' she said.

  'My love!'

  At last I tore myself away, and as I gave her the last kiss of all, shewhispered,--

  'Come soon.'

  And I replied,--

  'To-night!'

  I walked through the grey streets of Forli, wondering at my happiness;it was too great to realise. It seemed absurd that I, a poor,commonplace man, should be chosen out for this ecstasy of bliss. I hadbeen buffeted about the world, an exile, wandering here and there insearch of a captain under whom to serve. I had had loves before, butcommon, grotesque things--not like this, pure and heavenly. With myother loves I had often felt a certain ugliness about them; they hadseemed sordid and vulgar; but this was so pure, so clean! She was sosaintly and innocent. Oh, it was good! And I laughed at myself forthinking I was not in love with her. I had loved her always; when itbegan I did not know ... and I did not care; all that interested me nowwas to think of myself, loving and beloved. I was not worthy of her; shewas so good, so kind, and I a poor, mean wretch. I felt her a goddess,and I could have knelt down and worshipped her.

  I walked through the streets of Forli with swinging steps; I breathed inthe morning air, and felt so strong, and well, and young. Everything wasbeautiful--all life! The grey walls enchanted me; the sombre carvings ofthe churches; the market women, gaily dressed, entering the town ladenwith baskets of many-coloured fruit. They gave me greeting, and Ianswered with a laughing heart. How kind they were! Indeed, my heart wasso full of love that it welled over and covered everything andeverybody, so that I felt a strange, hearty kindness to all around me. Iloved mankind!